WestFiction- "In the Arms of an Angel" by Xtine

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In the Arms of an Angel> chapters 25-26

It's been a week since Gaby met up with Dr. Barrette. She still hasn’t made up her mind as to whether she’ll undergo another surgery. She needed her family right now. But alarming them could cause panic and fear back home and she didn't want that. She's caused enough horror to her family to last them an entire lifetime.

She thought of the pros and cons of getting treated and not getting any operations. Her mind buzzed with ten thousand reasons but all she could think of was that it’s so hard to choose. It reminder her of that time during her senior year in high school when they were taking up Greek Mythology and they read about Homer’s The Odyssey. The main character had to choose between Scylla and Charybdis. Both paths were dangerous and led to death. And she felt caught between the two mythical characters. This is my odyssey, she thought. And I'm about to pass between Scylla and Charybdis. Please, dear God, guide me and help me, whatever path I may choose. She prayed silently, pursing her lips in reverence.

Gaby pulled her knees together and wrapped her arms around it, placing her chin on top of it. She let out a loud sigh as she surveyed Anya`s small backyard filled with vibrant and rich flowers and lush grasses. Her thoughts wander back to Scylla and Charybdis. What a tough decision, she thought. How the hell did Odysseus managed to pass between those two horrific creatures?

She closed her eyes and imagined she was back in high school, inside the large well-lit classroom of her all-girls’ school. She could hear the faint voice of her World Literature teacher, Mr. Lopez, telling them about one of the adventures of Odysseus: “Scylla and Charybdis were two sea monsters dwelling on the opposite sides of a narrow strait, where Odysseus was to pass. These 2 creatures personify the dangers of navigation near the rocks and maelstroms. ‘Scylla was a horrible creature with 12 feet and 6 long necks, each bearing a head with 3 rows of teeth, with which she devoured any prey that came within reach; she lived in a cave on a cliff. Across her was a large fig tree under which Charybdis, the whirlpool, dwelt, sucking in and belching forth the waters of the sea three times daily, engulfing anything that came near.’ The Greek hero, Odysseus, was able to pass between them with the guidance of Athena, the goddess of War.”

Scylla, who was once a beautiful maiden but turned into a monster by Circe, reminded Gaby of her life that was once beautiful and normal. Until the abnormal brain cells called astrocytoma came and invaded her brain and life, chaining her to a life-threatening situation. And with each pounding of her brain, with each seizure she experiences, with each vomit she emits, it makes her think of this creature, Scylla---who devoured innocent people---eating her life hungrily.

Charybdis represented Death. He was the whirlpool and sucked people forcefully, violently into his little pool. And each time she felt so close to losing it, she could feel herself inside the maelstrom, with no way out. But then there was Athena…Odysseus’ guide. She helped him passed the monsters. And Odysseus survived.

“He survived,” she echoed, wrinkling her nose, wondering why her thoughts have wandered to Greek mythology and why she was comparing her life to Odysseus. Her life is in danger and all she could do was think of these stupid myths! She cursed herself and stretched out her feet. I might as well just let Scylla devour me or Charybdis to kill me in his whirlpool. It's so easy too just die and leave everything else. Leave my disease, my life, my family, my friends, Anya, Shane, and Mark, she thought

At the mere thought of Mark's name, his face ran through her head: his sometimes messy, sometimes well-styled dark brown locks that invites her hands to ran them through it, his thick slightly-arched long brows that accentuates his big blue eyes fringed with thick lashes that would make any woman jealous, his straight fine nose and his slightly big nostrils, his mole, almost unnoticeable, sitting just right above his cherry red lips. Then there was his deep dimples and his teeth, his rabbit-like two front teeth that she loves. His image was so vivid that it felt like he was right beside her. She bit her lip and tried to shake away Mark's face off her head.

It’s funny though that she doesn’t want to get any treatments but when she thinks of Mark, her heart starts to pound like a jackhammer, a voice would slowly whisper in her ear to go for it. The voice keeps on telling her to do it not only for herself but also for Mark, for the love that could blossom into something so much more, something deeper. It keeps saying that it would be all worth it. The fight would be victorious in the end. Because she knows deep in her heart that Mark is her guide as much as Athena was Odysseus’.

But for now, she’ll fight off her disease with sheer strength and avoid the impending decision she has to make.

She was walking home one Friday afternoon from Shane's house when she saw Mark walking towards her. Her eyes bulged at the sight of him. Abruptly, She turned around to avoid him, doing exactly what she's been doing for the past week. Everytime she sees Mark, she runs to the other direction. Phone calls weren’t returned and text messages were deleted. She wanted to alienate herself from him; she wanted him to forget about her. She could hear Mark calling her name so she hastened her pacing, and half-run, half-walked to nowhere.

Mark, unfortunately having better stamina, caught up on her. He grasped her arm a bit roughly. “Gaby, stop! Why are you running away from me?”

She flinched at the mere touch of his skin. “Let me go, Mark,” she whispered in anguish, not looking at him in the eye. Don't look at him, she willed her brain. Don’t look at him. If you look at him---BAM!---it's over. You won't be able to resist whatever it is you're feeling for him.

“I can't,” he replied, taking her chin in his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look at him. “I can't let you go. I wish I could. But I can't. Tell me how and I'll gladly oblige.”

“Walk away and pick up another girl?” she suggested weakly, looking at him helplessly.

Mark sighed. He took away his hand from her arm and drooped his shoulders in complete frustration. “Why have you been avoiding me? I've called you tons, sent you text messages, and even went to your house but you're always out or so. Why?”

She shifted her weight from left to right, her hands clenched at her sides. “I've just been busy,” she said lamely.

“Yeah right,” he scoffed. He forced her to look up, which she did. But her eyes never grazed his face. She was looking past his shoulder, focusing on some unknown object. “Are you seeing Shane now?” he asked in a clipped tone, biting his lips.

“I was just at his place,” she answered, unaware of the real question.

“I meant, are you seeing Shane now?” he asked again in the same tone. His heart was beating so fast with fear. Any second now she will drop the bomb, confirm what you’ve seen, Feehily, his brain said all-knowingly.

Gaby concentrated on the wall infront of her, trying to make out what’s posted in it. The letters were floating and blurred and she couldn't read them. Her head was pulsating, the painful and intense poundings have started again and vomit was starting to rise from her throat. She could feel her senses escaping her. Fight it, fight it, she chanted. She had to fight her headache. Fight it, fight it. “What?” she asked distractedly. “No, we’re not. We’re just friends. Whatever gave you the idea?”

Hanging out with him and kissing him did, he thought sarcastically. “Are you telling me you’re not his girlfriend?” he cleared, tiny flames beginning to spark inside him. Hope. He has hope.

She nodded, not fully concentrating on Mark as her head continued to painfully rhythmically throb its way out of her skull. “I’m not Shane’s boyfriend, I mean, girlfriend,” she corrected, swallowing slowly, closing her eyes for a brief moment. “I never was.”

Mark's heart jumped and the butterflies in his stomach fluttered their wings back to life, his insides flared up with sparks of love. He couldn’t contain the things he was feeling. “Look at me, Gaby.” This time her glorious eyes met his and he felt his heart nose-dive to his feet and languidly crawl back up to where it belonged. “I want you. I need you. I want to be with you all the time to hear you talk and laugh, to gaze into your eyes, to feel your heartbeat, to taste your lips and to savor every moment that we share.”

“You do?” she asked in disbelief, the throbbing of her head temporarily forgotten. This isn't real, she thought. I'm having hallucinations.

“Gaby,” he started shakily, “I don't know if this is a good time to tell you what I feel. Or if there’ll ever be a good time. But I’m tired of hiding and not telling you anything. I’m tired of pretending I don’t care about you because I do. I like being with you even if lately, you've been hanging with Shane and avoiding me like the plague. I like seeing you smile, hearing you laugh and talk and…”

“You already told me that, Mark,” she cut him off. The crazy painful pounding began once again, throbbing in loud thuds and she wanted nothing more but to smash her head on that wall she couldn't clearly see. Any minute she’d collapse, she knew. I have to get out of here, she told herself. “I need to go,” she muttered, turning away.

“NO!” he screamed instantly. “Don’t go. Gaby, please.” He blocked her path, looking at her, willing her to stare at him and see what he's feeling.

“Why should I stay?” her lids were getting heavy and her knees were starting to shake.

“Because I love you,” he said with quiet determination and a look in his eyes that re-affirmed what he just told her.

Gaby`s head snapped, her pounding heart matching the steady thumping of her head, with happiness. She reverted her gaze to his eyes and what she saw made her heart ache with happiness. She gazed at him slowly and then she magically saw her face in his magnificent blue eyes. That was the last thing she saw as darkness enveloped her and the floor rushed in to meet her body.

CHAPTER 26

Mark clasped and unclasped his hands whilst pacing back and forth, waiting for a medical representative to come out of the door and tell him Gaby`s all right. “Please, God,” he begged, muttering under his breath. He reached deep down to his pockets and squeezed the scapular bunched up with his handkerchief. “Let her be okay. Let her.”

“Mark!!” Someone called out his name, the voice filled with fear. He turned around to see Shane and Anya rushing to him. He gave Shane a brief hug and smiled at Anya.

“What happened? How’s Gaby?” they asked him at the same time, their voices dripping with fear.

“She just fainted all of a sudden, right smack in front of me and I was paralyzed at first. Then someone saw us and called SGH for an ambulance.” He paused for a while to catch his breath. “She’s been in that room for almost half an hour now. I wonder what's taking so long.” He began his pacing once again, walking towards the room Gaby was brought in, hoping to see a sign of her.

Anya looked at Shane. Shane gazed back at her. Mark obviously doesn't know anything. “Mark, why don't you and Shane get yourself a drink? You look like hell,” Anya suggested, staring into Shane's bright hazel green eyes, willing him with her dark brown eyes to take the hint.

Shane nodded. “Come on, Mark. Let’s go to the cafeteria and get some coffee.” He started pushing Mark to the other direction. Mark won't budge. “Mark, let’s go. She’ll be okay. Gaby will be okay.” He was convincing himself more than Mark. He needed to hear the words come out of him, that Gaby will be fine, that she'll come out of that sterile room and call him Shaney again.

Mark gave up, hanging his head loosely. “Yeah, I`ll go with you.” He turned around to face Anya. “What can I get you?”

“Nothing, I'm fine. I`ll let you know when the doctors let me in.” she reached up to Mark and kissed his cheek. “Now go get yourself something.”

As Anya watched them walk down the hall, she felt sick. She knew something was up. She knew Shane was hiding something. The way his eyes shone with so much fear, the way he avoided her eyes when they found out Gaby was in the hospital. She peered into the room Gaby was in, seeing nothing but the rapid movements of the doctor and medical assistants. Gaby, she whispered through the glass pane. What are you hiding from me? Are you getting sicker? Will you die? That last question choked her into tears. Calm down, she reprimanded herself, she's going to be fine. “Right,” she muttered aloud. “She’s going to be fine.”

The door opened and a redhead doctor, her tag reading Tondering, M., MD, stepped out. “Are you with Miss Gabrielle Lorenzo?”

She nodded, too scared to speak up. She stood up and tried to regain her composure. “Is she okay now?”

“She's okay for now, Miss,” was the silent reply. “Apparently, the tumors taken out a couple of months have recurred and the only way we can combat it is by having a surgery and remove as much as we can. After that, she has to undergo almost the same procedures she had in the Philippines. It’s very important that she gets a MRI scan when she feels better and then the surgery can take place. Glioblastoma multiforme is a very complicated primary tumor and it’s best if treated right away. We have to get her to have an operation or it’ll be too late.”

“But it's too late!” Anya blurted out. “Doctor, you know she's dying. I can see it in your eyes! Don't hide anything from me, please!” she raked her hands through her long straight hair, aching to pull it all out.

“I'm sorry,” Dr. Tondering said tiredly, wiping the beads of sweat in her arched eyebrows. “I wish we could do a lot more but it's all up to her. She told my colleague, Dr. Barrett, that she doesn't want to be treated, she doesn't want to undergo any therapy. We can't do anything about it if she doesn’t want to. It’s all up to her. You can now go in to see her.” She placed a hand on Anya`s shoulder and then left.

Anya squared her shoulders and thrusted her chin in the air. I have to be brave, she thought, her lips quivering. “Hi,” she whispered raggedly as she pushed the door open. “How are you feeling?”

Gaby stared at her, a faint smile touching her chapped, colorless lips. “Hi,” she croaked. “I'm good.”

“Little liar,” she chided, running her hand through Gaby`s hair. “You’re hiding something from me and I know it.”

Her eyes grew wide in fear. “Did…did…Shane told you?”

She shook her head to disagree. “No. That little bastard won't probably tell me anything even if I poke a gun on his head! The doctor told me.”

Gaby closed her eyes and clutched the sheets covering her. “So now you know. What else do you want to hear from me?”

“I want to hear you say that you'll have a surgery, that you’ll undergo all these crazy operations and treatments. Stop being stubborn for once, Gabrielle!” she started pacing back and forth, making Gaby dizzy.

“Stop pacing! You're making me dizzy!” she scolded. She sat up slowly. “It’s so easy for you to say to me to get a treatment. Just try being in my shoes and you'll see how hard it is!”

“You’re making it harder because you won't get treated!” Anya cried in consternation, her face contorted in a mixture of anger and fear.

“You think having surgery, chemo and radiation will make everything ok?” she raised her voice, her eyes stinging with tears. The whole angry conversation was wearing her out. She snorted. “Geez, if getting all of these treatments will make this whole fucking brain tumor go away, then by all means crack my skull open, drug me into utter stupor and bombard me with all the radiation treatments possible! But the thing is,” she paused, hastily brushing away the tears that escaped her lifeless eyes, “it's not all it's cracked up to be! You don't get better by undergoing all these medical shit! It's all crap! Look at me! I've spent the past eight months getting treated, getting shattered each day, my hope fading little by little with every painful glance in the mirror, getting get-well-soon cards from my friends who are out there frolicking outside and having a life! My family has wasted a fortune on hospital bills and look what happened! An, I did the entire thing before. Did it make me feel better? No! It offered me hope but in the end, I was left with nothing. No faith. No hope. Nothing. Just a couple more of tumors and a bald head with an ugly scar!”

“Is that all you're worried about? Losing your hair?” Anya asked pointedly, tears stinging her eyes.

“Are you implying that I'm vain?” Gaby retorted.

“Yes!” she answered abruptly, instantly regretting what she just said.

“I can't believe I'm hearing this from you! It's not about my hair! It's not about the scars! It's about being killed even when I'm still alive. You don't get me, Anya. I don't want to have a surgery and that's that! This is my life and I run it!” she raised the covers to hear head, ending the conversation.

“Some life,” she muttered. What the hell is wrong with me? She asked herself angrily. Why am I doing this to Gaby? She shook her head and left the room.

The instant Gaby heard the door clicked, she removed the covers. She leaned back on the hospital bed and began to cry. Anya`s right. Some life I have! Why do I have to be so stubborn? Why? she asked herself dejectedly and closed her eyes to calm the pounding of her head.

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