WestFiction- "I'm Not In Love" by Lajla

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I'M NOT IN LOVE

by Lajla

Don't think that you got me, girl

Don't think that you can

Tame me and change me

Don't think that it's all

Because of you

- “What makes you so sure about what you're saying?? You don't know anything about me!” - Mark was

saying, or rather yelling for 100^th time that day. He was arguing with his girlfriend, Erin, once again about their relationship.

- “Because I know you! I know you better than you think!”

- “Oh, so now you think you know me better than I know myself!” - he said sarcastically.

- “Yes, I guess that is what I'm saying.» - Erin said seriously. – “You can't go on like this anymore. I

can't, Mark!”

- “Like what?” - he said turning his back to her, and walking over to the window.

- “Like this. You're shutting people out.” - she said putting her hands around his waist. He didn't

argue. He always loved the felling of her hands touching him.

- “I'm not shutting anyone out.” - he was being stubborn.

- “Yes, you are, Mark! Please, just let me help you!”

- “I don't need any help!” - he said getting angry, and walking away from Erin.

- “See? This is what I'm talking about! You're not letting me get near! And I hate it! I hate the fact

we can't talk, the fact that you're not letting me care about you. Not letting me love you.”

Just because I don't run around

Just because we're together forever

Don't you think of

A four letter word to use

- “Don't say that.” - he interrupted her.

- “Love. Is that it? Is that what you're afraid of?” - it suddenly all made sense to Erin.

- “No! I'm not afraid of it! I'm not afraid of anything!” - he said looking away.

- “Yes, you are afraid of it, and you know it, Mark. It would be a lot easier if you just admit it to

yourself. It would be a lot easier for both you and me.” - she said taking his hands in hers. He didn't say anything for few seconds, he just kept looking at her. Erin smiled, but he didn't smile back. Instead, he just pulled away his hands and turned his back to her once again. Erin sighted. There was nothing she could do about it anymore.

- “Fine. If that's the way you want it.” - she took her jacket and opened the door. Mark frightened.

He was afraid of losing her.

- “What do you mean? Where are you going?”

- “I did what I could, Mark. I offered you help, you didn't take it. Fair enough. But don't expect

progress in our relationship. I'm not gonna just close my eyes and walk over it this time. If you don't want to change, then I can't be with you. I'm sorry, Mark.” - she said sincerely and closed the door behind her.

Mark was just standing there, he was taking it all in. What did just happen? Did she leave him? Or was it just temporarily? Is she coming back? Or did he blew it this time for good? All sorts of questions were going through his mind, and he didn't know the answer to any of them. But he knew one thing. She was right.

So what if I just don't want

Anybody else but you

So what if you're all that

I ever really wanna do

I know what you're thinking

But that doesn't make it true

Believe me, baby

It took him hours until he finally got his head straight. He picked up the phone and dialled the number he knew by heart. It took Erin few seconds until she answered. He could hear in her voice that she was crying.

- “Erin, it's me.”

- “What do you want?” - she said rather harshly.

- “I wanted to apologize for being such a moron. You were right, about everything. I am afraid, I see it

now.”

Erin sighted a sigh a relief. 'Finally!' she thought.

- “Well, it was about time you admit it you're in love with me! I'm gonna……”

- “Whoa! Wait a sec! I didn't say I was in love with you, I just said I'm afraid of love.” - he

interrupted her. There was silence for a few moments. Erin just couldn't believe it. Was he doing this on purpose? Why did he enjoy so much hurting her?

- “Goodbye, Mark. I have nothing more to say to you then.”

- “Wait! What did I say?” - he asked sincerely.

- “I’m sorry, but if you don’t see it, then that’s your answer. Goodbye.”

- “No, don't! Wait!”

- “Look, Mark. I tried, I really did. I failed. It was all up to you, but I guess you just can't change. I

can't believe I actually thought you love me!” - she laughed bitterly. – “Goodbye, Mark. Have a nice life.”

And with that, she hung up, leaving a confused Mark to go through their conversation once again. He tried to figure out what did he say wrong, he tried to figure out what was he doing wrong in their relationship. He failed. He just couldn't change, she was right……once again.

I'm not in love

No, not at all

What makes you think you made me fall

I slip, but no

I'm not in love

What if I just can't sleep at night

I see your face in the starry sky

So high above…… but girl

I'm not in love

- “I don't know what to do. Help me, please.” - Mark said that evening to Kian.

- “I don't know what to say, man. I honestly don't. You two were like, the ideal couple. It all seemed to

be going great for the two of you.” - Kian was shocked when Mark came by to tell him that he and Erin broke up.

- “Yeah, I thought they were too. But she just attacked me saying all sorts of stupid things.”

- “What did she say?”

- “That I'm afraid of love. And that I'm in love with her! Can't you believe that?” - he laughed

nervously.

Don't think that you got me made

Don't think that it's so easy

To keep me

Never know it could all just

Fade away

- “Well, are you?” - Kian asked seriously.

- “What? In love with her?” - Kian nodded. – “Ah, man! I dunno! That's the hardest part! I don't know

what is this I'm feeling.” - he said looking out of the window.

- “You wanna know what I think?”

- “Well, that's why I'm here.” - he said sadly.

- “I think you made a mistake of letting her go. I do understand you, don't get me wrong. And I'm

behind you all the way, always know that. But I can also understand her. I've seen the way you act in front of her. Like you're forming some kind of a wall around you, and she can't come close to you. And that's killing her, because she loves you, Mark. And I think you love her too. But that’s just my opinion, you have to figure out what you’re feeling on your own.” - Kian said looking him straight in the eyes.

- “You know what, Ki? I think you're right. And I'm gonna go tell her right away, and pray it's not too

late!” - Mark said happily. It suddenly all made sense to him. It was like he was missing a part of the puzzle. A part without which the picture wouldn't be complete. And he felt he just found it. But deep inside his soul, he already knew he loved her. He just needed someone to tell him so.

- “Go for it, man!” - Kian smiled to his friend.

- “Thanx, mate! I owe you one.” - Mark said and looked at Kian one last time before he went out.

It was normally a 15 minute walk from Kian's to Erin's place, but it took him 5 minutes to reach her house, cos he was running. He rang the bell, trying to catch his breath.

So what if I just don't want

Anybody else but you

So what if you're all that

I ever really wanna do

I know what you're thinking

But that doesn't make it true

Believe me, baby

- “Mark!” - Erin said surprised as she opened the door. He was the last person she expected to come.

- “Can I come in? Please, just for 5 minutes.”

She hesitated a bit. Just few minutes before he knocked on her door, she decided she would do all she can to forget him. And him coming to her door, wasn't helping much.

- “I guess.”

She closed the door behind them, as they made their way quietly to the living room and sat down.

- “Well?” - she asked.

- “Erin, baby, I've been thinking.”

- “Oh, well that's new!” - she said sarcastically.

I'm not in love

No, not at all

What makes you think you made me fall

I slip, but no

I'm not in love

What if I just can't sleep at night

I see your face in the starry sky

So high above…… but girl

I'm not in love

- “Please, just let me say this.” - she looked sorry, and he continued. – “As I was saying, I've been

thinking and I finally understood all those things you were telling me for so long! I'm just so mad at myself for taking so much time to finally get it! I was over at Kian's right now, and he helped me see some things.” - he kneeled down in front of her and took her little, fragile hands in his strong ones. – “I love you, Erin. I finally understand that, baby!” - he said smiling, as his tears were slowly filling with tears and were threatening to fall. But Erin was already crying. She didn't believe she would live to hear those words coming from Mark's mouth. – “Aren't you happy, baby?” - he asked concerned.

Erin wanted nothing more than to just hug him tightly, and never let him go. She was that happy. But she still had her pride. She quickly wiped the tears away and got up.

- “I can't just forget you telling me a while ago you don't love me, Mark. And to come here now and

tell me that you DO love me? How am I supposed to believe in that, Mark? How? After all those months of living in lies and you denying you're in love with me? I don't think I can, Mark. I'm sorry.”

It was the exact thing Mark was afraid of happening. He was afraid it was too late. But he didn't want to give it up just like that. Not now. Not now when he finally admitted to her, and more important to himself that he loves Erin. He just couldn't.

- “No, I won't lose you again! I can't, Erin!” - he cupped his face in his hands, and made her look at him.

He could see her eyes were teary. – “Listen to me, Erin. I love you. I love you more than I ever loved anyone in my life. I love you more than life itself. And if you just give me one more chance, I promise you, I swear I will make you happy and never make you cry. Please, baby.” - he said as a single tear made its way down his cheek. – “I changed.” - he whispered.

Erin was just looking at him, as tears were falling down from her eyes. She was taking his every word in. She didn't know why, but she believed him.

- “Oh, Mark, you don't have a clue how long did I waited for you to say those words to me!” - she

threw herself in his arms. He hugged her tightly, thanking the Lord it wasn't too late. – “I love you too, Mark. I love you more than anything in this world.”

He didn't say a word, he just gave her a kiss filled with love and care. It was all she ever needed. To know Mark loves her. She knew he would never make her sad again, as long as they got each other……

So what if my heart just skips a bit

What if I lose a little sleep

Lyrics: I'm Not In Love by BBMak

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