Chapter 10
*It's Poké Wars, the new hit movie! We now return to our serious and dedicated cast as they prepare for another day of work on the set. Fully focused on their upcoming performance, these actors are the very picture of professionalism!*
Brock: *on the phone* Samus! Love of my life! How beautiful your voice is to me -- like the sound of a sweet harp!
Misty: Are you ready to go yet?
Brock: *placing one hand over the receiver* Misty, I'm on the phone! *talks into the phone again* How I long to see you again. Your eyes are as pearls, your lips like the red rose! Your hair is the finest silk! Your weaponry is overwhelming! I can hardly stand my life without you. Even now, I am fading as I am apart from you! Lo, I shall die unless I hear the melody that is your voice! Please, return my call!
Misty: *grabbing Brock by the ear* Come on, Romeo!
Brock: Ow, ow, ow, ow!
*Misty drags Brock onto the stage, where Pikachu is showing his litle sister Pichu how the camera operates. At the moment, Pikachu is letting Pichu swivel the camera around.*
Misty: Hey, Pikachu, keep an eye on the Mr. Puberty here while I go find Ash, will you?
Pikachu: *Nods* Pika!
Brock: *throwing himself down on one of the Century Pidgey's chairs* She never gives me a break.
*Nearbye, Mewtwo is busy constructing a ship model, while Mew takes a nap in another chair. Overhearing Brock's comment, he turns around*
Mewtwo: Misty never gives ANYONE a break!
Brock: Yeah, but she's crueler to me than to anyone else.
Mewtwo: I thought she abused Ash far more.
Brock: Not recently... Anyway, in his case, it's because she likes him... In my case it's because she's jealous!
Pikachu: *rolls his eyes* Kachu...
Mewtwo: Dream on...
Brock: *Pointing to Mew* What's up with Mew, anyway?
Mewtwo: She had a late night...
Brock: Really? Why?
Mewtwo: She was riding on windmills... I find it amazing how easy it is to amuse her...
Brock: I see...
*At this point, the director comes in. Pikachu and Pichu dart away from the camera before he can notice them playing with it. However, the director notices that the camera is aimed the wrong way, and immediately runs over to check on it.*
Director: *glancing through the eyepiece and seeing a pink blur* Uh, what exactly am I looking at here? *Adjusting the focus, he is soon able to make out thin strands of fur.* Why do I have an extreme close-up of Mew's ear here?
Brock: Oh, Director, have you ever felt the pain of lost love?
Director: No, but there's people who are going to suffer the pain of lost pay if we aren't rolling in ten minutes! I'm going to go get my coffee now, and when I come back, I want ALL the actors here, and I want ALL the cameras in the right positions, and ALL the lights at the right angles, and ALL the microphones in the right places, and ALL the sound levels adjusted! *The director storms away.*
Mewtwo: He doesn't ask for much, does he?
*Pikachu runs up to the camera and swivels it back to its original position. Trying to adjust the focus, he accidently knocks the lens out. It falls to the ground and shatters. In the break room, the Director has just finished pouring himself a cup of coffee when he hears the sound of glass breaking.*
Director: This is going to be a long day... *Looking at his cup of coffee for a moment, he sets it down and takes the coffeepot instead.* I'm going to need this... *walking back out on stage, he pointedly ignores Pikachu, who is frantically trying to insert a replacement lens.* All right, folks... Five minutes...
*Pikachu manages to finish adjusting the new lens just as the five minutes end. As he jumps off the camera, the Director stands up*
Director: Places, everyone! Roll film... Action!
Chapter 10 - Men in White
*Tarkana and Voder are in some sort of vaguely important meeting when the intercom sounds.*
Intercom: We've captured a freighter entering the remains of the Aldraan system. It's profile matches the ship that got away from our fleet at Tatoon.
Voder: Hey, that gives me an idea!
Tarkana: Does it involve pain and suffering?
Voder: Eventually... But we must be patient.
Tarkana: Drat! I hate being patient! That's my only character flaw!
Voder: That and vanity.
Tarkana: Oh, I'm not vain. It's just that my beauty is flawless!
Voder: ....as you wish...
*Voder leaves Tarkana and makes his way down to the captured ship, where lots of Startroopers have lined up for no apparent reason. Two men, with a huge box of expensive equipment, are running various scans.*
Tech 1: I'm not readin' anything. No escape pods, either. They must have bailed out or something.
Voder: *Walking up to them* What have you found?
Tech 1: I'm sorry, my lord, but we've run multiple scans, and we still haven't found anything. As far as we can tell, there's no one on board.
Tech 2: Yeah, man. There's, like, no one left. It was, like, on autopilot or somethin', y'know? *Tech 1 elbows him in the ribs* Er, m'lord!
Tech 1: I want to take a few more scans and check the logs.
Tech 2: Who knows, dude? Maybe we'll, like, find them in some kind of secret smuggling compartments or somethin'!
Tech 1: You idiot! We've already scanned for smuggling compartments!
Tech 2: Yeah, but what if they're, like, hidden or somethin'?
Voder: Do it! *Voder glances around the landing bay suspiciously.* I sense something... Something... familiar... *walks off shaking his head.*
Tech 2: Dude! He's got some kind of vibes! You think this place has bad karma?
Tech 1: Shut up, you idiot! Come on, help me move this box inside!
*Ignoring the fact that the box has repulsorlifts built into the bottom of it, the two techs strain to carry the huge metal box into the ship. As they drag the box down a hallway, they run straight into Ash and Brock, who are both holding blasters on them.*
Ash: Looking for someone?
Tech 1: Help! Help! We found someone!
*Two startroopers rush up the boarding ramp, just in time to get Thundershocked by Chuie, who was waiting for them. Obi-Oak walks up behind Chuie and points to the four prisoners.*
Obi-Oak: Let's take their uniforms, then put them in the smuggling compartments and lock them in!
Tech 1: *As he's getting stuffed into a compartment by Ash and Brock* You can't do this! I'm an Imperial citizen! I have rights! *he is cut off by Brock, who slams the lid down, locking the tech in the soundproofed compartment.*
Brock: You know, it's a good thing you had these compartments.
Ash: Yeah, I guess so. I don't know what Pikachu uses them for, but he paid a lot of money to get them put in... *At this, Chuie and Obi-Oak exchange knowing glances* So what do we do now? We can't get out of here with the tractor beam still working.
Obi-Oak: I'll take care of it.
Ash: Oh, okay...
*In the observation room, an Imperial officer has noticed that the two startroopers are not at their stations.*
Officer: TK-583925-Alpha, why aren't you at your post? ... TK-583.. uh, you know who you are. Don't make me repeat your number, just tell me where you are!
*A single startrooper walks out of the ship*
Startrooper: Uh, you mean me? I can't hear you, my receiver's not working.
Officer: Ugh.. I'll be down to fix it in a minute...
Startrooper: Thanks!
Officer: *walking to the door* I hate all this faulty equipment.... Hey, wait a minute... *Just as the officer realizes what the startrooper just said, the door to the observation station flies open and Brock (in startrooper armor) and Chuie blast him and the two other officers in the room. A moment later, the fake startrooper, Obi-Oak, and the two droids follow Brock and Chuie into the room. The startrooper takes off his helmet to reveal Ash.*
Ash: Hey, that worked great!
M2: Are you kiddin'? You'se guys are gonna bring down dis whole station on us wit all dat noise dat you'se been makin'!
Ash: So what? My pokémon can beat every single one of them!
Brock: He's probably right. There's gotta be a million Imperials on this station.
Ash: Oh... That's a lot...
M2: All right, all right. Enough chat, we'se got a job to do here!
JPO: Here's the computer jack, Emtwo! You can plug in right here!
M2: Well, whatcha waitin' for, Jimmy? Plug me in! *A panel opens on M2's side, and the end of a cord slides out. JPO takes the end of the cord and plugs it into the computer terminal.*
M2: Hey, dis is nice! You know, da military always get da best toys!
Brock: Well? What about the tractor beam?
M2: Hold on, I'm workin' on it! Ah! Here's da ting right here! *A schematic of the Omega Ball appears, with a red line running from one point to another point marked with an X.* Dere, dat's da way ta go!
Obi-Oak: I'll take care of the tractor. The rest of you, stay here!
Ash: No fair, you're going to have all the fun!
Brock: I should go with you, in case you run into trouble.
Obi-Oak: No, Brock, I must go alone. Just remember, the Force will be with you, always... *Opening the door, Oak hurries out into the hallway.*
Brock: *As the door closes* What does the Force have to do with this?
M2: If ya ask me, we never should'a got involved wit dat old fossil. I never should'a told da Princess dat I'd find him for her. It's brought us nuthin' but trouble.
Ash: What fossil? Who's got a fossil? You know, we could sell a fossil for a lot of money... *continues rambling on*
Brock: *ignoring him* Obi-Oak's a great man, M2! Without his help, the Coaliton would fail!
M2: Yeah, whatever... Hey, wait... I think I found something...
Ash: *still going* You know, Gary found a fossil once, but it turned out to just be a pile of --
M2: Shaddup already! I got important information!
Brock: What is it?
M2: Dey's holding da Princess in the detention center, level 5, cell block THX-1138, cell EV-4U. Dis ting says dey're gonna do her in.
JPO: Oh, how awful, Meowth. We can't let them do that! I'm sure execution without a trial is illegal!
Ash: We've got to do something!
Chuie: Pika!
Brock: What are you talking about?! We'll get killed!! Haven't you noticed there's thousands of Startroopers out there?!
Ash: *putting his helmet back on* Yeah, and I'm one of them! *checks his pokéballs and laser rifle* I'll bet she's rich! She'll probably give us a huge reward!
Brock: Uh, maybe, but...
Ash: Well, come on! We have to save her! No time to waste!
*Ash opens the door and is about to start off down the hallway, when Brock grabs him by the wrist*
Brock: Wait! We need a plan at least! *Brock looks around, and spots a pair of restraining cuffs.* Okay... Come here, Chuie. We'll put these on you and...
Chuie: *cheeks sparking dangerously* Kachu pikapi!
Brock: Uh, Ash, maybe you should put them on.
Ash: Okay... *takes the cuffs and puts them on his own wrists* Now what?
Brock: That's not what I meant! I wanted to have them on Chuie, and then we can pretend he's a prisoner we're transferring!
Ash: Oh... Oh, I see... Uh, where's the key?
Brock: *looking around* Aw, no....
*Several minutes later, in the dentention block...*
Ash: So why didn't the droids come with us again?
Brock: Because they make big shiny targets. Besides, Startroopers don't need droids to transfer prisoners.
Ash: Yeah, you're right. Hey, Pikachu, how are you doing?
*Chuie, dangling with one cuff around his body and the second cuff around Ash's wrist, looks very uncomfortable.*
Chuie: Chuuuuuu.......
Ash: Don't worry, it'll be over soon, and then I'll give you a nice big bottle of ketchup.
Chuie: *perking up* Pika!
*The three of them get into a turbolift, which carries them upward to the detention level*
Brock: I don't think this is going to work.
Ash: Sure it will, just wait and see!
*The door swishes open, revealing the detention center. An officer looks over at them and scowls.*
Officer: Where are you going with that... THING?
Brock: Caught him chewing on the power cables. We were told to bring him down here and toss him in a cell.
Ash: And he's a Pikachu, not a thing. Don't you know anything about pokémon? *Brock elbows Ash in the ribs* Sir!
Officer: *Apparently satisfied with the response, the officer points them down the hallway.* Cell EV-4T is open. You can toss him in there.
Ash: Hey, that's the cell next to the Princess', isn't it?
Officer: Hey! How'd you know we have the Princess here? That information is classified! What's your service number?!
Ash: Well, uh... *holds up his arm* Pikachu, Thunderbolt!
*Chuieefully blasts all the cameras and troopers in the room, knocking them all out. Unfortunately, connected to Ash as he is, he also fries him as well. A moment later, everyone in the room except for Brock falls to the ground, smoking. Brock unlocks Chuie and then hits a blinking alarm button on the officer's control panel. Suddenly, a voice comes from the console's speaker.*
Voice: What's going on down there? REPORT!
Brock: Uh, everything's okay. We just had a little.. uh... electrical overload....
Voice: What? What kind of overload?
Brock: Um, I don't know exactly what it was, but one of the troopers up here fixed it.
Voice: Why aren't the cameras operating?
Brock: Well, they got blown up... *waves hand and mimics Oak's "persuasive" tone* But you don't need the cameras on.
Voice: I don't?
Brock: No. Nothing's happening up here. You can go back to your usual routine.
Voice: What?
Brock: Everything is fine up here. We'll be back to normal in just a moment.
*Chuie is stroking Ash's face, trying to wake him up, and suddenly Ash giggles*
Ash: Hey, that tickles, Pikachu!
Voice: Hey, who was that?
Brock: Uh..
Voice: What are you DOING in there? I'm sending a team up!
Brock: Uh-oh
Voice: Yeah, uh-oh is right! All you slackers up there are in for it!
*Brock shoots the panel*
Brock: Come on, let's get out of here before they come!
*Ash, Chuie, and Brock run down the line of cells. Ash stops at every cell and takes a look inside.*
Ash: No... no.... no... not that one... WOW, you're big! No.. no... Hey, are you the princess? No? Oh, okay...
Brock: *Shaking his head as Ash closes the latest cell* What are you DOING? She's in cell EV-4U! It's down farther! You don't have to open every cell!
Ash: Oh, yeah...
*They continue on, locating the Princess' cell. Brock hits the button to open it, and Ash steps in.*
Ash: Oh... It's you...
Misty: Aren't you a little dense for a Startrooper?
Ash: No, they're even dumber than I -- hey! Is that any way to treat the person that rescued you!?
Misty: It is when the person is you!
Brock: *stepping in around Ash* I'm Brock Starhopper, and I'm here to rescue you!
Misty: What are we waiting for, then? Let's get out of here!
*As they run back down the corridor, a squad of Startroopers appears at the other end and aims weapons at them. Our heroes are forced to take cover behind the arches of the hallway to avoid being blasted into tiny pieces.*
Misty: Well, Ash, you got us into this, now how are you going to get us out!?
Ash: I'm thinking, I'm thinking!
Misty: We're dead...
End Chapter 10
*The Stormtroopers stand down and leave the stage, heading for the cafeteria. Ash, ever hungry, follows them.*
Brock: *Picking up the nearest phone* I'm going to call Samus again...
Misty: In that case, I'm leaving!
Director: *Eyeing the last sip of coffee in his coffeepot.* All right, that was good. Now get the second unit in here and we'll finish up the minor stuff... *Suddenly one of the lights falls, followed by the rest of the light array. The director downs the rest of the coffee, then stands up, looking tense* I need more of this... I'll be right back. *On his way out, he glances at Pikachu, who is trying to leave without being noticed.* By the way, Pikachu... You broke my lens... *The director leaves.*
*Pikachu looks down at the shattered glass shards, grabs a bottle of glue, and sits down among them, piecing them back together. Mewtwo watches him work*
Mewtwo: You know, that is truly pathetic...
