WestFiction- "Never Had a Dream Come True" by Toni

“Nicky, I can't do this anymore!” I shouted to Westlifer Nicky Byrne. “I’m sick of your fans mobbing me all the time! I’m sick of all the press people running around me every time I go out! I can't even have a decent day in private! Nicky, I’m sorry but I gotta go!”

“But, sweetheart,” he answered back. “It’s not my fault. I tried to tell them but they’re too stubborn to listen!” He reached for my hand holding my car keys. I tried to hold back but he’s strong for me.

“Let me go!” He didn’t. “I said, let me go! Nicky, it’s not only that! I know you had sex with a 19-year-old fan! How could you, you bastard!”

He didn’t talk more. He let me go and yell to him more. It’s true. I caught them but he didn’t know I’m even there. I heard all their conversations… and it’s all about me. Proof? You need proof? Well, I even got the girl’s thong hanging on the towel rack of our bathroom. They talked about me being so naïve and stupid and not knowing that he’s two-timing me. They said that I’m so low minded and useless. I know he does this not only when he’s home. But when I ask him about it, he turns the story around. This time, I planned everything. The night before, I packed up and put all my stuff in the trunk of my car. I never left anything except our engagement ring. I plan to leave as soon as he comes home and after I tell him something.

“So, what are you going to say to yourself now? Huh Byrne?! Can’t hold back the truth, ei?” He said nothing. “Well, Nicky, I’m leaving! And expect not to see me again ever!” I started to go towards the door.

He stopped me again and said, “No please Sarah! No! Don’t leave me. I need you here in my life! You can do anything to me… just don’t go!”

“Nicky, I can't live with you anymore under one roof! I have to leave you and let you find someone who can really love you. My baby and I can't take this anymore!” I started crying quietly.

He looked back at me in confusion. He asked, “Baby? Whose baby?”

I remembered that I hadn’t told him yet. “Oh I haven’t told you yet? Well, Mr. Byrne, I just want you to know that I’m 3 months pregnant with your baby. I don’t care if you take the responsibility or not. I just wanna be sure that you know you have a baby.” He said nothing more then I left. I drove the car out of our driveway and bade goodbye to the $3 million flat we bought for his birthday.

As I was in the car, crying and cursing and thinking all in the same time, I felt my tummy move. I got a little uplifting kick from our baby. He or she gave me strength and hope to move on and leave my past behind. I pulled over my friend, Kelle’s house and took my things in. Her ex-boyfriend just left so she decided to take me in. I told her everything about us and about our baby. She totally understood me and supported me.

“Sarah girl, you look like hell!” Kelle said. “Lemme guess, you had a last minute fight.” She took my bags in and I sunk on the sofa.

“Yes, Kel,” I said. “I left him for good, I guess.”

“Huh? Girl, what’s ‘I guess’?”

“It means I’m not sure about it. I’m not sure to forget him 100%.”

“Not sure? Sarah, he cheated on you! You must forget him! Even though he’s in Westlife, has millions of pounds and looks like Ronan, he’s not everything! There are so many free guys out there, waiting, expecting someone to like them, someone like you. So forget that two-timer before he gets the shit outta you.”

“Yes, I know. But he’s the father of my baby. He’s the fruit of our so-called love. How can I forget him if he’s going to leave something permanent in my life? Kelle, thanks but I think it’ll take time to erase N-I-C-K-Y_B-Y-R-N-E from S-A-R-A-H_M-c-D-O-W-A-L-L.”

THERE’S NO USE LOOKING BACK OR WONDERING

HOW IT COULD BE NOW OR MIGHT HAVE BEEN

OH THIS I KNOW BUT STILL

I CAN'T FIND WAYS TO LET YOU GO…

Kelle showed me to my room. I decided to unpack the day after. Before sleeping, I wrote to my journal. I wrote the day’s happenings and what happened between Nix and I. After that, I went to bed. I can't sleep because I kept thinking of our baby’s future even if it’s 6 months more. But I can see my belly blowing up very slowly. I slept about 2 am until 8 the next day. I found my clothes and other things in their proper places and my suitcases under my bed. A note was placed on the side drawer. It said:

“Sarah, Nicky stopped by this morning and asked if he can talk to you. I said you’re still in bed and you have morning sickness. He left flowers for you. I placed it at your feet. And he asked you to meet him at Fountains after work. <<<Kelle>>>”

I took the flowers and put it in an empty vase beside me. I lazily got up and make my way to the shower. I took off my clothes and stared at myself on the mirror. I ran my left-hand on my tummy and feeling the movements inside. A tear flowed down my face and dropped on my tummy. I remembered when Ashleigh and Bryan told us that they’re going to have Leeza. Oh how I envy them! They’re so great together and they’re sure that Lee can grow up in a proper family. But, my baby? I’m not sure about his future. His dad can forget him. If our baby grows up he may never know his father. I tried to brush it off by taking a cold shower. Even the coldness failed to stop my tears and emotions. I looked at the clock in the bathroom. It’s already 8:45. Oh goodness I’m almost late for work! I dressed and went out of the bathroom finding Nicky sitting on my bed. He noticed me and stood up. He looked at my tummy and smiled. Obviously, he can see it growing. I smiled back and looked down. I don’t know what to say to him. After those hurtful words I said to him last night, I feel so helpless and guilty.

“Well,” he said, “our baby’s growing alright. I guess you’re preparing for work. I guess I came in a bad time. I… I’d better go.” He went to the door.

“No wait,” I said. Damn! Why did I? I thought I love him no more. He turned back. Now we’re inches away from each other’s faces. “Thanks for the flowers. I thought we were going to meet after work?”

“Yeah but, I’m just going to give you something.” He reached for his pocket and pulled out a ring. “Here,” he said taking my hand and encasing the ring into it. “It supposed to be our future wedding ring but I guess we’re never gonna get married. I just want you to have it. I’m sorry.” Then he left.

I just stood there, frozen and crying. I heard his car roar away. I opened my hand and took the ring. It was a gold band with a huge diamond in the middle. Engraved on it was: “Le gra, Nicky”. I slipped it on my finger and wiped my tears away. I went down to get breakfast. I grabbed 2 toasts and half drank a glass of milk. Then I headed for my car to my office… BMG Studios.

Hi! I’m Sarah Jennifer McDowall. I’m 23 years old and I’m working as Westlife and Atomic Kitten’s co-songwriter and producer. I’m a year older than Nicky but it didn’t made a difference. I loved every bit of him; from head to toe, I love him. Even until now…

I parked my car beside Westlife’s official limousine. I checked in and went to my office. All of the people working there know that Nicky and I we’re having a baby but they don’t know that we broke up. Probably the lads because they’re very close and they would know eventually. I put my handbag down my chair and looked around. I saw Bentley, my ‘secret admirer’ sitting on a couch. I was surprised and looked at him intently. “What the heck are you doing here?”

He stood up and walked towards me. I slowly walked back. He swooped me with his strong right hand and said, “I finally got you, Sarah.” I tried to scream but nothing came out. “That pathetic Byrne cannot resist my sister, a bitch! Ha! Then how can he be a proper father?”

He released me and I quickly ran to the door. “You can't say things like that to Nicky! He’s not what you think! I love him and he’ll be my baby’s father!” I ran outside and to the conference room where I found to lads. He followed me.

Nicky was not there, probably in the little boys’ room. Bryan saw me with Bentley following me from behind. He hugged me and the others blocked the door. I was crying and panicking. I looked up to Bryan looking at me with gorgeous eyes… but not as gorgeous as Nicky’s. I never kept an intent gaze at him coz he’s 6’2” and I’m just 5’2” so we have a 10” interval. My neck would hurt. Bentley tried his hardest to get inside but the lads kept him there. Mark tackled him from behind and Kian and Shane pinned him on the wall. By this time, Nicky showed up and I unknowingly transferred from Bryan to his loving arms. I love being wrapped in his arms… so warm, so sweet, so secure. Nicky stroked my long brunette hair.

He whispered, “What’s the matter, honey? Is he bothering you and our baby again?” He kissed my forehead and handed me back to Bryan. I heard him say to Bentley, “Fuck you, bastard! Don’t ever do that to her again or else!” Then I heard someone fall on the floor. I guessed it’s Bentley. The lads went back and locked the door. Nicky hugged me again and helped myself together. “It’s alright, Sarah, he’s gone,” he said. He was breathing deeply. I know he’s mad and I know that he’s nervous because of me.

Then Kian said, “Uh… lads, I think we’d better leave. Nix, Sarah, see ya later!” Then they left.

So there we are… alone, just the two of us, in each other’s arms. Nicky whispered to me, “Are you okay now? What are you feeling?” I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.

“I’m okay, thanks,” I answered softly.

“Are you sure? No cravings or morning sickness?”

“No, I’m fine. But it hurts when he moves inside me,” I looked up at him and smiled. “Say, Nix, I gotta go now. I have to work on the Kittens single. Thanks again!”

Before I left, I kissed him on the cheek and he held my hand for a few seconds. He saw the ring and grinned, “It fits you perfectly!” I pulled my hand away and left.

The day went by swiftly. In no time I was driving to Fountains where I’m supposed to meet him. I saw his car there and he was leaning on it probably waiting for me. I parked mine 4 cars after him and got out. He ran to me and took my hand. Then we went on a stroll through the park.

“So,” he said, “remember this place?”

“How could I forget?” I said as I looked around. “This is the place where we 1^st met 3 years ago.” We sat on a park bench far from each other. I can tell that he was scared to get near me. I must admit, I’m scared too. But, nothing could happen if neither someone of us will make a move. So I took the chance and inched closer. Maybe I signaled that it’s okay so he did the same and pulled me closer to a kiss. It was long and true. I can see his breath misting because of the cold weather. We parted and stared at each other. Our hands were intertwined and playing whilst our eyes were teasing.

He looked down to my tummy and as he did earlier, he smiled. I reached for his hand, oh so cold from the weather, and placed it on my tummy. “Nicky, I want you to feel him. He’s your baby. We made him live.” On his touch, our baby moved in all directions. It didn’t bother me because I was close to Nicky so I never felt the pain. I can tell that he feels that his Daddy’s near.

Nicky, moved his hand up and down massaging him and me, smiling and crying at the same time. He said, “So this was Bryan’s feeling when they knew they were going to have Lee. Now, I feel the same.”

I took his hand and squeezed it. I said, “Nicky, I’m sorry for what I did last night. I was just… just so mad that my emotions carried me away. I don’t wanna lose you now that we’re going to have a family. Nicky, I’m sorry but I asked the boss if I could take a 2-year break from my work, away from you guys and away from the entire buzz. He said yes and I’m starting tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, I understand. Besides, it’s all my fault. Our argument last night and your pregnancy, it wouldn’t happen if I just quit one night stands. I’m sorry too, babe. But no matter what happens, I love you and I’m always right here for you.”

“Thanks, love. I guess I’d better go. Kelle and I had an agreement that she’ll help me do the baby shopping.” I stood up and headed for my car.

He ran up to me and asked, “Can I come with you? I can help you with the shopping.”

“No, Nix. Somebody might see us. I don’t want you into the front pages again and I’m concerned for myself too. So, just let me and my friend do it, okay?” He nodded and we kissed again. Then he let me go and drive away.

I NEVER HAD A DREAM COME TRUE

‘TIL THE DAY THAT I FOUND YOU

EVEN THOUGH I PRETEND THAT I MOVED ON

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY…

In the past 6 months, many dramatic things had happened to me… and my life. I went back to Kerry, a county in the southern part of Ireland, to my parents. They took me whole-heartedly and they understood everything. I found a new boyfriend. He’s Ronny, my old playmate. He’s kind to me but I still can't take my mind off my 1^st love, Nicky Byrne. I heard from Liz that Nicky has a new girlfriend named Carol Jones from America. They are supposed to be married in June. I was hurt of course but I asked myself why. I’m with no connection to him now but why am I craving for him still?

After 6 months… In Pasztor General Hospital… October 10…

“Aww… isn’t he the cutest baby?” my mom said. “And he’s my grandchild.”

Everyone who was with me at work and my relatives were there in my hospital room. I was holding my 8-day old baby boy in my arms, sleeping and thumb-sucking. Everyone was talking and looking at him. I can see Bryan and his family, Shane and his girlfriend Jo, Kian and Melyssa, their families, my family, Anto, Louie, Ronan, Yvonne, the Kittens, everybody I know… except one… Nicky. All was a big buzz when an alarm rang signaling the end of visiting hours. So everyone said goodbye and congratulations.

Finally, I’m alone with my baby in a room so quiet, so peaceful yet so empty. I gazed at him. He reminds me of Nicky. The blond hair, the blue eyes, the pout lips, the pointy nose and the soft skin… he got them from his Dad. I named him Charles Phillip Bernard, the name Nicky wanted for his 1^st child. I was so happy now that there’s a part of Nicky with me. Then he started crying. At first I didn’t know what to do but now that I’m a mother, I instinctively offered my breast to him to suck on. The feeling was incredible. It’s like nothing else. He looked up at me and smiled and that just beats all. It’s so much better than winning all the awards existing. As I was hugging him close to my heart, someone knocked on the door. I was surprised since the visiting hours were over 15 minutes ago. I let the visitor in but I didn’t look at him. My gaze automatically went back to Charles who was playing with my hands. The visitor sat beside me. I had no idea on who he or she was.

“So,” he said, “is he our little boy?”

“Oh God, Nicky! You scared me,” I exclaimed. I was surprised but the truth is… I’m nervous. “Yes, he is our little angel. I named him Charles Phillip Bernard. Isn’t that the named you wanted him to have?” He nodded and gazed at our little baby. Charles smiled at him and reached out for his hand. I smiled and said, “Here, Nicky, I think he wants you to hold him.”

At first he was hesitant. He admitted to me that he gets scared holding babies, especially his own, because they’re so fragile and soft and cuddly. He gently cradled Charles’ head and supported his soft body. In no time, he was like a professional. “Hello there, little Chaz. I’m your Daddy. Welcome to the world!” Ha… they look so great together. Father and son. It seemed my life was now complete. They continued playing around. Aww… I wish I had my camera around. Nicky stayed there with Chaz, his new nickname, and me. Then I told him to put our baby off the sleep. He did and laid him down the crib.

“So, Nix,” I said. “I heard that you’re getting married next year to Carol. I wish you all the luck.”

His smile turned into a frown and his lively voice became sad. He answered, “Yeah, thanks! It was her idea, not mine, honest.”

I smiled. I trust him; it’s true. “By the way, belated happy birthday. I’m sorry I didn’t have something for you. I promise to get back to you next time. I…” he pressed his lips onto mine. He kissed me the way he used to when he proposed to me. I kissed him back like when I said yes. As we parted he put his finger on my lips to keep me quiet.

“Sarah,” he said, “let me do the talking just for now, please.” I nodded and he embraced me. I felt so secure and so warm. “Honey, please forgive me for all that’s happened between us. You can regret everything, even meeting me 3 years ago.”

I straightened up and said, “Nicky, I don’t regret anything. You’re my life. I love…” he did it again. Obviously, he didn’t want me to talk.

“Honey, I told you. Now, thank you for coming into my life. You may think I sound cheap but you complete me. You’re the star of my private movie. Sarah, I’m sorry again but… I’m not sure about this… aww…”

“Nicky, just say it. I promise not to be offended. If you even want me to be your bridesmaid, I will. Just say it, I love you, honey,”

“Sarah, are you sure? I mean, Carol wants you to… be our… uh… wedding singer… that is if it’s okay. Is it?” I thought for a few minutes. “Sarah? Are you okay? If you’re into it, I’ll just ask one of the lads to do it or the Kittens or even S Club 7.”

“No, no, I’ll do it. For you, of course. It’s okay with me. What’s the song?” I asked with my eyes shining. But deep inside I’m hurting.

“That’s what I want you to do. I want you to write a song for me. I know you can do it. I believe in you. Please. I know you don’t want me anymore so I’m asking you this last favor.”

“Okay, I’ll do it for you. But in one condition, you’ll be Charles’ father whatever happens. Nicholas Bernard James Adam Byrne, I love you and it will take time to forget you. Goodbye. I want to be alone now.”

“Thank you, Sarah. Thank you for giving me time to be with our baby. Bye.” He slowly walked to the crib and planted one last kiss on Charles’ forehead. Then he went out.

I didn’t like what I just did. I don’t want him to leave me yet. I don’t like the idea of being their wedding singer. I mean I was when Leigh and Bryan got married but on Nicky’s… duh! But I had no choice. I said yes and there’s no turning back.

I stayed in to hospital for another week and then I got back home. Ronny was there but he I can feel that he doesn’t want my baby around. He doesn’t take care of him and his excuse is just ‘he’s not MY baby. I do not have anything to do with him. So let him cry for his bitchy father.’ Oh! I just can't stand it anymore. A week before the wedding, we broke up. I didn’t even shed a tear. I was happy! Chaz was already walking and talking a bit at 9 months.

Once we were watching the Coast to Coast video when he just stood up and walked towards the set and asked me, “Mommy, can you please pause it?” I did… and it’s just in time when Nicky was singing ‘You Make Me Feel’. He asked, “Mommy, is he my Dad? The babies in daycare said I’m a son of a famous pop star. Is that true?”

I wasn’t expecting that he’d ask me that. So eventually he’ll know. But he won’t stop asking me. Then I decided to answer. “Chaz, honey, by any chance do you remember anything when you first came into the world?” He shook his head. “Well, he may not be living with us here today but, he is your Daddy. He didn’t leave us or anything… it’s just, he’ll be marrying someone else next week.”

“But, Mom, why? Does he love us or anything?” his eyes were shining just like Nicky’s.

“He does, honey. I know he does…”

June 15… 9:45 a.m.

I went up the balcony of the cathedral waiting for my cue. I gave my piece to the piano player and stood beside Shane. He’s supposed to back me up. I stood there looking at the altar seeing Carol and Nicky’s happy faces. Then it came to the vows. Oh I can't watch! I can't watch him walk out of my life! I love Nicky. He knows it… the whole world knows it.

“Ms. Jones, do you take Mr. Byrne to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest said.

“I do. With all my heart and soul, I do!” Carol said with gait.

“Now, Mr. Byrne,” the priest said turning to Nicky. He continued the long saying. I can tell that he wasn’t even listening to him. “…until death do you part?”

I was almost crying. The whole cathedral wasn’t even breathing from all the tension they were feeling. We anxiously waited for his answer. He was silent for a few minutes, contemplating. “Mr. Byrne, I repeat, do you take Ms. Jones to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Carol was signaling him to answer. Then finally, he sighed and slowly said, “Carol, I’m sorry but I’m a father now. I have a son he’s there,” he pointed to Charles crying on Mark’s shoulder. “I love him and his mother. And it hurts me so much so see them cry. I’m sorry, but I can't.”

I just burst into tears. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad or confused…I don’t know! I fled down the stairs and to Mark to get my son. He was crying. “Honey, it’s alright, it’s alright. Mommy’s here. Stop now. Mom’s by your side.”

Then a sweet voice came from behind me. “And Daddy’s here too, Charles.”

“Daddy!” Charles shouted. “I miss you! Daddy, I love you!”

Puzzled, Nix looked at me and asked, “He knows?”

“Yeah, just last week. It’s his instincts, I presume.”

Then he carried him and faced the people; “This is my family. My son Charles and her Mom Sarah. My world revolves around them and I want to spend my life with them.” The he faced me. He put down Charles and took my hand. He said, “Sarah, will you marry me? Now?”

“Huh? Now?” I asked. I was truly speechless.

“Yes! Now!” He pulled the ring from my finger and got another from his pocket.

“Yes, yes, Nicky! I will!” I said and we kissed.

He guided me to the altar and signaled the priest to resume.

“Now,” he started. “Will you, Ms. Sarah Jennifer McDowall take Mr. Nicky Byrne as your lawfully wedded husband, to spend your whole life with ‘til death do you part?”

“I do,” I said with all confidence.

“Now you Mr. Byrne…” he stopped and gave way to Nicky.

He said, “I do.” Without even letting the priest finish. We exchanged rings and then kissed. Charles ran up to us and then hugged his REAL Dad.

We were about to go down the aisle when I said, “Oh! Before anything else, I would want to sing my song for my new family.” I sped up the stairs and stood beside Shane. Then the song started.

I NEVER HAD THE WORDS TO SAY

YOU’RE THE ONE I THINK ABOUT EACH DAY

AND I KNOW NO MATTER WHERE LOVE TAKES ME TO

A PART OF ME WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU…

SOMEWHERE IN MY MEMORY

I’VE LOST ALL SENSE OF TIME

AND TOMORROW CAN NEVER BE

COZ YESTERDAY IS ALL THAT FILLS MY MIND

THERE’S NO USE LOOKING BACK OR WONDERING

HOW IT SHOULD BE NOW OR MIGHT HAVE BEEN

OH THIS I KNOW BUT STILL

I CAN'T FIND WAYS TO LET YOU GO

I NEVER HAD A DREAM COME TRUE

‘TIL THE DAY THAT I FOUND YOU

EVEN THOUGH I PRETEND THAT I MOVED ON

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY

I NEVER HAD THE WORDS TO SAY

YOU’RE THE ONE I THINK ABOUT EACH DAY

AND I KNOW NO MATTER WHERE LOVE TAKES ME TO

A PART OF ME WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE THE DREAM THAT FILLS MY HEAD

YES YOU WILL, SAY YOU WILL, YOU KNOW YOU WILL OH BABY

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE I KNOW

I’LL NEVER FORGET

THERE’S NO USE LOOKING BACK OR WONDERING

BECAUSE LOVE IS A STRANGE AND FUNNY THING

NO MATTER HOW I TRY AND TRY

I JUST CAN'T SAY GOOD BYE

I NEVER HAD A DREAM COME TRUE

‘TIL THE DAY THAT I FOUND YOU

EVEN THOUGH I PRETEND THAT I MOVED ON

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY

I NEVER HAD THE WORDS TO SAY

YOU’RE THE ONE I THINK ABOUT EACH DAY

AND I KNOW NO MATTER WHERE LOVE TAKES ME TO

A PART OF ME WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

3 years later…

Nicky and I were properly married a week after it. Now, 3 years had passed and we’re a happy family now. We have 2 kids, Charles and newborn Lindsay. We’re living in Dublin now. I hope everything gonna be okay…

(Sarah Jennifer McDowall-Byrne)

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