Title: I'm not on drugs! I swear! (1/1) [IV]
Author: Charity A.K.A. BOB1
Email: charibob@aol.com
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The insanity is back! Run for your lives!!
Disclaimer: Joss owns them, but after what he did to Doyle I'm thinking he doesn't deserve them and we should steal them from him.
Distribution: If you want it, you've got it. But if you actually want *this* then you are even more insane than I am.
Feedback: Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie!
Dedication: For Anastasia who has been bitching, begging, badgering and bribing for this one. Hope it meets with your expectations.


Once upon a time.... Ya know, time is an interesting commodity if you think about it. You can take time, make time, spend time, kill time, waste time, time flies, stitch in time, time out, time in, bed time, lose time, beat time, watch time, quiet time, free time, quitting time, travel through time, and still have time for a drink. And I've completely forgotten where I was going with this...

Oh yeah! Once upon a time...

In the small country of Rosen there lived a king and queen named Ira and Jenny. Ira and Jenny were very good at ruling their kingdom and the land was prosperous and happy but the king and queen were not. You see, they wanted a child more than anything.

One winter morning, Jenny was sewing (because queens weren't allowed to do actual work and she couldn't surf the net because computers hadn't been invented yet.) Anyway, she pricked her finger with the needle and got kinda morbid and musing about blood. As she started thinking about the rich color of blood and how it was thicker than water and that it wasn't fair that she didn't have a child of her own blood to carry on the bloodline, she made a wish.

She wished for a daughter with lips the color of blood. (why the color of blood? Because she was still in that morbid blood mood.) But then realizing that she couldn't have a child without attributes other than lips ('cuz who wants a child that's just a pair of lips,) she glanced around the room and added to her wish. As she looked out the window at the snow on the ground she wished that her child could have pale wintery skin but eyes the color of the grass that the snow was hiding, that she would be strong and slender like the willow trees in the distance and as she was gazing into the fire she wished that her baby would have hair the color of the flames (thus setting up nicely for Willow.)

That very night, Jenny and Ira decided that they were sick of playing Pictionary so instead they played strip Twister and low and behold nine months later a redheaded baby girl was born!

Unfortunately, a few months after the birth of little Snowey Willow, a complete and utter bastard by the name of Joss snuck into the castle and broke poor queen Jenny's neck. BAD JOSS!

After a few years, king Ira remarried because he decided that his daughter needed a mother and his land needed a queen. Too bad for Willow and the kingdom that Ira didn't prove to be a very good judge of character. He married the evil bitch queen Sheila who just happened to have two daughters of her own, Bunny and Tara. About two months after the wedding, Ira realized what a bitch Sheila was and took off to become a hermit. No one ever heard from him again.

Which meant Sheila was in charge.

Not good.

Sheila and her daughters were extremely self-centered and vain and they all absolutely hated the fact that Willow was actually of the royal blood of the kingdom and was therefore the one who was supposed to inherit it all. So they decided to get rid of Willow. But seeing as they were all stupid, they didn't think of the obvious plan to just kill the girl and make it look like an accident. Instead they turned her into a maid and forced her to wait on them hand and foot, all the while hoping that the people in their little kingdom would just forget all about her.

Which ironically mostly worked.

But that was probably more because they killed anyone who mentioned Willow.

Anyway....

Time passed, Willow grew up a scullery maid, yada yada yada... we can skip all that crap.

Until a ball was announced in the kingdom of LA. Prince Angel of LA needed to find a bride. He hadn't found one on his own so far 'cuz he much preferred to brood and lurk and mope to actually going out and meeting people, so his father decided to take things into his own hands. Every female from every nearby kingdom was invited in the hopes that at least *one* of them would make Angel stop brooding long enough to notice.

Naturally queen Sheila and her daughters were planning on going and of course they wouldn't even stop to consider allowing Willow to go. Instead they decided that Willow had to scrub the entire castle, inside and out, top to bottom with a toothbrush.

As soon as they had left, Willow, being the smart one, tossed the toothbrush down the latrine and just hosed off the castle. She figured that her stepmother and stepsisters, being as vapid as they were, wouldn't notice that everything wasn't scrubbed to perfection. After she finished, she went into the library and grabbed a good book.

About a half an hour later, just when Willow was getting really into the book, a blinding flash of light swept through the room. Once Willow's eyes had refocused, out stepped a guy in a dress.

"I'm your fairy godmother, Larry," he said, "I'm here to send you to the ball. By the way, why didn't you just wish for it? I got really bored waiting for you to."

"Why would I wish to go to the ball?" Willow replied. "I've *finally* got a night off. Why would I want to waste it standing around in painful shoes and listening to a bunch of insipid girls giggle all night?"

"What?!?!" Larry the fairy godmother was shocked. "You can't *not* go to the ball! You HAVE to go to the ball. My only reason for existence is to get you to the stupid ball! If you don't go to the ball then I'll just be dead and gone again! Being dead sucks! You are going to that ball if I have to drag you kicking and screaming!"

Willow considered using her 'resolve face' on the near-hysterical fairy but she didn't because she started feeling bad for the poor guy. So she caved.

"Okay, fine, I'll go to the stupid ball. But I'm not staying late. Got it? At midnight I am out of there."

"Wonderful. Perfect. Midnight sounds good to me. Thanks!" Larry replied. "And now I suppose I'd better fix you up." He waved his wand and Willow's rags transformed into a gold ball gown with big hoops and covered in lace and pearls, a tiara was perched in her hair and there were glass slippers on her feet.

Willow took one look at herself and said, "Forget it. I'm not going."

"What?!?!? Why not?" asked Larry the fairy godmother.

"Um... Hello?" Replied Willow. "This dress must weigh fifty pounds, the stupid tiara is ripping into my scalp, these shoes are painful and ugly ('cuz really, who wants to look at someone's feet?) and will probably shatter the first time I stumble and will cut my feet to shreds and all in all, I look like a reject from Gone With the Wind! No thanks!"

Larry rolled his eyes. "You have to dress like that! How else is the prince going to notice you?"

Willow, rolled her eyes right back at him. "Look, it's bad enough that you're making me go to this stupid thing. If I'm going, I'm going to be as comfortable as possible. Besides, why would I want the prince to notice me? I've heard stories about him. Everybody says all he does is sulk all the time. He doesn't sound like any fun at all. Plus I *can't* be noticed. My stepmother and stepsisters will be there. If they found out that I'm not at home scrubbing the castle, I'll be in big trouble."

"All right! Fine! Don't stick to the script! Screw up the storyline! See if I care!" Larry grumbled. He waved his wand again and instead of the ball gown from hell, Willow was wearing a simple but quietly elegant silver ankle length dress and a pair of silver low heeled pumps.

"Better. Much better." Willow approved. "Now I suppose we should get this show on the road."

************

Outside the Castle in the Kingdom of LA

Willow stepped out of the carriage and glared up at the castle entryway. She looked like someone going to meet their doom as opposed to someone going to a party but oh well. Before she started up the steps, Larry stuck his head out the carriage window (possibly for a last word of encouragement.)

"Remember, we need to get this back to the carriage rental place by 12:30 so be sure to be out of there by midnight. Oh, and try not to annoy too many people." (Or maybe not.)

As she stepped through the doorway to the ballroom, Willow was stopped by a butler.

"Your name ma'am?" He inquired.

"Um... not telling?" Willow replied.

"But I need your name so that I can announce you." The butler answered.

"Uh... Just make something up. I'm sure you can do it. I have complete faith in you."

The butler stepped through the doorway and called out, "Er... Mysterious Young Woman Who... uh... um... Shall Remain Nameless."

Willow visibly flinched and hid her head in her hands for a minute. Once people went back to their conversations, Willow regained her composure and turned back to the butler. "Better luck next time." She told him as she comfortingly patted him on the shoulder. Then she turned back and started her descent into hell (the ball in this case.)

*************

Prince Angel was bored. And annoyed. And just really wanting to be elsewhere. This stupid ball was cutting into his brooding time and he could feel his lurking skills deteriorating around him. These girls were so stupid! And they wouldn't leave him alone. One particularly obnoxious blonde by the name of Betty or Bunny or something had practically glued herself to his side and was using the opportunity to drive him insane with her mindless drivel.

After listening to her prattle for almost an hour, Angel finally managed to make his escape under the pretense of going to get her something to drink. Of course, the second he was out of her direct line of sight, he made a beeline for the nearest exit and ended up in the gardens which were mostly deserted with one notable exception.

There was a girl in a silver dress sitting on a bench next to the fountain. Angel had to admit to himself that the girl in that setting with the light of the moon shining down on her made quite a lovely picture. He admired the view for a second before she looked up and caught him in the act.

Since he had been caught and because he didn't want to look totally rude, Angel went over to talk to the girl for a minute, figuring that he could always use the 'going to get her a drink' ruse to escape if he needed to.

"Hi." (Angel, master of eloquence.)

"Hi." Willow replied not wanting to seem rude either, though she did wish he would go away and leave her alone so that she could wait out the time before she could make her escape.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I'm avoiding the brainless babble from inside. You?"

"The same." (The silver-tongued one strikes again.)

"Well, if you didn't want to deal with all the idiots, you shouldn't have thrown the ball in the first place." Willow replied. "Then I wouldn't have been forced to come to this stupid shindig and wouldn't have been forced to listen to hordes of airheads going on about how they'd simply *die* if the prince didn't notice them and how they'd pass out if they got lucky enough to dance with him and blah blah blah, on and on and on."

"Wasn't my idea. My father forced me into it. And don't expect any sympathy from me, you have to deal with the stupidity for a few hours, *I* have to *marry* one of those babbling twits."

"Well, tell you what, why don't you go back inside and make a point of not noticing any of them and then they'll all simply die and we can have a big funeral and call it a night?"

A laugh escaped Angel's lips, startling the hell out of him because he *never* laughed. It clashed with his brooding image. But for once he just couldn't help himself.

He and Willow talked about inconsequential things for another hour and a half and probably would have talked longer except that the bell in the clocktower started ringing, announcing midnight.

Willow looked up at the tower when the bell started ringing. "Oops, gotta go." She said as she stood and hastily made her way to the door, planning to go through the ballroom so she wouldn't get lost on the grounds and have to pay a late fee on the rental carriage.

"Wait." Angel said, making a grab for her arm. He really didn't want to see her go. She was really interesting and if he had to get married, better to someone who was interesting and pretty than one of the vapid girls inside. Plus, he still didn't even know her name.

She shrugged his hand off her arm and was through the door before he could stop her. She weaved through the crowds and was up the stairs before Angel could even get through the garden door. He was instantly surrounded by girls who had been searching for him all night and he could only watch helplessly as she left, bumping into the butler and losing one of her pumps before disappearing into the night.

************

Later that night.... (after the ball.)

Prince Angel was sitting with his friend Doyle (who ISN'T dead!!!) bemoaning fate. "One shoe. A lousy shoe. I don't even know her name! How am I supposed to find her with just a stupid shoe?"

"Well," Doyle started, "You could ride around the kingdom and have all the women try it on. Then the one who fits the shoe is your girl and you can get married and live happily ever after."

"What kind of dumbass idea is that?" asked Angel. "Do you have any idea how many women in this kingdom alone wear a size 7 shoe? It's something like a third of them. Not to mention all the neighboring kingdoms who were invited. It'll never work."

"Good point." said Doyle. "But it gives you a place to start at least, 'cuz lets face it, you really don't have anything else to go on. And it'll narrow it down somewhat. Not much but some. And it'll give you an excuse to be too busy to deal with more balls to look for more potential brides."

"Suddenly this plan is looking so much better."

************

"Did you see how close the prince and I were getting?" Bunny asked Tara. "He spent more time with me than anyone else! I'll bet he proposes soon!"

"I'm sure you're right!" Tara gave a little squeal of excitement. "And you'll rule LA and I'll rule this kingdom and it'll be so fun!"

"Yeah! Sounds like a plan!" Bunny grinned like a loon. "But lets sneak into mom's room and ask her magick mirror for confirmation." Willow's stepsisters made their way into Sheila's room and stopped in front of the mirror.

"Do you know how to make it work?" Tara asked Bunny.

"Of course I do. I've watched mom do it a lot. First you say: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Then it'll answer Princess Bunny is the fairest and everyone loves her."

"Guess again." The mirror heard the question. When the girls looked into it, a blue-eyed demon with wicked cheekbones was looking out at them. "You aren't even closest to the fairest. In fact, your face reminds me of a duck for some reason. Now, that little redhead number you've got running around is pretty cute. Clean her up a bit and she's downright hot."

Bunny fumed. "That's not what you're supposed to say! Everyone knows Tara and I are much better looking then *she* could ever hope to be."

"Maybe in your little fantasy world but in reality, not a chance. If I were human I wouldn't touch either of you with a ten foot pole. On the other hand, I'd be all over her."

"Enough!" Cried Tara. "Bunny, it isn't really important right now and we can take care of *her* later. Make her even uglier than she already is or something. Right now we want to know who was the fairest at the ball, remember? So that you get the prince and we can rule the kingdoms together and stuff."

"Oh right. I forgot. Okay mirror, what she said."

"That'd still be the redhead. Like I said, she cleaned up real nice. Prince Angel is already out looking for her. And incidentally, this is *her* kingdom. So if Angel finds her then she'll rule both of them and you two will probably be thrown out on your asses."

Both of the girls were seething in rage. They put their heads together and after only a few days, came up with a plan to get rid of the pesky redhead. They called their faithful lackey Xander the Huntsman and told him to take Willow out into the woods and cut out her heart. Xander willingly agreed (mainly because he thought it would get him past second base with Bunny.)

***********

The next day, while Prince Angel and his friend Doyle were out chasing down shoe leads, Xander took Princess Willow out into the forest and told her to run away as fast as she could. He really didn't have the stomach to kill anyone and he figured that he'd just fake it for Bunny.

Willow, seeing her chance to get out of playing housemaid for her evil stepsisters, didn't even question Xander's strange request. She took off without a backward glance. Xander went back to the castle and said that he killed her. Bunny and Tara bought it without asking for proof or anything. (Did I mention how colossally stupid they were?) So they celebrated and Bunny jumped Xander, 'cuz she was a slut as well as an idiot.

***********

Willow found a small house in the middle of nowhere and decided that she had run far enough for the day. She pounded on the door for a minute but no one answered so she figured the place had been abandoned and went inside.

The place was a mess. Willow considered cleaning it up... for about five seconds. Then she realized that she didn't much care. And she was sick of cleaning. So she went and found a bed and took a nap instead.

A few hours later, Willow was awakened by the sound of several loud voices and what sounded like an argument breaking out. She rolled out of bed and went to go investigate.

What she found was a bunch of guys in the midst of a knock-down-drag-out. As it turns out, the guys were the seven dorks and they lived there. When Willow came out, they immediately stopped fighting and started falling over eachother to impress her, which led to them all fighting again over who saw her first. (They lived out in the middle of nowhere with no females around for miles and miles. They were desperate.) Eventually, Willow broke it up with a sharp whistle.

The dorks separated sheepishly and introduced themselves to the redhead.
Dork rollcall:
Percy
Devon
Parker
Owen
Ford
Scott
Jonathan

Anyway, the dorks invited Willow to live with them in the hopes that one of them could impress her enough to make her fall in love with them. Not like it'd happen, but as I've said before, they're dorks. What do you expect?

So they all lived together in the forest and Willow magnanimously decided to take on the cooking duties. She outright refused to clean though and the dorks were fine with that because at least they didn't have to put up with Devon's cooking anymore which was a blessing because he couldn't even boil water without causing a kitchen fire and the rest of the dorks were starting to fear for their lives.

And they all lived happily in the forest, ho hum, la de da and now for something completely different.

**********

It had been three months and Angel sick of feet. REALLY sick of feet. He and Doyle (who still isn't dead!!!) managed to make it all the way through the kingdom of LA and true to Angel's prediction, at least a third of the women he had seen had fit the shoe. And the other two-thirds tried to fake it.

And his father was getting sick of the whole 'shoe quest'. In fact, Angel's father had decided that the shoe thing was just some sort of trick to get out of having to actually choose a wife and organized another ball. (Oh the horrors!)

So Angel did what Angels do best and found himself a dark room to brood in while the preparations were being made.

**********

The night of the second ball found many vapid young girls floating around and again Angel was accosted by Bunny, who's hair was so mussed and gelled that it could be classified as a lethal weapon if she were to swing it at someone. (See Anastasia, I didn't forget! Now give me more Tights!!)

Once Angel managed to extract himself from Bunny and her hair of death, he made a beeline for the gardens in the hopes of finding his size seven redhead. Of course, she was off playing house with the dorks so she was nowhere near the gardens and Angel spent the rest of the night sitting in the gardens practicing his lurking skills and waiting for someone who would never show up.

At the end of the night, Angel's father was pretty much livid. He had spent major bucks trying to find a girl for his son and the ingrate hadn't even *tried* to find someone who sparked his interest. So the king of LA decided to take Steps.

**********

The next day Bunny and Tara went back to consult the mirror again. Their mother, Queen Sheila had started negotiations with the king of LA to obtain a bride for his son and the girls wanted to know which one it would be.

So they asked the fairest of all question.

When the mirror demon with the luscious accent showed up, he snickered at the both of them. "Didn't I answer that one last time, you stupid bints?"

"Yeah," Bunny replied. "But you were lying. But now that little ragamuffin is dead, you can't make up any more stupid stuff about her being prettier than us. So just tell us the truth so I can go start having my wedding dress made!"

"You really are thick, aren't you?" Inquired the mirror demon rhetorically. "The little redhead was cuter than you before and she's still cuter than you now. And if the king of LA manages to actually arrange a marriage between one of you and his poofy son, the son will probably end up running for the hills at the first opportunity."

"But she's dead!! There's no way she could be prettier than us!" Tara answered in a huff.

"Guess again. The moron you sent to do the job couldn't follow through and Red is currently shacked up with some dorks."

"Not fair! NOT FAIR!" Bunny started to throw a tantrum. "She's not supposed to still be around! I'm the only one that's important! She should be dead!"

"BUNNY!" Tara yelled. "Calm down! It's not important. After all, she's not here. The mirror is obviously broken. Mom is going to get you married to Angel. And we can go find her and kill her ourselves. Simple!"

"Yeah, you're right. How do we find her though?"

Tara grabbed a convenient hammer and turned to the mirror, an evil smirk on her face "We'll make him tell us... or he'll get to find out what it *really* means to be broken."

***********

So Bunny and Tara managed to.... shall we say.... persuade the yummy mirror demon with the sculpted cheekbones to tell them where Willow was and they sat down and came up with a cunningly devious plan (and it only took them three weeks!)

Their clever plan was really quite simple. They were going to take an apple and coat it in cherry Nyquil. They figured that if one dose of the nasty stuff knocks someone out for a good eight hours then a bottle of it should knock someone out permanently. After that it would be a matter of pure simplicity to disguise one of them and offer Willow the apple.

***********

It was really quite easy to disguise Tara as a harmless old lady. She was boring looking enough as it was that not much of a disguise was needed. Just a change of clothes and a silly wig and viola! A drab looking old lady instead of an insipid looking princess.

And it was also easy to get Willow to take the apple. Willow had always firmly believed in the old adage of 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'. Unfortunately, she was less well acquainted with the old 'never take candy from strangers' saying. It would have saved her a lot of discomfort if she had been.

Once Tara gave Willow the apple, she light-footed it back to the castle before ensuring that the redhead had eaten the whole thing. In fact, Willow had only taken one bite before realizing that the apple tasted incredibly vile (as all cough syrups taste) and had stopped eating the nasty thing.

But the one bite had done it's job and before Willow could get any kind of grasp on what was happening to her, blackness overcame her and there was nothing more.

**********

The dorks came home to find Willow's limp and lifeless body waiting on their doorstep. Overcome with grief and the desperate horror that overtakes one when they realize that there is absolutely no other female around for miles and miles and that they would have to go back to eating Devon's cooking, the dorks decided to make a shrine to her and to the memory of edible food. So they emptied out one of their glass display cases (that had previously been used to house such fascinating things as a piece of gum that William Shatner had once supposedly chewed and Leonard Nemoy's toenail clippings) and placed Willow inside where she would be preserved for all eternity. (Well, that's what they assumed at least. After all, the toenail clippings were still intact and the gum was still chewable if it was soaked in water and then hit with a hammer a few times.)

And there she stayed.

***********

And so it came to pass that the King of LA and the impostor Queen of Rosen announced the upcoming joyous union between Prince Angel and Princess Bunny.

And so it also came to pass that Angel took to the hills about thirty seconds after learning of his doom, just as the mirror demon had predicted.

***********

"So you have to marry the ditzy blonde. Big deal. It's not worth running away from home and throwing away a whole kingdom." Doyle spoke to Angel's back as they headed away from the castle and Angel's doom. "Plus, I'm betting wherever we end up won't have a decent bar for miles. Just marry the girl and then ignore her. That way we can go home."

Angel turned to his friend. "First of all, there's no way in Hell that I'd marry that whining self-centered little bitch. Second of all, if I *did* marry her there is *no* way I'd be able to ignore her. Her voice is so shrill, it's like someone running their fingernails down the chalkboard of my soul. I would probably end up killing her five minutes after the vows were exchanged. And last but certainly not least, we're *not* running away from home. You will be continuing on the quest to find the girl who fits the shoe and I'll be...."

"Hiding from your fiancee?" Doyle suggested.

"NO! I'll be...um... be communing with nature so that my spirit will be prepared when you return with my one true love. Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go with that."

"One true love?" Doyle questioned. "Hate to break it to you, old buddy, but you don't even know the girl's name. You talked for what, an hour or two? What makes you think she's your 'one true love'?"

"She's cute, smart, funny, interesting and mysterious. Sounds like the perfect woman to me. Besides, I'm the hero of this story and she's obviously the leading lady, ergo she must be my one true love. So nyner nyner nyner! Angel finished his speech by sticking out his tongue at his friend; a noble and princely gesture indeed.

So the two friends parted ways; Doyle to find a redhead with size seven feet and Angel continued into the hills, which conveniently surrounded a forest which contained a small cabin that was the home of seven dorks. (Coincidence? I think not!)

Angel soon found the cabin (which is a good thing because this story is already a lot longer then it was supposed to be when I started it) and the display case that contained his one true love.

He stood in shock, looking at the face that was etched into his memory (yet oddly enough, he never thought to put out a general description of her while he had been searching previously. Instead he went with the shoe method and hadn't bothered to rule out those females with the right size who just might have been blondes or ninety year olds or anything else that might have been shouting *this is not the right one* because he was a man which basically translates into idiot in this case.)

Bashing dorks right and left, Angel made his way to the display case and smashed the glass; cutting the hell out of his arms at the same time (because he was in idiot mode and simply opening the case and pulling the redhead out just didn't occur to him.)

The sticky fluid dripping on to her face, the sound of the glass shattering and the three week long nap managed to pull Willow partially out of liquid coma trance. The feel of arms crushing her, lips locked onto hers and a tongue in her mouth that definitely did *not* belong to her managed to wake her up the rest of the way. As soon as she was coherent, Angel proposed. And Willow accepted. (Of course.)

The dorks were ecstatic. Willow was alive which meant that they could put William Shatner's gum back where it belonged, assuming they could get it out of Percy's mouth.

*********

Angel and Willow hurried back to the kingdom of LA, stopping along the way to pick up Doyle, who was beyond thrilled that he could stop dealing with the feet. Plus there was the fact that he still wasn't dead, which is always a good thing.

They stopped at a justice of the peace who lived near the castle and got married. Angel was elated because he had found the girl of his dreams and was freed from having to marry that awful Bunny creature and there was nothing his father or anyone else could do because it was all signed and sealed and perfectly legal. Willow was overjoyed because she no longer had to deal with her evil stepsisters, didn't have to cook or clean anymore and she got a pretty hot guy in the bargain, even if he did tend to brood a lot. (It was a habit she was sure she could break him from.)

Shortly after the marriage was announced. (We're talking a span of hours here.) King Ira showed up out of the woodwork and announced that Willow was the heiress to the throne of Rosen, which thrilled Prince Angel's father because it meant the two kingdoms would combine and there would be a much larger tax base.

As for Queen Sheila and Princesses Bunny and Tara, Willow kicked them out of her castle and sent them out to the forest to cook and clean for the dorks. And while she was clearing out the riffraff in her castle, Willow came across a neat mirror with an utterly yummy demon in it. She kept the mirror in her sitting room and she and the demon because good friends even though the mirror flirted with her outrageously and caused Angel to brood in jealousy whenever he happened to overhear one of their conversations.

And Willow and Angel lived happily ever after. And once Angel got to the happily bit, he broke out the leather and was just a generally more fun guy to be around.

The End.

Woo-Hoo! I finally finished something else! Yay me!
If you have managed to survive my madness, go nominate someone in the Forbidden Love Awards. And send some feedback, especially to Anastasia and Carrie. (Maybe we can bribe them into writing faster!)

Charity