TITLE: No Way to Know
AUTHOR: Karen U
E-MAIL: ksu2@juno.com
RATING: G
CONTENT: angst, I guess
SPOILERS: None, really; it's a future fic that kind of veered off somewhere
in season four
CATEGORY: Willow/Graham (sort of - they're the main characters)
FEEDBACK: Please
DISTRIBUTION: Graham Crackers, Charity, Temptation Embraced, W/Gr list
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, and Fox; the song
'What Might Have Been' was written by Brady Seals, Dwayne O'Brien, and
Porter Howell, and is from the Little Texas album Big Time
AUTHOR'S NOTES: {indicates song lyircs}; thing song wouldn't leave me alone,
so I thought I'd use it in a fic in an effort to get it out of my head...

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

She was back in town.

{ Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind }

It had been years since he had last seen her. Five of them, if his
calculations were correct. In all honesty, he’d never expected to see her
again. Maybe that would have been better.

Because then he wouldn’t have been forced to remember.

He wouldn’t have to remember their time together, or the day when she was
suddenly gone.

{ I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been }

He watched her from across the room, remembering against his will. Her hair
seemed even redder than he recalled, and she was even more beautiful. He
watched in silence as she spoke to the bartender, laughing at something the
man said, and he wondered why she was here, why she had come back.

And then she turned and saw him.

He had no choice back to go over to her now; he had seen the flash of
recognition in her eyes, and, even now, he couldn’t just walk away from her.
Of course, she had been able to walk away from him.

{ We could sit and talk about this all night long,
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past }

No, that wasn’t fair. He had told her to go, practically begged her to.
And Lord, how she had cried when she left. She had told him she would
write, and she had. It was he who failed on that end.

He wondered if she blamed him for that.

Sighing, he greeted the woman that he now stood in front of, trying to
pretend that seeing her again wasn’t ripping him apart.

Trying to pretend the pain of her leaving had gone away.

{ So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been }

She had once been his world, and he had been hers. He’d lived for her
smiles, her laugh, her... everything.

And then it had happened.

Well, two things had happened really. She had been hurt badly, and it had
terrified him. Seeing her lying there in that hospital bed, not knowing if
she was going to live or die, it had killed a little piece of him. And then
she had gotten the letter. An offer for an internship of some sort, he
could never quite remember what it was, and he had seen the opportunity to
get her out of Sunnydale and into safety. She had resisted the idea of
leaving, telling him over and over again that she was fine, and she wanted
to stay.

But he, out of his fear for her, had persisted, and, in the end, she had
gone. But she hadn’t gone alone.

{ That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away }

It had been the worst day of his life. Now he wondered if he had known all
along that her leaving would be the end of them. Maybe, deep down inside,
he had thought he would never see her again, this woman that now stood in
front of him.

Good Lord, she was as beautiful as ever. As nice and sweet, and, oh, how he
had missed her. He wanted to draw her into his arms, sweep her off her
feet. He wanted to hold her and never let go.

But he knew he couldn’t.

{ And try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been }

Things were different now; so much had changed. They were no longer free to
be together. They were older, more mature, and they had promises to keep to
people that they cared about, people that they loved. They had missed their
chance, and no matter how much they wanted another, they both knew it was
far too late.

{ No, we'll never know
What might have been... }

And so, though it hurt them both, Graham Miller went home to his wife Buffy,
and Willow Rosenberg Finn went back to the hotel to be with her husband.

The End