WHL Player of the Week - Week 1:
JARRET STOLL

Runnin' With The Devil: Good day everyone. I'm please to have here with us today the first Player of the Week for the 2001-2002 Season, Jarret Stoll. Hello Jarret.

Stoll: Hello, nice to be here.

Runnin' With The Devil: Yes. You may have thought we were interviewing Popeye today, but we're not. What an uncanny resemblance, no?

Stoll: I do NOT look like Popeye!!

RWTD: Um, yes you do dear. Anyway, Jarret is a center and plays for the Kootenay Ice. Or rather, he was playing with the Ice until he experienced a bit of a setback recently. Would you like to expand on what is keeping you out of the lineup?

Stoll: Sure. I lacerated my hand and had to go for surgery because I cut a couple of the tendons in it.

RWTD: Ouch, sounds painful. How long are you out for as a result? 8 weeks?

Stoll: Yeah, something like that. Hopefully it will only be about of 6 weeks, but you never know. I'm kinda useless without the use of my hands.

RWTD: M'kay... we'll let that one go.

Stoll: No, it's true! I mean, I need my hands to work the stick!

RWTD: That's two... Please Jarret, let's just not make this any more painful than it has to be. So... you injured your hand. I've been hearing rumours that this was not at all a hockey related injury.

Stoll: Well no, it happened in the kitchen. I was trying to separate some frozen steaks and--

RWTD: Woah, hold on just a minute there. Did you just say this happened in the kitchen?

Stoll: Yeah, with frozen steaks. I--

RWTD: You cut yourself with frozen steaks? How the HELL does one manage that?

Stoll: I was trying to separate them, you know, pull them apart.

RWTD: Oh, I'm quite clear on that part, but how do you CUT yourself with meat!?!?!

Stoll: I cut myself with the knife I was using to separate the steaks.

RWTD: Still. What are you a rookie?

Stoll: No, I'm in my 4th season. Duh.

RWTD: I meant in the kitchen, you schmuck.

Stoll: I was hacking at them and next thing I know, the knife's sliced half my hand off. Practically.

RWTD: It's not rocket science really. I mean, how difficult is this? You stick the steaks in the microwave for a few seconds, soften 'em up a bit, then you gently take them apart.

Stoll: Um, I sorta skipped the microwave bit.

RWTD: I see. Why?

Stoll: You know, I'm a guy... I don't need it.

RWTD: You seemed to have proved that point. Practically deserve the Darwin award for that one.

Stoll: Okay, fine, I did it because I would've won the league's scoring title for sure and I just wanted to give everyone else a bit of a head start.

RWTD: Well you did gather an impressive 106 points last season.

Stoll: Yup.

RWTD: Still, I think your plan needs some work. From the look of it, you're going to have to be a superstar for the rest of the season to catch up to everyone else now.

Stoll: What are you saying, that I can't do it?

RWTD: I'm just suggesting that it may be rather difficult.

Stoll: I'm an Ice, we can do it all.

RWTD: Yeah, like you won that Mem Cup in 2000. Oh oops, that's right, I forgot, you didn't even come close. But here, let's continue this little interview over a nice bowl of soup, what do you say?

Stoll: *grumble* Fine.

RWTD: Hey, Candyass!  We want some soup!!

*Brad Tutschek brings two bowls of steaming spinach soup.*

Tutschek: Look, I'm here in case you require my manly assistance, if your guests or audience get out of hand, not to play maid service for you.

RWTD: Keep nagging. Just do what you're told.

Stoll: Tuts! What are YOU doing here?

RWTD: He's our new bitch. Now that Belak's run off to play 'professional hockey' and left us without a hired bitch. So Mr. Candyass here gets the honour.

Tutschek: You know, I really wish you wouldn't call me that in front of people.

RWTD: What, Candyass?

Tutschek: Please!

RWTD: K, shoo. Go away now... Mr. pre-law.

Stoll: Hey, come on, can't I sit and chat with him?

RWTD: Um, NO?!? What kind of a show to you think we run here? Come on, let's get back to this interview.

*Stoll reaches for Runnin' With The Devil's spoon*

RWTD: Heeeyyy! What do you think you're doing here?

Stoll: Um, getting a spoon?

RWTD: No, no, no, you can't have this one. This one's made of metal honey... here, Candyass brought special ones for you.

Stoll: What the f--k? This is plastic!

RWTD: Well, yes. We don't want any more accident now, do we?

Stoll: What is this? Spinach soup??

RWTD: It's really quite excellent.

Stoll: I do NOT LOOK LIKE POPEYE.

RWTD: Woah, a bit sensitive there, eh? It's just spinach soup. So, you were drafted by the Calgary Flames in 2000, weren't you?

Stoll: Second round. Not bad, eh?

RWTD: Nope, not bad at all. Was that the team you wanted to draft you?

Stoll: No, not really. But it's close to home and everything.

RWTD: Ah yes, Yorkton, Saskatchewan.

Stoll: That'd be the place. Hey, this is actually pretty tasty soup.

RWTD: Sure is.

Stoll: Hey, did you see this? *shows Runnin' With the Devil a ring on his finger*

RWTD: Hard not to notice...

Stoll: My Yorkton Terriers Bantam Championship ring.

RWTD: That's quite the mouthful there.

Stoll: We won it all that year... *sigh*

RWTD: For a minute I thought it was a Mem Cup ring... but then I remembered you didn't get one of those, did ya?

Stoll:*glares* No.

RWTD: So tell us, what do you like to do when you're not playing hockey? 'Cause you have a lot of spare time on your hands now.

Stoll: I dunno, go clubbing and stuff.

RWTD: What, in Cranbrook? Or Yorkton?

Stoll: No, we hit the city for that.

RWTD: "The City" being Calgary?

Stoll: Yep. We go out there and let loose when we can.

RWTD: Your coach lets you do that?

Stoll: Who cares what he'd say? You should see me grind, baby!

RWTD: I have seen you, you're right, you're quite the little mucker out there.

Stoll: Not on the ice, I meant on the dance floor!

RWTD: My bad.

Stoll: Want me to show you?

RWTD: No, that's okay. It's not necessary.

Stoll: Just watch and be amazed.

RWTD: No, really!!!

*Stoll stands up on his chair and does a litte 'jig'... he strangely resembles Urkel doing the macarena or something of the sort...*

RWTD: What are you doing???

Stoll: I'm grinding!

RWTD: Look, please come down before you injure yourself. We certainly don't need you breaking your neck doing.... whatever it is you are doing now.

*Stoll jumps to the floor and starts twirling before he drops to the carpet, arms and legs flying in all directions...*

Stoll: Look, I'm break dancing!

RWTD: All right, whatever, you want to look like an idiot on tape, hey, go hard.

Stoll: What? You don't think this is hot stuff?

RWTD: Maybe if I was trailer trash.

Stoll: My girlfriend digs it!

RWTD: Okay, that's the LAST one I'm letting pass. Sit your ass down so we can finish this interview here.

Stoll: Man, you suck.

RWTD: Oh hey, look you dropped your wallet - oh my god, what is this? Is this a picture of you and Don Cherry??? And what is this? Who's this one with?

Stoll: That's my agent.

RWTD: You carry pictures of Don Cherry and your AGENT in your wallet?

Stoll: What's the big deal?

RWTD: How GAY are you?

Stoll: I'M NOT GAY!

RWTD: Ha ha ha,, a gay sailor! *starts laughing*

Stoll: What?

RWTD: You know, Popeye the sailor man! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Stoll: This isn't funny at all! What's the matter with you?

RWTD: Ha ha ha, I should've known from your dancing style.

Stoll: There is NOTHING wrong with the way I grind!!!

RWTD: *is by now laughing uncontrolably* Oh my god, who calls it GRINDING anyway! HA HA HA HA HA!!

Stoll: That's it! I'm done here! I'm going to talk to Tutschek. It's the last time I let you interview me!

RWTD: Ha ha ha ha ha, oh I think we just about covered anything we'd want to ask you anyway little gay sailor boy... *laughing her butt off*

Stoll: SHUT UP!

*Stoll storms off the stage, fuming mad.*

RWTD: Oh god, I can't stop laughing... I guess we'll see you guys next week. Hope you enjoyed the show! ha ha ha ha ha... pictures of his agent... oh that's just too funny....