WestFiction- "If You Love Something" by Mary

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If You Love Something...> chapters 37-38

Samantha slumped on her bed, exhausted. Even her wedding wasn’t this tiring. Then again, her wedding never turned out to be. She left the reception quietly, sometime after the couple left for their honeymoon. She studied the ceiling patterns for awhile. After a few years of hard work producing, she decided she can now afford to take it slow. A knock on her door broke her thoughts.

“Who is it?” she called out.

“Joshua,” came a reply.

“It’s open,” she said making no inclination to move. When Joshua entered she saw that he brought Christopher, his eleven-month-old son with him. She brightened immediately.

“How’s my favorite nephew doing?” she asked as she took him from Joshua’s arms, “Isn’t it way past your bedtime?”

“Today’s an exception. He gets to see his Aunt Sam,” said Joshua as he sank into a chair. He was still in his tux minus the bow.

“Besides, I need to see you too. Who knows when we’ll meet up next?” he said, “We leave tomorrow back home.” Samantha continued playing with Christopher and Joshua looked on.

“You know, I was thinking of going home too, KL that is. Maybe set up something there.”

Joshua and Sam talked while Christopher dozed off in Sam’s arms. They talked about their current lives and somehow the conversation got diverted to Rowen.

“I haven’t told you this, but a few days after your ‘wedding’ day, Rowen came to see me. I wasn’t very happy about it but he wouldn’t leave until I heard him out,” he said this looking straight at her, “He told me something that I thought was ludicrous back then. Maybe he was right. He told me that he really loved you,” when Sam heard this she rolled her eyes. Joshua continued, “but he thinks it’s not him you were in love with.”

“Huh?” she said, “I walked down the aisle wanting to marry him and he called the whole thing off saying I’m was not in love with him?”

“And you wanting to go home has nothing to do with the boy-next-door?” he asked her, it was the term he always used to refer to Mark.

“Hell, no,” she denied it, “It’s a good business opportunity.” Joshua looked at her momentarily, then picked up Christopher from Samantha’s arms as he got up.

“Really? Who was the one person you were thinking of when you sang that song today?” he challenged. Samantha was taken aback. Joshua held up his right hand as Samantha was about to answer him. “No. Don’t answer me. As long as you be honest to yourself.” When he reached the door he hugged her and whispered, “My little sister, in tune with the rest of the world but not her own feelings. Maybe that antenna needs fixing!” Hearing this she gave him a slap on his arm and kissed Christopher on his forehead.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said as she closed the door. She leaned behind the door and slid to the floor. It takes a lifetime to forget the feeling you felt or still feel for them. Now she knew what it meant.

“No. No. No. This cannot happen now. Damn you Mark, when did I ever start loving you?” she asked herself in frustration. She couldn’t tear him away from her heart. The grasp was too strong. She tried to forget what they had, she tried so hard. She even denied it saying it was teenage infatuation. And she did forget, for awhile. Now it returned, full force. But she was exhausted of fighting it. It was just too strong. And it hurt. She loved Mark. It was as simple as that. There were very few people in her life that knew her well, Joshua, Ashley and Mark. Mark made her life worthwhile when the world was cruel. He was there when she was down in the dumps. He could lift her spirits even when she felt she wouldn’t smile again. He was her pillar of strength. Her soul mate.

When she was on stage, she saw him kissing Sandra, she wanted to be her that moment. Just for that second, just to see if his kiss was as tenders as she remembered. But all she could do was continue singing and silently praying that she wouldn’t break down. He was happy with Sandra and Samantha was happy for him. To Samantha that was all that mattered, for him to be happy. Truth be told, she wanted to be in Mark’s arms, she wanted to look deep into his blue eyes, she just wants to share the rest of her life with him. Her and no one else. She always wondered why on her ‘wedding day’ she was actually relieved that she wasn’t married to Rowen. Now she knew why. “Did I ever stop loving you?”

~ ~ ~

Mark walked into the dining area of the hotel. He gave a quick glance around the room, looking for a few familiar faces. Samantha, Joshua, Madz and Mark were getting together this morning, just for old times sake. In the corner of the room, Joshua motioned him over.

“Hey Josh,” he said to him, and then to Christopher, who was on his lap, playing with a truck, “and hello to you too.” Christopher gurgled in response.

“How’ve you been Mark?” Joshua asked when he made himself comfortable opposite of him.

“Fine,” he replied, nodding his head, “the usual.”

“Morning,” greeted Madz as she walked up to their table, “Hey Mark.”

“Hi Madz,” Mark replied with a smile, “it’s nice to see you again.”

“I wonder what’s keeping Sam,” Joshua frowned as he glanced at his wristwatch, “She was supposed to be here half an hour ago.”

“That reminds me,” said Madz, “Sam came over to the room last night. You were fast asleep by then,” implying Joshua, “she said something came up and she can’t meet you today and she’ll give you a call tomorrow.” Joshua was clearly disappointed. Mark knew how close they were and how little they saw each other. He had his breakfast there and chatted with them the whole morning.

Sitting across the table, he had the opportunity to observe them. They looked so happy, Josh, Madz and Christopher that it made Mark smile. Joshua and Madz exchanged a secret smile and then it hit Mark. That was what he wants. That was what’s missing from his life. A family. Someone to love and who loves you back, unconditionally. He was so sure he would have been a happily married man by the end of the year, hadn’t Judith did what she did. But things are a little complicated now, he still wasn’t sure what it is he feels for Samantha. He was in a confused state that he couldn’t even think straight!

“Mark,” Joshua called out.

“Huh?” Mark started at him blankly, “Yeah?”

“Are you alright?” Joshua asked him, “you seemed to be in another world for a moment.”

“Yeah,” Mark replied, “yeah. I’m fine.”

“Can you keep an eye on Christopher for a moment? While we get our bags?”

“Sure.” When both Joshua and Madz left the room, Mark turned to Christopher, “So it’s just you and me?” Christopher grinned and nodded. Holding out his hand, “Come on, let’s go for a walk.” Hand-in-hand they walked out of the dining area.

Mark made his way to the receptionist.

“How may I help you?” asked the receptionist with a warm smile.

“I would like to leave a message for someone, from room 504, Samantha Micah.” The receptionist punched something in her keyboard and stared at the screen for a moment before replying, “I’m sorry sir, but the occupant checked out late last night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” confirmed the receptionist, “around 1 A.M. this morning. Reserved a taxi ride to the airport.”

“Thanks then,” said Mark. That’s odd. Samantha wouldn’t have left without saying a goodbye. Christopher tugged his pants and raised both his hands towards Mark. Mark obliged and carried him. He wanted a kid of his own too, one day.

Ten minutes later, Joshua made his way to the lobby with their bags while Madz checked out.

“Ok Josh, I’ll give you a ride to the airport,” said Mark, then added before Joshua could protest, “I insists.”

CHAPTER 38

Mark plopped down on his couch and switched on the TV. He settled for a soccer match replay. After sending Joshua off, he tried to find out where Samantha went, but the airport personnel doesn’t give out information easily. Instead, he took a long drive in his car, thinking. He convinced what he felt for Samantha wasn’t the real thing. Everyone around him was either married or attached. So, the logical explanation would be that he felt left out. The doorbell rang. He opened the door and immediately slammed it back.

“Come on, Mark, open up,” she said as she knocked on the door.

“Go away,” he replied shortly. The knocking stopped, Mark calmed down a little and continued watching the game. Then Judith blocked his view.

“How the hell did you get in?” his anger rising. Judith dangled a set of keys in front of him, the keys and security card to his house he gave her when they were dating, “Leave them on the table and close the door on you way out,” Judith sat on the couch, “I didn’t invite you to sit,” he snapped.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“Talk to you?” he whispered in disbelief, he jumped up and started pacing around the room, then more forcefully said, “You want me to talk to you? I don’t even want to see your shadow.”

“What did I do?”

“What did you do? You actually have the gall to sit there and ask me that?”

“Yes, because I’m completely clueless,” she said innocently that it nearly made Mark sick.

“In that case, let me try and refresh your memory,” he replied sarcastically, “Six months ago. Your apartment. Your room. Your bed. Around midnight. With a man. Who happens not to be me. Enough clues or do you want more?” Judith was deathly pale.

“Do you think I would sleep with another man, when it’s you I want?” she finally asked him. He was speechless beyond disbelief, what did she take him for? An idiot?

“Obviously you did,” he replied back, with no effort to hide his sarcasm, “Now get out!”

“At least let me explain,” she began but he cut her off, “Explain what? You mean to tell me there is a logical explanation why you were in bed with another man when we were engaged? What were you waiting for? Our wedding day? So you could dump me at the altar? Or did you plan on having a fling here and there even after we were married?” Mark was seething, he had no idea where it came from, he loved her and in turn she hurt him so bad, and he wanted to hurt her back.

She ignored what he said, “I was at my best friends birthday party, someone spiked the punch. I was totally drunk and I didn’t know what happened until it wore off in the morning,” a tear slid a cheek, “You know me better than that, Mark. You know I don’t drink.” He knew. The most she drank was one glass of champagne and that was to toast their engagement. Once she saw her mother getting beaten up by her always drunk father when she was younger and she always believed that was what made him the way he was. Though now older, she knew it was his attitude rather than the effects of alcohol, she still stayed away from it. Still it didn’t justify what she did, he shook his head.

“And you know what’s the best part?” she continued, “I got a call later in the day, thanking me for the so-called night we had. It happens he’s the ‘Source closest to Judith’ and the guy was my friend since elementary school. And it turns out he was not my friend after all. Did you know how much I hated myself after that? It was a screw up. I gathered you would read it from the papers…and now that I know you saw it, I hate myself even more. I will never had done anything in the world to hurt you Mark.”

He saw it, it was sincere, she wouldn’t have hurt him in a million years. And she was telling the truth.

“And I didn’t plan on hiding this,” she was crying now, “I called you the next day. I tried and tried, I even called Louis, but they said you were out of reach. Now I can guess why,” That was because he changed all his contact numbers and had sternly instructed those who had not to give them to anyone, no matter how close the claim to be. And removed her from his permanent guest list in his or Westlife’s tour. And now he also saw the pain she went through and anger towards the guy who did this was mounting on him. And he added on the pain. It was a terrible misunderstanding, but still…

“And the guy you kissed? When I was on promo?” he asked coolly, she never told him that.

“How –“

“Someone saw you,” he cut her off. Right now his heart was thudding against his ribs he wouldn’t be surprised if she heard it. All these time he was looking for a reason as not to believe what he saw. And now she was giving it to him to clear the doubts. And it would make all these pains go away in an instant. Had he heard it a few days earlier, he would have been relieved beyond sense. But now, now he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

“Did that someone, see me push him away and give him a kick up his groin?” she asked. No, Samantha probably didn’t see that, or she would have punched him out too. Mark sank on the couch, motionless.

“Mark, it wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did, I can’t change that. I am so sorry. Forgive me please,” she pleaded. She was apologizing for something which wasn’t her fault.

“I don’t know,” he replied after a long time, “I just can’t forget…and now you tell me this. I don’t know what to do.”

“I have never asked anything from you, now I’m asking this. One more chance,” she said softly through the tears.

Another chance?

~ ~ ~

Samantha leaned against her car and stared at the house in front of her. After she calmed down from crying she knew she had to make peace with Rowen, she had avoided it long enough, she never ran away from anything in her life. But she realized she had been dodging Rowen because she didn’t want to face the truth. She packed her things and took the earliest flight back to England. Her heart was racing. The house was small with a lovely garden, in a friendly neighborhood. It was supposed to be their house, a home, to move into after their honeymoon.

She was mustering the courage to walk up the pathway, up the steps and knock the door, when the front door suddenly opened. Her first impulse was to jump into her car and drive away. Rowen was in his bathrobe, he looked at her as he picked up the morning paper, then he walked towards her, her heart pumped harder.

“Do you realize you’ve been standing there for half an hour?” he asked, “Come on in,” he said making his way back to the house.

~ ~ ~

She looked around the living room, a hot cup of tea in her hands, the place was just as she remembered. The furniture arrangement, the pictures on the wall, the potted plants…it was just as she decorated them.

“You look well,” said Rowen as he entered the living room and took a seat across from her. He had changed into a shirt and slacks.

“Yeah, I’m fine. How about you?” she asked him.

“Not bad.” An awkward silence set between them, “So you finally realized you are in love with Mark?” She nearly dropped her tea cup. It was more of a statement than a question.

“What makes you say that?” she asked as calmly as possible. He just gave a small laugh then replied, “That’s the only reason you’ll ever come to see me again,” then he added softly, “And that I know you well enough.” She set her cup down and asked the question in a whisper, “Why?”

“Because I’m not the one for you,” he said looking everywhere but her.

“How would you know that? Maybe it would have worked out with us.”

He just shook his head. “The way you were when he was around…Your eyes had an extra sparkle…Your laugh had an extra ring…It was all the little things…Something sparked in you when he’s around, and later dimmed away when he was not. I thought it was my imagination. Sadly that wasn’t my doing, it was Mark’s…He understood you in a way I didn’t,” Rowen came over and sat on the coffee table directly in front of her “…Sam,” he whispered, tears brimming in his eyes. He never shed a tear, then she saw the ugly truth: she had hurt him so much more than she could imagine. Not him her, “When you walked down the aisle, for a split second, you gave him the same look you did when you were together. That secret look. You were still in love with him. Just you didn’t know it…I tried a thousands times just to end everything before the wedding but I just couldn’t, you were my life and I just couldn’t see my life without you in the picture…then in church I realized that if I didn’t we will both end up hating each other…It was the hardest thing I ever done,” he paused for a moment, “And I had to be sure too. That you were sure I was the one for you. I didn’t want to wake up beside someone 10 years later and have her wish it was someone else beside her,” He ran his fingers lightly through her hair, “If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. You didn’t come back to me.”

“I did love you, Rowen,” she said, her own eyes with tears, she reached out and touched his hand, “You have to believe me. I loved you.”

“I know,” he said, putting his hands over hers, “I know. Or else you wouldn’t have said ‘yes’…It just wasn’t supposed to be us.” Tears flowed from Samantha’s eyes, “Why haven’t you ever told me? I hated you, for a long time, for doing that to me…and you never called…”

“I’m sorry I never called. Or never came to see you…but you needed to find that out for yourself. And I’m glad you did,” he smiled through his tears, “You have no idea how much I envied Mark. At one point I even hated him…But I couldn’t for long. He’s my best bud. And he’s the only one who held your heart.”

“I am sorry, I am so very sorry. I didn’t mean it,” she said, desperate to make the pain go away. Not many men would do this. Rowen wiped her tears with his fingers, “Come on, you know I can’t stand to see you cry.” He looked deep into her eyes, “Mark is one lucky man.” Samantha thought it wasn’t possible, but she saw his heart break when he said that.

~ ~ ~

She gave him a hug, “Goodbye,” she whispered.

“Bye,” he said matching the pressure of her embrace, “Go get him!” he whispered. They sat there talking with each other the whole morning. The air was cleared between them, but the hurt was there and only time will heal it.

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