Title: Goodbye
Author: Karen U
E-mail: ksu2@juno.com
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, and 20th Century Fox.
The song "Goodbye" was written by Patty Griffin and performed by Martina
McBride
Distribution: Charity, Witch Fanfic, Angel of Mine, Fever of Fate, Willow's
Angel, anyone else with my fic (if y'all actually want this)
Summary: Angel thinks about Willow
Notes: < indicates song lyrics >
More Notes: I felt like angst... so heavy angst is ahead
Goodbye
< Occurred to me the other day… you’ve been gone now a couple years >
She had red hair.
That’s the first thing that comes to me when I hear her name. She had red
hair. It stood out. It made her stand out.
I don’t think she realized that.
If she had known, she probably would have dyed her hair brown. She was
always in the background; it was what she seemed to prefer. Sometimes I
worried that she would simply fade away. Silly of me, huh?
But now she has.
< Well I guess it takes a while for someone to really disappear >
She had green eyes.
I bet you never thought I paid enough attention to her to see that, did you?
But I did. I noticed those eyes. They were so beautiful, so full of
intelligence.
So full of life.
But that faded, too.
< And I remember where I was when the word came about you >
She was brilliant.
Just one more small fact about her I managed to tuck away. Of course, it
didn’t take much to realize how smart she was. If you spent five minutes
with her and listened, truly listened, to what she had to say, you knew.
It hurts to wonder what she would have been capable of doing, of
accomplishing, if given the time.
< It was a day much like today… the sky was wide and bright and blue >
She was only twenty-three.
So young. I’ve been around for over 250 years, and she only got
twenty-three. It wasn’t until after she died that I found out when her
birthday was. She never had a big celebration. Maybe she didn’t want
people to make a fuss.
Maybe they never took the time to find out either.
< And I wonder where you are and if the pain ends when you die >
She was brave.
She would have laughed at that. Maybe given a little "who me?" grin. She
never considered herself brave. Fighting for the side of good was just
something she did. She may have been frightened at times - Lord knows I was
- but she still did what had to be done. She was so brave.
Even in the end.
< And I wonder if there was some better way to say goodbye >
She loved.
That was the thing about her: she gave her love freely. She didn’t expect
anything in return; she simply gave. She gave her love so easily to so many
people: to Xander, to Buffy, to Oz...
To me.
< Today my heart is big and sore… it’s trying to push right through my
skin >
I loved her, too.
I can’t remember if I ever told her that. She never told me she loved me,
but you could sense her love even without the word. The word doesn’t mean
much; people throw it around so frequently. It’s the emotion that counts.
It’s the actions that matter.
Could she sense that I cared? Or did I hide it too well?
< Won’t see you anymore… guess that’s finally sinking in >
She was a witch.
Oh, I’m sure when she was a little girl, she pictured witches as those evil
people in fairy tales. She probably never imagined she would be casting
spells of her own. She was so good at it, so talented. She made mistakes,
of course, but part of that came from underestimating her own power. She
once told me what she considered her greatest accomplishment to be:
restoring my soul.
I cried when she said that.
< Cause you can’t make somebody see with the simple words you say >
I didn’t cry at her funeral.
I couldn’t find the strength for tears. I envied Xander’s ability to simply
sob as if his heart had broken into a million pieces. I imagine he felt as
if it had.
I know mine did.
As I stand here, listing facts about her, it hits me. Is this it? Is this
truly all I remember about her? It’s only been two years!
Two years since she graced this earth.
< All their beauty from within… sometimes they just look away >
It isn’t fair.
There is so much evil in this world, so many people who shouldn’t be here.
But they are. They walk around, oblivious to what was lost two years ago in
that hospital bed, talking to friends, going out with their lovers,
committing crimes.
And she lies in a grave.
< And I wonder where you are and if the pain ends when you die >
I miss her.
I stand silently at her grave; the flowers there tell me that Xander has
already come and gone. It isn’t surprising; unlike me, he can come during
the day. I saw him here once, but he doesn’t know it. He was talking to
her, telling her how much he missed her.
How much he loved her.
I crouch down to place my own flowers next to his. She once told me that
daisies were her favorite. She has two bouquets of them now. I wish I had
thought to give her some before she got sick.
When she could have enjoyed them.
< And I wonder if there was some better way to say… >
I run my finger over the face of the headstone, tracing the name engraved
there.
Willow Rosenberg.
She would have been twenty-five today.
< …goodbye… ><...goodbye...>
The End
