TITLE: Never Came Down [1/1]
AUTHOR: Samantha McCullah
EMAIL: saintangelus@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: The New Place, Fever of Fate, Willow's
Guys, Charity's site. Anyone else, please ask.
SPOILERS: All of the third season of Buffy. No
specific spoilers for Angel except that he lives in LA
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT: Willow/Angel, songfic
SUMMARY: Willow visits Angel in L.A.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Joss's. The song isn't mine
either. That belongs to Melissa Etheridge.
NOTE: The point of views alternate on this story.
After each piece of song, the POV changes. It starts
out Angel, then goes to Willow, then goes back again.
Understand?
NOTE THE SECOND: Not a part of any of my other stories
or series.

She was the only one I stopped to say goodbye to when
I left town, but I didn't even get to do that. She was
asleep when I arrived on her balcony, and I didn't
have the heart to wake her up. The fight had exhausted
her, exhausted all of us, really.

I can still feel the smile that broke out over my face
as I watched her sleep. Then I left town with two
feelings in the pit of my stomach.

I loved Willow Rosenberg, and that I was never going
to see her again.

Except I was wrong.

She's coming here.

To see me.

** The rope that's wrapped around me
Is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me
Are finding their way in
I keep it close to me
Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour
It's better that way **

I knew he came to my room the night he left town, and
it took all of my strength not to call out and invite
him in. I wanted so very much to see him one more
time, hug him one more time, kiss him for the first
time. Gods, that urge came out of nowhere.

But it's true. I can't deny that fact. I know I'm
betraying Buffy just by thinking about him in any way
that is more than just-friends, but I can't help it. I
realized that the night he left.

I love Angel, but I also knew I'd never see him again.
I thought I was safe from those feelings. I'd never
see him again; I wouldn't have to deal with it.

But I was wrong.

I'm going to LA.

To see him.

** So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul
I will never let you know
Where my mind has been **

I can't tell her.

It would destroy her. It would destroy Buffy. It would
destroy me. All our lives would be in shambles.

I want so very much to tell her. I want to gather her
into my arms, I want to make love to her, I want to
feel her under me, I want to hear her scream my name
in pleasure.

But I can't have her like that. Damn happiness clause.


I'm not even sure she wants me like that. I know she
doesn't want me. She can't. I'm not Oz, I'm not
Xander. Hell, I'm not even Giles. I can't give her all
the things a mortal can -- children, walks in the sun.

Damn it, why do I have to feel like this?

Why do I have to want her so badly?

** Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall **

Oh, Goddess, what am I doing here?

I shouldn't be here. Buffy will kill me. Xander will
kill me. Giles will scold me soundly then kill me, and
Oz will....Oz will be Oz.

I want him. I want to feel him in me, over me, under
me. Does that make me a bad person? I wonder if he
knows. About the curse, I mean. He can't know about my
feelings; I was too careful. He can't know.

But the curse, I wonder if he knows his soul is
permanent? Of course, he doesn't. If he did, he'd be
back with Buffy and I'd be in even more emotional pain
than I am now.

Should I tell him?

Should I help him pack to go back into Buffy's waiting
and willing arms?

Goddess, why do I have to want him so badly?

** I've crept into your temple
I have slept upon your pew
I've dreamed of the divinity
Inside and out of you
I want it more than truth
I can taste it on my breath
I would give my life just for a little death **

She's here.

Already, she's here. I don't even know if I look good
or even decent. I wish I could use a mirror to see
what the hell my hair is doing.

Why am I so nervous?

Because the woman I love is standing in the office
lobby ringing my bell, and I don't know what to do
with these feelings.

"Willow?" I ask her as the elevator gates open, and
she stands there staring at me with a pensive gaze.
She doesn't want to be here. I can see it written on
her face, and a part of me dies at the sight.

"A-Angel," she greets, and I see fear dancing in her
eyes. "I-I don't know what I'm doing here." She starts
to leave, but I reach out and touch her arm. At that
slight contact a bolt of pure pleasure flares through
my body, and when her eyes meet mine, I know she felt
it too.

"Willow?" I ask, my mouth suddenly dry.

Oh, God.

** So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face
I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin **

He's not coming. He doesn't want to see me. He doesn't
want to be near me; the only thing on his mind is
Buffy. I don't even enter into the picture.

I hear a clank in elevator shaft that signals the
movement of the car, and my stomach clenches as
butterflies dance in my gut.

Why am I so nervous?

Could it be because the man I love is about ten feet
away from me, and I don't know what to do about
anything I'm feeling.

I close my eyes as the elevator stops and I hear the
gates slam open.

"Willow?" he asks; I look up at him and am surprised
at the pained look on his face. He doesn't want me
here. He never did.

"A-Angel," I reply quietly, deciding right then to
leave. "I-I don't know what I'm doing here." I turn to
leave, but he stops me with a hand on my arm. My
breath catches as flash of pleasure rolls through my
body. I look up at him, and the look in his eyes
surprises me. I see love there, and heat. My heart
leaps at the mere hint of emotion.

"Willow?" he asks again, holding out his hand. I stare
into his eyes and place my hand in his; he pulls me
into the elevator.

Oh, Goddess.

** I'll come by and see you again
I'll have to be a very good friend
If I whisper they will know
I'll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin **

*FIN*