Title: It's Not Enough
Author: Karen U
E-Mail: ksu2@juno.com
Content: angst
Rating: PG?
Disclaimer: Character belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, and Fox; the song "Bed
of Lies" was written by Rob Thomas and Matt Serletic and is on matchbox
twenty's CD 'Mad Season'
Distribution: Charity, otherwise ask first, please
Summary: Things are over...
Notes: third in the newly titled 'Bed of Lies' series, follows 'Ashamed' and
'Not Right'... I never meant to continue this storyline, but this song just
leapt out at me...
More Notes: { indicates song lyrics }
Feedback: Please

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Riley sat silently, still only half-dressed as he listened to the shower
run.

{ No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I am }

He knew he should leave. It would be a lot easier on her if he did. He
should just gather the rest of his clothes, get dressed, and be on his way.
Never look back. Oh, but he couldn’t do that. Didn’t want to. He did not
want to walk out that door. Because he knew that, if he did, it would be
over. She would never be his again.

But had she ever really been his to begin with?

{ Don’t think that I can take another empty moment
Don’t think that I can fake another hollow smile
It’s not enough to just be sorry
Don’t think that I could take another talk about it }

The thought caused him to swallow hard, and he pushed it out of his head as
he heard the water being shut off. This was it. She’d be coming out of the
bathroom in a few minutes. He should leave now, let her be alone. Make it
easier on her.

But he didn’t get up.

Instead, he sat there, watching the clock as the memories kept coming to
him. The softness of her skin, the heat of her kisses, the way she touched
him, the sounds she made... Oh, yes, she had been his.

She just wasn’t anymore.

{ Just like me you got needs
And they’re only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we’ve tendered away }

Willow paused as she left the bathroom, her hand freezing as she lifted it
to run through her damp hair.

He was still there.

She’d thought he would be gone by now. He’d been so agreeable when she had
told him that it was over, that she just couldn’t do it anymore... she’d
thought he try to make it easier for them both and just leave while she was
in the shower.

Apparently she had been wrong.

{ No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And they’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I am }

After a moment, she recovered herself, and the redhead went about her
business. She dressed quickly, then checked to make sure she hadn’t left
anything out before walking over to the vanity. The redhead pulled out her
comb and ran it through her hair with a trembling hand, thinking of all the
times that he had done this for her. And the times when she would be
showering in the morning, and he would join her...

Willow set the comb down as tears filled her eyes.

{ Don’t wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don’t wanna be somewhere where I just don’t belong
Where it’s not enough just be sorry }

Riley stood up quickly, cursing himself silently at the sight of her tears.
He walked over to the vanity and stopped behind her, but she didn’t
acknowledge his presence. Without speaking, he reached for the comb, gently
prying away the fingers that still covered it. Then, careful not to pull on
her scalp, he begun to comb her hair, telling himself that they both
deserved this moment. That he deserved the chance to do this.

Just one last time.

{ Don’t you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave ‘til it all went away
And we’ve only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we’ve made }

When he finished with her hair, Willow turned to him, tears running down her
face. With a muffled sob, she pressed her face to his chest, and he held
her to him, wishing he never had to let go again.

But he had to.

Riley held her tightly, trying to control his own emotions as she cried.
The sounds tore at his heart, and he wished that he could fix things. The
words he was aching to say threatened to spill from his lips, and he had to
bite his tongue to keep from blurting them out. He’d hurt her far too much,
and now he had to let her go. And, because he loved her, he would do it.

{ I am all that I’ll ever be
When you lay your hands over me
But don’t go weak on me now
I know that it’s weak
But God help me I need this }

After a few minutes, Willow got control of herself, and she pulled away,
looking anywhere but at him. Riley ached to put his hand on her chin and
draw her gaze to him, but he knew he didn’t have the right to do so.
Silently, he watched as she gathered her things, then he followed her to the
door.

She paused before she left, turning to face him, and she finally spoke.
“Goodbye, Riley.” Without waiting for a reply, she walked out the door.

{ I will not sleep in this bed of lies... }

And as Riley watched her walk away, his tears began to fall.

The End