Title: Happy Again
Author: Karen U
E-mail: ksu2@juno.com
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All characters belonf to Joss Whedon, the WB, and 20th Century
Fox; the song "Honestly OK" belongs to Dido
Distribution: Angel of Mine, Charity, Willow's Angel, Fever of Fate, and
anyone else that has the Slow Burn series; otherwise, please ask
Summary: Willow contemplates her life
Notes: This is a companion piece to the Slow Burn series, which takes place
in season 2; everything up to Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered happened,
otherwise it's my own little world
More notes: < indicates song lyrics >
Feedback: Makes me happy
Dedication: To Ryan... happy birthday. I hope you like it. :)

Happy Again

Willow sighed as she walked into her room, then reached for one of her
favorite CDs. She put the disc in her CD player, then set it to the seventh
track, her favorite song. She lay down on her bed and let the music flow
through her as she thought about the past few months.



It had been two months since Angelus had left. Since she had destroyed him,
leaving Angel in his place. The handsome vampire had been more brooding
than ever. She knew he regretted what Angelus had done. She also knew he
wasn’t Angelus.



She missed him. His smile, his laugh, the way he was so sweet around her.
It had taken her a while to accept the fact that the way Angelus behaved
around her hadn’t been an act. When she’d first seen him in the alley with
his kill - a high school sophomore - she’d thought that everything he’d ever
claimed to feel for her was nothing more than an elaborate lie. But Angel
had made her see, made her believe, that it wasn’t so. Angelus had loved
her, and that was why he was different around her. He wanted so desperately
for her to love him back. And she had. Which is what made what she had
done hurt all the more.



Angel had helped her so much, though. It was so good to have him back. He
was helping the Scooby Gang once again, but he kept his distance from the
others, especially Buffy. However, he and Willow had become very close.
She knew he loved her; he had told her that a month before. He had also
told her that he would wait for her.

< But I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore >

She couldn’t believe how patient he had been with her. She knew she must
have been a pain at times. She had been hurting so badly. But Angel seemed
to understand. He knew when to stay there and listen, and he knew when to
leave her alone. Jenny and Cordelia had been wonderful as well. Jenny had
become like an older sister to her, a friend that she could come to for
advice on anything, including witchcraft, her latest interest. And Cordelia
had always been up for some useless fun when Willow needed it. Sometimes,
they even brought Xander along. Her friends had been a huge help through
those early days.

< On a different day, if I was safe in my own skin, then I wouldn’t feel
lost and so frightened >

She no longer felt that desperate ache whenever she thought of Angelus. The
time she had spent with him was beginning to fade into one of those
dreamlike memories, and the pain she felt when she thought about him was
fading. She suspected the rose quartz that Jenny had insisted she keep with
her had something to do with that; it was said to have healing powers.
Whatever it was that was helping her, she was thankful for it.

< But this is today and I’m lost in my own skin >

Willow sighed and rolled over on her bed. She felt restless, as if there
was something she needed to do. The tiny redhead snorted softly. She knew
exactly what she needed to do; she was just procrastinating again. She had
to tell Angel that, somewhere along the line, during one of their many talks
and outings, she had fallen in love with him. Really him this time, not
Angelus.

< But this is today and I’m lost in my own skin >

It had snuck up on her. One day she was telling Angel her troubles, the
next she was fantasizing about kissing him. She knew she was being a coward
by not telling him. But how could she make him see that it was him she
really wanted? He had said he loved her, that he would wait for her, but
that he wouldn’t be a substitute for Angelus. How could she make him
realize that he wasn’t? What could she do, go up and say ‘hey, Angel, guess
what... I love you, too.’ A smile lit up Willow’s face as she tried to
picture Angel’s response to that. He’d probably get flustered. Then he’d
get that serious look on his face as he tried to figure out if she really
meant it. Then... well, how would she ever know what would happen next if
she didn’t tell him? She owed it to him. She owed it to
herself.



She knew she had done the right thing by recursing Angelus. She had loved
him, yes, but he had been evil. There was no getting around that. She
couldn’t punish herself for what she had done forever. She deserved to be
happy again. With a determined look on her face, Willow got up off her bed
and headed to Angel’s apartment.

She had something to tell him.



The End

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