Monster Rancher Meltdown

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Igma</div> <bR> <div> WARNING: This fic is rated PG-13, because it contains violence, namely done</div> <div> to the Monster Rancher people, and asterisked-out words (an asterisk looks</div> <div> like this: *). It includes, namely, killing, cannibalism, and blood flying</div> <div> everywhere. If you are squeamish, under 13, or like Monster Rancher (how</div> <div> could you?!), I advise you not read this fic. Really.</div> <bR> <div> Brock: After a successful visit to Namek, the world of DragonBall Z, our</div> <div> heroes have returned to create more anime-hopping mischief!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?!?!?! LOOK AT THIS!</div> <bR> <div> Newspaper: MONSTER RANCHER BEATS POKéMON! Amazing in the world of monster</div> <div> animes!</div> <bR> <div> All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Oh well. Boys, calm down. Let's think about where we should we go</div> <div> next with the TV-TRC.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: (grins evilly) I know.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Uh-oh!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: He's got that look in his eye!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Pokéball, go! (An Abra pops out) We won't need the TV-TRC.</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Cool! Where'd you get it?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: I got it free when I saved a certain psychic trainer's life.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Yeah right. And I suppose you also got a big kiss from Sabrina, too!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: (glares at Ash) Got a problem with it?</div> <bR> <div> Brock: No fair!!! (Josh runs off.)</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Where did he...go? (Josh has reappeared in the clothes of a military</div> <div> sergeant.)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Abra, Teleport! (Abra teleports them to a military briefing room)</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Cool! Where is this place and how did you borrow it?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: I don't know. Abra, where is this place? (Abra shrugs. Everyone but</div> <div> Josh falls over in stupidity) All right troops.listen up! (Everyone</div> <div> straightens up. Josh inspects the line.) Brock, quit slouching! Ash, Misty,</div> <div> don't hold hands. Matt.Matt...MATT!!! (Matt's not listening because he has</div> <div> on his headphones. Josh lifts one up) MATT!!! (Matt is blown away) Now get</div> <div> back in line and quit listening to Metallica! I shall now give you the</div> <div> briefing for this mission. (A big video screen comes down) Our anime is</div> <div> getting beaten by the horrible cop-off.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Digimon?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: NO! And Digimon is not a cop-off! I've seen the show!</div> <bR> <div> Ash: TRAITOR!!!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: I watch both, okay?</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Fine.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: This cop-off is a cop-off of BOTH Pokémon and Digimon. So, we shall do</div> <div> the world of animes a favor by.DESTROYING THE ALL THE DENIZENS OF MONSTER</div> <div> RANCHER!!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: Great. We're going from an action/adventure to a slasher. Oh well. If</div> <div> you kiddies don't like blood, I suggest you hit the "Back" button.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Now we shall look at those denizens. (Abra turns on a large</div> <div> vid-screen)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: First up is Genki...the cop-off of Ash. (The screen shows Genki)</div> <bR> <div> Ash: He even wears his hat backwards like I do!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Plus, this little loser plays Playstation! (The heroes throw rotten</div> <div> tomatoes at the vid-screen. Abra wipes them off) This disgusting excuse for</div> <div> a hero shall be destroyed. Now we move on to Holly. (Shows picture of Holly)</div> <div> She is not to be harmed.</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Why not?! She's a cop-off of ME!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Pardon me for being a gentleman! And anyway, she's not a cop-off!</div> <div> She's not funny or wisecracking or head-bashing or independent like you are!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: And she's not as cute as you either.</div> <bR> <div> Misty: YEAH! YEAH! YE- You think I'm cute?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: (blushes) Er, uh, um, uh, let's move on! (Screen changes to the</div> <div> eyeball freak) Here is the eyeball freak, Suezo. He is a moron with a big</div> <div> eyeball and deserves to die as an INSULT to monsters everywhere. Any</div> <div> questions? No? Good. (Screen changes to penguin thing) This is the penguin</div> <div> thing, Mocchi. He uses an attack like Petal Dance. Plus he talks like</div> <div> Pikachu!</div> <bR> <div> Pikachu: Pikaaa??? PIKAAAA...</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Next slide. (Now it's the rock dude) This is a rock thing. Its name is</div> <div> Golem.</div> <bR> <div> Brock: BOOOOOO!!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: This guy is too nice. I HATE nice guys! So we'll kill him!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: I'll sap him with Leech Seed!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Next is Hare. (Appropriate slide) he's a cop-off of ME cause he's</div> <div> makes fun of everyone and cracks jokes! He's MINE!!! Finally...(slide of</div> <div> weird freak) This a blue wolf with horns. Its name is Tiger.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: I don't get it.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: You're not supposed to! And just for sake of interest...there's a bird</div> <div> called Phoenix that looks like Moltres.</div> <bR> <div> Narrator: Up in the sky.</div> <bR> <div> Zapdos: What are they saying, Mew?</div> <bR> <div> Mew: There's a bird like Moltres.</div> <bR> <div> Moltres: WHAT?!?! I'LL KILL HIM!!! (He flies off. Articuno and Zapdos go</div> <div> after him)</div> <bR> <div> Mew: Must we kill?</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: Really bro, you need to loosen up a little!</div> <bR> <div> Narrator: Back to our heroes.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Anyway, let's teleport to the virtual world of Monster Rancher! Abra,</div> <div> let's go!</div> <bR> <div> (They teleport to a place with ice and snow)</div> <bR> <div> Brock: Ack! It's freezing! (Ash and Misty hug each other to keep warm)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: I knew I shouldn't have worn my shorts today!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Crap! This is the South Pole! (Sees frozen Abra) Abra, quit doing your</div> <div> Popsicle impression and let's go!</div> <bR> <div> (They teleport to a desert)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Here we.are? (A man on a camel walks by.)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: I take that back. I LOVE my shorts!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Abra, try again.</div> <bR> <div> (They teleport backstage somewhere)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Oh crap. Where are we now?</div> <bR> <div> Announcer: Now, iiinnntroducing.METALLICAAAA!!!! (Metallica walks up to our</div> <div> heroes on their way to the stage)</div> <bR> <div> Kirk: Eh? What are you kids doing back here?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: OH MY GOD! IT'S KIRK, JASON, JAMES, AND LARS!!! (He hugs James)</div> <bR> <div> James: OK...get off, will ya?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Sorry. I do that. (Whips out pen and paper) Can I have your autograph?</div> <bR> <div> Jason: Sure! (They sign his notebook)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Sweet! I'm the only person in an anime to get Metallica's autograph!</div> <bR> <div> Lars: Yeah. But, we kind of need to do a show, kay?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Kewl! (Metallica go onstage) Now Abra, try the TV shows, mmmkay?</div> <bR> <div> (They teleport to this cheap cartoony backgrounded place)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: What the.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Hey Misty! Your head is HUGE!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Yours too!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: My legs are stuck together!</div> <bR> <div> Pikachu: Chaaa!!! (Cartman walks up)</div> <bR> <div> Cartman: Hey, who the h*** are you guys?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: We're in South Park.</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Oh god.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Abra, why? (Abra psychically talks to him) Oh. Abra says when I said</div> <div> "mmmkay," I meant I wanted to go to South Park. You're psychic! You should</div> <div> have known what I meant!</div> <bR> <div> Cartman: Hey, cool Chinpokomon! (Cartman grabs Abra)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: He's not a Chinpokomon! What do you think you're doing, fat a**?</div> <div> (Covers his mouth) Ooops. What the.</div> <bR> <div> Matt: It's the South Park aura! It makes you want to cuss and be rude!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: (whispers) Matt, what's a Chinpokomon?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: (whispers back) You don't wanna know.</div> <bR> <div> Ash: We need him! Abra, Teleport!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: He's too tired! (Kenny and Kyle walk up)</div> <bR> <div> Brock: Hey, who's the hooded guy?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Kenny. And there's Kyle!</div> <bR> <div> Pikachu: (to Kenny) Pika Pika?</div> <bR> <div> Kenny: (mumbles something I'd get in trouble for writing)</div> <bR> <div> Pikachu: PIKAAA?! PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! (Kenny is fried to death)</div> <bR> <div> Kyle: Oh my god, Pikachu killed Kenny!</div> <bR> <div> Pikachu: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! (Kyle is fried to death)</div> <bR> <div> Cartman: Oh my god, they killed Kyle! That's different!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: I know! (Holds up box of Cheesy Poofs) Hey Cartman.want some Cheesy</div> <div> Poofs?</div> <bR> <div> Cartman: Yeah I want Cheesy Poofs! (Cartman grabs the box and drops Abra.</div> <div> Josh grabs it)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: See you in h***!</div> <bR> <div> (They teleport to an odd scene)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Finally! The world of Monster Rancher!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: What's the plan, my Abra-bearing man?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: I dunno. (Everyone falls over in stupidity)</div> <bR> <div> Ash: And you wonder why I'm always the leader!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: Maybe we should split up.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Everyone pick a partner. (Ash and Misty jump on each other. Matt jumps</div> <div> on Josh. They both topple over)</div> <bR> <div> Brock: DOGPILE!!! (He jumps on Matt and Josh)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: You're crushing my CD's!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: You're messing up my hair!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Men.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: (getting up and seeing Ash and Misty hugging each other) Nooo.</div> <div> Absolutely not! This is why we don't pick partners. See Ash and Misty go off</div> <div> alone. See Ash and Misty make out. You don't WANNA see Ash and Misty.</div> <bR> <div> Ash and Misty: SICKO!!!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Hey, someone's coming! (Takes out little telescope)</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Don't do that! It makes you look like that loser Tai!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: It's them! Hide!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Battle stations! Call out your Pokémon and hide in the bushes! No,</div> <div> Brock, hiding in bushes won't hurt rock Pokémon. Find some way to hide Onix!</div> <div> (Goes into tree with sniper rifle. He focuses on Genki walking down the road</div> <div> with Holly and the monsters.) I have you now, cop-off!</div> <bR> <div> Holly: I'm worried. Something doesn't feel right. It's like we're being</div> <div> watched.</div> <bR> <div> Genki: Oh come on. What could possibly happen?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: What's gonna happen is your worst nightmare. Steady.now! (He fires and</div> <div> Genki screams as he falls to the ground with a bullet in his skull.)</div> <bR> <div> Holly: NO! Genki!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: That was pathetic! (Everyone comes out) The girl needs to really</div> <div> scream for her man!</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Would you scream if I got shot?</div> <bR> <div> Matt: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW?! (Ash bashes him)</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Uh. whatever gave you that idea?</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Whatever. All right, Holly. Congratulations on passing us up on the</div> <div> anime biz. Pity your success will be short-lived.literally.</div> <div> AATTAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> (Just to make one big list: PIKACHU, CHARIZARD, SQUIRTLE, BULBASAUR, STARYU,</div> <div> STARMIE, PSYDUCK, ONIX, GEODUDE, ZUBAT, SLOWBRO, WEEZING, VENUSAUR, MACHAMP,</div> <div> NIDORINO, POLIWRATH, ELECTRODE, NINETALES, GOOOOO!!!!!!)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Nidorino, fire a Horn Attack! (Nidorino shoots a horn into Suezo's</div> <div> eye. The eye blows up, blood flies everywhere, and Suezo dies.)</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Starmie, attack Mocchi with Cut! (Starmie saws Mocchi in half, and</div> <div> blood flies everywhere)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Now, Hare, you're mine! (Josh pulls out an RCP-90 and pumps Hare full</div> <div> of lead. Matt runs over with his hibachi knives. Blood flies everywhere {are</div> <div> you sensing a trend here?} as he cuts him up)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: You got my Metallica CD's bloodied! Now I'm going to turn you into</div> <div> rabbit stew!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: Die, rock Pokémon cop-off! (Onix Binds Golem so hard Golem crumbles</div> <div> into dust)</div> <bR> <div> (Pikachu uses Thunder and shocks Tiger to death)</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Now you, Holly!</div> <bR> <div> Holly: Phoenix, help! (Phoenix flies in but gets hit by fire and bursts into</div> <div> flames)</div> <bR> <div> Moltres: Bye bye, cop-off!!</div> <bR> <div> Articuno: Now THAT'S extra crispy!</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: I'll finish him. (He obliterates Phoenix with a Psybeam)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: (putting the ashes in an urn) Sweet! We have the superpowers on our</div> <div> side! Even the now good Mewtwo!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: (grabs Holly by the hair) Now you're gonna get it! (She grabs an axe</div> <div> and drags Holly into a cave)</div> <bR> <div> All the humans except Misty: NO NO NOOO!!! (You hear Holly scream, but it's</div> <div> cut short by the thud of an axe. The guys turn green)</div> <bR> <div> Narrator: After that grisly scene, we fast-forward to an hour later.</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Dee-lish! Matt, you and Da Brock Man did good!</div> <bR> <div> Misty: This is great!</div> <bR> <div> Brock and Matt: Aw, shucks!</div> <bR> <div> Ash: Hey guys! Must you be so sick? Have some roast monster with us!</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: Sorry, we prefer human!</div> <bR> <div> Zapdos: I like mine rare!</div> <bR> <div> Humans: Ewww.</div> <bR> <div> Blackeyez and N. Igma: FINISH THE JOB!</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Goody! Guys, we gotta blow up the planet!</div> <bR> <div> All: SWEEEEETT!!!!!!</div> <bR> <div> Birds: Jump on! (Ash and Misty get on Articuno, Josh and Matt get on</div> <div> Moltres, and lonely Brock gets on Zapdos.)</div> <bR> <div> Josh: (up in space with everyone else) How can we breathe?!</div> <bR> <div> N. Igma and Blackeyez: Who cares???</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: Everyone, focus your energy! (The birds focus their powers into a</div> <div> big beam.)</div> <bR> <div> Ash and Misty: (hugging each other) Too.c-c-c-cold.</div> <bR> <div> Josh and Matt: OWWW!!! OOOH! HOT HOT HOT!!!</div> <bR> <div> Brock: (hair standing up from static) EEEEEEEYYAAAAHHH.</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: My turn! (He fires a Psybeam into the big beam) Mew, help us!</div> <bR> <div> Mew: Okay. (Mew fires too. A giant beam fires and the planet blows up.</div> <div> Everyone reappears in the Pokémon world.)</div> <bR> <div> Matt: Thanx, dudes! (The mighty pokies fly away)</div> <bR> <div> Mewtwo: We'll see you later!</div> <bR> <div> Mew: Bye, our new friends! (Mewtwo's sticking his tongue out at him. When</div> <div> Mew turns around Mewtwo looks into space innocently.)</div> <bR> <div> Birds: BYE!!!</div> <bR> <div> Our heroes: BYE!!!</div> <bR> <div> Josh: Ooops.Abra was still on the planet.</div> <bR> <div> Misty: Oh well. We still have the TV-TRC...and we won't get lost.</div> <bR> <div> NEXT: THE ONE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.DIGIMON!</div> <div> IT'S NOT HOW YOU EXPECTED IT!!!</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>