Title: Back Here
Author: Ped (sturdevk@calweb.com)
Couple: Willow/ Lindsey
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: List archives, MY site, THE Triad, Charity, Temptation
Embraced
Disclaimers: Joss owns all things B:TVS and A:TS related. BBMak owns
the song. I own $15,000 in student loans... you *really* want that? Go
for it!
Spoilers: Up to the season finales
Summary: Lindsey thinks back on his relationship with Willow
Note: Character thoughts are in the < >, Song Lyrics are between the //
//
Note2: This came to me after the plea for new W/L fic, and I heard this
BBMak song on the radio. Yes, I freely admit I listen to the
Teenybopper radio station late at night, more writing inductive than my
regular station (which plays the edgy stuff late at night).
Note3: I have decided that while this *does* take place in my
"Unexplored Depths" Universe, it can't possibly be the sequel, seeing as
I haven't finished *that* fic yet. So this is merely an interlude...
set after Willow returns to Sunnydale.
Dedicated to: Everyone who ever sent me feedback on "Unexplored Depths"
(Does anyone even remember that fic anymore?)


It was raining. Something strange for the first of September,
especially in Greater Los Angeles, but strange was the rule of life for
the man staring out of his office window a tumbler of whiskey cradled
against his stomach.

< Glad to know that the weather is as depressed as I am right now. How
could I just let her walk away from me? Because I'm not worthy of her,
and probably never will be. > With that thought Lindsey MacDonald,
youngest junior partner in the history of Wolfram and Hart, threw back
the rest of his whiskey and let the tumbler fall to the thickly carpeted
floor. < Damn carpet stops be from breaking the glasses by dropping
them, must be a conspiracy. >

// Baby set me free from this misery
I can't take it no more
Since you went away nothing's been the same
Don't know what I'm living for
Here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do //

Lindsey snorted at his last thought. < God! She's even got *me*
thinking like her now. And she's not even around to enjoy the
sensation, with that smile of hers. Will I *ever* see that or any smile
directed at me again? >

His eyes drifted to the framed picture sitting on the window ledge. He
smiled at the picture, himself and Willow climbing the infamous Santa
Monica pier sign while her friend Anya pretended not to know them. He
picked up the picture and lovingly traced Willow's image. < You've
turned into a total sap, MacDonald. You're getting drunk and mooning
over some college sophomore. > He paused a moment and smirked. < But
*what* a college sophomore. >

// Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go //

His mind drifted over the events of the summer. Especially his first
two impressions of her. < What a difference a set of clothing can make.
No *way* would I have thought the girl I saw dancing at "Scar Tissue"
would show up in my office the next day carrying a briefcase and
representing one of the most vicious vampires in all history. >

He chuckled at the now legendary confrontation between *his* redhead and
his associate, Lilah Morgan. < I can't believe she told Connie that she
wouldn't let Lilah escort her any further than the reception area of
this floor. Okay I *can*, but I bet Lilah nearly died. *No* one here
has had the balls to call The Piranha on her behavior, but some
redheaded slip manages to. >

His brief good mood fades as he lets his mind drift over what else
happened during the summer. < While most of it was good, there were
times I regretted our relationship. We shouldn't have let it go past
lawyer/client, even if technically I work for Spike. She risked too
much, and I didn't risk enough, for us to be together. >

// So I told you lies even made you cry
Baby I was so wrong
Girl I promise you now my love is true
This is where my heart belongs
Cos here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do //

His eyes close in pain as he remembers how they spent their last night
together. Rather than the romantic evening he had planned, they fought
instead. Or more precisely, they fought about her friends. < Anya and
Spike approved of she and I, but none of the rest of her friends did. I
can't believe they tried to make her choose between them and me. Could
she have chosen? It really doesn't matter, I took that choice away from
her when I told her I was just using her. >

He looked down at the picture he still held in his hands, remembering
the last time he saw Willow. Her green eyes had changed from their
normal jade color to a dark emerald in pain and hurt, and tears were
streaming from them. At the time he'd just wanted to pull her into his
arms and hold him to her until time ended. < Who am I kidding? That's
all I *still* want to do. But it's better this way, she can be
relatively safe from W&H. Or at least from our direct corrupting
influences. > Her last words to him echoed in his head, even a week
later.

She had raised her chin, not bothering to wipe the tears from her face,
and stared into his eyes. "You're a fool, Lindsey MacDonald. You're
letting some stupid notion that you have to protect me from the senior
partners guide your actions. Do you honestly think that if they were
any real threat, Spike would have let me take his personal accounts to
your law firm? I'll leave you to think about that, but also remember
that I love you. You and all your stupid ideas." She had cradled his
left cheek in her palm and brushed a final kiss on his lips. "Until we
see each other again, Lindsey." Then she had turned around and walked
out, the click of the door latch echoing in his suddenly deathly still
apartment.

// Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go //

< God, Wills. Did you know what those final words would do to me?
Probably. > With a final look at the picture, Lindsey put it back on his
window ledge. Then he rose from his chair, and grabbing his briefcase
he left his office.

// And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cos I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cos here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do //

When he finally entered his apartment an hour later, he began to remove
his suit and almost missed the flashing light on his answering machine.
Hitting the playback button, he moved into his bedroom. When he heard
the voice coming from the speaker, he ran back into his living room and
hit rewind.

The message began again, and the sweet tones of Willow Rosenberg filled
his apartment. "Hey, Lindsey."

A long pause followed her greeting, and Lindsey could picture her
cradling the phone at her parent's house and biting her lip, debating
about speaking some more. He sighed when the message continued. "I
thought it was time to return the favor, y'know? I guess you wouldn't,
huh? Anyway, if you're wondering about all those hang-ups recently,
that was me. I guess I just missed hearing your voice. So I'm
returning the favor, here's my voice."

He smiled at her smile words, and complex thoughts. < That's my Willow.
God! I miss her! > He let his mind focus on what else she was saying.

"I still think you're a jerk for trying to convince me that I deserved
someone better than you. Don't you know by know that there *is* no one
else better for me than you. Don't think I'm forgiving you for letting
me walk away from you that last night. I *am* however forgiving you for
what you said, I know you were just thinking of me. But you should know
by now, Lindsey, as long as I have you, the rest of the world can go
hang itself."

Lindsey chuckled at her statement. < Bet Spike would have had a
completely different phrase to use. > He smiled as she finished her
message. "I'll see you the end of the month when I come for routine
business for Spike's account. If you're *very* lucky I might let you
convince me to spend the weekend in your bed. Te Quiero, Mi Amor."

Lindsey sighed and hit the save button on his answering machine. "Te
Amo, Mi Corázon. I'll see you in a few weeks." With a suddenly lighter
step, Lindsey walked back to his bedroom to remove his suit.

// Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go //

The End!


Spanish translations:

"Te Quiero, Mi Amor." - (roughly) "I (passionately) want you, My Love."
"Te Amo, Mi Corázon." - "I love you, My Heart."