Author: M. Jade
Title: When in Fanfic Land…
Email: m_jade34@hotmail.com
Summary: Giles gives his views on the genres of fanfic
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Flames can and will be used to burn my yard waste, but all others
are welcome
Disclaimers: When it comes to BtVS, I own nothing, comprende?
Distribution: If you already have my stories, you can have this, but
otherwise ask, okay?
Notes: My first real attempt at a sillyfic, so be gentle
Thanks: To Steph, for being the great betaing worrywort she is. Your help
was greatly appreciated
More Notes are contained at the end of the fic


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To all Giles fanfic writers,

It has come to my attention that there are some issues that must be
discussed with the authors of various fanfiction stories. For some time, I
have endured the general abuse of character that comes with being involved
with fanfiction, but recent events have convinced me that I must make some
things heard. It is one thing to deal with poor characterizations,
deplorable dialogue, and ill thought out plots, but what has come to my
notice is the, shall we say, varied love life that my fans have so
graciously created.

Now I do realize that everyone is entitled to his or her own view about me
and what I do, but at some point I have to say that enough is enough. At
the last count, I have slept with Olivia, Jenny, Joyce, Buffy, Willow,
Cordelia, Anya, Amy, Tara, Ethan, Angel, Wesley, Xander, Spike, Riley, Oz,
and several other miscellaneous characters at some point. What the bloody
hell do you people think this is, some type of orgy? I'm afraid that
fanfiction is being reduced to that, and the next thing you know, someone
will have to place me in a psych ward for nymphomania, along with my fellow
cohorts. What am I supposed to be, some Superman of a whore? I think not.
I'm not some randy schoolboy any more, no matter how much some of you would
prefer I would be.

Now I am one who believes in artistic integrity, highly so, but I am at a
loss here. It is one thing for Mr. Whedon to give me a sliver of a love
life, but some authors seem to want to take on the other extreme. They may
have the best of intention, or possibly not, but I will not be ignored. I
can see where one may feel that Joss's vision is lacking, and I completely
concur, but I feel it necessary to put my foot down. I will not take this
abuse any longer, and I am here by on strike. I will not participate in any
more of these game and charades, so be prepared to write some Giles-less
fiction. Just see if you can do it.

When every thing settles down and one ship is agreed upon, I will gladly
take my part in your mini soap operas. I don't even care if Joss agrees or
not, as long as there is some stability in the whole bloody mess. I just
can't stand for being Buffy's plaything one night and Cordelia's the next.
I may adore my fellow Whedonites, but come on. I have neither the strength
nor the stamina to go along with it any further. I can no longer afford to
leave it in the hands of some gits who think they can do this to me in the
name of entertainment.

Not that Mr. Whedon himself has been any kinder. He may be my all-mighty
boss, but he does have his fair share of explaining to do. Who the bloody
hell thought up Olivia? Some poor excuse for a girlfriend! I can count the
episodes she was in on one hand, and what do we have for a back-story? A
bloody marvelous nothing, or as close to it as you can come. It was bad
enough when he arbitrarily killed off Jenny the way he did, but he could at
least throw a poor chap a bone. And Joyce? Just some bloody excuse for
snickering and a grab at ratings. It was nothing more than a glorified
stunt if you ask me, but of course, Joss did not.

So I am at a loss on how to come to a happy medium. If the fans can not
come to their own decision, then I may be forced to pick which ship I chose
to work for. If it comes to that, there will be no questions asked I
promise you. Actually…Why should I even let some one else pick the ship for
me? I'm the one doing most of the bloody work, so shouldn't I have a say in
what I do?

Then let me spell it out for you. My choice of ship is…Willow. She's truly
the finest of all the Scoobies, and the most logical match. Such a mix of
passion, intelligence, and innocence. She could be a challenge worthy of
the great romantic fiction the fans seem to crave. And that hair…well,
let's just say I've always wanted a rewrite of the stair roll scene to
include running my fingers through it and a hug while I was at it, but Joss
specifically vetoed the idea. So would all W/G writers step forward, and
all others please step back and take in the show? If we play our cards
right, we may even convert the stalwart Joss to our camp.

I hope this strike doesn't seem too harsh, but desperate times call for
desperate measures. I do believe that I am in need for a long overdue
vacation. This seemed the most logical venue to make my voice heard. I
shall be back soon, doing all things W/G. I do not expect to convert
everyone, but I do hope that my wishes are taken into account. Thank you.


Sincerely,

Rupert Giles

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Author's Note: The comments made in this fic were not intended to single out
or be directed to any fic or author in particular. They are general
comments and observations; therefore, no specific names are mentioned. If
what I said has offended anyone, I do apologize. Also, this fic was not
intended to make any other ships seems less valid. The piece was strictly
meant to be a W/G, pure and simple. I myself have written for other ships,
so please take this in the spirit in which it was intended: as just a bit of
humorous, silly Giles fun.