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Episode 3
Ash: Captain's log, stardate 6-16-02. We are on a specimen-gathering mission on the remote planet Gamma 172. I don't know how the planet got such a big number, but it did... Gary and I will be beaming up to the ship in just a moment so that we can prepare the ship to leave. There's a big snowstorm on the way and it's supposed to get really really cold down here. The rest of the landing party will return a little later, once they're done running tests.
Gary: *shivering in the cold* Come on, Ash! You can do your log once we're aboard. It's cold down here!
Ash: *in his usual attire, talking to Gary while still holding his communicator next to his mouth.* You think so? Oh, well... end log. Misty? Get someone to beam us up now.
Misty (com): Yeah, sure. Beaming you up now...
*Ash and Gary disappear in a beam of sparkling golden light. A moment later, both reappear on the transporter pad. The lights flicker, and as the light fades, Ash and Gary hold their heads.*
Ash: Whoa, that was kind of funny... Was there something wrong with the matter transmission resonators, Sparky?
*The Raichu engineer looks at Ash with a shocked expression on his face.*
Sparky: Aye! *checks the readouts* Somethin' from the planet interfered with th' biofilters, causin' the resonators t' misalign... But how did ye know, Captain? I didnae think you knew about transporter mechanics!
Ash: Oh, yes... I've been reading about them a lot lately. I'm planning on studying warp field dynamics next, so I know what rate of speed you can REALLY accelerate the ship to.
Sparky: Uh... aye....
Gary: Ash, I'm certain Sparky would be happy to tell us exactly how fast he can get the ship. It's his job, and he's a great engineer, you know.
Ash: Yeah, you're right. I'll stop studying immediately. I wouldn't want Sparky to think I want his job.
Sparky: *staring at Gary* Are ye well, lad? When did ye start complimenting me?
Gary: I don't know... It's a nice thing to do, though...
*Ash and Gary both leave the transporter, they stumble*
Ash: Oh... I feel disoriented. Perhaps I should go to my quarters and recuperate from this transporter ordeal.
Gary: What an excellent idea. I shall do likewise.
Sparky: *realizing that the two of them are acting strange* Perhaps Security Officer Jenny and I should go with ye. Uh... In case ye feel dizzy and cannae stand...
Ash: Do you think we need to go to sickbay?
Sparky: Nae, rest is probably all ye need, Captain. *hits intercom* Sparky to Jenny. Please meet me in Transporter Room 1. *turns off the intercom* She'll be here in just a moment, sir.
Ash: Okay, that's good.
*A few moments later, Jenny comes in. The four of them leave the transporter room together, heading for the officer's quarters.*
Sparky: I'll see what happened with the transporters after we get you and Mr. Oak to your quarters...
*As the door to the transporter room closes, the transporter reactivates. A second Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak appear on the transporter pad*
Ash: Hey, what the heck is going on here? What moron left the room before we finished beaming up?!
Gary: Some looser! We could have had our molecules scattered across gravity if something happened!
Ash: The transporter wouldn't spread us across gravity, you idiot. We'd have been spread across TIME!
Gary: Gravity!
Ash: Time!
*The two, still arguing, leave the transporter room as well.*
* * * * * * *
*Scene: Space... As a cheap-looking ripoff of the Starship Enterprise flies past, majestic classical music plays.*
Pikachu (voice-over): Space, the ultimate challenge. We, the crew of the Starship Challenger, have undertaken the adventure of a lifetime. To explore uncharted territory... Discover unknown life forms, whether they be benevolent or malicious... To courageously go where no pokémon has ever gone before!
*Credits roll as a fully orchestrated theme plays in the background. The cheap-looking Challenger has never looked better as it zips past.*
Ash (voice-over): Wow, that was good, Pikachu... Where'd you get the money for the orchestra?
Pikachu (voice-over): Some of us happen to be superstars...
* * * * * * *
Poké Trek
Episode 3: Split Personalities
*The second Ash and Gary wander through the ship, shouting at crewmen, and causing general disarray. They stop at sickbay, and have just begun to harass Nurse Joy.*
Gary: Come on, fork over the Selorian Brandy! I wanna get good and drunk!
Joy: *angry* What possesses you to think that I have liquor in any form in MY sickbay?! I'm a doctor, not a bartender! I believe in herbal medicine!
Ash: Eww.. Root beer... I don't like that stuff...
Gary: Come on, doc. Everyone knows that all you physician quacks keep booze for medicinal purposes!
*Exactly two seconds later, Ash and Gary both find themselves flat on their faces in the hallway, a sharp pain in their hind ends.*
Gary: Man, what a ripoff! Well, I know Sparky keeps booze around. Let's go raid his stash!
Ash: Why don't we just get a creme soda?
Gary: What kind of sissy are you?!
Ash: I'm no sissy, you jerk! I'm the captain of this ship and a pokémon master too!
Gary: I bet you can't even fly this ship!
Ash: I bet I can! *clicks the intercom* Mr. Squirtle, take us five billion kilometers to port!
Bayleef (intercom): Uh, captain? This is Yeoman Bayleef. Why are you calling the rec hall?
Ash: Darn, wrong button. *hits intercom* Ash to Bridge. Mr. Squirtle, take us five million meters away from the planet!
Brock (intercom): Ash, Mr. Squirtle is still down on Gamma 172.
Ash: Well then you move us, you squinty-eyed freak! *Ash clicks off the intercom*
Gary: That's telling him.
*Ash's quarters: Sparky has just left so Ash can rest up from the strange transport. A moment later, Misty rushes in*
Misty: *looking irate* Alright, Ash Ketchum! What's wrong with you!? You were really mean to Brock! You know it upsets him when people make fun of his eyes!
Ash: *curls up in a fetal position and whimpers* Don't slay me, please! I beg your forgiveness for all evils that I have done to Brock! I shall never speak ill of his optic organs again!
Misty: *stares for a moment in unbelief* Who are you and what have you done with Ash?!
Ash: *uncurling enough to look at Misty with one eye.* But I am he!
Misty: Yeah right... Since when does Ash Ketchum talk like that and grovel?
Ash: I believe I recollect beginning this behavior upon transporting to this vessel.
Misty: Oh, no... Something must be wrong with the transporters...
Ash: That was my deduction as well.
Misty: *runs to the intercom* Misty to Sparky. Don't use the transporters again! They've done something weird to Ash!
Sparky (intercom): Aye... So ye've noticed... What about the landin' party? I cannae send a shuttle down t' get them because of th' atmospheric turbulance. They'll freeze if we dinnae beam them up!
Misty: Tell them to hold on and uh... think warm thoughts! We don't need more problems like Ash running around the ship!
Sparky (intercom): Well, at least he and Gary are more polite now...
Misty: Tell that to Brock's eyes! *clicks off the intercom* Come on, Ash. We're going to get you to sickbay...
*After raiding Sparky's liquor stash, Dark Ash and Gary continue to wander the halls, Ash drinking a two-liter bottle of creme soda that Dark Gary gave him because he didn't want to share the Scotch. Ash stops in front of a random door and enters without permission.*
Bayleef: *not disturbed in the slightest that her beloved captain has come to see her without even asking permission to enter her quarters.* Captain! I hoped I would see you today!
Dark Gary: Hey, aren't you going to say hi to me?
Bayleef: *cuddling up against Ash and barely paying attention to Gary* Hmm? Oh... Hi, Gary...
Dark Gary: HEY! That wasn't a proper greeting for one such as I! How come you hang all over Ash and treat me like dirt, you overgrown weed!?
Bayleef: *growls* Get out of here, you slime! *pushes Gary out the door with her vines, then sends a barrage of Razor Leaves after him*
Dark Ash: Bayleef! Don't beat up my pal, Gary!
Bayleef: But he was being rude!
Dark Ash: He was just saying what he thinks about you, you weird vegetable dinosaur freak!
Bayleef: *tears coming to her eyes* F-f-f-freak? *Bawling, Bayleef shoves Ash of the room and hits the button beside the door marked "SLAM." The door complies, coming down with a loud thump.*
Dark Ash: Well! She's in some kind of snotty mood!
Dark Gary: *rubbing thin trickles of blood off his abused body.* Girls are such saps... Especially plant girls.
Dark Ash: Plants are all really sappy...
Dark Gary: I know! That's what I meant!
Dark Ash: Oh, shut up...
Dark Gary: You shut up first!
*Misty and Light Ash arrive at sickbay and go inside. However, the moment Joy sees Ash, she belts him across the jaw.*
Joy: I thought I told you not to come back!
Light Ash: *Curling up into a fetal position again* Forgive me, almighty one! I meant no offence.
Misty: Oh, boy....
Joy: *suspicious* Hey, how come you're acting pathetic now? If you think I'm going to take pity on you and forgive you, you've got something else coming!
Misty: What did he DO?
Joy: He and Gary came in here looking for alcoholic beverages, and then insulted me!
Light Ash: But I loathe both liqours and offending others!
Joy: Well, now that I think about it, it was Gary that did most of that...
Light Ash: But I haven't been with Gary since we returned from the planet!
Joy: Now that's an outright lie!
Light Ash: But I detest the proliferation of falsified information!
Joy: *staring at him* Proliferation? Detest? Falsified information? Is this truely Ash?
Misty: Yeah, I know... He seems to have developed a vocabulary and technical knowledge in addition to his cowardice...
Joy: He's nothing like he was earlier!
Misty: Well, what does that mean?
Light Ash: Oh no! Do you think there's a replication of me with malicious intent?
Joy: Either that or you're nuts...
Light Ash: *thoughtfully* Hmm... I hadn't considered that option...
Misty: I had...
Ash: Then perhaps it is the correct answer... You should lock me away in the Brig to keep me from inflicting dreadful fits of madness upon the crew of this fair starship.
Joy: Yeah... that sounds good... Get Gary too. He's even worse of a lunatic.
*the intercom sounds*
Bayleef (intercom): Nurse Joy... Are you there?
Joy: *responding to the call* Joy here. What do you need, Yeoman?
Bayleef (intercom): I destroyed my table in a fit of misery and accidentally cut my vines... I think I need medical attention... Of course, perhaps I should let myself bleed to death. I believe I have lost my will to live after what happened...
Light Ash: Why? What happened?
Bayleef (intercom): Ahhh! Wretched fiend! How dare you pretend not to know of the suffering which you yourself have caused! *Bayleef screams again in anguish, and then a sound of pottery smashing is heard.*
Joy: Hey... That had to have been that vase I gave her... Bayleef, pull yourself together!
Light Ash: Fair maiden! Do not despair, for my mind is plunged into the depths of insanity and I often know not whereof I speak!
Bayleef (intercom): *sobbing bursts forth from the intercom again* Oh, my poor captain! You really ARE insane! You would never talk like that in your right mind!
Light Ash: Verily...
Misty: I think we need to go talk to Bayleef and find out what's going on...
*Down on the planet, Ensign Charmander, Lieutenant Squirtle, and Science officer Sandshrew are all stranded in the icy storm.*
Squirtle: Ch-ch-charmander-r-r?
Charmander: *unaffected by the low temperature* Vat?
Squirtle: D-do you m-mind sh-sh-sharing some h-heat?
Charmander: No, vhy?
Squirtle: *grabs Charmander's tail and holds it up against his shell* Th-thanks.
Charmander: Now I'm vorried... A vater pokémon is clinging to my tail!
Sandshrew: He's not the only one! *jumps next to Squirtle*
Charmander: *feeling both of them tugging at his tail.* Dis is ludicrous... Here... I'll give you real heat! *Charmander flamethrowers a rock for half a minute, until the stone glows red-hot.* Dere! Stand next to that!
Sandshrew: Hey, neat! That's a good idea!
Charmander: It's a heat rock. It was inwented in Russia!
Squirtle: Yeah, whatever... As long as it feels nice and warm...
*On the ship, Joy, Misty, Light Ash, and Bayleef go to Gary's quarters to find out if he is in the same condition as Ash. There, they find Light Gary, sleeping soundly in his bed. Nurse Joy grabs him and hoists him out of bed by the front of his shirt*
Light Gary: Ahhhh!!! What's happening?! Am I late for my shift? I'm very very sorry! I'll do a double shift to make up for it!
Bayleef: That's not Gary! I beat up Gary and this guy doesn't have a scratch on him!
Light Gary: You're not going to mutilate me, are you?
Light Ash: No, apparently the lunacy theory was incorrect. Your lack of contusions proves that we have evil duplicates roaming the ship.
Light Gary: Oh, is that what all this is about? I take it that everyone thought that I had performed various nefarious deeds?
Light Ash: That is a correct assumption.
Misty: Here we go again...
*Just then, Dark Gary storms into the room*
Dark Gary: *shouting at someone outside in the hall* Same to you, you dumb excuse for a captain! Go shove your head in a trash can! *Dark Gary realizes he is not alone in the room.* Hey! Who told you that you could come in here?
Misty: *glancing at Joy* Get him!
*Joy, Bayleef, and Misty dive on Dark Gary and pummel him into submission. Then, the three of them drag him towards the transporter room, Light Ash and Gary following from a distance so they won't be included in any violent outbursts Dark Gary may have. As they enter the transporter room, the three females give Dark Gary a hard shove, sending him flying onto the pad.*
Misty: *glaring at Sparky, who is working on the transporter's circuitry.* Gary and Ash got split into good and evil duplicates of themselves! Now fix them, Sparky!
Sparky: *frowning* Ach... I feared as much, when I ran tests on th' transporter. I may have a way t' reverse th' effects, but they may not survive th' process!
Misty: We have to try! *she pushes Light Gary onto the pad.* Fuse them!
Sparky: *shaking his head* I'd rather just push the bad one out th' airlock, in Gary's case... Ah, well... I suppose I have to... *Sparky activates the transporter and runs through the experimental technique he had devised. Both Garys disappear, then a single Gary reappears on the pad. As the light fades, he falls over.*
Joy: *rolling her eyes and checking Gary's pulse.* He's dead, Ash...
Light Ash: Yeah, I figured as much... It had to happen sometime...
Misty: That's harsh, Ash...
Ash: Forgive me, lovely master of the waves.
Misty: *to Joy* I don't know whether I like this Ash or want to strangle him...
Joy: Neither, both.
Misty: Don't you start on me. I'm confused enough as it is.
Ash: Now all we have to do is stop my dark side... *Ash intercoms the bridge* Brock, this is Ash. The transporter has split me into two people, one good, and the other evil. Misty and I will need your assistance to capture this reprehensible copy of me...
*Engineering. Dark Ash is currently engaged in a fistfight with Ensign Sketchit, after he insulted Tracey's current art project.*
Tracey: *bashing Dark Ash in the jaw.* Take that!
Dark Ash: That hurt, you dweeb! *smacks Tracey, but does almost no damage with the blow.*
Tracey: You hit like a girl. *Misty, Joy, and Brock come in, with Light Ash lurking behind them. Tracey glances over, but doesn't notice Ash.* No, strike that... Misty's a girl and she can hit way better than you...
Light Ash: Hmm.. I hope I don't have those bruises you've inflicted upon my other self when we are reintegrated.
*Tracey's jaw drops as he sees the other Ash. It gives Dark Ash just enough time to get in a good punch and knock him flat*
Light Ash: That was rather crude. I'm ashamed to have the same genetic code as you!
Dark Ash: Shove it, loser!
Joy: He sounds like Gary on a normal day...
Misty: Come on, you, we're going back to the transporter room.
Dark Ash: No way, ugly. I'm not going! *Misty grabs him by the ear, flips him over her shoulder and somehow ends up holding his arm behind his back.* Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Brock: Ouch... She DOES go easy on me!
Misty: Now... LET'S GO!
*They march back to Transporter Room 1, where they find Gary and Sparky reconfiguring the transporter.*
Joy: Any progress?
Sparky: Aye... Gary and I have reconfigured th' system. We're pretty sure it's safe now.
Light Ash: Time to rejoin my counterpart and I, then. *Light Ash steps onto the transporter pad, stepping out of the way as Misty flings Dark Ash after him.*
Sparky: Here goes nothing... *adjusts the transporter controls.*
*Both Ashes dematerialize, and then a single Ash appears. As the light fades, he steps off the pad, rubbing his back*
Ash: Aww... did you have to beat me up so hard, Misty? I ache all over...
Misty: That'll teach your bad, stupid, arrogant half a lesson!
Ash: Yeah, but it's hurting my other half too...
*The transporter room doors open, and an irate Pikachu stomps into the room.*
Ash: Uh-oh....
Brock: Let me guess... Your evil half did something to Pikachu. *Ash nods unhappily*
Pikachu: There you are! Payback time!
*As Pikachu blasts Ash with voltage, the scene fades to black, then switches to the end credit music, once again a majestic classical piece.*
*Scene: Gamma 172*
Squirtle: I think they've forgotton about us....
Sandshrew: Don't talk like that!
Charmander: Vell, he's right... The episode is ower and ve're still here!!
Squirtle: Heat up the rock again... I'm getting cold...
*As Charmander heats up the rock, snow blows past, and the scene fades to white.*
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