WestFiction- "Crash and Burn" by Kate

stories

readers

authors zone

character call form

authors

www

home

Crash and Burn> chapters 24-25

- Babe, it’s for you!

- Oh shoot..! - I cursed under my breath, when the sound of a ringing telephone made me jump in my seat. At the same time I pushed a few more keys on the keyboard then I had wished for.

I was beginning to think that I was never going to finish this article. Writing about Westlife was never easy for me, especially since that day I learned more about them then there was in any magazine or a TV show, but now it became almost impossible. I sighed and sat back in my chair finally giving up, when he entered the room with a receiver in his hand and gave it to me.

- Who is it?- I asked curiously, turning away from the monitor. A smile appeared on my face as he winked at me and sat on the couch, his eyes still fixed on mine.

- Why don’t you find out for yourself, honey? It’s a surprise.

He never took his eyes off of me saying this and neither did I- we just stared at each other for a few seconds… or was it a few minutes..? I couldn’t tell. No matter how many months we’ve already spent together, I could loose myself in his ocean-deep eyes anytime…

- I hate surprises…- I pulled a face finally, snapping back to reality. As I lifted the receiver to my ear, my eyes glued to his, a warm smile formed on my lips – …but I love you.

- …and I love you too, Katie!

A loud cheer came from another end of the line and it took me a few seconds to answer back.

- Oh gosh! Hey Dorothy! – I almost fell off my chair hearing her voice. The last time we talked was probably a month ago and I was well surprised by her phone call. But at the same time I was beaming with joy. Before I could say anything more, her cheerful voice made me smile even wider, reminding me how much I have missed my best friend.

- You’re not too talkative today, are you! What’s up?!

- I’m just surprised and VERY happy to hear your voice! And what news can I tell you… - I giggled and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. - there’s nothing new here, just love flowing in the air… But you better tell me what’s up on the Emerald Isle, huh? I want the gossip!

I could hear Dorothy laughing happily. – Oh, everything’s fine here. Just as much love flowing in the air as back there, back… home.

When she said this I felt some undefined emotions in her voice. Seconds later I knew what it was: no matter how much Dorothy loved Ireland, she was truly missing her homeland.

- Oh D…- I sighed, getting emotional too. – We miss you here as well…

Dorothy tried to laugh, but her voice broke a bit, revealing just how right I was.

- Oh, please Kate, don’t start it..! I love it here and you know it..!

- …and there’s even no “but’s”..? – I asked doubtfully, frowning.

Dorothy gave out another sigh. - Sure there are…

I felt that she didn’t want to get into details, it was still a kind of a sore subject for her. But she put up with it quite well: seconds later her tone changed totally and she was again back to her normal, cheerful self.

- Kate, I know what your plan is and I can tell you already, that no matter what you do, you won’t succeed!

I smiled sadly, but held my voice well. – Oh shoot… so you know about my evil plan of kidnapping you and bringing back home..?

- Sure I do. But my home is now…

- … in Dublin. Yeah, I know. – I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to find a pair of big, blue eyes giving me a reassuring look, when my eyes got a bit teary. And what was it with me getting so emotional lately?!

- Stop it, Kate. – Dorothy said pleadingly and then silence fell between us for a few seconds. It was so unfair that we had to live our lives so far from each other. I always had a hard time getting used to changes, but this one was beyond my strength. Fortunately Dorothy’s excited tone saved me once again from breaking into tears.

- Don’t put me down now, Kate. After all, I’m calling with big news! Huge news, enormous…

- Okay, okay, I get it, D!- I laughed and quickly wiped my eyes. – What are they?

- Take a lucky guess..!- my friend exclaimed, although she could expect what my reaction would be.

I moved impatiently in my seat, wishing I could knock some sense into that girl just then.

- Dorothy McFadden!- I shouted into the receiver, shaking my head. – Will you ever learn…?!

- Okay, okay… Actually, it’s quite funny you called me that… - Dorothy said quickly, still hesitating to hit the point. And when she did, I couldn’t miss it even despite the calm tone.

- Bryan and I are getting married!

Silence fell for a while again. I could hear the clock ticking in another room, the radio playing in the kitchen, people’s voices coming from the outside… finally I heard myself saying the only thing I could think of at the moment.

- Whoa… - I took a deep breath and acted like a professional echo - married…

Dorothy obviously lost the thread because of my reaction. She began explaining herself like a child that has just broken something and I couldn’t stop the smile playing on my lips.

- Well… maybe not exactly ‘getting married’, ‘cause that won’t happen until 2002, but we’re definitely engaged…

This was definitely the “surprise-Kate-with-your-news” day. I just couldn’t believe my ears: did I just hear that right? Just to make sure, I took a deep breath and exclaimed the last words straight into the receiver. - ENGAGED?!

- Yeah, well, thanks Kate, I needed that ear. - Despite that fake- cold tone of hers, I could hear Dorothy chuckling quietly.

- Sorry girl!- I started laughing uncontrollably and jumping across the room.- My little baby Dorothy is engaged to my big baby Bryan! Oh, that’s just TOO SWEET!!

- Kate..? – Dorothy said slowly, unsure of the state of my mental health.- You’re scaring me.

I laughed hysterically, taking it all in.

- Sorry! - I shouted again and dropped the phone. I turned around to find him shaking his head, but with a wide smile spread across his face. I opened my arms and welcomed him in them, joking about in a fake, deep voice. - Come ‘ere baby and gimme a kiss!

- What’s the occasion?- he asked cheekily before kissing me.

- Well, if we need one…- I started but then quickly stole another kiss from him - … Bryan and Dorothy are ENGAGED!

His eyes opened wider with surprise.

- That’s great!- he exclaimed cheerfully and we hugged. – but… isn’t Dorothy still waiting by the phone..?

He nodded his head in the direction where I dropped the phone and I panicked.

- Oh God, D, are you still there?- I shouted into the receiver after picking up the phone. A few seconds’ silence welcomed me, but then Dorothy spoke slowly.

- Yes, Kate, I’m still here. Feeling a little left out, but that’s another subject.

- Sorry! I just had to share the big news!- I laughed and Dorothy soon joined me.

- You’re still so much in love, huh? - she said, her voice softening, but not without a little dose of cheekiness.

- Yes. – I smiled again, my eyes searching for him. - I think we might be made for each other. After all… not everyone wants to go through so much trouble just to be with the person they love, right?- he gave me a smile in reply as I said the words more to him then to my friend on the phone.

I could hear that Dorothy was trying to fight another big smile forming on her lips. - …and that’s why I want to see you two lovebirds on my engagement party. You’re gonna light up the place! Understood?

- Are you trying to give me a heart attack today?! – I gasped, repeating what I’ve just heard. – Engagement party? You mean… in Dublin?

- Yup!- Dorothy said proudly. – It’s gonna be a little reunion at the same time. The guys have seen enough of each other already, but not us- their girls! And what’s better then our usual girl- talks?- she stated more then asked and I grinned at the thought..

- Yeah, girl- talks. I can’t say how much I missed them!

I sighed happily, already thinking about meeting all of my friends again. It was definitely too long since we saw each other last. But I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t ask the question that Dorothy probably expected already.

- Is everyone going to be there? I mean…

- Yes, everyone. - my friend cut me mid- sentence. – Even Melody.

I felt silly at this moment, feeling myself blush. I shouldn’t care anymore, should I?

- I’m sorry, D. Just an old habit, you know? I’ll be a good girl from now on. – I smiled apologetically as if she could see me through that phone.

- You better be. – Dorothy laughed. – …or I’ll find myself another bridesmaid!

-- -- -- -- --

It was late August and the weather in Dublin was wonderful: warm, sunny and with no sign of a cloud on the bright sky. The guests entering Dorothy and Bryan’s house were welcomed on their way in by blooming flowers, spread across the path like a colorful carpet. You could see nothing but smiling faces and hear nothing else but happy laughter all around the garden and in the house itself. And all you could smell in the air was summer in its last days, a mixture of the evening heat and the heavy scent of all kinds of flowers surrounding the house.

Even if I didn’t admit it in front of myself, I was nervous beyond belief. I knew I was going to experience all kinds of emotions today and I still couldn’t tell if I was ready for this. I tried to smile at everyone who welcomed us on our way into the house, even if I’ve never met some of this people. But I could tell why they recognized me, it wasn’t that hard to guess.

I squeezed the warm hand inside of mine and assured myself that everything was okay. And it was in a way- ‘cause I was finally going to see the people I have missed for so many months.

- I missed you guys so much…- I whispered as Dorothy, Bryan, Kian, Agata, Anya and Shane gathered around me and we all broke into a group hug. I tried to fight the tears forming in my eyes but I wasn’t surprised as I failed and started crying. Of happiness, of course.

- Who are you and where have you hidden our Kate?- Anya laughed, handing me a handkerchief.

- Yeah, our Kate never cries!- Shane nodded but then hugged me tightly. I put my head on his shoulder and tried to calm down a little.

- I’m okay now, honestly… – I smiled through the tears and watched the people around me smiling.

But I wasn’t feeling as good as I claimed to be: watching my friends standing around me made me realise that they all have changed. And not only physically, I could tell that. I watched them and felt as if I was locked somewhere far away from them for hundreds of years, missing out on enormous, meaningful parts of their lives. It didn’t feel like eight months- it more felt like eight long years.

- I’m okay now…- I repeated, though we all knew I was lying. I took a deep breath and tried to act as normal as possible. – Have you met Dave yet?

I pushed him in front of me, introducing my boyfriend to my friends. They all smiled and everyone wanted to be the first to shake hands with him.

- We haven’t yet, but it’s surely a pleasure to meet you.- Bryan said, giving Dave a warm, friendly smile.

- Yeah, we’ve heard a lot of good things about you!- Agata winked at him and pulled him into a hug. We all laughed when all the girls did the same.

- Hey, it’s my guy!- I joked and pretended to pull him away from them.

- There you are guys! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!

I stiffened at the sound of that voice and my smile faded in a matter of seconds. I felt Dave’s gaze on my face, but I pretended I was calm. While I surely wasn’t.

Agata and Kian made a little space between them, so Mark and Melody could join us. My heart started beating faster, thoughts racing in my head even if just a few minutes ago I promised myself I didn’t care anymore. And I was still sure I could keep my promise but my stupid pride wanted to prove me wrong. Despite my inner battle, out of curiosity, I eyed them both up and down.

Melody looked charming, as always. Long, black hair flowing on her arms, a sweet innocent smile and dark, shining eyes that Mark fell in love with long ago. With her tall, slim figure, tanned skin and Mark’s arm around her waist, she was all I dreamt of being before a few months.

My ex-love himself looked better then ever. I still got shivers down my spine when he was looking at me with his piercing blue eyes, sometimes pretending he didn’t catch my eye and turning his head away. But we both spotted each other. We surely did.

I can’t say what Mark was thinking all this time. No emotions showed on his face, but I knew there was something going on inside of him. We haven’t seen each other since that talk on the phone. Since he called me a week after he left Warsaw and told me that he loves Melody, not me. And that he was going to stay with her. And that he was sorry, that he didn’t mean to hurt me, finally- that it was all a mistake.

I felt a little numb seeing him again, for the first time in eight months. I couldn’t define my feelings at the very moment- this situation was pretty strange and I could bet that in the end, it was very uncomfortable for two people out of the three of us.

Melody felt as unsure as Mark. She couldn’t concentrate her gaze on one spot for more then a few seconds and she never looked me in the eyes. But I didn’t care. As I shrugged it off, remembering that three days we spent together with Mark, being more then just friends behind Melody’s back, I immediately felt all the negative emotions flowing out of me. Mark was nothing but my past. Dave was my present–day.

- Hey Kate.- Mark said and walked up to me after he and Melody greeted everyone else around. When he was standing in front of me for a good few seconds, probably wondering if it was more appropriate to hug me or to just offer me a hand, I decided it was a perfect moment to introduce Dave to him.

Game, set, match.

- This is Dave. – I said and watched Mark and my boyfriend exchanging handshakes.

- Nice to meet you. – Dave smiled politely, even though I knew his smile wasn’t as sincere as it seemed to be. Mark tried to smile back, but his eyes were everywhere else but on Dave.

- Yeah, you too.

When Mark finally glanced at Melody, she barely nodded her head. I couldn’t miss the fact that they probably have settled some kind of a agreement, something that had to do with me. Something I couldn’t exactly put my finger on but it wasn’t hard to guess what was it all about. Receiving a sign from his girlfriend, Mark turned to me and asked:

- Can we talk?

As simple as that plea was, I must admit I never expected this. Looking back at all the thinking I’ve done the past few months, I was sure we all would just let it go and forget the past. Or at least don’t talk about it.

I looked at Dave, but it looked as if he wasn’t as surprised as me. He just smiled reassuringly and walked away in Bryan and Dorothy’s direction.

And so we were left alone.

I glanced at Mark from the corner of my eye: he looked lost and highly uncomfortable in my presence, but it rather gave me some kind of a sick satisfaction then made me feel sorry for him.

- Let’s go outside. – I said to him, not really caring if he was alright with it or not, and pushed myself through all the people on the way out of the house.

Chapter 25

- What do you want to talk about, Mark? – I sat down at the bench in one of the most distant corners of Dorothy and Bryan’s garden. This place was almost empty and very quiet- just perfect for conversations like the one Mark and I were going to have. People’s voices, laughs and happy conversations came to my ears from time to time and my eyes began spying on their animated silhouettes. Right now it felt like another world, a completely different to the one me and Mark seemed to be locked in. A long time ago I was convinced I had all of those unpleasant parts of my past behind me, thrown away and forgotten forever. But now there he was, standing in front of me, wondering if he should sit down beside me or not, his face reminding me of most hurtful, but at the same time of most beautiful moments of my life.

- Sit down, Mark. I won’t bite.- I gave him a soft smile, patting the bench beside me and as he sat down, he never looked back at me.

I sighed. Why was it that everytime me and Mark were about to talk, it always had to be me that was trying to keep up the conversation? Right now it was ridiculous- it was him that wanted to talk to me in the first place, but there he was: silent as a rock, not giving me even a look, forever wondering what to tell me.

- Nice talking to you, Mark. But Dave’s probably waiting for me, I’ll better go now.- I said quickly and tried to run away, so we would never have that chance again of talking the sore subject over. I gave out a deep sigh as Mark’s strong hand grabbed me by the wrist and didn’t let me go until I sat back again.

- Kate…

Just the sound of his voice saying my name was enough to let all the memories come back to me. Suddenly all the questions that broken hearted people ask themselves popped in my head, making me dizzy and feel lost. “Time heals wounds” people say, but does it even apply to the wounds that your first true love caused you? Does it..?

- Talk to me Mark!- I almost shouted at him, causing his blue eyes to finally look into my face. – Jesus, you’re driving me crazy! Say something..!

I felt heat creeping up my face, I was so mad. And that sheepish look on his face… well, it got me even madder. I simply couldn’t stand the pressure between us, it was all too much. And his quietness was driving me insane with each minute that passed.

- I’m sorry. – he said slowly. I looked up and saw his eyes staring back at me. So what if it was sincere? It was too late for regrets. Too late for anything at all. I opened my mouth to let him know that but he was faster.

- I’m sorry for hurting you…

I clenched my teeth and my fists to keep my anger inside. I was surprising myself: I never knew I still carried all that feelings and emotions inside of me, until now. I was still hurting deep inside and God knows why these feelings were still as strong as before.

Mark was watching me, completely aware of what was happening to me.

- …and for lying to you…

Once again I looked at him, my eyes shining.

- …and for using me..?

He clenched his hands nervously. – Yes.

- … for playing with my feelings?

- Aha…

- … for not giving me a slight idea that Mel was more important for you all along..?

- Kate…

- … for giving me hundreds of sleepless nights, Mark? For making me hate for months every guy that tried to get near me..? For making me spend whole days on my own, locked in my room, crying my heart out? Finally, for breaking it? For breaking my heart, Mark?!

I let a few tears roll down my face but I quickly wiped them away, as they were blurring my vision. And I was watching Mark nodding, making every charge I have thrown at him true, watching him feeling even lower with each passing second.

- I’m sorry. – he barely whispered but still had the guts to look at me. – Kate, I never knew…

- Well, now you know..!- I laughed shortly, ironically, interrupting him. – Now you know that all you had to do was saying “no”. You would spare me and Melody so much pain, Mark. Instead, you wanted to make both of us happy. And that’s by far impossible, right?

He didn’t say anything. He just lowered his head.

We were sitting in complete silence for a few minutes. Mark with his eyes on the ground and me with my eyes on Dave. His tall silhouette was well visible between Dorothy, Bryan, Anya and Shane. I smiled as I noticed how much fun they all seemed to have, how well Dave suited them. I knew that no matter how deep into the conversation they were, Dave regularly glanced in my direction, making sure I was okay.

- Listen to me Mark. – I took a deep breath and faced him once again. He was so surprised seeing how my expression has changed: I was now smiling happily. Out of the simple believe that after every storm the sun’s coming up.

- Let’s just leave it all behind us, there’s no need to dig in the past. – I caressed his arm and smiled together with him as he understood. –I have Dave now. He was with me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, when I needed to recover after... well, he was with all the way. So don’t worry about me, Mark. I have my special someone and you do too. No regrets.

Mark’s smile has lighten up his whole face. He took my hand in his and then lifted it to his mouth.

- You’re an angel- he said planting a soft kiss on my hand.

I just smiled, watching his face glowing, his lost expression disappearing from it, his features softening.

- I probably am… - I whispered into the soft material of his shirt as he pulled me into a hug. We hugged for ages, our tight grip being a soundless apologise and forgiveness at the same time. He stood up seconds later.

- Let’s go and tell everyone that everything’s okay now. They’re gonna be so happy!- He said quickly, excited like a little boy and stretched his hand out in my direction. – Come on, Kate..!

- I’ll join you in a sec, ok?- I gave him a smile, not really willing to spread the “good news”. My eyes widened a little as he bent in front of me in one quick move and gathered my both hands in his.

- You’ll be my angel from now on, Kate.- he said seriously and I had to laugh at that. - No, really. It takes an angel to forgive a creep like me.

All I could do was smiling like no tomorrow at his serious words and watch him speed off in the direction of the group of our closest friends. I saw him running up to Melody and twirling her in the air, then kissing her on the lips with all the passion in his whole being. Then telling everyone else something animatedly and making them turn their smiling faces in my direction. Dave watched me longer then everyone else. I saw him smiling at me from the distance- he was giving me the kind of smile that was proving all his love for me, all his devotion and all the feelings he carried inside. And for the first time since he came into my life I couldn’t give him the same smile back.

- An angel, Mark..? – I whispered to myself, still watching him from the distance. – It surely takes an angel to let go of a guy like you, Mark Feehily…

The end

<< previous chapters C&B index sign Kate's feedback page about Kate email Kate