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TITLE: Falls the Shadow (1/25)
AUTHOR: Monique
EMAIL: Valjean131@aol.com
SUMMARY: Sequel to "We Are the Hollow Men"
The final chapter in the "Defenders, Inc." series
DISCLAIMER: Joss is God, we are but humble servants
RATING: Overall R (language & violence)
FEEDBACK: You bet your bippy! Sock it to me!
DISTRIBUTION: You know who you are, if you don't...
just ask
TIMELINE: Nine years after "Hollow Men"
THANKS: To Eileen who helped in so many ways
to make this a better story.
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
and the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
-T.S. Eliot "The Hollow Men"
Part One
"Rowan?" Willow called out the back door. She
didn't get an answer, not that she really expected one
- but hope springs eternal. She sighed and called out
again. "Rowan!"
Only the gentle sounds of the forest greeted her. She had
told her daughter not to go so deeply into the woods
behind their house. Certainly, not so far that she
couldn't hear when she was being called back inside.
Willow shook her head, closed the screen door behind
her and went to fetch her daughter. The days were
growing shorter as autumn came. The leaves on the
trees were just beginning to turn, and the air held
the slight chill of impending winter.
Wrapping her arms around herself for warmth, Willow
followed the path that led from their backyard into
the woods beyond. Rowan had taken to going deeper into
the forest recently. It worried her, but Rowan was a
stubborn child and loved nature. Besides, she was as
stubborn as her parents were when it came to something
that caught her interest.
Willow understood, but it was a bit harder for Rupert.
He was overprotective, although she could hardly blame
him for it.
Pushing those thoughts away, Willow scanned through
the tall trees for her daughter. She had long ago
learned to check in the trees *and* on the ground.
Rowan had a love of climbing, and she often took to
the heights to play.
But there, just off in the distance, she spied a small
figure sitting in the fallen leaves; the red jacket
standing out like a beacon in the brown forest.
Willow shook her head, sighed and veered off the path
toward her daughter.
The little girl was small even for her eight years.
Her auburn hair was short and wavy, and her eyes were
a striking pale green with a darker green circling the
iris.
She was sitting Indian-style in the leaves facing a
large fallen tree. She sat, leaving forward, elbows on
knees, chin in hands.
Willow recognized the place. It was her "ladybug log".
Rowan had discovered it last fall.
As winter nears, the creatures find a fallen log or
some such place to begin their hibernation. It's a
beautiful sight, hundreds of the bright red bugs
gathered together along the dark wood.
Willow walked carefully around the fallen tree and
noticed that Rowan's eyes were closed and a beautiful
smile graced her lips. She watched her daughter for a
moment, before the child opened her eyes.
"Hi, Mom," the girl said brightly without looking away
from the tree.
They'd always had a certain connection, were able, in
vague ways, to sense each other, even at some
distance.
Willow smiled back. "What are you doing, honey?"
Rowan sighed dreamily. "Listening."
"To what?"
"To the ladybugs," she answered still looking at the
log before breaking her glance away and smiling up at
her mother. "Did you know that ladybugs sing?"
Willow smiled and tilted her head.
"All of the animals sing," Rowan said closing her eyes
again. "Can you hear them?"
Willow closed her eyes and tried to relax, to let the
sounds find her. She heard the soft sound, hard to
separate from the ambient noise of the world. Her
connection to the animals was not as strong as her
daughter's. She found she had to concentrate for a
moment before she could access their plane.
Willow listened carefully and heard the soft trilling
song coming from the fallen tree. Mother and daughter
enjoyed the music for a moment, before Willow spoke
again.
"It's time to go in, Ro," she said firmly.
Rowan sighed dramatically.
Willow stifled a giggle. "Uncle Xander's picking you
up soon."
The little girl jumped to her feet. Xander was, aside
from her parents, the girls' favorite person in the
whole world. "Can I sleep over again?" she said
bouncing up and down.
"We'll have to see. Your father and I have a meeting
in town."
"Please?" she asked in her sweetest voice, with a
smile to melt butter.
Willow sighed and laughed. "We'll ask your father. And
Xander."
"Gem!" Rowan said as she bounded back to the
house.
Willow just shook her head; she knew neither man could
say no to the girl. It might not be so bad after all.
She and Rupert would have the house to themselves for
once, she thought with a wicked smile.
"Daddy!" Rowan yelled as she threw open the
screen door with a crack.
"In the study," her father called back.
Still at full speed, Rowan ran into the study.
Abruptly, she stopped, knelt down and put her head and
hands on the floor. "Look what I can do!"
She proceeded to do a wobbly handstand.
"Rowan!" Giles called out as he grabbed her ankles
before she came crashing down into his desk.
"Isn't this ripped?" the girl asked from her upside-down
position.
"Very, uhm, ripped," Giles said dryly, still steadying her
ankles.
"Okay, hold tight, daddy." Rowan pushed herself up
onto her hands and walked a bit closer and grabbed her
father's leg. "You're my tree!"
Giles chuckled. This was a game they often played,
although starting upside-down was new. She would climb
his legs to his waist, finally scrambling onto his
back.
Giles grunted as she tried to right herself. "You're
getting a bit heavy for this, Ro."
Ignoring him, she managed to get her head going in the
right direction and squiggled her way up to his face,
wrapping her legs around his waist.
She smiled brightly as he adjusted his grip to hold
her more securely. "Hello," she bubbled.
He chuckled. "Hello, yourself," he said placing a kiss
on her nose.
She titled her head to the side. "Do you hear the
animals singing?"
Giles smiled back in confusion, as Willow joined them
in the study. He looked to his wife for clarification;
she merely shrugged.
"No," he said. "Daddy can't hear that."
"Oh," Rowan said sadly. "No music?"
Giles smiled. "I hear music when I look at you," he
whispered.
Rowan smiled and then pursed her lips. "You do?"
Giles grinned and nodded. He kissed her again and let
her slip down his chest, finally resting her on the
ground. "Now go wash up, young lady."
"Can I stay over at Uncle Xander's? Mom said I could
if you said it was okay."
Giles sighed.
"Please?" She made her little pouty-please face, and
he was a goner.
"If it's all right with Xander," he acquiesced.
"Gem!" she cried happily, making a mad dash for the
stairs.
"Do you think he'll mind?" Giles asked Willow as Rowan
disappeared.
Willow walked further into the room and kissed her
husband. "No, I think he loves having her over. One
kid to another."
Giles nodded and leaned against this desk, a small
frown coming to his face. "Singing animals?"
Willow smiled gently and sat down next to him, taking
his hand in hers. "She's special."
Giles sighed. "I know. It's just..." He shook his
head. "I want her to have a normal life."
"She is who she is, Rupert."
Giles nodded, but he still didn't like it. Rowan had
inherited not only her mother's magickal abilities,
but the soul of the Hollow Man had opened doors to
both of them, especially Rowan. She had a connection
with nature that went even beyond Willow's ability to
communicate with the animals.
And it frightened him. The older she got, the stronger
her powers became. He'd managed, for the most part, to
keep her away from casting, but she was innately
talented. And with talent came responsibilities.
He sighed deeply. He didn't want her burdened with any
of those things. That was one of the main reasons
they'd moved away from Sunnydale. That and the day
Buffy was murdered.
Part Two
"You worry too much, " Willow chastised him gently.
Giles sighed in response. "Sometimes, I think I can
never do enough to protect her."
"Rupert," she said, reaching up to turn his face to
meet hers. "You do all you can." She kissed him
gently, and he wrapped his arm around her waist,
pulling her to him. "And it's more than enough for
me."
Giles took a deep breath and nodded, a small
half-smile on his lips. He gazed at Willow, and the
smile grew. He leaned down and kissed her. The years
had done nothing to dampen the passion he felt for
her. The strong swell of desire he felt at her kiss
was as powerful as the day he'd married her.
He caressed her cheek as he deepened the kiss.
"Rupert, we have a meeting in half an hour," Willow
reminded him regretfully.
Giles trailed down soft kisses down her neck. "But if
Rowan stays at Xander's..." he whispered seductively.
"Mmmm. Good old Xander," Willow moaned.
Giles pulled back and met his wife's eyes. "Good old
Xander," he echoed.
"Mo--oooom!" Rowan's voice came screaming down from
upstairs. "I can't find my purple socks!"
Both parents sighed and then laughed.
"I'll be right up!" Willow called out, shaking her
head. She kissed Rupert once more and pushed off the
desk, starting upstairs.
Giles watched her go and suppressed a groan. This
meeting couldn't be over soon enough.
Shortly after Rowan was born, they'd both taken
positions with Defenders, Inc. as consultants. It paid
fairly well and allowed them to be for the most part,
stay-home parents. Tonight they had a meeting with
Steve Diamond and a few others from various regions -
a routine monthly tactical review.
Giles sighed as he sat back down at his desk to gather
his notes. He was thankful they didn't have to
go to Los Angeles anymore. He'd grown
accustomed to the small mountain town. He liked the
relative isolation and apparently the other members of
Security Board enjoyed getting away from the city.
Willow still traveled. She was a teacher and was also
often called in to provide magical help with the more difficult
cases. Giles had all but retired after they left
Sunnydale and moved to Ashland. He continued to
consult, but Rowan was his focus.
They'd lived in Ashland for nearly two years. 'Has it
been two years?' he asked himself, his eyes
unconsciously traveling to the photograph on the bookshelf.
He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair as
the memories of that day and those that followed
coming back - waking nightmares.
*****
Rowan had just turned six. Buffy hadn't been able to
make it to her party, so she insisted on taking her
out for ice cream a few days later.
Giles had taken the picture when Buffy came by to pick
up Rowan. He'd become one of those annoyingly
obsessive fathers who always have a video or still
camera in their hands. Rowan loved it. She was a
natural born ham.
Buffy and Rowan had posed, en vogue, as they had said,
until Giles begged them to just stand there and be
normal for once. With smug womanly smiles, they
humored the man, finally relaxing into a natural pose.
The photograph was wonderful, both girls smiling at
him, their love for him shining through their eyes.
For Giles, it was special for so many reasons. Their
smiles were just for him, his two daughters. One
daughter of his body, one daughter of his destiny. He
loved them both so much. And, although none of them
knew it then, it would be the last picture anyone ever
took of Buffy.
It had all happened so quickly.
Buffy and Rowan had gotten their ice cream and were
walking back to Buffy's car when they heard the
noises. Buffy's Slayer sense told her there was
trouble ahead. The street was a bit out of the way and
fearing for the girl's safety, she boosted Rowan up
into a nearby tree.
"Don't make a sound," she told her. "'Til I get back."
Rowan scrambled up into the branches and waited.
But Buffy didn't come back.
When the girls didn't come home an hour later, Giles
began to worry. Somehow he knew something was wrong.
Soon he went out to look for them, with Willow staying
at home in case they returned or called.
He started at the ice cream parlor and then tracked
their likely paths. In a nearby alley, he found
evidence of a struggle - blood and part of Buffy's
blouse.
His passions and fears got the better of his common
sense, and he followed the trail the gang had left
behind.
He found their lair easily. They were no match for a
madman and his crossbow, and they were all dead within
minutes.
He saw Buffy's body, brought here as some sort of sick
trophy. He knelt down next to her, grateful that at
least she hadn't been turned.
No great villain, no powerful nemesis, no world ending
apocalypse killed the Slayer. Just a pathetic gang of
local vampires. Typical, run-of-the-mill vampires.
There were just too many of them, even for Buffy.
Buffy had become and always would be a daughter to
him, and he loved her as though she were his own.
He wouldn't let himself grieve; he had to find Rowan.
He had lost one child. He couldn't lose another.
He walked back down the same streets calling out her
name, crying into the night.
Finally, he heard the soft sobs from above. He looked
up, and like an angel in the heavens, there she was...
alive.
Rowan had stayed in the tree, not making a sound for
nearly four hours, until she heard her father call to
her. Then and only then could she shed her tears for
the woman who saved her life.
Two days after Buffy's funeral, they moved away from
Sunnydale.
If Giles had had his way, they would have moved
further. But Willow was an important teacher for the
Defenders and couldn't leave it all behind. She loved
Rowan as much as Giles did, but she still felt the
need to help the cause, to fight the fight. And now,
with Buffy gone, Willow felt the need even more
strongly.
She knew Buffy would have understood, even if Rupert
didn't.
Giles stared at the photograph; currents of regret
still fresh in his veins.
The doorbell rang, pulling his attention back to the
present.
"Would you get that?" Willow called from upstairs.
Giles sighed, pulled himself together and went to
answer the door.
Part Three
"Xander," Giles greeted him with a smile.
"Hi, Giles. Is the princess ready?" Xander asked with
a grin, as he stepped inside.
"Her Majesty will be down in a minute," Giles replied
with a matching grin. "Once she finds her purple
socks, of course."
Xander laughed and nodded. "Ah. Of course."
"Thank you for taking her. Although, I have to warn
you - she's going to try and stay the night. If you--"
"Say no more," Xander interrupted. "I'm glad to-"
"Uncle Xander!" Rowan squealed as she ran down the
stairs.
"Where?" Xander said, spinning around and pretending
to look for someone.
Rowan giggled and stopped in front of him. "You,
silly."
"Oh, right. And you must be Princess Rowena," he said
with a bow.
The little girl pursed her lips and stomped her foot.
"Rowan!"
"Ah, yes. The beautiful Princess Rowan, your carriage
awaits." He winked at her. "So move it, sister."
She grinned toothily and then stuck her tongue out at
him, which he returned in kind and then made a face.
"Oh lord," Giles sighed.
Willow laughed and hugged Xander as Rowan grabbed her
little suitcase.
"Thanks, Xander," she whispered and then noticed her
daughter holding her back and looking up at her
expectantly. "I don't think we asked Uncle Xander--"
"S'alright," he said and then turned his attention to
Rowan. "You wouldn't want to stay the night at my
place, would you?"
"Yes!" she said bouncing and then caught her mother's
glare and quickly amended. "Please?"
"You're sure you don't mind?" Willow asked her best
friend.
Xander shook his head. "Naw. We always have a good
time, don't we, Ro?" he said waggling his eyebrows
madly.
She giggled.
Giles let out a long breath, and Xander tensed
slightly. He turned to the older man. "You gonna hold
that against me the rest of my life?"
"Probably," Giles sighed again and then smiled and
clapped the younger man on the shoulder.
"All right," Willow said, leaning down for a kiss.
"Behave and nine o'clock - no later. Understand?"
Rowan smiled sweetly and nodded.
Giles knelt down and hugged his daughter. "Night,
love," he whispered, giving her soft kiss.
"Bye, daddy," she said squeezing him back.
"Let's get this show on the road. Is that your bag,
miss?" Xander asked in silly accent.
Rowan stood up and imperiously handed him the small
suitcase.
Xander took it from her and pretended it was
incredibly heavy, nearly pulling him to the floor with
its weight. He grunted and made a great show of trying
to pick it up again. Rowan giggled furiously as he
dragged the bag to the door and down the steps.
Giles and Willow stood at the door and waved goodbye.
"Who's watching whom?" Giles muttered.
"She'll be fine," Willow said closing the door, as
Giles continued to watch them get into the car through
the small hall window. "And don't you think you've
given him enough grief over that? He still feels
terrible about it."
Giles sighed as the car drove away. "I suppose."
"Rupert, we've been over this."
Giles nodded, smiled and gathered his wife in his
arms. "You're right." He bent down and nuzzled her
neck. "As usual."
She sighed contentedly. "Rupert," she moaned ruefully.
"The meeting."
He continued to place soft kisses on her neck.
"The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get back,"
she reminded him.
He straightened and smiled. "Oh, well then... To quote
Xander, let's get this show on the road."
Willow laughed and kissed him briefly. "I'm ready."
She started to move away, but Giles wouldn't let go
and pulled her back for one more kiss. A deep and
passionate kiss that left her a more than a little
breathless.
"Now, you're ready," he said with an exaggerated leer.
*****
"Whatcha wanna do?" asked Xander, as he kicked himself
into a headstand next to Rowan.
"Barbie?"
Xander coughed and fell out of his headstand. He
glared at Rowan who was unsuccessfully stifling a
laugh. "Very funny."
He leaned back against the wall and sighed. "Your
daddy would kill me."
Rowan slowly tottered out of her headstand, guided by
Xander's strong hand. She looked at him with big
serious eyes. "He wouldn't do that."
Xander smiled. "No, of course not." He sighed. 'Yes,
he would,' he thought to himself and remembered
exactly why...
It was a little over a year ago. Xander had just been
released from the army and moved to Ashland about six
months earlier.
When his stint was up, he didn't re-up and decided to
take part-time work with the Defenders and relocate to
Ashland. Truth be told, Giles, Willow and Rowan were
more his family than his biological family had ever
been.
One day, they had asked him to baby-sit Rowan. Giles
was still in his heightened over-protective mode, one
of the continuing after effects of Buffy's death, not
to be confused with his regular over-protective mode.
Xander had assured him that he could look out
for a seven year old girl. Giles was hesitant to leave
her but gave in at Willow's insistence. She had to be
out of town on business, and Giles had a meeting he
had to attend.
The day had started off swimmingly. They were both
having a ball. And then they decided to play G.I. Joe
and Paratrooper Barbie.
At first, everything was fine. They'd gone up to the
second floor of the small house Xander was renting and
dropped Joe out of the widow. His shoot deployed, and
he floated gently to the grass below. Then it was
Barbie's turn. They'd managed to rig a make-shift
shoot out an old bandana, and she made her jump. She
went down a little faster than Joe, but the mission
was deemed a success by all.
Xander went downstairs to retrieve the soldiers.
Barbie landed right on the mark, while Joe had drifted
a bit off course.
It took him a few minutes to find him, but finally he
had them both and headed back upstairs. He'd made it
about halfway up when he heard her scream. He ran up
the steps and into the bedroom. His heart was
pounding. "Rowan!"
The room was empty, and the sheet had been pulled off
the bed. He ran to the window and saw her sprawled on
the grass, the large white sheet partially covering
her. "Hold on!" he yelled and barreled down the
stairs.
One trip to the emergency room and one broken leg
later, Xander sat by her hospital bed, his head in his
hands, when he heard Giles' bellow down the hall.
Xander swallowed hard and stood ready to meet his
maker, or at least Giles' fist.
Rupert stormed into the room ready to start yelling
again, but his eyes immediately fell on Rowan's small
sleeping form in the big bed, and all the wind went
out of his sails. He frowned and went to her side, his
gaze traveling from the big cast on her leg up to the
small bruise on her forehead.
He carefully took her hand and simply stared at her
still form for a long moment.
"The doctor says she's going to be fine," Xander said
softly.
Giles turned to glare at the younger man, when Rowan
began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open, and she
smiled weakly when she her saw her father gazing back
down at her. "Hi," she said in a tiny voice.
Giles took a deep breath and leaned down. Smiling
softly, he placed a tender kiss on her cheek. "Shhh,
it's okay. Go back to sleep, love," he whispered. She
closed her eyes and drifted off again. He reached out
and carefully pushed the hair away from her face, his
smile faded as his eyes fell upon her bruise again.
He kissed her one more time, set her hand down
carefully and turned to face Xander. "Outside." he
said curtly. Without waiting for an answer, he turned
on his heels and opened the door. He held it open for
Xander, who nervously cast a glance back at Rowan
before leaving the room.
Giles looked back at his sleeping daughter once more
before following Xander into the hall. He fixed the
younger man with an icy glare. "What happened?" he
said tightly.
Xander told him the story, stopping to apologize every
few sentences. Giles shook his head and sighed
heavily.
"Giles, I swear to God. I am so sorry. I--- It's
completely my fault," Xander said.
"Yes it was," Giles said stiffly. Xander lowered his
head. "But--It was an accident."
Xander looked up hopefully. "The doctor said she'll be
good as new."
Giles nodded and let out long ragged breath. He turned
to Xander and met him with stern eyes. "No -- more --
Barbie."
Xander actually laughed.
Back from his memory, Xander laughed again. "Anything
but Barbie."
Part Four
The loud blaring of the TV didn't seem to bother
Xander. Of course, he was asleep. So, not much
bothered him, including the fact that Rowan sat at his
side gently sticking popcorn up his nose.
She was very meticulous in her task. She'd carefully
search the large bowl resting in Xander's lap for a
piece just the right size.
It was almost midnight when the lights flickered and a
loud thud was accompanied by a jarring shove. Xander
woke immediately, blowing the popcorn out of his
nostrils and looking around in confusion. Everything
was still for a moment. Rowan held onto his arm
tightly. Then the shaking began again, slowly at
first, just a minor shimmy.
Abruptly, the earth jerked beneath them.
Xander stood quickly, sending the popcorn flying as he
grabbed onto Rowan and headed to the doorway leading
to the hall.
The ground continued to quake - a constant shiver,
punctuated by the occasional hard side to side thrust.
He cradled Rowan to his body, covering her head with
his hand as he braced them against the door jam. "It's
all right," he soothed her. "Almost over."
As if on cue, the shaking stopped.
"See," he said breathlessly. He tilted her head up to
look into her big eyes. "You okay?"
She nodded bravely.
He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. "We're
okay," he said more to calm himself than her.
"Popcorn's a goner though."
Rowan managed a laugh, and Xander rewarded her with
another kiss.
He smiled at and touched her cheek lovingly. "That's
my Princess."
She grinned. "Do you thing the lights'll go out?" she
asked hopefully.
Xander shook his head in awe. Did anything rattle this
kid? "You stay right here. I'll be back in jiff."
She nodded and sat down on the floor, her eyes alight
with anticipation.
He smiled again and went to get a few important
supplies should this be the foreshock to a larger
quake.
*****
"You all right?" Giles asked Willow, as they stood
naked in the hall to their bedroom.
"Fine," she said letting out a deep breath. "I hate
those."
Giles nodded, his jaw set, his muscles taut. "Me,
too." He crossed back into their bedroom and grabbed
their robes.
He grasped the phone and frowned when there wasn't a
dial tone. He put the handset back in its cradle and
grunted.
"I'm sure she's fine," Willow said gently. "It wasn't
that bad." Sensing that her husband was winding
himself up, she tried to lighten the mood. "What do
you think? Five? Five-two?"
He grunted again and stared down at the phone.
"Rupert, she's fine. I can feel it. Don't worry.
Xander can take care of her."
He sighed heavily. "I know. It's just..." he let his
sentence trail off into oblivion. "Old habits die
hard."
"This isn't Sunnydale," she said taking his hand. "And
Rowan isn't Buffy."
He let out a long breath and nodded, but inside he
couldn't let go of the fear that clutched his heart.
In his experience, earthquakes had always been
harbingers of an evil to come. He wasn't going to
take any chances.
"Honey, we've been through dozens of these," Willow
said soothingly. "The only damage we had last time was
your grandmother's lamp and some might even have
considered that a mercy killing."
Giles ignored her and frowned at the phone again. He
picked it up the phone and dialed as soon as he heard
the tone. When he got only a busy signal, he frowned
and redialed, but miss-hit one of the keys. "Damn it,"
he grumbled.
Willow's small hand covered his and took the phone.
"I'll call him."
Giles sighed and nodded as he began to dress. "All
right."
Willow dialed Xander's number. He answered on the
second ring. "Xander?"
"Wills, you guys okay?" he asked.
"We're fine. Is everything all right there?"
"Ro's fine," he said casting a quick glance at the
small girl. "But the next time you guys decide to
have a 'night-off' - take it easy on the rest of
us. I know the earth's supposed to move, but--"
Willow laughed in spite of herself, but stopped as she
felt Giles over her shoulder. "She's fine," she told
her husband.
He nodded. "Tell him we'll be there within the half
hour." Giles proceeded to gather his clothes and
finish dressing.
Willow smiled softly. It was no use arguing with him.
"Xander," she said into the phone.
"I heard. We'll be here. You want to talk to her?"
"Sure," Willow said with a smile.
"Just a sec."
Willow heard a bit of shuffling. "Mommy?"
"Hi honey," Willow said gently. "You okay?"
"Okay," Rowan said brightly. "Did you feel it?"
Willow laughed. "Yes, honey we felt it."
"It was like..." she held the phone away and jiggled.
"Whoa... and popcorn went *everywhere*!"
"What's she saying?" Giles said quickly. "Is she all
right?"
Willow waved a placating hand at her husband and
nodded. "Daddy and I'll be there soon. You just do
whatever Uncle Xander tells you to, okay?"
"Okay."
"We love you, honey."
"Love you, too."
"We'll see you soon. Bye, baby."
"Bye, mommy."
*****
They arrived at Xander's about twenty minutes later.
Giles knocked heavily on the front door.
"That was fast. How many stop signs did you run?"
Xander quipped.
Giles ignored him. "Rowan?" he called out as he
stepped into the hallway. He saw her sitting on the
floor, a deck of cards at her feet and a huge football
helmet strapped to her head.
"Daddy?" she cried out, pushing the helmet back so she
could see.
Giles let out the breath he'd been holding and knelt
down in front of her. He unsnapped the chin guard and
pulled the helmet off. Once she was free of it, he
enveloped her in a hug.
Rowan wasn't afraid of the earthquake, but she felt
her father's anxiety and immediately tensed.
"She was great," Xander told Willow as he watched
Giles hold Rowan. A stab of envy went through his
body. Giles was a lucky man.
Willow smiled at her dear friend. "Thank you." She
stepped forward as Giles stood still holding Rowan in
his arms.
"Ready to go home, honey?" Willow asked as she kissed
her daughter's cheek.
Rowan nodded and buried her head in Giles' shoulder.
He continued to say soft things in her ear, and touch
her hair tenderly.
"You're all right?" Willow asked Xander, seeing the
strange look in his eyes.
He shook himself out of the thoughts of jealousy and
smiled wanly. "Fine," he said with a forced smile.
"You want to come with us?" Willow asked gently.
Xander shook his head and smiled a bit embarrassed by
her offer.
"We'll call you tomorrow?" she asked. "You'll at least
come to dinner, won't you?"
"Sure," he answered with a grateful smile. "G'night,
Ro."
"Bye, Uncle Xander" she said with a sleepy wave, her
face still nestled against her father's shoulder. The
excitement and the late hour were finally taking their
toll.
Giles stopped and met Xander's eyes. "Thank you," he
said sincerely.
The younger man nodded and watched the family leave,
and as always, taking a little part him with them.
Part Five
Willow rolled over in her sleep. Her arm fell against
the bed covers, and she instinctively came awake. She
opened her eyes and sighed - the other side of the bed
was empty... again.
She pulled on her robe and walked quietly down the
hall to Rowan's room. The door was slightly ajar - the
dim nightlight casting a soft glow across the room.
Giles was, as she knew he would be, sitting in a chair by
their daughter's bed, watching her sleep.
Willow stood in the doorway feeling, not for the first
time, somehow apart - alone.
She knew when she'd committed to the Defenders that
she would have to travel, to spend time away. She knew
sacrifices would have to be made. Her responsibilities,
her travel, all these things would take her away from home,
away from her family.
Most of the time, she could accept the cost, was
willing to pay the price. If it meant keeping the evil
at bay, protecting the innocents, it was worth it. But
there were times, times when she knew she'd lost
something precious in the bargain.
She lost time... time with her husband, time with her
daughter. A laugh, a smile, a tear - gone in an instant -
kept only in the memory of those who were there.
Finally, sensing Willow's presence, Giles looked up
and smiled dolefully before returning his gaze back
the sleeping child.
Rupert was there. He was always there. For her. For
Rowan. He'd spent his life putting duty above all
else, and now his only duty was to love his family.
And that he did.
Willow, for all her powers, even her special
connection with Rowan, sometimes felt like an
outsider. Giles and Rowan shared something she wasn't
a part of, something only grown through time shared.
Everything was a balance, and the pendulum swings back
and forth. But tonight, just for a while, it seemed so
very far away.
Willow watched them both for a moment more before
slipping back into the hallway and disappearing down
the hall. She climbed back into bed, knowing he'd be
back before too long... when he was ready.
Giles hadn't been able to sleep. His mind was racing,
filed with unwanted thoughts. Memories like haunting
ghosts - ill-formed and just out of reach. Parts of
the whole, incomplete and taunting. One fleeting image
drifting along the edge of consciousness, just beyond
his grasp, replaced by another cloudy thought - a
storm just over the horizon.
Needing some sort of peace, to push away the unease
that coursed through his body, Giles went to the one
place he felt safe - by his daughter's side.
He watched her sleep, that enchanted sleep only
children seem to have. Their mouths caressed with a
smile, the soft sound of their breathing as their
dreams hold them.
He'd always been such a lonely man. He'd spent so much
of his life trying not to feel, trying not to let himself be
vulnerable and then he met his Slayer and her
Slayerettes. Grudgingly, he let them work their way
into his heart, and he was forever changed.
Willow had given him a second chance at life, and he'd
taken it - greedy for each moment.
And then Rowan had come, like a gift from the heavens.
He never thought he could love someone as much as he
loved Willow. But from the first moment he laid eyes
on his child, he knew he'd never know anything more
pure, more absolute.
Everyday it filled him. Everyday it made him whole.
He'd often come to watch her sleep. The need to
protect her, to see her sometimes was so powerful it
overwhelmed him. But there was something else too,
something far more subtle.
In way he didn't even realize it himself. He came to
watch her and yet, somehow, to feel her watching over
him. Maybe it was just his imagination, or magic, or
simply the power of love. But he could feel her, feel
her life and feel it touching him, guiding him.
The grown man took shelter in the love of a small child.
Rowan sighed softly in her sleep and rolled onto her
side, her tiny arm flopping over the side of the bed.
Giles stood up carefully, the wooden chair creaking as
he moved. Gently, he took hold of her wrist and
carefully tucked her arm back under the covers. He
pulled the blanket up, making sure she was snug, and
leaned down to kiss her tenderly.
He stood over her, watching for a moment longer - one
last assurance, one last measure of peace.
Sighing softly, he smiled contentedly and returned to
his wife and their bed.
Part Six
It was awake. After an eternity imprisoned in the
darkness, a thin stream of light appeared. A break in
the walls of its prison - the earth had granted its
release.
An evil banished too long ago to remember; it had
lived in the dark, existing only in its own memory,
reliving its triumphs and cursing those who had
imprisoned it.
Soon it would feel pleasure again. Soon it would feel
pain. Soon it would be free.
*****
Giles heard the screen door slam closed with a crack.
"Rowan!" he called out, knowing she was already
dashing off into the woods to play.
He shook his head and smiled, returning to his
afternoon reading.
They'd spent the morning as a family, the way he'd
always dreamt back in his lonely old bachelor days.
Just enjoying the simple pleasures. They'd run their
errands together, stopped for hot chocolate, taken a
long walk in the park, reveling in the crisp clean air
of the mountains in the fall.
He sighed contentedly as he let the book slide onto
his lap. He leaned back against the soft leather of
his chair and closed his eyes.
The night had been restless, the energy and anxiety
from the earthquake kept everyone on edge. But here
in the lazy afternoon, he finally relaxed, and it
wasn't long before sleep claimed him.
*****
Willow busied herself in the kitchen. They had invited
Xander over for dinner, and with Xander coming, you'd
better have enough food.
She laughed to herself as she watched Rowan skip
happily down the backyard path.
Willow smiled and sighed as she started to prepare
dinner.
*****
Rowan hummed cheerfully as she walked down the wooded
path. She wanted to check on her ladybugs, afraid that
they might have been frightened by the earthquake.
She spied the fallen tree and peeled off the narrow
path.
A small, sad frown came over her face as she
approached the log. It was empty.
"Poor little buggies," she said with a sigh. She
looked around hoping to spot them on some nearby
stump. But they were gone.
She saw one of her favorite climbing trees and decided
to scramble up its into branches. Maybe she could see
them from there.
With a mixture of agility and reckless abandon, Rowan
climbed high into the tree. The leaves were turning,
and as the sun shone through, they lit up like fire -
the yellows, oranges and reds bright and glowing.
Wrapped up in the immersion of color, she forgot about
the ladybugs and smiled at the beauty surrounding her.
She stayed in the tree for a few minutes, letting the
cool air and bright colors bathe her. Sighing happily,
she easily climbed back down, planning on retrieving a
few of the fallen leaves to give to her parents. She
picked through the colors, choosing only the brightest
and loveliest.
She held her leaves up to the bright autumn sun and
smiled. Their colors reminded her of her lost
ladybugs, and she frowned in remembrance. What if they
were frightened?
She closed her eyes, hoping to hear their song and
follow their soft music. As she concentrated, she
heard a strange sort of groan. Something was in pain.
She opened her eyes and turned around slowly scanning
the forest for the poor creature. She tilted her head
to the side and bit her lower lip.
She let the sound pull her deeper into the wilderness. With
each step, she traveled further from the woods known
to her. Spurred on by soft moaning, Rowan kept
walking, deeper into the forest, further away from the
safety of her home.
The sound grew louder, and yet, still seemed no more than a
whisper. Then in the distance, she saw a great tree.
It was old and majestic, reaching high into the bright
blue sky above.
"Wow." Inexorably drawn to the great Oak, she walked
quickly toward it.
It towered above her; it's huge branches creating a
cool shade below. She had always loved trees, loved to
climb them, to sit in their shade. And in all of her
eight years, she had never seen a tree quite like
this.
She reached out and placed her tiny hand against the
rough bark. "Oh," she gasped. It was the tree. It was
hurt. The moaning was coming from the tree.
She walked around its large base, finally seeing the
wound. The strong trunk had been recently split and
sap leaked like blood from the cut. One of its main
roots had been broken, as the earth around it had
shifted.
Rowan sighed in sympathy and rubbed the side of the
great Oak gently. The moving of the ground had pulled
one of the roots away from the base, splitting the
wood, leaving a gaping hole, nearly one foot across.
Rowan tried to peer into the darkness but couldn't see
more than a few inches into the hole.
She frowned again and cocked her head to the side. The
tree... it was, it was almost like it was talking to
her. She could hear the words, but she didn't
understand what it was saying.
She touched the tree again with both hands. The sound
grew louder, but still she couldn't understand. Maybe
if she could touch it, inside, she would know what it
was trying to tell her.
With a brash courage saved only for the insane and
small children, she reached inside the gaping hole at
the base of the tree.
"Rowan!" Her mother's call echoed through the
woods.
She jumped back away from the tree.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yeee-eees?" she
yelled.
"Time to come back inside!" Willow called out, as she
stood just on the edge of the forest.
"Moooo-oooommm!" she cried in that wonderfully beset
upon way small children can.
"Rooooooowwwaaannn!" her mother imitated.
The girl giggled. "Okay!" she called back. "I'm
coming!"
She glanced once more at the tree and patted the bark
gently. "I'll be back tomorrow," she whispered before
hurrying back toward home. "I'll help you then, okay?"
*****
It felt the child.
Soon, it would be free. Free to walk the earth again.
Soon.
Part Seven
Rowan ran back up the path to her house and threw
open the screen door with a bang.
"Ro!" Willow called from the kitchen.
Her daughter bounced happily into the room, waving her
prized leaves.
"Ro, please don't slam that door. Your father already
replaced it once," Willow said gently, as she opened
the oven to check on dinner.
"Okay," Rowan sighed, then remembered her find.
"Like my leaves?" she asked brightly.
Willow laughed and put down her oven mitt. "Let me
see." She took the leaves and admired them. They were
truly gorgeous. She smiled down at the girl, handing
the leaves back to her. "Beautiful. Now, go wash up
for dinner. Uncle Xander will be here soon."
Rowan took off like a shot. "Gotta show daddy first!"
she cried as she skittered down the hall to the study.
Giles was standing at the bookshelves, looking for a
particular volume of prophecy for a paper he was
writing, when he heard his own personal tornado blow
in.
"Show daddy what?" he asked taking a large book of the
shelf and turning to face his daughter.
"These," she said proudly holding out her leaves for
inspection.
"Oh?" he said with a smile. Giles put down the large
book and took the offered leaves. He made a great show
of studying them. He sat in his favorite chair,
adjusted his glasses several times, and made the
non-committal grunting sounds that he knew drove her
crazy.
He could see her out of the corner of his eye,
shifting her weight anxiously, her lips pursed in a
miniature version of his exasperated expression.
With a laugh, he took off his glasses and smiled at
her. "I think it's safe to say that these are the most
beautiful leaves I have ever seen."
Rowan's face nearly glowed. "They're for you."
Giles knew he shouldn't be driven close to tears by a
few crumbly leaves, and yet... here he was feeling a
lump in his throat.
Misunderstanding his expression, Rowan frowned. "Don't
you want them?"
He looked into his daughter's eyes and smiled,
reaching out to pull her into his lap. "Oh honey, very
much," he said kissing her. "And thank you."
She smiled proudly again. "They were the best ones I
could find on the ground. Way up in the top of the
tree, I saw some, but I couldn't rea--" her voice
trailed off knowing she'd really stuck her foot in it.
"Rowan," Giles said sternly. "Haven't we talked about
you climbing without mommy or me there?"
"Yes."
"And?" he prompted.
"It's a bad thing?" she offered in small, resigned voice.
Giles sighed. "Not bad, darling, but dangerous. You're
too small right now, and you don't want to worry mommy
or daddy, do you?"
"But it's so beautiful," she said closing her eyes and
remembering. "Like being inside a sunset."
Giles took a deep breath and shook his head. She was
an amazing child. He cleared his throat. "Nonetheless-"
The doorbell rang, and suddenly reprieved, Rowan
practically flew out of his lap and ran toward the
door.
Giles sighed and followed in her wake.
Rowan peeked through the thin hall window and waved.
Giles opened the door. "Xander."
"Hi, Giles," the younger man said with a grin as he
stepped inside. "Now, where's the food?"
"Uncle Xander?" Rowan said a bit put out at not being
the first thing he asked about.
"Looks kinda boney, but it'll do," he said sweeping
the girl into his arms and nibbling on her arm,
receiving a gaggle of giggles for his efforts.
*****
After dinner, everyone retired to the living room.
They were all stuffed to the gills, and everyone but
Willow could barely move.
"Brandy?" she offered.
Xander groaned. "Too full."
"Half a glass, love," Giles said as he leaned back in
his chair.
Willow disappeared into the kitchen to get the drinks.
"You never really told us, how was San Francisco last
week?" Giles asked casually.
Xander shrugged. "Hilly... Wasn't too bad a job."
Rupert nodded, knowing Xander was keeping the
conversation vague for Rowan's sake. The younger man
was also working part-time for the Defenders and had
returned just last week from an assignment up north.
Rowan, who was finally slowing down, crawled into her
father's lap. She squiggled around for a moment like a
cat, before settling in. She rested her head on Giles'
chest, one small hand tucked in between their bodies,
and the other gently holding onto his sweater.
Giles' arms went round her small form, cradling her
softly. "No damage to your house last night?" he asked
Xander as he absently stroked Rowan's hair.
"Naw," Xander said.
Willow returned with the brandy. Handing one to
Rupert, she took a spot on the sofa next to Xander.
"I'm still finding popcorn, but other than that," he
shook his head. "You guys? Anything priceless lost?"
Instinctively, Willow looked at Rowan and smiled.
"Nope," she said happily. "We've got everything."
She glanced at Xander, who knew exactly what she
meant.
Nodding, the younger man smiled too. "That you do."
Part Eight
The Land Rover crunched gravel under its tires as it
pulled into the driveway. The passenger door flew
open, and Rowan, backpack flung over her shoulder,
practically ran into the house.
Willow got the dry cleaning out the back and followed
her daughter inside.
"Can I have the newspaper?" Rowan yelled from the
kitchen.
Willow laid the clothes carefully over the back of a
chair and watched her daughter closely. She was always
bursting with energy, but she was almost bouncing up
and down in anticipation. "What do you need it for?"
Rowan played with the various sections. "Oh, I saw
this tree in the woods, and it was all split, and
there was big hole in, and I thought, cause newspapers
are made from trees that I could make a bandage and
fill the hole, kind of," Rowan burst out in one
breath.
Willow stifled her giggle, knowing it was best not to
put a damper on a child's imagination. "If your
father's done with it."
"Gem," Rowan said brightly. "Dad?!" she called out
loudly. "Dad?"
Giles was just coming down the stairs. "Coming," he
said with a yawn.
"Can I have the paper?" she asked anxiously.
"School project?" he asked.
"No, it's a medical emergency," she said solemnly.
He looked nervously to Willow for answers, but she
only smiled reassuringly.
"All right," Giles said, still confused.
"Thanks!" she said starting to dash out the back door.
"Wait a minute! How was school?" Giles asked as he put
the kettle on. "Learn anything interesting?"
"Tons of cool stuff! Like light refraction and about
lasers and beams and how lava is like liquid rock.
Isn't that too ripped?" she said excitedly.
"Terribly," Giles said with a grin.
Rowan grinned and grabbed the paper. "I'll tell you
all about later, okay? I've gotta fix the tree!"
"Fix what--" Giles started, but she was already down
the hall. He sighed. "All right, But-" She threw open
the backdoor. "Don't stay out late! And no climbing!"
he yelled after her. He shook his head ruefully and
turned to Willow. "What's she planning?"
Willow smiled. "Apparently, there's this sick
tree..."
*****
Rowan walked quickly through the woods. She passed by
her ladybug log - still empty - and lamented the fate
of the poor little creatures. She might not be able to
help them, but she could at least try and help the
tree.
Before too long, she could see the large Oak towering
in the distance.
"Hello, tree," she said brightly. "I brought this for
you." She extended the newspaper. "I know it's not
exactly the right thing, but it's made *of* tree so I
thought I could kinda make a big band-aid out it."
She frowned a bit, almost expecting an answer. She
placed her tiny hand against the rough bark and could
hear the gentle moaning.
She wadded up the newspaper in tight balls and put
them inside the gaping hole at the tree's base.
Once she ran out of paper, she leaned in and kissed
the tree. "I hope you get all better," she said
soothingly as she stroked the wood.
She stepped back and admired her handiwork. The hole
was nearly filled. She smiled and looked up into the
massive branches extending into the afternoon sky.
She took another step backward to get a better view of the
tree.
*****
Giles leaned on the kitchen-island as he waited for
the water to boil. He cast an uneasy glance out the
back window and down the path before turning back to
Willow.
She was stretching to reach the second shelf of the
cabinet as she put some of the dishes away. He
couldn't help but admire her firm backside as she
stood on tiptoes.
"Damn architects," she grumbled. "Five-four is not
short."
Giles chuckled. "Need some help?"
"No," she grunted.
Giles laughed again and came up behind his wife.
"Sure?" he whispered into her ear.
Willow sighed. "Rupert."
"Yes, love?" he asked as his arms went round her
waist.
"I--I don't n-need your help," she protested
halfheartedly as he nibbled on the nape of her neck.
"S'why I'm helping myself," he quipped between kisses.
Willow giggled and turned around, still encircled by
his strong arms. She looked up into his eyes and
arched an eyebrow. "Are you?"
Giles nodded seductively and bent to take her lips in
a gentle kiss. He moaned softly as her hands slid up
his chest.
He pulled away and smiled down at his wife. "Better
than putting dishes away?"
She grinned as her hands kept moving up his body, her
fingers tangling in his hair and pulling him back down
for another kiss.
Finally she pulled back, and grinned. "Much better."
*****
As Rowan placed her foot down on the drying leaves,
the earth suddenly gave way beneath her. She gave a
soft scream as she fell, the ground seeming to open
under her.
She landed on something hard, falling to her knees and
rolling off to the side. She coughed as dirt and
leaves cascaded down on top of her.
*****
Giles grinned wickedly and went in for another kiss
when Willow's eyes went round with fear, and she
gasped.
"What is it?" he asked as she tensed in his arms.
Her eyes calmed almost immediately. She took a deep
breath and closed her eyes. "Rowan," she whispered,
trying to concentrate on her daughter.
Giles' body went taut. "What?"
Willow's eyes opened again, and most of the tension
went out of her body, but she was still a little
shaken. She shook her head. "It was just... I'm not
sure. She's all right. I can feel her. She's okay.
Just startled."
Giles glared down at his wife, his hazel eyes brewing
with intensity.
Willow smiled comfortingly. "She's okay," she assured
him.
Giles nodded, but he was damn well going to see for
himself.
*****
Finally, the stream of dirt stopped collapsing into
the hole. Rowan took a deep breath and tried to stand.
She felt something under her hand - cold and smooth,
but it was too dark to see clearly. She felt a
tingling in her hand and quickly scurried away.
The skeleton lay obscured by fallen debris, the leg
bone slightly askew from the child's unknowing touch.
Her knee was a little sore, but she wasn't hurt badly.
She looked up at the hole above her.
She'd fallen about ten feet. One of the large roots of
the Oak had been damaged in the earthquake and had
left the ground above this cave unstable.
She tried to look around, but aside from the thin
stream of sunlight, the cave was dark and forbidding.
It was like someone had dug into the granite, making
this pocket beneath the ground.
Rowan didn't like the feeling, the darkness, or stale
air. She moved out of the shadows and into the warm
spot of sunlight.
Spying a group of smaller roots that had fallen like
vines down into the cavern, she wondered if she could
climb up them.
*****
The darkness lifted, and the sun shone in again. With
it, came freedom from this prison.
The Shadow, that existed in darkness but needed light
to live, slid from the blackness against the cavern
walls and into the sun.
The child's touch was the key to its cage. Finally,
open. Finally, to be free again.
Unseen, it crossed the threshold, from dark to light.
Without form, without shape, it slid across the cold
stone that had held it captive. It tasted the warmth
of the sun and slipped unnoticed into the child's
shadow.
Soon it would walk the earth again.
Part Nine
"Rowan!" Giles called out into the forest.
Willow came up behind him. "Let's try her ladybug log.
She was there the other day."
Giles nodded, a frown marring his features. He broke
away from the narrow dirt path and hurried his steps
as he went further into the woods.
"Rowan!" Willow called out, just a few paces behind
her husband. Her special connection with Rowan told
her that the girl was all right, but Rupert's anxiety
was catching.
Before long, they came upon the fallen tree, but no
Rowan. Giles came to a stop and turned to Willow, his
eyes intense.
"She's all right," Willow assured him again.
Giles swallowed hard, trying to accept her word for
it, to let that calm him. But the unease he'd felt for
since the earthquake, coupled with his natural
protectiveness, made for one worried father.
Willow reached out and took his hand, squeezing it
lovingly.
Giles tried to smile, but it wouldn't come, not until
he was sure his daughter was safe.
"Rowan!" he called out again.
"Here," came a small voice in the distance.
Giles ran toward the sound. "Where are you?"
"Over here!"
Giles pushed his way through the smaller trees. "I
can't see you!" Just as he finished his sentence, he
saw her small head emerge out of the ground about ten
yards ahead. "What the--," he mumbled. "Ro!"
He took off at a run again, Willow not far behind. The
closer he got, the more of Rowan emerged from the
ground. He could see that she was pulling herself out
of some kind of hole, using vines like ropes.
He skidded to halt a few feet away, unsure of what had
caused the ground to open or how large the area was.
He stepped forward carefully and reached out hand to
Rowan.
"Grab on, honey," he said, relieved that she seemed
all right.
Rowan looked up and grasped her father's large hand.
With ease, he yanked her the rest of the way out and
into his strong arms.
He carried her a few paces away from the hole before
setting her carefully onto the ground. He knelt down
and hugged tightly. "Ro, are you all right?"
He held onto her arms and put her at arm's length, as
his worried eyes scanned her for injuries.
"I'm okay," she said, but she couldn't help but
tremble a little, more from look in Giles' eyes than
the than reaction to the fall.
Willow knelt down and touched her daughter's cheek.
"Baby, are you all right?"
Rowan nodded; her mouth was open and she was panting
slightly from the exertion of climbing out of the hole.
Giles noticed the cut on her knee. "Your leg," he said
tightly. Her pants were torn, revealing an abrasion
and small cut.
Rowan looked down. "It's not too bad."
Willow smiled and kissed her cheek. Giles continued to
frown and stare at the blood. "What happened?" he
asked.
"I don't know. I was just looking at the tree and..."
she gestured to the large Oak. "And then I fell in the
hole."
Giles ran his hands along her arms. "Are you hurt
anywhere else?"
She shook her head and turned toward the opening in
the ground. She started to move toward it, but Giles
held her back. "Stay back here, darling."
"What do you think it is?" Willow asked as she
inspected her daughter's knee.
"I don't know. A sink hole of some kind," Giles said,
as he tried to see into the darkness. "I'll check it
out tomorrow." He turned back to his family. "Let's
get you cleaned up." He swept Rowan into his arms and
gave her a tentative smile.
She returned it with a confident grin of her own. "Can
I have Winnie the Pooh band-aids?"
Giles chuckled and nodded.
Willow put her arm around her husband, as he carried
their daughter back to the house.
*****
It was lost inside the child.
The shadow amidst the substance. The essence beneath
the surface. It waited.
The disorientation was comforting and somehow
familiar, as it grew accustomed to its new
host. Drifting among her thoughts, random and
confused. It let the tides of her emotions pull
it along.
Soon, it would be in control. Soon, the tide would
answer to it. All would be as it was, as it should
be, as it always should have been.
*****
Giles carried Rowan upstairs to the master bath. He
set her down carefully and knelt down to look at her
injured knee.
Willow opened the medicine cabinet and took out the
disinfectant and other supplies.
Giles frowned, but was glad the cut didn't look like
it would need stitches.
"Come on, Love," he said with a smile. "Let's fix you
up." He started to undo the button on her pants.
"Da-ad," she said pushing his hands away. "I can do it
myself. Sheesh."
"Pardon me," he apologized and stepped back.
"This is gonna sting a bit," Willow warned, as she put
the wash cloth on the cut.
Rowan hissed a bit and scrunched up her face. Giles
winced in sympathy.
"Almost done," Willow said soothingly as she finished
cleaning out the wound.
Giles stood back a bit and watched as Willow tended to
their daughter. "What happened, exactly? Did you do
anyting? Touch anything?"
She frowned and rubbed her hand. "I don't know. I was
just walking and then ka-plooie!" she said
dramatically as she threw her arms up in the air.
Giles chuckled. "Ka-plooie?"
"Yup," she answered sincerely, continuing to absently
rub her hand.
Giles' frown returned, as he took hold of her tiny arm.
"Did you hurt your hand?"
"No."
"You keep rubbing it." He scanned up and down, but
could find nothing amiss.
She just shrugged.
"All done," Willow announced as she smiled at her
daughter and gave her a kiss.
Willow's face darkened, and she ran her slim fingers
down Rowan's arm to her hand. "Tingly?" she asked
softly.
Rowan nodded. "Not so much anymore."
Willow smiled and stroked her cheek. "Well, Pooh will
protect you now," she said gesturing to the large
Winnie the Pooh band-aid now adorning her daughter's
knee.
Rowan grinned happily.
"Why don't you go change into some clean clothes?"
Willow suggested.
"Rightie-Oh," the girl said as she bounded out the
door.
Giles waited until she was down the hall before
turning to his wife. "What is it?" he demanded
nervously.
"Probably nothing. She could have done it to herself,
I suppose."
"Done what?"
"Her arm. There were traces... just tiny bits of...
magic," Willow said absently trying to place the
sensation.
"Magic?" Rupert had started to hate the stuff. In his
experience, it seldom meant anything good. Willow,
however, was of a different mind. She used it
regularly in her work and was comfortable with it
presence.
"Nothing bad. Minor stuff. Probably nothing," she said
trying to assuage his growing anxiety. "She uses small
spells all the time."
"What?" he choked out.
Okay, wrong thing to say. "Not consciously. She's... well,
when she listens to the animals for instance... it's just
part of her. This was probably something like that." She
looked into his eyes and recognized the fear and
helplessness taking root.
She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. "Don't worry.
She's fine. We were pretty lucky considering."
Giles sighed and nodded. She was right, of course.
Rowan could have been seriously injured and had
managed to get out of the mess with only a cut and a
few small bruises. He should feel relieved. But he
didn't. Not in the least.
Part Ten
The next day, after Willow had dropped Rowan off at
school, she had to travel on business to San Diego. It
was only a day trip, but she hated the leaving more
and more.
She'd tried to soothe Giles' jangled nerves before she
left, but to little avail. He grinned and kissed her goodbye,
but she could taste the trepidation in his kiss. She
was fairly certain that the magicks she had felt the
other day were protective, but once Rupert got bee in
bonnet about something, there was nothing to be done
with him. She hoped he could find some comfort in
research. Hopefully, he'd find some interesting
artifact in the hole and lose his unease in the joys
of history.
*****
Giles prepared his pack with enough supplies to cordon
off the dangerous area and to establish a professional
archaeological dig. If there was one thing Rupert
Giles was, it was prepared.
He glanced at his watch, reminding himself to allow
enough time to change before picking Rowan up at
school in the afternoon.
Giles walked through the woods, his easy gait in
countermeasure to the unease he felt inside. He may
not have his wife's preternatural senses, but years as
a Watcher hadn't left him without some intuition.
Particularly since Buffy's death, he'd become more
suspicious of things out of the norm. Especially when
it came to his family.
His family. Even now, ten years later, it still amazed
him. A beautiful, amazing wife and an incredible
child - his family. Just the passing thought of them
lifted the clouds from his heart.
He smiled to himself as he saw Rowan's patient in the
distance. The great Oak stood out even among its
towering neighbors.
He slowed his steps and took up a long stick to test
the ground in front of him for stability. He carefully
made his way around the hole, finally assured that the
earth surrounding it was stable.
He set down his pack and scanned the area for any
unusual outcroppings. Aside from Rowan's newspaper
band-aid which was starting to poke out of the hole in
the tree, the forest looked as it always did.
Giles lay down in the fallen leaves and slid on his
belly toward the mouth of the hole. He clicked on his
flashlight and extended his arm down to shine the
light into the cave.
The area wasn't very large, about ten by ten. He shone
his flashlight along the rough-hewn walls; the granite
appeared to have been carved out with rudimentary
tools, but he'd need a closer inspection to be sure.
Taking a rope from his pack, Giles tied it to the base
of the Oak and threw the end down into the hole.
Carefully, he lowered himself down into the darkness.
His first impression seemed to be accurate. The hard
granite had been painstakingly chiseled out, and
judging from the marks on the walls, small hand held
tools had been used. Some one, more likely many, had
worked long and hard to hollow out the great boulder.
The large root of the Oak had traveled across the top
of the cave, like a giant arm sitting atop the cave.
The earthquake had broken the wood and cracked the
stone plates that were laid on top of the hole, a make
shift door.
He saw the large broken shards of granite littering
the ground and wondered how Rowan had managed to
escape without serious injury. Just one of the pieces
of stone could have crushed her easily.
Pushing that thought away, Giles took a deep breath
and wrinkled his nose. The air was still a bit stale,
another testament to length of time the cave had been
sealed. It was not unlike the stench in a few ancient
burial chambers he'd seen in his day.
With that in mind, he scanned the cave for any signs
of its makers. There were no markings on the walls, no
adornment of any kind. He turned slowly, letting the
beam from his flashlight pass along the outer edge of
the cave.
The light caught something pale, and Giles approached
the object carefully. A pile of decaying rags and
bones - a human skeleton. So this *was* some sort of
burial chamber. Without disturbing the remains, Giles
knelt down for a closer look.
Resting just beneath the skull was a brightly colored
beaded necklace and large pendant. Reaching into this
pocket, Giles retrieved his small pad and drew a rough
sketch of the ornament. It was obviously Native American
in origin, but there were several tribes it could belong to.
Satisfied with his drawing, Giles made a few more
notes. He observed that the skull had a large fracture
in the front, the apparent cause of death. But if this
were a crypt of some kind, it was highly unusual for
there to be no artifacts, no tributes.
Giles searched the rest of the floor for any other
clues, but found none. A hand-carved granite cave, a
skeleton and not much else. It was quite a/the
mystery. Time to hit the books.
Excited at the idea of a difficult puzzle, Giles
grabbed the rope and hauled himself out of the cave.
He untied the line and used some twine and flags from
his pack to mark off the area. He didn't want anyone
else accidentally stumbling into the hole.
Satisfied that the area was secure, he gathered his
things and headed back to his house. He had time
enough for a bit of research before he had to pick
Rowan up at school.
*****
The time flew by. He hadn't found anything concrete,
but had narrowed the tribe to either Yokut or Miwok.
The talisman the dead man wore was still a mystery,
but there would be plenty of time for more reading
later.
Rowan wasn't thrilled about being kept away from her
tree, but Giles assured her the patient was doing
fine. He told her she could play in the backyard, but
not to go into the woods without him.
Deciding that moping was the best way to pass the
time, Rowan sat on the back steps and sighed. She
wanted to go see her Oak, she wanted to climb up into
its huge branches, she wanted to do something,
anything other than sit around the house.
She heard the screen door open and felt her father
step out. "Ro," he said gently. "Why don't you play
inside for a while?"
She just sighed. Such a big sigh for such a small
child. He smiled and shook his head. "You could always
do homework."
"I will," she said distractedly.
Giles touched her hair affectionately. "Okay. Mom's
gone for dinner, so it's just us. What do want?
Pizza?"
"Ohh. With pepperonis?" she bubbled, beaming up at
him.
"With pepperonis," he agreed, pleased to see her
smiling again. Giles bent down and kissed the top of
her head before going back inside to his books.
The prospect of pizza brightened the dull afternoon
considerably. Rowan started humming a mindless little
tune as she scrunched down on the bottom step to watch
a parade of ants.
She gazed at the tiny creatures, making up all sorts
of crazy scenarios for their long trek across the
ground. Suddenly, a ladybug landed near her foot, and
her face broke out into a huge grin. "Buggie!" she
said happily.
She reached down, putting her tiny finger in the path
of the creature. It crawled forward onto her hand. She
sat back up and watched it walk along her finger,
turning her hand over as it started down her palm.
Slowly, her hand began to curl into a fist. She tried
to stop it, but found she had no control over her own
hand. She watched in horror as her fingers closed over
the small bug, capturing it, and slowly, crushing it.
Rowan's eyes went wide as she heard the tiny shell of
the bug crack in her hand. She gasped as she realized
she'd killed it. Her hand finally responded to her
command and opened. The tiny bug was flat against her
palm. Dead.
Horrified and confused, Rowan stared down at her hand.
She didn't understand what had just happened. She
would never kill anything, and yet...
Tears welling in her eyes, she ran inside the house,
stumbling up the stairs and into her bathroom. She
turned on the faucet and let the water wash away the
terrible evidence of her crime.
Guilt, shame and disorientation warred inside her. She
killed it, but she didn't mean to. She tried not to,
but her hand had just closed around it all by itself.
It was so awful, the feeling of taking a life. Her
face wet with tears, she fell onto her bed and cried.
Part Eleven
Giles knocked on Rowan's door. "Pizza's here," he said
as he poked his head inside. "Why don't--" his voice
trailed off as he saw her sprawled out on her bed,
face down, softly crying. "Rowan?"
He crossed quickly to her side and sat down on the
edge of the bed. "What's wrong, love?" he asked as he
gently rubbed her back.
Rowan rolled over, her face red and streaked with
tears. "Darling, what is it?" Giles asked in dismay as
he pulled her into his arms, settling her on his lap.
The girl sniffled back more tears and ran a hand
roughly over face, but she continued to cry. Her
father gently swept the tears back as he soothed her.
"Shhh," he whispered. "It's all right. Shhhh."
The tiny girl looked up, her eyes filled with sadness
and confusion. "I-I" she hiccuped. "I'm a bad person,"
she sobbed, her body trembling against his chest.
"No, no, no," he said as he rocked her gently, his
hand caressing her hair. "Never - impossible. Tell me
what happened, Ro."
Rowan swallowed and stuck out her lower lip. Her chin
trembled as she tried to speak. "I didn't mean to do
it, I swear, Daddy. I didn't mean to."
Hearing the pain in her voice made his stomach sink.
"Didn't mean to do what?" he asked.
The trembling chin shook uncontrollably, fresh tears
spilling out of her bloodshot eyes. "I killed it."
Giles tensed, but fought down the sensation of panic.
"Killed what, darling?"
"Buggie!!!" she wailed.
Giles laughed in relief. "Oh, Ro." He pulled her into
a tighter hug. "It's all right, love. It's all right."
He held her for a minute while she calmed. "I'm sure
it was an accident."
"I didn't mean to do it," she said sadly.
"You see? An accident," he said with a smile. "You're
not a bad person, love. Never you." He kissed her
forehead and gazed down at his child.
Rowan sniffled and looked into her father's eyes. "I'm
not?"
Giles chuckled. "No. You're not."
Rowan actually smiled. It was still tinged with
sadness, but a smile nonetheless. She knew her father
would never lie to her. If he said something, it was
true.
"Feeling better?" he asked tenderly.
She nodded, and her smile grew a bit firmer. Daddy
always made it better.
"You feel up to some dinner?" he asked smoothing her
hair away from her face.
"Yeah."
Giles grinned. "Good. Come on," he said as he set her
down on the floor and stood. He looked down at her one
more time. She had the strangest look in her eye as
she stared up at him. "What?"
She reached out and took his hand, her heart in her
eyes. She looked at him with the adoration reserved
for fathers only. She smiled up at him. "Nothing," she
said softly.
He frowned in bemused confusion and kissed her tiny
hand. "Piggy back, my lady?" he offered.
She giggled, jumped onto the bed and flung herself
onto his back without missing a beat.
Chuckling, Giles carried his princess downstairs for
pizza.
*****
Early the next afternoon, Willow snuggled her husband's
lap, trying to make up for lost time, as it were. Her
small fingers idly played with the buttons of his
shirt, as Giles filled her in on his latest research
project.
"I'm not sure if the amulet it Miwok or Yokut. Both
fascinating tribes really. Still so primitive, even as
civilization began to grow around them. Did you know
that in 1746, a Dutchman named--"
"Rupert."
"Hmm?"
"Didn't you miss me?" she asked coyly.
Giles tilted his head and grinned. "You were only gone
one day."
"Oh?" she said as she wiggled in his lap. Giles
groaned as her bottom rubbed against him. "Are you
sure you didn't miss me?" she whispered softly into
his ear.
"N-not a b-bit," he gasped as she took his earlobe
between her teeth.
"Mmmm, pity," she purred, her fingers slowly
unbuttoning his shirt. Giles closed his eyes, holding
her body tightly to his. One hand slid down her leg
and began to lightly caress her thigh.
Just as things were getting interesting, the damn
phone rang.
"Let the machine get it," Giles grunted, as Willow
wriggled seductively again.
"Might be important," she said between kisses.
"So's this," he said, diving down to capture her
mouth. But the phone rang again, loudly.
Willow pulled away, and Giles sighed dramatically. She
reached out and grabbed the handset. "Giles
residence." She listened to the other voice, as Rupert
placed small kisses down her neck.
"You can't be serious," Willow said, her body tensing
as she climbed off her husband's lap.
Looking at her frowning face, Giles stood too.
Willow listened, her frown deepening. "Yes," she said
tightly. "But surely... Yes, I understand... No....
We'll be right there... Yes, thank you." She hung up
the phone and sighed deeply.
"Well?" he prompted.
Willow shook her head in confusion. "That was Ms.
Tomlinson."
"Rowan's principal?"
She nodded, her eyes downcast, lost in thought. "She
said that Rowan pushed a girl off the jungle gym."
"What?" Giles cried in disbelief. Willow glanced
back up and met his starled. She smiled gently.
"I know."
"Is Rowan all right?" Giles asked quickly.
"She's fine. The other girl broke her collarbone."
Giles sighed in relief. "I'm sure it was just an
accident."
Willow's worried eyes looked up at her husband. "Ms.
Tomlinson doesn't think so. Neither do the six
witnesses that saw her do it."
*****
Rowan sat quietly on the wooden bench in the main
school office.
"Ro, are you okay, sweetie?" Willow asked as she went
to her daughter's side.
The girl looked up, her big pale green eyes swimming
in confusion and anxiety. She shook her head and
Willow hugged her tightly. "What happened?"
"Mr. and Mrs. Giles?" the woman in her mid-forties
asked.
"Ms. Tomlinson," Giles said extending his hand. "There
must be some mistake--"
She smiled sadly. "May I speak to you both for a
minute? In my office?"
Willow gave Rowan a quick kiss and stood as Giles
leaned down and touched the girl's cheek. "Don't
worry, Love." He smiled at his downcast child. "We'll
be right back."
The couple followed Ms. Tomlinson into her office. She
gestured for them to have a seat. Willow took a chair,
but Giles remained standing.
Ms. Tomlinson smiled weakly. "I wish I had a better
explanation for you... Rowan's always been a
model student... But you understand. We'll have to
suspend her."
"Suspend her?" Giles blurted out loudly, shocked.
"Just for a day. But I'm afraid it's school policy
when one child hurts another."
"It must have been an accident," Willow said calmly.
"Rowan would never intentionally hurt anyone."
"If it weren't for the witnesses... I'd agree with
you, but---" the principal started.
"What witnesses? Other children? I don't understand,"
Giles began, his agitation clear. Willow gently
touched his arm. He sighed and tried to
compose himself. "What happened, exactly?"
"Rowan and the other girl, Melissa, were playing atop
the jungle gym, when apparently, without any
provocation... Rowan came up behind her and shoved her
off."
"Impossible!" Giles bellowed.
"Mr. Giles, I know this is hard to accept, but--"
"The girl must have slipped--" he continued.
"No, she didn't," Ms. Tomlinson said evenly. "Rowan
pushed her. The witnesses all agree on that point.
I know it's shocking. Rowan has always
been so... sweet and kind to all the other students."
She paused a moment to let that sink in. "Has everything
been all right at home?"
"What are you inferring?" Giles spat.
"Rupert!" Willow interrupted and silenced him with a
glare, before turning back to the other woman.
"Everything's fine. Nothing unusual." Willow frowned.
"I don't understand. What did Rowan say?"
"That's just it. Nothing. She hasn't said a word. Not
to any of us." She smiled sympathetically.
Willow nodded and tried to return the smile. "Thank
you. Can we take her home now?"
"Of course. I'm sure everything will be fine. Rowan's
a wonderful child," she said as she escorted them to
the door.
"Thank you," Willow repeated as she took Giles by the
arm.
"Rowan," Rupert said extending his hand to the child.
"Let's go."
Slowly, she stood and took hold of her father's hand.
She held on to it tightly, seeking shelter in his
strength.
*****
The taste of fear. How it had missed that delicacy.
The wave of panic, the struggle, the wonderful the
futility of their struggle.
Anxiety, confusion... merely the beginning.
The dawn.
Part Twelve
"Are you okay, honey?" Willow asked as she sat down
next to Rowan on the sofa in their living room. The
little girl just looked down at her hands.
Giles, who was still agitated from the meeting with
the principal, stalked around the room.
Willow looked down at her daughter in concern. Rowan
was never without words. Whatever had happened scared
her. She could feel the anxiety vibrating out of her
daughter. And her husband wasn't helping any.
"Rupert," she scolded. "Would you stop that?"
"What?"
"Would you just sit down?"
Giles grunted, but followed Willow's gaze back to
Rowan. The girl looked so small. He pushed away his
own feelings and sat down on her other side. "Ro," he
started softly. When she didn't look at him, he
reached out and tilted her chin up.
The look of fear in her eyes made his heart jump.
Instinctively, he pulled her into his lap. "It's all
right, love. Just tell us what happened."
Rowan leaned her head against his chest, wishing it
would all just go away. She squeezed her eyes shut,
but all she could see was Melissa falling. She
shuddered at the memory, and Giles' arms tightened
around her.
"Honey," Willow said gently. "We want to help, but you
have to tell us what happened, okay?" She took the
girl's tiny hand in hers. "We won't be mad. I
promise."
Finally, the child nodded.
"Good," Willow said with a tender smile. "Now, what
happened, honey?"
Rowan took a deep steadying breath. She looked at her
parents and knew they'd be ashamed of her.
"Did you push the girl?" Giles asked carefully.
Again, she nodded.
Giles and Willow exchanged quick, nervous glances.
"But why, honey?" Willow asked. "Did she do something?
Say something to upset you?"
Rowan shook her head.
"I don't understand. Why did you push her?" Willow
asked calmly, without a trace of accusation in her
voice.
Rowan looked up and met her mother's green eyes. "I
don't know," she said in a tiny voice before burying
her head against her father's chest.
"There must have been some reason, darling," Giles
prompted. "Whatever it is, you can tell us."
"I don't know why," she whined. "I don't know!"
"Shhh," Willow soothed. "Shhh. It's all right." She
met her husband's worried look with one of her own,
but managed to keep all the tension out of her voice.
"Why don't you go upstairs for awhile?"
Giles was as loathe to let her go as she was to leave,
but slowly, she slid off his lap. Her tiny shoulders
slumped forward, she made her way upstairs.
Giles frowned and watched her leave. He turned back to
his wife. "What do you think?"
She shook her head. "It doesn't make any sense."
Willow slid across the sofa and into her husband's
arms.
"You think she's hiding something from us?" Giles
asked uneasily as he looked at the doorway leading to
the stairs.
"I don't know, I don't think so. But she's frightened," Willow
said equally unnerved. "Very frightened."
"Of what?" Giles said tightly. "And why won't she tell
us?"
"I wish I knew, honey," Willow said, resting her head
on his shoulder.
Giles sighed heavily. "If she won't talk to us---" His
voice trailed off, at a loss.
Willow straightened, an idea popping into her head.
"If she won't talk to us, maybe she'll talk to someone
else."
"Who?"
"A friend. Someone who isn't a parent. Someone who's
screwed up worse than this," she said with a small
smile.
Giles chuckled. "Xander."
*****
"Can I come in?" Xander asked as he poked his head
inside Rowan's bedroom door. The girl was curled up on
her bed, hugging a stuffed animal tightly to her
chest. She didn't look up but nodded her permission.
Xander pushed down the sadness he felt at seeing
his best girl like this. "How's Mr. Gordo doing?" he
tried to ask casually.
Buffy had given the toy as a birthday gift to Rowan
the day she was born. Xander knew Rowan pretty well
and knew that she didn't cling to the stuffed pig
unless things were bad. The girl seemed to associate
the thing with strength, protection - Buffy.
It reminded Xander of Buffy too, but it wasn't the
comfort it was for the girl. It was a reminder of
times past and of painful regrets. A part of him would
always bleed for being gone when she was killed - it
was a wound that never seemed to heal.
Rowan merely held the stuffed animal tightly and
looked at Xander with big, pale green eyes.
"So, I hear you got suspended," he said, flopping down
onto the bed.
Rowan nodded.
"I was suspended once. Well more than once, but there
was one time," he said with a chuckle. "Your mom and I
were on the playground and Aunt Cordelia came up
blabbing about something. Funny, I can't even remember
what it was." He regarded the tiny girl. "I bet, in a
few years you won't even remember what started this
fight you got into."
Rowan just stared down at the pig.
"Anyway, she said something, and I got really mad and
I pushed her," he continued. "I didn't mean to do it,
you know. But I was just so mad. And sometimes we do
stuff like that. We don't really mean to, but--" He
watched the child carefully. This tack was getting him
exactly nowhere.
"You know, I love you, right?" he said scooching up the
bed, so he was sitting next to her. She nodded slowly.
"And we're pals right? Bestest bud?"
Again the girl nodded. "You never told your dad and
mom about that teeny-tiny fender bender we had,
right?"
She shook her head.
"So you know you can tell me anything. And if you
don't want me to, I won't tell. I swear."
Rowan just continued to look down into her clasped
hands.
Xander sighed and leaned back and closed his eyes.
Rowan finally spoke; her voice barely a whisper. "I'm
bad."
Xander opened his eyes and smiled at the girl. "No,
you're not. Trust me. You are not bad."
The girl turned and looked him straight in the eyes.
"There's good and there's evil, right?"
Xander nodded, unnerved by her question.
She looked down. "I'm evil," she whispered in a small
scared voice.
Xander shook his head and took the girl by the arms.
"Rowan, listen to me. You are not evil. You're a good
person. A good person who did a bad thing. But you are
not evil."
He recognized the spark of hope in her eyes and smiled
gently. "You are the goodest person I know."
"Goodest isn't a word," she giggled.
Xander chuckled. "You are your father's child," he
mumbled. "You know what I mean. You're the one who's
always helping people and animals and plants... and
everything. You look up good in the dictionary, and
there's a picture of Rowan Giles."
She shook her head. "Then why did I hurt Melissa?"
Xander looked at her thoughtfully. "I don't know. I
was kinda hoping you could tell me."
She frowned and looked back down at Mr. Gordo. "I
don't know happened. I didn't want to do it," she
added quickly.
Xander smiled reassuringly.
"I--I don't know. It was like a movie. I did it. I
mean I pushed her," the tears started to well up
again. "But I tried not to. I really did."
Xander pulled the girl into a hug. "It's okay. It's
okay," he soothed.
*****
"Do you think he's getting anywhere?" Giles asked
nervously.
Willow sighed. "He's been up there for almost an hour.
I guess that's a good sign."
"Could I have missed something? Do you think--," he
sat down again, his handsome face colored with doubt.
"Did I do something?"
"Rupert," Willow said gently, touching her husband's
cheek. "You are a wonderful father."
Giles tried to smile, but just shook his head. He was
about to speak when a loud thump from upstairs
interrupted him.
"What was that?" he asked nervously.
"I don't know," Willow said as she stood and headed
for the stairs, Giles close on her heels.
They sprinted up the steps and threw open the door to
Rowan's room.
The girl was still on her bed, but was rolling around
in a fit of giggles as she watched Uncle Xander.
Xander had pulled his sweater partly over his head,
and retracted his arms into the sleeves. He waved the
half-empty sleeves around madly as he crashed
repeatedly into her closet doors. "Who turned out the
lights? Ooof! Ooof!" he kept babbling.
Rowan's laughter was soon joined by Giles' and Willow.
Xander Harris to the rescue.
*****
Fear, confusion, guilt.
A prelude to the darkness yet to come.
Part Thirteen
Willow pulled back the covers and joined her husband
in bed. He was leaning against the headboard, a book
spread out across his lap. His glasses were perched on
the end of his nose, but his eyes were looking right
through the pages.
She settled in next to him, his arm instinctively
going around her shoulders and pulling her to him.
"What are you reading?" she asked.
"Hmm? Oh, it's a thesis on the Yokut Indians," he said
with a sigh.
"That interesting, huh?" she said with a smirk.
He sighed and smiled. "Actually, it is. My mind... was
elsewhere."
"She's all right," Willow soothed. "She was sound
asleep when I just looked in."
"I know," he said as he put the book on the nightstand
and took off his glasses. "It's just--"
"You worry," she said with a grin. "It's one of the
reasons I love you."
Giles chuckled and pulled her closer. "You must love
me a great deal."
Willow ran a finger along his jaw line. "Oh, I do,"
she purred.
Giles grinned and looked down into her face, and was
struck by her beauty, as much today as the first time
he saw her.
"Would you like to know how much?" she asked
seductively.
Giles felt the blood rush to his groin. Even after ten
years of marriage, one touch, one look from Willow was
enough to set his blood on fire.
Pushing the covers back, Willow moved to straddle his
thighs. His hands rested lightly on her hips as she
ran hers gently up his arms.
She leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth,
just the barest caress. "So very much," she whispered.
She felt him begin to harden beneath her. Their bodies
had always responded to each other, and the years had
only enhanced their love-making.
She placed a soft kiss along his strong chin, tracing
her way down his neck. Giles closed his eyes and gave
himself over to the wonderful sensations.
Willow kissed his chest, just at the notch above the
sternum, and began to slowly undo the buttons of his
pajama top. The sprinkling of golden hair that covered
his chest always aroused her, and the gray that
mingled there now only made her love him that much
more.
As she opened the material to her touch, she leaned in
and placed soft nipping kisses along his exposed skin.
She smiled against him as he took in a sharp breath
when she licked at his now hardened nipple.
His hands still rested on her hips, but his fingers
began a slow sensuous message, easing her up and down,
back and forth, just barely rubbing her along his
erection.
As the last button was undone, she eased the cloth of
his shirt away from his chest. Willow continued down
his body, sliding herself back down the bed. She hated
to lose the feel of him pressed to her heat, but knew
other pleasures waited.
Her small hands danced along the muscles of his
stomach, tracing old scars. She gazed up into his
eyes, an expression of the deep love only soul mates
possess passed between them.
Willow continued to slide down his body, pushing the
sheets back behind her and down to the foot of the
bed.
Giles' hands moved up her waist, finally coming to
rest again on her slim shoulders as she leaned
forward.
Willow kept her legs on either side of his, as she
rested her bottom just above his knees. She licked her
lips as she dipped her head down. The tent his
erection made in his pajama bottoms strained toward
her.
Opening her mouth wide, she let out a long warm
breath; one that permeated the thin material, and
Giles gasped at the feeling - all at once hot and
moist.
Leaning forward just that much more, she bit down
lightly on the bulge in his lap.
"Unhhh," he grunted, his breath quickening.
Her teeth barely grazed along the outline of his
arousal. Then she surged forward and took one his
nipples into her mouth, her teeth nibbling at the
sensative flesh.
Giles swallowed hard and leaned his head back against
the headboard.
Willow flicked his aching nipple once again, before
reaching out and pulling at the drawstring to his
pajama bottoms.
She silently urged him to lift his hips as she slid
the pants down his thighs. She scooted off the side,
until she pulled them all the way down and tossed them
onto the floor.
Turning back, she marveled at the power his body had
over hers. The sight of him, erect, straining for her
touch, sent a wave of heat between her legs.
Instinctively, she reached down and touched herself,
her short nightgown resting on her thighs. A soft moan
escaped her lips.
It was a sound Giles knew well and a smile spread
across his face even before he opened his eyes. The
image of Willow pleasuring herself always drove him
mad. He watched her touch herself; the way her mouth
was slightly open, her eyes closed, head titled back.
He could feel his cock surge.
Feeling his gaze on her, Willow opened her eyes and
met his. Giles reached for her arm and drew her hand
away from her sex. He grinned and took her hand to his
mouth.
He pulled her fingers, wet with arousal, toward his
lips. He closed his eyes, savoring each moment, the
taste of her like a nectar. Hungrily, he licked each
finger clean. Finally finished, he released her hand
with satisfied grin.
Willow smiled slyly as she, in turn, licked her own
fingers, knowing it would make him ache with need.
Grinning, she slipped in between his knees and bent
down. With a quick tongue, she licked at the taut skin
below his cock. She felt him tighten with pleasure.
Loving the feel of the silky skin, the throbbing of
his pulse, the hard length of him, Willow took his
cock into her mouth.
Giles let out a hard breath, the warmth of her mouth,
the feel of her tongue sending him to the edge. He
gasped for breath and grappled with his control.
Willow paused, letting him calm for the briefest of
moments, before taking him deep into her throat. She
felt him tense, could see his hands grip the bed as he
tried to reclaim command of his body.
Slowly, she slid him back out, until just the tip
remained inside her mouth. One hand reached out and
caressed his thigh, even as the other wrapped itself
around the base of his erection.
With a painfully slow rhythm, she slid him in and out,
her tongue wrapping around him, gently rubbing the
along the pulsing vein on the sensitive underside.
As the pace of his breathing increased, so did her
movements. She could feel him pushing ever closer to
the edge.
With barely time to spare, she released him. His
orgasm nearly run to the brink, slowly started to ebb.
Giles opened his eyes, meeting hers. His hazel eyes
were dark and dripping with passion. He tried to catch
his breath as Willow grinned slyly at him.
Carefully, she moved forward on the bed. As she
straddled his erection, she pulled her nightgown off.
Giles reflexively reached out and cupped her breasts.
Squeezing them gently, he relished the feel of her
silken skin, her soft flesh against his rough hands.
Willow moaned at his touch and reached down to grab
his erection. She guided it to her opening.
Giles continued to massage her breasts, the feel of
her body urging his closer.
Willow rubbed the swollen head of his cock along the
wet folds of her sex, barely brushing her clit with
each pass.
Giles groaned and grunted as he kept himself from
thrusting up into her.
Coating him with her arousal, Willow slowly inched
forward. She eased his cock to gently probe her
center. His eyes locked onto hers as she pushed just
the tip inside.
Slowly, Willow lowered herself down onto him, sighing
as he filled her.
Gently, she raised herself up and then down, burying
him deep within her body, deeper still into her soul.
As her rhythm slowly increased, Giles' hands slid down
to her waist, his hips bucking up to meet her downward
thrust. Willow braced herself on his shoulders, as
their bodies collided.
Soon Willow felt her muscles begin to clench as her
orgasm started. The flush of heat swept across her
stomach and dipped down as she cried out, the burst of
white behind her eyes pushing everything away.
Already on the brink, Giles lost himself as she
tightened around him. Thrusting up one final time, he
gasped as she wrung his climax from him. He continued
to move inside her, his own orgasm pulsing with the
same rhythm as his wife's.
Eventually, Giles pulled Willow's limp body to his,
the beat of her heart against his chest a love song
for him alone.
After a few minutes, the world came back into focus,
and the lovers sighed. A passion spent, a need met, a
love renewed for eternity.
Part Fourteen
"Canwe? Canwe? Canwe?" Rowan pleaded.
Giles sighed and looked up from his book. "After
lunch," he said, again.
"But--"
"Rowan," he said sternly. "After. Lunch."
She groaned and swallowed another protest.
"Your tree will still be there."
"Couldn't I just-" the girl tried again, but a steely
glare from her father cut off that suggestion.
"Oookaaay," she said rolling her eyes.
Giles returned to his book. With a sigh, Rowan
wandered aimlessly around the small study. She went to
the shelves and dragged her fingers along the spines
of the books. She spun around and flopped into the big
wingback reading chair. She sat there, the picture of
boredom and impatience, swinging her legs back and
forth almost maniacally as she stared at her father
willing him to be done.
"Don't you have some homework to do?" he asked without
looking up.
"Nope. Did it."
It was Giles' turn to sigh. Without school to burn off
some of her energy, Rowan was like an electric wire.
He was thrilled to have his bubbly child back after
the painful silence he'd endured yesterday, but he did
have work to do.
As if on cue, he heard Willow's car pull into the
driveway. "Why don't you--" he started, but Rowan was
already running to the door like a canon shot.
He heard her chattering like a little bird and could
even imagine her flitting about her mother, as she
begged and cajoled.
"All right, honey," Willow said as she closed the
as she came down the hallway. "Let me just
give these to your father."
She stepped into the doorway of the study with a grin.
"That didn't take long," Giles said with a smile, as
he stood to take her packages.
"Mr. Trimble had them ready. Even had Cavanaugh's
Treastise," she said pointing to one of the bundles.
"Wonderful," he said his eyes growing large with
delight.
Willow loved how he'd never lost his childlike
excitement over a good research project.
"Mom!" Rowan yelled from the kitchen.
Willow grinned and shook her head. "We've got a
tree-call to make."
Giles nodded, a wry smile coming to his lips. "So I've
heard. All morning."
"It's a beautiful day, care to join us?"
He sighed. "I really do have---" he glanced down at
the books and back to his wife... his beautiful wife.
"I'd love to."
"Mom!" Rowan whined as she came to the door. "Come
on."
"All right, all right. We're coming."
"Daddy, too?" the girl squealed happily.
"Daddy, too," Willow said with smile up at her
husband.
*****
The air was crisp, and the sky a bright blue, as
Willow and Giles walked hand in hand into the forest;
Rowan skipping along just ahead of them.
Willow leaned against her husband, and he slipped an
arm over her shoulder. It was at times like this that
the past ceased to exist. A perfect day, a perfect
family. No haunting memories, no fears for the future.
Giles smiled contentedly as Willow's arm snaked around
his waist.
Rowan was slowly getting farther and farther ahead.
"Rowan," he called out. "Wait for us."
Rowan skidded to a stop and looked back up the path.
Deciding there was little else to do but wait for her
parents and that just standing there was way too
boring - she began to spin and spin and spin.
"Ohhh," she said as she turned round and round. "I'm
getting dizzy."
Her parents chuckled as they came to her side, and she
abruptly stopped and stumbled to the side. She giggled
as she regained her balance. "I'm gonna barf," she
said.
"Rowan," Willow chided.
"I'm kidding," she said with a roll of her eyes. "You
guys are so slow."
"We're old," Giles said.
"Speak for yourself," Willow said with a grin as she
pulled away from her husband.
"Oh?" he said, a challenge clear in his tone.
"Think you can keep up?" Willow asked with a wink.
Giles arched an eyebrow and grinned. "Oh, I think I
can," he said sexily. "Try me," he said with a grin.
"Rupert," Willow said in a mock scolding tone. "Here?
In the woods?"
His eyes flashed, and his grin widened.
Willow returned his grin and then took off running.
Giles laughed and started after her. Rowan watched
them run ahead and sighed. "My parents are so weird."
Not far up the path, Giles had caught Willow and
pulled her into a hug. "Gotcha!" he said happily.
Willow laughed, and Giles frowned. "Were you fiddling
about?"
Willow arched an eyebrow. "The world may never know."
Soon Rowan passed them and dashed toward the large
Oak.
"Whoa! Ro!" Giles called out as he reached forward and
grabbed her. "Be careful. See those ropes? I want you
to promise me that you'll stay on this side of them."
She nodded, but Giles wasn't convinced of her
sincerity. "It's very important."
"Okay, daddy." Giles looked at her sternly. "I
promise." Finally, satisfied he grinned and let her
go.
"Hello, tree," she said happily as she approached the
Oak.
Her parents watched her carefully. "Any theories yet?"
Willow asked.
"The amulet is definitely Yokut. I have a call in to
John Rainwater at the University. I'm hoping he can
shed some light onto its purpose," Giles said as he
kept his eyes glued to his daughter.
Rowan stopped as she neared the roped off area. Her
eyes drifted from the large tree to the gaping hole in
the ground.
Willow pulled Giles closer. "I know you'll figure it
out. You always do."
Rupert smiled and looked down at her. Her faith in him
always made his heart swell. He glanced back over to
Rowan who hadn't continued toward her tree, but rather
stood still near the rope barrier, gazing down into
the cave.
He was expecting her to take that extra step closer,
she always did. Her natural curiosity was one of her
greatest strengths, but it could be dangerous too. He
watched her back as she continued to stand perfectly
still, her attention completely focused on the hole.
"Aren't you going to check on your patient?" Willow
asked brightly.
The child simply continued to stare into the hole.
"Rowan?" No reaction.
Giles and Willow exchanged worried glances before
quickly moving to their daughter's side.
The girl was staring frozen with fear into the hole,
her tiny body trembling.
"Rowan," Giles said softly. Again she didn't respond.
The look of abject fear on her face, her quivering
chin and round eyes, sent a wave of ice water through his
veins. Carefully, he took hold of her shaking hand.
"Rowan."
The contact seemed to break her from the trance. She
turned to look at her father in confusion and stumbled
back from the pit.
"What is it?" Willow asked nervously.
Rowan turned her big round eyes to her mother and
shook her head. "I... I... don't like this hole."
Willow smiled gently. "It's all right, honey."
Giles looked into the cave and frowned before turning
back to Rowan. "You're safe, love."
She looked at him oddly for a moment, before nodding.
He smiled and stood, still holding her hand. "Why
don't we go back to the house?" he suggested.
"Come on, honey," Willow said taking Rowan by the
hand. "The tree's okay, and I don't know about you,
but I'm getting hungry."
Rowan just nodded. "Let's make some lunch. You wanna
help me?" her mother asked cheerfully.
Rowan nodded, her face still a bit tight with fear and
confusion.
"Good." She started to lead her daughter back to the
path. Giles let go of Rowan's hand as he looked back
at the hole, a dark frown covering his face.
"Rupert?"
"Coming," he replied. He turned and quickly caught up
with them and took Rowan's other hand.
She looked up at him, her pale eyes still tinged with
fear. He smiled back, hoping his own eyes didn't betray
his feelings.
Part Fifteen
Lunch was somewhat subdued, according to the Giles'
family standards. Rowan was too quiet, and both
parents were silently concerned about the episode by
the tree.
The child had always seemed to be an unstoppable
talking juggernaut during meals, barely managing to
chew, much less actually eat anything. But today, she
pushed her food around her plate, manufactured topics,
and forced her smiles.
As in the morning hours, Rowan was a shadow to her
father, sitting in his favorite chair, following him
from room to room. But unlike earlier in the day, the
girl was quiet, internal, and still.
Giles found himself stealing glances at her tiny form
as she sat, dwarfed by his large reading chair.
Ironically, it was her silence that disturbed his
research now, just as her incessant chatter had in the
morning.
Giles redoubled his efforts to concentrate on the book
before him. He knew there was something critical,
something terrible important about the dead man in the
cave, if he could just figure it out.
He idly noticed Rowan frown, a look of boredom
painting her expressive face, as he stood from his
desk chair and turned to the bookcase behind his desk.
Searching through the many volumes, Giles found the
one he was looking for, his nimble fingers flipping to
the desired page.
Rowan slid out the big chair and stood up, bored out
of her mind and yet still unnerved by the strange
feelings she had in the forest.
She watched her father turn away and lose himself in a
large book. She sighed and scanned his desk for
something to help pass the time and take her mind off
the cave.
Same old stuff.
She picked up the ashtray she'd made in 2nd grade. 'So
stupid,' she thought. 'He doesn't even smoke.'
She rolled her eyes, amazed at how immature she'd been
those twelve long months ago.
Her eyes continued to scan the desk - papers, lamp,
mail spindle, books, pens--
Her eyes slowly drifted back the mail spindle. A brass
spike that stood out among the other items. There was
a small white piece of paper resting at the bottom. A
message received, a task completed.
She gazed at the shiny metal object; her eyes drawn to
the sharp tip, as it caught the soft light from his
desk lamp. Like a jewel, the tapered point glistened.
Her tiny hand began slowly moving towards it.
It was happening again.
Rowan didn't want to touch it. She knew it was sharp,
but felt compelled, beyond reason, to reach out for
the metal tine.
Her hand hovered over the sharp spike for a moment.
Rowan felt the control sweep from her body, but not as
before, not as it had with the ladybug. Not slowly.
This was abrupt, wrested from her without warning,
just like yesterday. Just like it was with Melissa.
She saw her hand move, knew it was her own body, but
couldn't stop it, couldn't control it. She tried to
cry out, but found she couldn't even do that - her
voice as well as her will had been taken away from
her.
Panic beating at the edge of her consciousness,
Rowan watched helplessly as she slowly,
methodically lowered her own hand down onto the spike.
As the point pierced her skin, she wanted to scream,
tried to scream, but couldn't. As her tiny hand slowly
impaled itself onto the cold metal, she could only
watch, eyes wide, her panic, pain and fear trapped
inside a body that would not answer.
But stronger than the pain, was the fear - the
uncontrollable terror of losing control of her own
body.
She watched, as her own hand methodically slid down
the spindle, blood beginning to spill from the wound.
"Oh my God!" Willow cried from the doorway.
Giles spun toward the sound of his wife's voice.
Willow stood frozen, and he followed her horrified
gaze.
"Rowan!" he gasped.
Both parents seemed to free themselves from the
paralyzing shock at the same time.
Rowan's mouth was open in a silent scream as her
terrified eyes found her father's, begging and so
awfully afraid. The child continued to press her hand
down, slowly, painfully.
"Oh, God," he said lunging forward and staring at his
child's hand, bleeding and skewered with the brass
spindle.
As abruptly as she lost control, the world came
rushing back to the girl. And she screamed. Sharp and
loud.
Giles grabbed Ro's hand and tried to hold it still as
Rowan began to sob and shake. Willow was at their side
in a breath.
Willow looked at her husband; her confusion, fear, and
helplessness mirroring his own. "Shhhh, it's all
right, honey," Willow soothed.
He looked at the metal tine and her bloody hand, he wanted
to pull it out, but realized he shouldn't. He took his handkerchief
from his pocket and tried to steady his trembling hand.
"W-we-we should l-leave it in?" Giles stammered, trying
to gain control again. "Right?"
Willow nodded knowing they could do more damage
if they tried to remove the spike now.
"Shhh, love," Giles said softly as he carefully wrapped her
small hand in the cloth.
"What's happening?" Rowan cried.
"It's all right, baby," Willow soothed. "You're going to be okay."
Willow pushed down her own surging panic. She'd felt something,
a change in their special connection. She'd come to the
study to check on Rowan. 'If only I'd reacted more quickly," she
thought angrily.
"Take it out," Rowan wailed. "It hurts."
"I know it does, baby," Giles said sadly as he pulled his daughter
into his arms. "We have to leave it. Just for now. Just for
a little while. Okay? Can you be extra brave for daddy?"
The girl nodded, her chin trembling with the effort to stay
calm.
"That's my girl," Giles whispered as he kissed her. "My brave girl."
"What happened?" Willow asked as she stroked Rowan's
cheek.
Giles shook his head. "Call Dr. Williams."
Willow kissed the girl and rubbed the tears from her
eyes. "It's all right, honey. You're going to be
okay."
Rupert wished he could believe her words of comfort.
He cradled Rowan to his chest, sure his heart might
burst through at any moment.
Willow phoned their family doctor and, thankfully, he
was in and available. Too many years of emergency
rooms had made them both skittish of hospitals. They
trusted Dr. Williams, and trust was hard to come by
for the Giles family.
Rupert continued to utter soft words and stroke his
daughter, who was slowly starting to stop crying, but
her eyes never left her injured hand.
"What's wrong with me?" Rowan whispered.
Giles wanted to so much to have an answer, but all he could
do was hold her.
"Let's go," Willow announced as she hung up the phone.
"He's there."
Giles nodded and carried their child to the car, ever
careful of her hand. Willow slid into the driver's seat,
as he kept Rowan in his lap.
"What the hell happened, Rupert?" Willow asked angrily
as she started the car.
"I don't know," he rasped. He looked down at his
child, silent tears streaming down her face, her tiny
hand covered with a now crimson handkerchief and felt
his world begin to spin out of control. "I don't
know."
Part Sixteen
"There doesn't seem to be any permanent injury," Dr.
Williams explained. "The x-rays came back negative,
and I don't think there's any ligament damage. In a
few weeks, her hand should be as good as new."
Willow sighed and glanced at the door to the exam room
where Rupert and Rowan waited. "Thank you," she said
with a weak smile.
"You said she did this to herself?" he asked gently.
Willow frowned and nodded.
"There are children who, for whatever reason, begin to
hurt themselves. It's usually a sign of some
underlying trauma or... Has anything unusual happened
recently? Are you and Rupert--"
"No! No, of course not--"
"I'm not casting blame, Willow. And I'm not child
psychologist, but healthy, happy children don't do
things like this."
"I know," she said softly, looking at the closed door.
"She did have a bit of a fall the other day, but she
didn't hit her head or...."
"Hmmm. Well, I'm sure whatever the cause...you and Rupert
can handle it," he said reassuringly. "But if you need anything,
don't hesitate to call."
"Thank you."
He smiled kindly and nodded, opening the door to the
exam room. Giles still had Rowan in his lap; he hadn't
let go of her since they'd arrived. The girl was
quiet, resting her head against his chest.
She felt so safe in her father's arms, but she knew
whatever was wrong, was wrong deep inside her.
Rupert looked up, his eyes clouded with worry.
Willow smiled gently. "We can take her home now."
"Keep the wound clean and come back for a follow-up in
a few days." The doctor reached out and caressed
Rowan's hair as Rupert carried her to the door. "Take
care of yourself, sweetheart."
The girl nodded slightly. Rupert smiled his thanks, as
the doctor watched them leave.
*****
Giles finally relinquished his precious burden,
setting her down gently onto her bed. Willow went
around to the other side and sat down on the edge. She
reached forward and tenderly brushed a stray lock of
hair away from her daughter's face.
"You ready to talk, honey?" she asked softly. The
child frowned sadly and looked down.
"Rowan, we need you to tell us what happened," Giles
said a bit sternly. He met Willow's chastising glance
and let out a long breath. "Please?"
There was a long moment of silence before the child
spoke, her voice barely a whisper. "It makes me do
things."
Both parents' hearts constricted at the words. Panic
shot through their bodies like a wildfire, and each
pushed it down. Things they thought they'd left behind
had come to haunt them again. The words, the sound of
her voice... it was all too painfully familiar.
Willow was the first to recover. "It? What do you mean
'it'? It makes you do things?"
"I don't want to do them. I try to stop it, but it
won't let me." The child stared down at her hand.
"What 'it' Rowan? What wouldn't let you?" Giles
prompted.
Slowly, Rowan raised her head and looked at her
father. Her eyes were filled with fear and fresh
tears. She whispered the words, as though afraid to
give them life, as if by speaking them she made it all
true. "It's inside me."
Willow gasped softly, and Rowan turned to her. Her
mother tried to smile. "Do you know what it is?"
The child's face held a kind of pained resignation. Rowan
looked down again and then met her mother's eyes.
"It's evil."
*****
Giles and Willow stood just outside the doorway to
Rowan's room. After much reassurance from her parents
that everything would be all right, Rowan finally
managed to fall asleep.
"We shouldn't leave her alone," Willow said quietly.
"I think she'll be all right for a while. Whatever
this thing is, it's power seems limited to one
occurrence a day. The first day was the ladybug,"
Giles explained.
"Ladybug?"
"I didn't think anything of it at the time. But Rowan
said she killed one of her ladybugs. I thought it was
an accident," Giles said bitterly.
Willow took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"How could you know?"
Giles ignored her comfort and continued. "The next day
was the incident at the school and today..." He
frowned deeply, his hazel eyes intense. "I should have
seen the pattern. Seeing patterns is what I do! What
bloody good am I if I fail to see what's right before
my eyes? I can't afford to fail. Not now... " his voice broke
and he took a sobbing breath.
"Rupert, we will stop this. Whatever it is, we will
find a way."
Giles nodded and glanced back inside the bedroom.
Rowan seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He sighed
heavily, took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge
of his nose.
Willow tugged at his hand. "Let's go downstairs."
He nodded again, stealing one more glance at their
child, before allowing his wife to lead him to the
stairs.
Willow slipped her arm around his waist, wishing there
were something she could say to ease his worry. Rupert
was a strong man, but she knew he was vulnerable, even
fragile, when it came to Rowan.
Losing Buffy had changed Rupert. They say when you
lose a child it hollows you out.
Willow loved Buffy, too, but for Giles it was more - it
was his duty, his destiny, his responsibility. But even
more than that, she was his family. She was the
daughter he always wanted and never thought he'd have.
A part of him had died with her, and if it weren't for
Rowan...
How he adored their child. All the love he had for
Buffy, he gave twice over to Rowan. Knowing she was in
danger, in pain, was like cutting out his heart.
They'd tried so hard to protect her. To keep her safe
from all the dark things in the world. Willow couldn't
help but wonder if somehow she'd brought this upon her
family.
Giles had wanted to leave every part of thier old life
behind. But Willow hadn't let him. What if somehow,
the mere fact that she still touched upon that world,
had made them a target?
How could she live with that?
She could feel the tremors in her daughter's soul, the
thin strand of fear wrapping itself around her. "We'll
find a way," Willow repeated firmly.
Giles nodded and closed his eyes. They would find a
way. They had to.
Part Seventeen
"Thank you for coming," Giles said, as he extended his
hand to the tall man at the door.
"Bad penny," he said with a rueful smile, shaking
Giles' hand and stepping into the entry hall.
John Rainwater had been a friend of the Giles' since
the incident with the Hus, the Chumash spirit, they'd
fought that Thanksgiving so many years ago. Rupert and
John had kept up a correspondence and when Giles had
relocated to Ashland, they'd spent many hours
discussing the occult and Native American mythology.
"I'm not sure where to begin," Giles said with a sigh.
"I'd like to see the cave, but first, may I see
Rowan?"
Rupert nodded, indicating the living room.
Willow, Xander and Rowan were spread out on the floor
in the middle of game of Monopoly.
"Fork it over, sister," Xander said with a grin as he
wiggled his empty hand in front Rowan.
With a dramatic sigh, the girl paid up.
"Livin' large," Xander said, as he rubbed the play
money against his cheek.
"Darling, John's here," Rupert said as they entered.
Willow smiled and went to the man, giving him a strong
hug.
"Thank you," she sighed against his chest.
He smiled down at her with genuine affection. "I hope
I can help." He released her and nodded to Xander.
"Good to see you again."
The younger man smiled in return. "You, too."
Rowan grinned. "Hi!"
John grinned. "Hello Rowan. Don't I get a hug?"
The girl giggled and ran to his arms, but skidded to a
halt a few feet in front of him, a frown coming over
her face.
John reached out to her, but Rowan stepped back.
"Ro, you know John," Giles said in confusion. "He's a
friend."
Rowan's eyes went dark, her small mouth curling up in
a sneer as she stepped forward. "He is Yokut," the
girl hissed. "Kut na-zish tah-ah-kwo-dih." She spat at his
feet, a wicked grin crossing her face.
A terrible silence fell over the room. John's face blanched
briefly before he recovered.
Finally, Willow slowly knelt down next to her daughter. "What
does that mean, honey?"
Rowan's face went blank and then, abruptly, her eyes
began to well with tears. "I don't know." She looked
up at John. "I'm sorry."
The man smiled gently. "It's all right, child."
"Uhm, it's your turn, Wills," Xander said in an
attempt at normalcy and diversion.
"Oh, right," Willow said as she returned to the game.
"Come on, honey. John and Daddy have business to
discuss."
Rowan, her face still worried, slowly made her way
back to the game board.
"We're.. uhm.. going for a walk. We won't be long,"
Giles said, his eyes never leaving Rowan.
"We'll be fine," Willow assured him.
"Some finer than others," Xander quipped. "Get back
over here... Uncle Xander's feeling lucky!"
Giles nodded and turned to John. "Let's walk, shall
we?"
John smiled, casting a glance back at Rowan, who
studiously avoided any eye contact.
Once they were out the back door, Giles finally spoke.
"What did she say, John?"
He let out a deep sigh before turning to face Giles. His eyes
were dark and his face grim. "She said 'Now I will destroy
you all'."
"Dear God," Rupert gasped.
The taller man nodded absently, his mind racing through possible
explanations. "Let's see this amulet of yours," John said quickly.
"I'm afraid time may be working against us."
"What do you mean?" Giles demanded.
John shook his head. Giles wanted answers, but knew
Rainwater was as stubborn as they came. When and if he
was sure, he would share what he knew.
They traveled the wooded path through the forest to
the area Giles had cordoned off.
John stood at the edge of the cave carefully taking in
the surroundings. He mumbled a few words of prayer and
nodded to Giles.
Rupert lowered himself down into the hole, John
following close behind. "Of course, everything is
exactly as I found it," Giles said, as he pointed his
flashlight toward the skeleton.
John silently observed the rough-hewn walls before
moving cautiously over to the body. He said another
prayer as he knelt down and shone his light on the
amulet. He must have sensed Giles' curious look. "A
few words to appease the spirits of the dead and
request guidance from my ancestors."
He was silent for a few minutes. "You say the
earthquake opened the cave?"
"Yes, I believe so," Giles said. "Rowan was out here
playing a-and fell in."
"She was the first?"
"Yes," Rupert said nervously. "What does that mean?
The first?"
John ignored Giles' question. "The sun was bright this
day?"
Giles frowned. "Yes, but I don't--"
John noticed that the leg bone was slightly askew.
"You say you moved nothing?"
"That's right."
John stood abruptly. "I must talk to the Elder," he
said flatly as he headed for the rope to climb out.
Giles grabbed his arm. "John, what's going on?"
The man turned, his eyes piercing. "Rupert, listen to
me. I cannot be certain, but I believe your family is
in grave danger. Perhaps we all are."
"What kind of danger? What does the amulet mean? What
the hell is going on?" Giles demanded, his grip tightening.
"I must seek the Elder." He held Giles' glare. "I must
be sure."
"Please? John--" Giles begged helplessly. "She's my
daughter. What's happening to her?"
John frowned. "I'll return soon, Rupert. You have my
word."
Giles reluctantly released his grip, and John quickly
pulled himself out of the cave. Giles watched him
disappear, wishing he had given a hint, anything.
Giles sighed heavily and turned back to shine his
light on the dead man.
Part Eighteen
The rest of the afternoon passed calmly. Except for
Xander's hissy-fit when Willow foreclosed on Marvin
Gardens.
Rupert sat behind his desk, trying to research, but
the giggles from across the room kept pulling his
attention away. As he watched them, he could almost
forget the danger.
Willow sat on the floor in front of the sofa with
Rowan and Xander perched behind, braiding her hair.
"So, Rowan. Tell me darling," Xander said in a silly
hairstylist voice. "Should we perm or just tease?"
The girl giggled and continued to braid Willow's hair.
"We're braiding."
"We are? I was making slip knots!" he said in mock
surprise.
"Ow," Rowan hissed and looked down at her bandaged
hand.
"You all right?" Xander asked with a frown. Giles had
joined them near the sofa.
Rowan nodded her head, but continued to stare at her
injury.
Willow had turned around and took hold of the girl's
hand. "You probably shouldn't use it for a while,
honey."
"Is it cause I'm a witch?" Rowan asked suddenly.
"Is-is what, cause you're a witch?" Willow asked
nervously. She could feel the anxiety coming off
Rupert in waves.
"What do you mean, darling?" Giles asked tightly.
"Why is it making me do these things?" She looked up
at her father, trusting him to have the answers. "Is it cuz
I'm a witch that I'm doing the bad things?"
"No, honey," Willow said quickly. "It's not that."
"Then why?" Rowan asked thoughtfully, her gaze
moving from her mother to her father.
He smiled ruefully and reached out to touch her cheek
tenderly. "We'll find out. I promise you."
Rowan smiled up at him with complete and utter trust.
Soothed, she began to relax a bit.
For the adults, the room was silent and leaden. Each
burdened by the weight of their own fears.
"Well, I can't speak for you two, but my nails are a
mess!" Xander said out of the blue. "They are in
desperate need of a buff."
Willow grinned and Xander met her eyes and smiled.
Rowan burst out with the giggles. Instantly, the girl's
laughter lit the room and hope returned.
The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Giles said.
He opened the door, smiling to himself as the gentle
laughter followed him down the hall.
The smile fell away as he saw the dark expression on
John's face. "What is it?" he asked without preamble.
John sighed and frowned. "We must talk," he said as he
crossed the threshold. He heard the sounds coming from
the living room. "Willow, too."
Giles felt his chest begin to constrict at the
intensity in the other man's voice. He nodded curtly,
gesturing for John to wait in the study. Giles took a
steadying breath and walked back down the hall, the
soft laughter now a reminder of what was threatened.
"Willow?" he said with a bleak smile. "John's here.
Would you join us for a minute?"
Willow's eyes went round for a moment. She knew Rupert
was frightened and that John was not the bearer of
good news. She nodded and turned to look at Rowan.
"We'll be fine," Xander assured her. "Won't we?" He
pulled the girl into his lap and made a blowfish face.
Immediately, the girl giggled again, but it was a bit
forced. Afraid of losing control again, Rowan tried
not to think about Mr. Rainwater, but no matter how
hard she tried, she knew, the worst was yet to come.
Willow smiled her thanks and joined her husband. She
took his hand, and he squeezed it tightly as they made
their way back to the study.
"What is it?" Willow asked nervously.
John looked at them sadly. "I wasn't sure. I... the
amulet was familiar, but I wanted to speak with the
Elder. To be certain."
"Certain of what?" Giles said anxiously. "What's going
on?"
"Many, many years ago - generations. There was a Yokut
tribe that lived on these lands. They struggled to
find their way, and times were difficult. They began
to fight amongst themselves. Brother against brother,
until the tribe was on the brink of destruction. The
medicine man, Takawi, was very powerful and believed
that the evil spirits were to blame."
"The tribe was small and in order to survive they had
to purge themselves of the evil. Takawi's magic was
very strong. He cast a spell to rid the people of the
evil and take it into his own soul. He believed he was
strong enough, great enough to control the spirits."
"He was strong. The people were at peace again. The
Yokut were saved. But it did not last. Takawi changed.
The evil inside him grew, the pieces of darkness
coalesced. He could not control it. Soon it controlled
him."
"It?" Willow asked softly, remembering too well what
Rowan had said just yesterday.
"We called it the Shadow, for it was all things dark
and evil. No redeeming qualities, Only pure
malevolence. It's only desire is to cause pain, to
feel pain and anguish... and death."
Giles gripped Willow's hand even tighter.
John continued his story. "Soon Takawi was no longer
Takawi. He was the Shadow. Day by day, it took control
of him, made him do things. Hurt and kill. He
mutilated himself, so badly that his wounds became
infected, and he died shortly after."
Giles and Willow struggled to stay calm against the
awful vision of their daughter pushing her hand on the
spike.
"They thought the Shadow was gone with Takawi's death,
but soon another was infected. He too killed and
maimed, until he too died. The next to be taken was
killed by the tribal Elders, his body burned. But the
Shadow was not defeated. It moved from the dead to the
first human to touch the body."
"The Elders worked in secret to build a great cave. A
shadow cannot exist without light. They trapped the
young brave who held the Shadow, putting an amulet
around his neck as a warning to whoever should find
him. He was buried alive in the cave and the Shadow
remained trapped with him for these many years. Until
now."
John leaned against the edge of Giles' desk as he
regarded his two friends.
"A-are you s-saying that... that this Shadow is
i-inside R-rowan?" Giles rasped.
"Yes."
"B-b-but --" Giles stammered, unable to think.
"How do we get it out?" Willow asked quietly.
John sighed heavily and shook his head.
"There must be something," she protested.
"I am afraid you can only do what my ancestors did,"
he said sadly.
Giles' eyes narrowed. "What? Bury her alive?" he spat
out.
"Rupert, I know---" John started.
Giles rose to his feet and stood menacingly near his
friend. "Know what?" he ground out.
"I am sorry," he said helplessly.
Giles didn't want to let go of his anger. His anger
gave him purpose, without it he was powerless again.
"If you think I'm going to let anyone harm my
daughter..."
"Rupert," Willow said softly, taking his arm. "John's
on our side."
Giles glared her for a moment and then looked back to
Rainwater. "Yes," he sighed. "I know." He shook his
head. "I-- thank you. I--"
John nodded. "You must be careful. Both of you. The
Shadow will grow stronger."
Willow took John's hand and held it. "Thank you. At
least we have some idea what we're dealing with."
John tried to smile encouragingly. "I'll let myself
out. If I find anything... anything..."
Willow nodded her thanks, and John left them alone in
the study. Rupert stood still, his hands at his sides,
head down.
Willow slipped her arm around his waist and pulled him
into a hug. "We'll stop this thing," she assured him.
"Surely, we've learned something in the last two
hundred years. There is an answer out there and we
*will* find it."
He nodded, but his eyes were glazed with fear, lost
far away in a sea of dread.
A loud peal of Rowan's laughter drifted into the room.
The sounds of life. Of a child. Of their child.
She would survive. She had to.
Part Nineteen
"Nothing!" Giles yelled as he slammed shut yet another
book.
"Rupert, shhh," Willow admonished. "You'll wake Rowan."
Giles sighed heavily. "This is so damn frustrating."
"We'll find the answer," Xander assured him with a
smile.
Giles nodded. "Of course."
Xander glanced toward the stairs and turned back to
Giles. "How well do you know Rainwater?"
"He's a good man," Rupert said firmly. "Why?"
Xander shrugged. "Well, I don't like to think about
it, but what if this Elder guy or somebody else
decides the Shadow is too dangerous to let run
around."
"And?"
Xander briefly met eyes with Willow. She knew where he
was headed with this. "And... takes matters into their
own hands."
Giles frowned and shook his head. "I can't believe
that."
"I hope you're right. But this thing nearly destroyed
their tribe; they might be a little anxious... to see
it taken care of," Xander finished carefully.
"Impossible!" Giles bellowed. "This isn't the bloody
middle-ages."
"He's right, honey," Willow said gently. Giles flashed
a fierce glare at her. She went to his side and took
his strong hand in hers. "We can't afford to ignore
any possibilities, no matter how... difficult they are
to accept."
Giles closed his eyes. She was right, of course. "I'm
sorry. I'm having trouble keeping a clear head." He
smiled down sadly in apology. Willow tenderly touched
his face and gave him a light kiss. Then she frowned
slightly and cocked her head to the side. "I'm just
going to go check on her," Willow said.
"I'll go," Giles replied giving her another quick
kiss.
Willow smiled and nodded.
Giles squeezed her hand and started for the stairs.
Willow watched her husband leave and turned to her
best friend. "I'm worried about him."
Xander smiled and put his arm around her, pulling her
against his chest. His love was the only assurance he
could offer.
*****
Giles took the small key from his pocket. They'd
thought it best to lock her in, for her own
protection. Taking a cleansing breath, he put the key
into the lock and opened the door.
Instantly, he knew something was wrong. He threw the
light switch and crossed swiftly to her bed. He
grabbed the covers and threw them back. The bed was
empty.
"Rowan!"
He turned, his heart thumping wildly, and searched the
room. The closet door was closed. For a moment, he
couldn't breath, couldn't move. Horrible images of
what he might find behind the door flashed before
through his mind.
In two long strides, he was at the door, he gripped
the knob tightly and steeled himself. He pulled open
the door and looked into the closet. Empty.
"Rowan!"
*****
Willow and Xander ran upstairs, bursting into the
girl's bedroom. "What is it?" Willow asked as she took
in the room. "Where is she?"
Giles shook his head.
Xander moved quickly. He looked into the closet and
then something caught his eye. "The window," he said
as he strode toward it. He pulled back the curtain and
strained to see out into the darkness. He turned back
to his friends. "She couldn't have gotten far," he
said firmly. "But where would she go?"
"I-I'll check the woods," Giles said tightly. "Y-you
two check the... the-the roads and..." His voice
trailed off as his attention turned to Willow. She was
standing still, her eyes clamped shut, a pained
expression on her face.
Giles gripped her shoulders. "Willow?"
Her eyes opened, their emerald depths brimming with
fear. "I can't feel her," she whispered hoarsely. "I
can't feel anything."
She hadn't realized how much she relied on her
connection with Rowan, how often she unconsciously
sought assurance in that tenuous bond, until now.
Until it was gone. She looked into her husband's face,
and for the first time understood. Really understood
what it must be like for him, never knowing.
Giles watched the emotions and thoughts travel across
her face. He knew her so well, knew each nuance.
"We'll find her," he said with certainty.
Willow's guilt came rushing to the surface. She hadn't
felt the bond break, it was like white noise in the
back of her mind. It wasn't until she looked for it
that she realized something was wrong. If only she'd
monitored the bond more carefully, instead of getting
caught up in the research.
Xander saw her slipping into a funk and knew he had to
shake her out of it. "Let's go," Xander commanded.
Nodding, she pulled herself together and followed him
downstairs.
*****
Xander and Willow had barely made it onto the gravel
driveway when they heard the tires screeching in the
distance.
"Giles!" Xander called as he and Willow took off at a
sprint toward the street.
Rupert ran around the side of the house, and he wasn't
far behind as they dashed down the long wooded drive
that led to the road.
Willow and Xander came to the small side street and
searched the darkness. The dim street lamps revealed
only an empty stretch of road.
"Rowan!" Willow yelled into the night.
"Where is she?" Giles said as he caught up with them.
In the distance, they heard the sound of a car horn
blaring. "This way," Xander said as he ran toward the
noise.
As they rounded the corner, the group skidded to a
halt.
"Jesus," Xander ground out.
Standing in the middle of the road, was Rowan. Cars
streamed past her. She stood still, staring at the
oncoming traffic, straddling the yellow line.
As another car sped by, horn screaming, its headlights
flashing, Rowan stepped to the side right into the
path of the hurtling vehicle. The car swerved away at
the last minute.
Giles ran into the street, swept his daughter into his
arms. He spun quickly to the side, barely sidestepping
another car. He gauged the next traffic break and ran
across the road.
His chest heaving and his heart somewhere in his
throat, Giles clutched Rowan to his chest as Willow
and Xander came to his side.
"Rowan, baby," Willow said breathlessly.
The child pushed away from her father and turned to
Willow. Her eyes were cold and dark. A mirthless smile
curled the child's lips. "Almost."
Willow gasped. "Almost what?"
"Dead," said the Shadow.
Giles pulled her back to look at him. The face he saw
wasn't his child's. It was cruel. Then, abruptly, the
malevolence faded, and Rowan was back. Her pale green
eyes went wide and then quickly filled with tears of
confusion. "Daddy?"
Willow's breath caught as she felt her link with Rowan
come to life again.
Giles crushed the child tightly to his chest. "Shhh,
love. It's all right. You're all right. It's all right." He
looked at his wife, knowing the fear in her eyes
was reflected in his own.
Xander took off his sweater and wrapped around Rowan's
tiny, shivering body. The thin material of her
nightgown was little protection against the cold
autumn night.
Giles continued to speak softly, soothing his daughter
as they started back towards home. "Shhh, I love you,
baby."
Xander put his arm around Willow's shoulders and felt
the desperation coursing through her body. He
tightened his grip and pulled her closer.
Willow watched her husband cradle their child and knew
they'd almost lost her. Evil had come so close, too
close. She knew they couldn't afford a next time.
Silently, Willow swore to her herself - whatever it
took, the Shadow was not going to take Rowan.
Whatever it took.
Part Twenty
"Why is this happening to me?" Rowan asked in small
voice.
"I don't know, sweet," Giles said as he caressed her
hair. His hand was trembling as he tucked her more
securely into his lap.
Willow, sitting at his side, rubbed small circles on
her daughter's back. "It's all right, baby."
"I don't want to die," the girl whispered.
Giles cupped her face and forced her to look into his
eyes. "No one is going to die," he said firmly. His
gaze darted to Willow's. If will alone could stave off
death, then Rupert's could save them all. But Willow
knew things were far more complicated than that.
The Shadow was growing stronger. Its control over
Rowan was greater with every passing day. She knew
that if they didn't find a way to get this damn thing
out of her, Rowan would surely die.
It was all happening so quickly. In a matter of days,
the Shadow had gone from small acts of cruelty to
trying to murder Rowan. There had to be a way to buy
some time. They had to find a way.
Willow remembered with a shiver the look in the
child's eyes as the Shadow looked through them. It
looked like it wanted death, to feel the agony, to
savor the fetid taste.
Their research had led them from one dead end to
the other. There seemed no way to exorcise the evil.
It would simply move from host to host. Destroying
everyone it its wake.
"There has to be an answer," Willow said softly, not
realizing she'd spoke out loud.
"You bet," Xander said from the doorway. "Let's hit
those books again. We must have missed something."
Giles and Willow nodded in agreement and looked at
their child.
"I'll hold her. You two are the brains, I'm just...
just... um, what am I anyway?" Xander said with a
grin.
"Priceless," Willow said with a grateful smile. She
didn't know what she'd do without Xander. He always
seemed to make things brighter, and she knew that
Giles, though he was loath to admit it, cherished him,
too.
Xander held out his arms, and Giles reluctantly looked
down at his daughter. "Love? Why don't you sit with
Uncle Xander? All right?"
She nodded against his chest, and he leaned down to
brush a tender kiss on her forehead before helping her
up.
"Come here, Princess," Xander said as he plopped down
into a large chair. Slowly, Rowan crossed the room and
snuggled into his lap. "Don't you worry, Ro. The
Scooby's are on the case."
*****
Giles had gone through volume after volume, still
without success. Willow surfed the web, calling in
every favor she had, a few she didn't. People all over
the world were helping them look for the answer.
Rowan and Xander had fallen asleep, the girl nuzzled
in his arms, his head tipped back, mouth hanging open.
Willow smiled at the sight and the good memories it
conjured. With a sigh, she turned her attention back
to the computer.
She checked her email again and found one from Kai
O'Trakan, an early mentor of hers. He sent his
sympathies and had one thought. He suggested a spell
that could be used as a lure for the Shadow, but it
would merely transfer the evil to another host. As far
as he knew, there was no way to destroy it.
He'd been one of her strongest hopes. He was the most
powerful mage she'd ever met. If there were an answer,
she was certain he would have it.
Willow glanced again at Rowan, sleeping peacefully, in
the blissful rest that only children seem to know.
Kai had taught her well. Willow had become a powerful
sorceress in the last ten years. Her battles with
Inneresser and the blessing from the Hollow Man had
worked to magnify her powers, amplifying them.
Her magic was strong. Perhaps, just perhaps, it was
strong enough to defeat the Shadow. She knew that
hubris had been the Yokut medicine man's downfall.
He'd thought himself strong enough to control a power
that was beyond him.
But Willow didn't have to control the Shadow, not at
first. If she could just buy them some time. If she
could free Rowan from its grasp. She knew she had an
advantage that Takawi didn't. She knew what she was
taking inside her, knew the patterns, could take
preventative measures. It was far from a guarantee
of success, but there didn't seem any alternative.
Perhaps it would only delay the inevitable. But if it
gave Rowan a chance, she had to try.
She glanced at her husband and knew what his reaction
would be. Oer the years he had grown to dislike any
use of magic. From his perspective, it had brought his
family only pain and anguish. But she also knew that
he'd do anything to save their child. As would she.
Willow resolved to try the spell, and if she were
successful, then she would tell Rupert.
Logging off, she rose and crossed to Xander. She
gently touched his shoulder. "Xan, wake up."
"Hmm?" he said groggily.
"Why don't I take over for a bit?" she offered.
"Oh, okay," he said with a yawn. Carefully adjusting
his grip, he stood and he and Willow traded places.
She slipped into the chair and he gently placed Rowan
in her arms.
Giles watched the scene with a mixture of thanks and
dread. He knew how easily that could have been
Xander's wife and child. He could have been the
visiting uncle instead of husband and father. The
fates had taken so much from him, but at least they
had given him these beautiful souls to share his world.
Xander caught Giles looking at the mother and child
and felt pangs of envy. "So any luck?" he asked
quietly crossing to lean over the older man's
shoulder.
"Not yet, but I think there are some possibilities in
the Grekorian," Giles said with more enthusiasm than
he felt. He absently handed Xander the book. His eyes
strayed to where his heart already was, across the
room, nestled between his wife and child.
Willow felt his eyes on her and smiled gently. He
returned her loving gaze and then with a sigh, went
back to his books.
When she felt his attention was again consumed by the
research, Willow began the spell. She closed her eyes
and began the chant in her mind. She held her daughter
tightly to her bosom, her hand straying to touch
Rowan's face. The pressure points would act as
conductors for the energy, should the spell work.
And it had to work.
Part Twenty One
As the last incantation ended, Rowan moaned softly and
shifted in her mother's lap.
The soft sound caught Giles' attention, and he looked
at Willow with concern.
She smiled back in reassurance. "She's fine," she said
softly. "But I think we should put her in bed. Take
turns staying with her."
Giles hesitated; he didn't want her out of his sight.
But Willow was probably right. It would allow them to
speak freely, without fear of waking or frightening
her. "All right."
"I'll take the first watch," Xander offered, reaching
out to take Rowan into his arms.
Willow gazed down and caressed the girl's hair. She
couldn't tell if the spell had been a success or not.
She didn't feel any change and could sense nothing out
of the ordinary inside her. It was disconcerting to
say the least. She didn't expect neon, but some sort
of sign would have been helpful. Sighing, she handed
her daughter to Xander.
Giles came out from behind his desk and placed a
tender kiss on Rowan's forehead.
Xander cradled her to his chest and started upstairs.
Willow slipped her arm around Giles' waist. He sighed
heavily and looked down at her, his own arms pulling
her close. She rested her head against his chest and
felt his hand tangle in her hair. They stayed still
and in each other's embrace for a long moment, finding
what comfort and peace they could.
Finally, Willow pulled back and gazed up into her
husband's eyes. He looked so tired, so haunted. She
wanted so much to give him peace of mind. She reached
up and tenderly caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes
and leaned into her touch.
He was so strong, but Willow knew how vulnerable he
really was underneath that strength. He'd lost so
much, yet he'd never closed his heart. His love was so
much more powerful than he suspected it was. It had
saved lives, saved sanity, again and again. The
strength of his love had given them this chance, this
life together. She should have died after her battle
with Inneresser, but Rupert - his love - had brought
her back.
Their love had created a beautiful child. Their
beautiful child.
Willow stole a glance toward the stairs and gave a
silent prayer that their love would be strong enough.
Strong enough, just one more time, to save their
child.
*****
Xander sat in the small chair by Rowan's bedside. The
girl was sleeping soundly. He chuckled a bit as she
snored softly.
He glanced around the room, letting the gentle
memories push away the fear. His eyes fell on a
particularly cheap looking teddy bear. The stitching
was uneven, the glued-on eyes lopsided, and ears too
big.
She said it looked like him. He would have been
insulted if she hadn't been right.... There was a
resemblence, but it was the way Rowan looked at the
bear, held and loved it, that filled Xander's heart.
He stood and walked over to the dresser and picked up
the stuffed animal.
He smiled at the memory. He'd taken her to a county
fair and won the silly thing playing the Ring Toss
game. She'd looked up at him with such adoration as
the man took the bear off the shelf and handed her the
prize. Sure it took him twenty-five bucks to win a
five-dollar prize, but the look in her eyes made it
priceless. For that one minute, that stolen moment, he
was her hero. And he could pretend, just for a moment,
that she was his daughter. The child he knew he would
probably never have.
He'd brought her home, and she paraded the bear around
the house. She marched up to Giles and showed him her
new friend. He smiled down gently and told her it was
a handsome bear. And she beamed.
And it struck Xander, there was that look. A few
simple words from Giles, and Rowan was on cloud nine.
Xander had looked at Giles and wondered if
he really knew how lucky he was. He watched the older
man kiss Rowan and smile as she danced upstairs, his
eyes lingering on the empty doorway.
Giles knew.
Xander sighed and set the bear back on the dresser,
when suddenly something caught his eye. He looked into
the mirror and saw a flash of orange and red.
He spun around. "Oh my God," he mumbled. "Fire! FIRE!"
The flames ringed the bed, licking at the edges,
growing in intensity with each passing second.
Xander's cry had woken Rowan and her eyes went wide
with fear as she felt the heat and saw the flames
surrounding her.
Rowan scrunched herself back up against the headboard,
her eyes wide with fear. "Help!" she cried.
Xander grabbed a nearby blanket and began to beat down
the flames.
The bedroom door burst open, and Giles stormed in.
"Rowan!" he yelled.
"Daddy! Daddy!" she cried. "Help me, help me!"
"Jump to me! Do it now!" he commanded, his arms
outstretched.
"Daddy!" she wailed as the flames shot higher.
"NOW!"
She looked into her father's eyes and jumped. She
leapt across the rising flames. Giles snatched her out
of the air and pulled her to his chest and away from
the fire.
"Oh, baby," he gasped. "Are you hurt? Are you burned?"
She was panting wildly, but shook her head. Giles
scanned her quickly. Satisfied that she was unharmed,
he set her down.
Willow came running up the stairs and Giles pushed
Rowan to her. "Take her!" he yelled. Willow stood
frozen in shock for a moment, her eyes glued with
horror to the growing fire.
"Willow," Giles cried. "Take Rowan and get outside!"
Finally, snapping out of it, Willow nodded and scooped
Rowan into her arms, hurrying back downstairs.
He moved back into the room and helped Xander beat
down the flames. Before too long, they had control and
managed to stamp out the remaining fire.
"Rupert?" Willow called from the foot of the stairs.
"It's all right. The fire's out," Giles answered.
He turned to Xander, who simply looked at the charred
carpet.
"I don't know," Xander said in confusion. "It just
started. She was asleep and then the next thing I
know..."
Giles nodded grimly, as he looked at the scorched ring
surrounding his daughter's bed. "Make sure it's really
out," he said heading out the door.
Giles found Willow in the hall, clinging to Rowan, the
girl's face was pale and her eyes dancing with fear.
"It's all right," he assured her as he tilted Rowan's
face. She had some sooty residue on her cheek, and was
obviously terrified, but physically unharmed.
Giles sighed and turned away. What were they going to
do? Now, it could control her in her sleep. Use spells
and magcik. He looked back up the stairs, his
fists clenching in rage and frustration.
"Bloody fucking magick," he grumbled.
He spun around and looked at Willow, his face dark.
"What the hell are we..." his voice trailed off as he
noticed Willow was shivering. He enveloped them both
in his arm. "I'm sorry. It's all right, love. She's
all right." He kissed his wife gently.
Willow shook her head, but still couldn't speak. It
was just too horrible. It wasn't all right.
"Is everybody okay?" Xander asked as he came down the
stairs and joined them in the entry hall.
"Yes," Giles answered in a voice quavering with
exhaustion and fear.
Xander nodded. "Thank God. I'm sorry. I don't know how
it happened. She was asleep and then the fire was just
there."
Giles sighed. "It was a spell. The.. that thing must
be able to use her magick... even while she's asleep."
Willow pulled gently out of his arms and moved back
into the living room, Rowan still clinging to her
chest.
Willow couldn't breath, could barely articulate the
thought. 'What have I done?' Rowan didn't start the
fire.
She did.
Part Twenty Two
It had happened so quickly. There was no warning. No
warning at all.
One minute, Willow was sitting in a chair skimming her
e-mails and the next, she was a prisoner in her own
body. The spell had worked.
It was too fast.
She'd been sure it would take the Shadow a few days to
exert control over her, instead it had taken less than
an hour. Her plan to buy some time had backfired
horribly.
Willow's body continued to move casually, sliding the
mouse across the small pad. She wanted to scream, but
couldn't.
She felt her bond with Rowan slipping into the
darkness and in its place a cold, bitter hatred. A
hunger welled inside her, a consuming desire for pain
and suffering.
She felt the magicks begin to build inside.
It was in that moment, she truly realized the severity
of her mistake. She had succeeded in luring the Shadow
out of Rowan and into her own body, and in doing so
gave that Evil access to all her powers, to all her
fears.
Rowan.
The Shadow knew what would hurt her the most, and it
was pleased with her struggle.
It hadn't managed to kill Rowan before, but now...
Now it could.
Willow was helpless. The hatred she felt seemed to
fuel the Shadow's control over her. She tried to calm
herself, to quell the building anxiety, but found she
couldn't control her fears any more than her body. She
felt the beginnings of the ring of fire; saw in her
mind's eye as the flames surrounded her child.
She heard Xander yell from upstairs and saw Rupert
bolt up the stairs and still she could not move.
It was a sickening feeling. The glee at others' pain,
the desire for death. It wouldn't be satisfied until
it had killed them all.
Finally, the control receded, and she was herself
again.
She had stood and hurried up the stairs, only to find
Rupert handing Rowan to her and barking out orders.
She scooped her child into her arms and fought down
the panic. She had nearly killed her own daughter and
the next time... she knew the girl would die.
*****
Willow still held Rowan close as her mind raced through all
the possibilities. Each train of thought ended in the
same horrible place. There was only one answer. Only
one way to save them now. And time was running out.
She kissed Rowan and handed her to Rupert. Without
explanation, she went into the kitchen and called the
one person, the *only* person, she knew who
could help.
*****
Giles' heart pounded with barely restrained
desperation. The Shadow's control was growing stronger,
its domination over Rowan coming at shorter intervals
and now... Now, it was using her magick.
How was he supposed to defeat this thing? How could he
save his daughter?
He had to believe there was an answer. He couldn't
bear the thought of losing Rowan. He couldn't.
*****
Willow hung up the phone and sat heavily in the
kitchen chair.
'How could I have been so blind?' she thought.
In an attempt to save her family, she had condemned
them. She thought she was powerful enough to, at least
for a time, slow down the Shadow. How wrong she was.
She'd given the damnable thing everything it needed.
She was no match for it and in bringing it into her
body, she'd given it access to her magicks.
Her magicks. She'd relied on them so much and now they
would be the end of her family. She shook her head in
denial.
No, not that. Never that. Her sacrifice would save
them.
She knew what had to be done, but how could she leave
and not say goodbye?
She knew she couldn't tell Rupert about the spell. He
would do something desperate to try and save them. But
Willow knew what had to be done, and it was the one
thing Rupert could never do.
This was the only way. And she had to act fast.
Summoning all her courage, Willow walked into the
living room to say her silent goodbyes. She came to
the doorway and then her legs would carry her no
further.
She looked at Xander, her best friend. He was going
over a book they'd all been through at least a dozen
times. But there was no 'quit' in Xander Harris. How
many times she'd seen this scenario played out over
the past fifteen years?
Even though he was a grown man, to Willow he'd always
be that boy on the playground that stood up for her,
that swapped lunches and made her laugh. He'd always
be her best friend.
Rowan stirred in Giles' lap, and he whispered soothing
words. Willow nearly burst out crying at the sight, at
the sheer beauty of it, the agony of it.
Her whole life was there, sitting in that chair.
Husband and child.
She couldn't have asked for more. Deep down, she knew
she'd been given a precious gift those ten years ago.
She should have died, but was spared and given this
life. This beautiful family.
Willow closed her eyes and locked the picture away.
After a long moment, she looked at her husband and
smiled. She was doing what had to be done. It was
right.
"Rupert," she said softly. His hazel eyes looked up at
her with questions. Questions she couldn't answer. She
smiled gently. "I have to see some one. He... he may
be able to help."
"Who?"
She shook her head. "I won't be gone too long," she
said sadly, wishing it were true.
Giles looked at her strangely, but nodded. "All
right."
Willow walked over to Xander and leaned down to hug
him. "Keep an eye on those two, okay?" she whispered.
Xander grinned. "You bet." He looked into her eyes and
thought he saw... "Wills?"
"Yeah?"
"You okay?" he asked, his brown eyes full of concern.
She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I'm okay." She pulled
him into a hug. "I love you, Xander."
"Love you too, Wills," he said in confusion.
Willow released him and walked over to Giles and
Rowan. She reached down and kissed Rowan's head. "I
love you, baby."
Rowan shifted in her father's lap and gazed up at her
mother. She tilted her head to the side, and Willow
felt a warm rush inside her heart. It was a special
hug, an inside hug.
"Mommy?" she said softly, her tiny brow furrowed. "Do
you have to go?"
Again something indefinable passed between mother and
child. Rowan sensed there was more to this than met
the eye. She could feel her mother saying goodbye.
Willow sighed. "Yes, baby. I have to go."
"I don't want you to go," Rowan pleaded softly.
"I know, baby. But I have to do this. Understand?"
Willow said gently, fighting back tears.
She locked eyes with her daughter, deep green against
pale, past and future... mother and daughter.
Rowan nodded and started to sofly cry. Willow cupped her
cheek and gave her a tender kiss.
Giles sensed something wasn't right. "Xander, would
you...?" he asked gesturing to Rowan.
"Sure." He took the girl into his arms as Giles stood.
"Willow," Giles said softly as he walked her to the
door.
She just shook her head again and put her finger on
his lips. He looked at her in confusion.
How she would miss this man. Closing her eyes, she put
her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. The
taste of him, the feel of his arms. This amazing, loving
man. He'd saved her so many times, in so many ways.
When all else had fallen away, his love was always there.
He felt her begin to tremble in his arms and pulled her
closer. "It's all right, love," he assured her. "We
won't let it hurt her."
Willow's chest tightened at his words. She nodded and
smiled.
"I love you," she whispered with all her heart and soul.
He smiled tenderly. "I love you too."
She kissed him again and turned away. Quickly, she
strode out the front door, leaving her world behind
and never looking back.
*****
The area was deep in the woods, and it had taken her
some time to hike in. Her flashlight shone down on the
cold ground, as she followed the directions to small
glade.
She stepped out into the moonlight and stopped. This
was the meeting place. She stood anxiously for only a
few minutes when she heard someone approach.
"Hello, Willow."
She turned to the voice and smiled sadly. "Angel."
Part Twenty Three
"Thank you for coming," Willow said softly.
"Willow, I don't think I--" the vampire started, but
Willow waved a silencing hand.
"Please. This thing... I almost killed my daughter
tonight. I felt it. I knew what it wanted, what it
still wants."
"But how can I--"
Willow stepped closer. "I need you, Angel. You're the
only one who can do this. I know what I'm asking you
to do. I know how hard it is."
"There must be some other way," he said in anguish.
How could he possible do what she wanted?
Willow laughed mirthlessly. "Oh, Angel. If only..."
"I don't think I can do it," he said helplessly. "I
can't kill you."
"You have to. You're the only dead man I know." She
smiled sadly. "You're safe. This isn't like Eyghon. It
can't hurt you. It needs a living person to..."
"That's not what I mean, Willow." Angel shook his
head. "We can keep searching..."
"No," she said firmly. "We can't afford to wait. We
talked about this on the phone. It's happening too
fast. We can't wait. Not even an hour." She
looked down sadly. "I can't risk hurting Rowan or
Rupert... anyone."
"Willow, I'd do anything for you, you know that.
But..."
"Then do this. There isn't anyone else," she said
pleadingly. "After you... do it... no one... no living
person can touch me. That's why I asked you, that
and... I trust you."
Angel sighed and started to protest.
"Angel, please. This is hard enough. I have to do
this. I can't let this thing hurt my family. I won't."
The vampire shifted anxiously, his face a mask of
pain. He shook his head. "Willow, I-"
"I gave you your soul once. I'm asking you to set mine
free."
He nodded, his eyes dark and hooded.
"Do you have a place? To put me.. m-my body?" she
asked quietly.
He nodded again. "I know a place. This thing won't
hurt anyone again. I promise you."
Willow nodded and reached into her coat. She pulled
out two envelopes, one for Xander, the other for
Rupert. "There's one more thing. And it's ..." She
handed him the letters. "After... would you take these
to my family?"
Angel stared down at the white envelopes gleaming in
the bright moonlight. He knew this errand would be
almost as difficult as what he was about to do.
Willow looked down at her hand and struggled for a
moment to pull off her wedding ring. A soft sob
escaped her lips as the ring finally came free of her
finger. She looked at the band, her mind playing a
hundred memories at once.
"Give this to Rowan," she said in a shaky voice as she
gave him the ring. His hand clasped her as held the
ring between them.
"Thank you," she whispered as she pulled him into a
hug. "Watch over them for me, okay?"
His strong arms surrounded her, loathe to let her go.
He held the ring tightly in one hand, his mind racing
for a way out.
In his many years, Angel had faced death far too
often. He'd lost Buffy and friends too numerous to
mention. But somehow, he'd never pictured losing
Willow. She'd always been there. She held him as he
wept for Buffy, and he idly wondered who would hold
him as he wept for Willow.
He wanted to save her, so desperately he wanted to.
But life and death are full of things we didn't want.
Reluctantly, he released her.
Willow smiled sadly and took a deep breath. "I'm
ready."
"Willow--"
"Please," she begged softly.
Angel felt tears begin to sting his eyes. "Will you do
me a favor?" he asked, his voice catching with
emotion. "When you see her... Will you tell Buffy I
love her?"
The tears glistened on Willow's cheeks. "I will."
Slowly, Angel walked up behind her. Gently, he placed
one arm over her neck, holding on to her shoulder and
wrapped the other hand across her forehead.
He hesitated. "Willow, I--"
"Please, Angel. Plea--"
SNAP
In a quick fluid motion, he broke her neck.
Angel closed his eyes, as he felt the life force leave
her, leave the one person who had always seemed the
most alive. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he began
to shake.
He held her limp body and his roar of anguish echoed
into oblivion.
Part Twenty Four
Willow had been gone for almost an hour. Rowan sat
curled in Xander's lap, while Giles ceaselessly poured
through his books. After all this time, he still
couldn't find anything that would save his daughter's
life. If he didn't find something, anything, Rowan
was sure to die.
Suddenly, the quiet was broken.
"Mommy!" Rowan cried out, pushing away from Xander.
Her eyes were wide with fear, her lip trembling as she
started to cry.
"Shh, love," Rupert said as he left his books and took her
into his arms. "She'll be back soon."
Rowan sobbed softly into his shirt, shaking her head.
She had felt the connection sever, the gentle tie that
bound mother and daughter was gone.
"Mommy," she sobbed. "Mommy's gone."
Her father held her tighter, trying to soothe her with
soft caresses and murmuring words. "She'll be home
soon."
Rowan kept shaking her head, her tiny hands clutching
her father.
Confused, Giles sat down, cradling her in his lap and
tried to comfort her. He looked to Xander, who could
only shrug helplessly. Was this the work of the evil
inside her, torturing her in new and dreadful ways?
The two men sat with her, soothing the crying child,
not knowing, as she did, how their world had changed.
*****
Her tears finally slowing to a trickle, Rowan looked
up into her father's eyes - deep with concern and dark
with sadness. Without Mommy, she knew she would have
to watch over him now. She reached up and ran her
small hand down his cheek. "Poor daddy," she
whispered.
Giles' heart broke at the look in her eyes. She was
comforting him. "Oh, love," he rasped pulling her more
tightly into his embrace.
"Mommy is..." Rowan began, but a knock on the door
interupted.
"I got it," Xander said as he went to answer the door.
"Mommy is coming back soon, honey," Giles reassured
her.
Rowan looked at him so sadly, her pale green eyes
filled with love and sadness.
Giles ran his fingers through Rowan's hair as he
kissed the top of her head, when he heard a someone
in the doorway.
"Giles," Angel said in a tremulous voice.
"A-Angel?" Giles said in confusion. He stood up, still
holding Rowan in his arms and then realized Angel must
have been the one Willow was meeting. "Willow's not
here. She should be back soon. Why don't you..."
Angel's face blanched, and Giles' voice trailed off.
The vampire swallowed hard, his eyes falling to the
small child bundled in Giles' arms. "Hi, Rowan," he
said softly. The girl turned her head and met his dark
eyes, nodding slightly, recognizing the pain.
Angel's brow creased as a scowl covered his face, his
jaw tightening. Rowan looked so much like Willow, it
was like seeing her ghost.
"Wh-what... what is it?" Giles asked uneasily, setting
Rowan down for a moment.
Angel turned his head slightly and looked at Xander.
Xander caught his breath at the depth of pain in those
eyes. A terrible fear took hold of his throat.
"Xander," began Angel, trying to control his emotions.
"Xander, could you... I need to speak with Giles.
Alone."
Xander opened his mouth to ask, he didn't know what,
but a small hand slipped into his. Rowan stood there,
her chin trembling and the same pain in her eyes.
Gathering the small body up in his arms, he slowly
turned and walked out of the room.
Angel took a deep breath and closed his eyes and then
turned back to Giles. "Willow asked me to give you
this..." He took out a white envelope and held it out.
Giles stood on shaky legs. "Willow? What... are you...
where is she?"
Angel's face was swept with pain. He frowned and
extended the envelope like a shield.
"Where's my wife?" Giles said tightly.
"Please?" Angel pleaded shaking his head, as he held
out the letter.
With a trembling hand, Rupert took the paper.
His heart pounding in his chest, his fingers shaking
with dread, Giles stared at the paper in his hand. He
glanced at Angel, who tried to be strong, to give what
strength he could.
Taking a deep breath, Giles slowly opened the envelope
and faced another destiny.
"My Dearest Rupert,
"I love you. I've always loved you and I know I always
will.
"I can only assume if you are reading this letter that
Angel finished what I began and I'm dead."
"Dead?" Giles choked out, his eyes flashing in anguish
at Angel. He gripped the letter tightly in his hand as
he looked at the condemning words again. He shook his
head and stepped menacingly toward the vampire.
"Please?" Angel begged gesturing at the letter, his
deep-set eyes brimming with tears.
Giles felt his mouth go dry, the air leave his lungs
in a rush, as his world began to collapse around him.
In a haze of shock, he turned back to the letter.
"I made a terrible mistake, my love. I hope some day
you can forgive me. Last night, I knew I couldn't
leave that thing in our baby. I had to do something,
we needed time, we needed answers...
"So, I cast a spell to take the Shadow into me. And it
worked - all too well. I thought it I could buy us
time; I thought it would take time for the thing to gain
control over me. I thought that I was strong enough. I
thought I was different than Takawi...
"But I was wrong. So very wrong.
"I started the fire, not Rowan. It used *my* magick,
Rupert. I'd given it everything it needed. I was such
a fool.
"Please forgive me.
"I could feel it inside me, like a cancer on my soul.
It was going to kill you and it was going to kill
Rowan. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't bear it.
I couldn't watch my baby die and know it was because
of me.
"The only thing to do is destroy it. Now. Before it
comes back and hurts you or anyone else. And there's
only one way to make sure it's destroyed. Forever.
"I couldn't tell you because I knew you'd stop me from
doing what had to be done, what I know is the only
answer.
"Did I mention how much I love you?"
Giles made a choking sound as his hand tried to cover
the sob that slipped from his lips.
"I suppose I've known for years that ours was borrowed
time. A gift, a blessing, something destined to be, as
is this.
"Please don't blame Angel. He was the only one who
could help me, and he did it and at great cost."
Giles' jaw set as he frowned, shaking his head. He
forced himself to keep reading.
"Xander will be there for you, if you'll let him.
Please, let him. He's family, my family. Your family.
Don't push him away...
"And Rowan. Our beautiful child. She'll need you now
more than ever. Just love her. Love her for me...
"There are so many things I want say. How every day
you filled me. Every day. Words can't say the things I
feel. But we never needed words before, did we? I could
just look into your eyes, your beautiful eyes, and see
everything I needed.
"So, my love, when you miss me... when you need me...
I'll be there. Close your eyes and I'll be there.
"I won't say goodbye, for I know we'll be together
again. Ours is la vie en rose.
"All My Love,
"Willow"
Giles stared at the letter in hands. "I--I don't
understand," he said shaking his head. How could this
be happening? Surely this was not happening.
"Giles," Angel said in trembling voice. "I am so
sorry."
"She's... she's really..." Giles' face twisted
painfully as he tried to say the words. "She's gone?"
Angel nodded, his dark eyes swimming in tears.
"Where?" Giles rasped. "I... I want to see her."
"I'm sorry," Angel said softly. "I-I had to..." he
frowned and looked down, the painful memory still
fresh. "I took her... her body... it had to be
destroyed."
"Destroyed?" Giles gasped. "Wh-what are you saying?"
"This thing, it had to be destroyed, Rupert. Willow
knew that. She asked me help her, and I did."
Giles' eyes narrowed and cold steel tinted the green.
"What exactly did you do?"
"I was impervious to the Shadow. It... it needed a
living host. I was the only one who could touch her
a-after... after death and not be infected," Angel
explained, trying to be onjective, but the feel of
Willow in his arms, her last moments, haunted him.
Giles stared at him blankly for a minute, trying
desperately to understand. "How did she die?"
"Giles," Angel begged. "Don't---"
Giles advanced on the vampire. "Don't what?" he
hissed. "How - did - my - wife- die?"
Angel met his stare. "Quickly and without pain, I
promise you." Again he was assaulted by the dark memory
of her lifeless body in his arms.
"You did it, didn't you?" Giles spat out as he closed
in, his anger and grief pushing him forward. "You
killed her!"
Angel stood helplessly, his own guilt and anguish
paralyzing him. "She begged me," he said through his
own tears, pleading with Giles to understand... to
forgive.
Giles' anger collapsed as quickly as it had come, grief
and shock taking its place. "She's really... gone?" Giles
whispered. He just couldn't believe it.
Angel, his own tears falling, nodded in despair.
"No," Rupert rasped. "No, she... she can't be... No."
His body started to tremble. Sobs wracked his body as
the realization that Willow, his Willow was gone.
Forever.
Angel reached out, but Giles turned away. His breath
came in short bursts between strangled sounds.
His wife was gone. Gone.
"Oh God," he cried.
How could he possibly go on?
"Willow," he sobbed, his legs giving out as he fell to
his knees weeping.
His world crashed down around him, spinning out of
control, a turmoil of chaos, an existence without
meaning.
"Shhh," he heard a soft voice say. "I'll take care of
you."
He looked up to see his daughter caressing his cheek.
"Oh, baby," he gasped, pulling her into his arms. She
was all he had left, and he held onto her for all he
was worth.
*****
Xander struggled in his nightmares... again. With a
strangled grunt, he forced himself awake. He tried to
catch his breath as he oriented himself to the strange
surroundings - the guest bedroom at Giles' house.
He closed his eyes as he remembered that sometimes the
reality is worse than the nightmare.
Rowan had been so calm, so sad, as she sat in the
kitchen and told him that Willow was gone, that she
wasn't coming back. And then to see Giles collapse,
and Angel cry... was it only yesterday? A lifetime
ago... Willow's lifetime.
He fought down the tears, surprised he had any
left. After they'd gotten Giles settled, Angel
had given him his letter from Willow. He read it again
and again, hoping in vain each time.. that somehow...
somehow he was wrong.
Willow was gone.
Closing his eyes against the sting, Xander heard the
soft strains of music coming from downstairs. He knew
as much as he was grieving, it was nothing compared to
what Giles must be feeling... and Rowan...
Willow had asked him to watch over them, and he wasn't
about to let her down.
He heard a door open down the hall, and knew it was
Rowan. Quietly, he put on his robe and went to check
on the girl.
He peered inside her room, but saw that the bed was
empty. The music was louder now, and clearly coming
from the living room downstairs.
As he carefully made his way down the steps, he
stopped in his tracks and watched his family.
Giles had obviously been drinking, the bottle was on
its side next to the sofa. Mercifully, either fatigue or
numbness had taken him, and he slept on the couch, the
letter still held tightly in his hand.
Edith Piaf sang softly in the background. Their
song... La Vie en Rose, the song Giles had played as
he proposed ten years ago had long since ended... and
now the melancholy "Autumn Leaves" swept across the
moonlit room.
The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
Just as he was about to shut off the music, Xander saw
Rowan come out of the study and step into the living
room. She stood gazing down at her father, her head
titled to the side, her hand clutching two crimson
leaves. He saw the moonlight glint off her new
necklace, the thin chain that held her mother's
wedding band.
Then, ever so gently, Rowan crawled onto the sofa, and
stretched her tiny body across Giles'. She rested her
head on his chest... and held her father as he slept.
******
They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,
Love and desire and hate:
I think they have no potion in us after
We pass the gate
They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream,
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream
-Ernest Dowson "Vitae Summa Brevis"
Part Twenty Five
Six months had passed since that fateful night. Time
crawled along with agonizing slowness but
in retrospect, it was only a blur. Details sliding
into a vastness beyond the grasp of mortal men.
Giles surely would have gone mad if it weren't for
Rowan ...and Xander. There's only so much loss
one heart can bear. But bear it he did, with the love
of his child and his friends.
Xander had begged him not move away to England.
Giles wanted to leave immediately,just as he had
in Sunnydale. But Xander had urged him to stay,
to stay for Rowan. She needed some kind of
stability, and Giles had finally relented.
Xander also knew that Giles had to face the reality;
if he started running now, he'd never stop.
Xander didn't mention it, but he needed them to stay. They
were his family. And so, when Giles agreed not to leave,
Xander had moved in, to help with Rowan... and to help them
all heal.
Angel had stayed in the background, knowing his
presence was too painful a reminder. But he watched
over them nonetheless, an unseen sentinel. In time, he
would be welcome again.
Rowan was on spring break and begged and cajoled her
father into taking a trip to Los Angeles. Once he'd
agreed to stay in Ashland, he'd taken to keeping inside
the house, seldom leaving unless it were for Rowan.
So, it was grudgingly that he agreed to take the short
drive down south. And it was almost with a sense of
defeat that he agreed to take her to the Huntington.
For Giles, it was a place filled with memories --
memories so beautiful as to be painful. But Rowan was
not to be denied.
He and Willow had taken her to the library and gardens
on a few of their early trips to LA ,and she'd fallen in love
with it, just as they had.
Of course, they hadn't just fallen in love with place,
but with each other.
As Giles watched Rowan skip along in front of him, up
a small path through the gardens, he couldn't help but
see things as they had been just over ten years ago.
He'd walked this same path and chosen a life with
Willow. How could either of them have known that life
would be so short?
The spring sun shone down in bright patches between
the trees. As Giles walked slowly up the dirt path, he
saw Rowan standing off to the side a beautiful smile
on her face, her mother's smile.
And then he noticed the butterflies. The living halo
that circled her head, dancing in the air.
Willow.
And for the first time in six months, he smiled at the
memory. The sadness was there too, it would always be
his companion, but the healing had finally begun.
He knew as long as he had Rowan, part of Willow
would always be with him.
*****
About ten years later, Giles did move to England. Of
course, the fact that Rowan was attending Oxford might
have played a role in his decision.
He continued to be the doting father, watching with
pride and love as his child grew into a wonderful
woman. In so many ways, she reminded him of Willow.
And every day he felt blessed to be a part of her
life.
On her wedding day, he gave her away with the sadness
reserved for fathers only. He watched with delight as Xander
and Angel cornered the groom, impressing upon him the
proper way to treat a wife.
He had held his grandchild and marveled at the hidden
treasures in life.
Finally, on a cold day in May, he stood alone on a
grassy knoll overlooking a small gathering. Black raincoats
and umbrellas shielded the mourners as they paid their
final respects. He watched them through the rainy mist.
He saw Rowan crying and wanted so desperately to go to
her and comfort her as he always had. But he couldn't.
He watched as Xander held his child as she wept.
Giles stood silent and apart - never had had he felt so
alone.
Until a small, familiar hand slipped into his. He turned
and saw the woman he loved standing by his side.
And Willow was his again.
Forever.
The End
