Title: Heartbreak and Dolls

Author: Electra

Email: Sadie@antisocial.com

Rating: PG

Summary: Willow gets dumped, Spike is fed up and alcohol is bad.

Feedback: YES PLEASE!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my silly idea. Joss is my Yoda.

Notes: This nonsense came from a challenge. It was also not beta'd so don't blame me for mistakes! The requirements were:

**Must have Angel and spike fussing over something that happened 120 years ago. The juicier the better!

You gotta have a remote control with no batteries!

Needs Four of the following

a) Sex on the Beach (THE DRINK!!!)

b) Sex on the Beach (NOT THE DRINK!!!)

c) Spike buying Angel Self-help tapes/CD's

d) A Drunk Willow

e) Both A and B

f) Someone buying Spike a "Computers for Dummies" book

g) both D and E

**************

"How come this bloody remote won't work?"

"Maybe the batteries are dead."

"I just put new ones in! It can't be that!" Spike checked the little compartment that held the batteries. "WHAT??? Where are the brand new batteries I just put in here???"

"I used them for my discman," Buffy strolled into the room, munching on chips.

"Argh! You people are driving me absolutley NUTS!!!!!" Spike cried, grabbing his head. He jumped up off the couch and stormed out of the house muttering to himself.

"What's with him?" Buffy asked.

Giles shrugged.

****************

"And then... Tara just, walked out!" Willow sobbed over a rather large glass of whiskey.

The man she has been pouring her young heart out to was trying his hardest to slip away, but Willow had a death grip on his wrist.

"How could she do that to me? ~hic~ I loved her!!!" Willow cried tears leaking out of her alcohol-glazed eyes.

The man nodded, his eyes searching for someone to save him. Just then, Spike walked into the bar.

"SPIKE!" Willow wailed. Spike jumped and turned to look at her. When all he did was stand there and gape at her, she released the poor man's wrist, not seeing him slump against the bar in relief, and stumbled over.

"She LEFT! Why would she leave?" She fell into a miserable puddle of Willow on the floor in front of Spike. "I mean, I gave her everything! ~hic~ *sniff*"

Spike leaned over and picked her off the floor. He set her down on a chair at an empty table and took the seat across from her. He ordered drinks for them both.

"I know how you feel, luv, Angelus once did that to me." Spike gulped down his brandy in one swallow.

Willow peered at him through puffy eyes, "He did?"

"Yep."

"Wha'd ya do?"

"Well...."

************

"You turn me right round, baby, right round!" Spike and Willow sang as they made their way down a dimly lit street, both drunk as skunks. They weren't even sure if those were the actual lyrics, but they sounded right to them.

Angel watched from the shadows as the little witch and his childe laughed and giggled as they took giant swigs from a tequila bottle. He stepped onto the street. "What the hell is going on?"

Spike and Willow stopped. Well, not really as they both swayed on their feet from the sudden halt in their already unsteady movements.

"Well hell-o there, ~hic~, your royal poofyness," laughed Spike. Willow giggled and nodded so hard she almost fell over. "Chauptu tonight?"

"What?" Angel stared, he couldn't understand a word he said.

"He said," Willow made a great emphasis on the word said, "Chauptu tonight." She giggled again.

"Never mind," Angel rolled his eyes, "I'm taking you to my hotel room, you shouldn't be out here like this."

**************

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Willow cried as she bounced on the overly large bed in Angel's hotel room, "I'm FLYING!!!!"

"Willow, you're gonna hurt yourself..." Angel warned, trying to grab ahold of the snockered teen.

"Nope, but this might hurt you!" Willow squealed and jumped from the bed, onto Angel, knocking him to the ground with her on top of him.

"Well well, what 'ave we got 'ere?" Spiked slurred, stumbling into the room.

"I'm gonna screw Angel!" Willow grinned evilly.

Angel looked at her in alarm.

"No, you're gonna 'elp me get some more alcohee-alchol-ummm, oh bugger it!" Spike waved his hands as if warding away an annoying bee.

Willow giggled, "Kay!" and bounced off of Angel's chest.

He groaned as her foot made contact with his crotch. "Oops..." Willow said as Spike dragged her out of the room.

*************

They were both downstairs in a 24 hour convenience-thingy looking at the different types of alcohol.

"What about that stuff?" Willow pointed to a dark bottle with a wild looking label.

"Sex on the bech, no, beach," Spike read slowly, the words fuzzing before his eyes. He shrugged, "Never tried, luv, sure we'll get this stuff."

Willow grinned and wandered off, looking at the various items. Suddenly she started laughing hysterically.

Spike fumbled around an odd looking display case and made his way over. When he got beside her, he looked to where she was pointing and laughing. He started to chuckle as well and took a few items off the shelf. As he started to drag Willow to the counter, she grabbed the nearest item to her and got him to buy it as well.

"I'd like to, um, buy this, um, stuff." Spike frowned, he couldn't remember what they were called. Damn alco-- whatever.

The clerk looked at them strangely but didn't argue as she rang them up.

*************

"Honey, we's home!" Spike called out in his best Ricky voice, which was not very good.

Angel grimaced and glanced up at the two who were looking rather mischievious shifting from one foot to the other. Either they had to go to the bathromm or they were up to something. He got suspicious. "What did you buy?"

"Alcohol." Willow smiled.

"She got me a book," Spike read the title. "'Computers for Dummies'??? The 'ell?" Spike shouted. Willow snickered.

"Show Angel what we got him!"

"Oh yeah," Spike grinned, forgetting about his books, "Here."

Angel took the package in Spike's hand and slowly unwrapped it, fearing there'd be something alive in there. When he saw what they had bought him, he couldn't believe it.

Willow and Spike were looking at his dumbfounded face and laughing hysterically.

"I know that when I stole your doll all those years ago, Spike, you were upset--"

"Upset? I loved chica! She was my favorite doll in the world! And you popped her 'ead off! Like she was nothing! And it was 120 years ago!" Spike cried.

"But," Angel yelled, "HOW TO NOT BE A BULLY SELF-HELP TAPES????"

*End*