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Crash and Burn> chapters 22-23

I moaned impatiently as Mark pulled me back onto the couch and into his arms and nuzzled against my neck.

- Hey, I was trying to get us something to drink…- I protested weakly but finally welcomed his warm lips on mine and put my arms around his neck.

- You’ll do it later…- Mark whispered in reply, putting his hands on my back under the T-shirt. I moved myself closer to him, so there wasn’t anymore space left between us and lost myself in his embrace.

We’ve spent the last hour like that: holding each other close, kissing passionately and failing to pull away, everytime any of us tried to do so. None of us seemed to mind, though. We’ve surely waited too long for that and didn’t want to waste any more time.

A few minutes later I did my best to free myself from Mark’s embrace and at last I succeeded. I straightened up my

T-shirt and glanced at him, still lying there. He was staring back at me with a little smile playing on his full, red lips, his eyes shining and his hair messed a bit.

- Don’t look at me like that, I’m going anyway!- I stated, ignoring his pleading look.

- Oh, come on Kate! – Mark moaned, doing his best puppy-eye look. – ‘Til you’re back, my dirty thoughts will all be gone!

- …but mine will still be there...!- I winked at him before letting out a laugh and leaving the room.

I stopped on my way down the hall when I noticed my own reflection in the big mirror on the wall. A silly question popped in my mind and I decided to find the answer. Did I look any different? Did all my feelings show on my face now, that I was in love?

I glanced at my reflection and smiled a little: my cheeks were a little bit more rosy then usual and the sparkle in my eyes was more then noticeable. I sighed and run my hand trough my hair. No one, who’d see me at this very moment, could be mistaken- I was in love and it showed without a doubt. Even screaming it out from the roof tops wouldn’t make a better announcement.     

I reached the kitchen with a wide smile on my lips and the first thing I did, was turning on the radio. I almost choked on my mineral water when I heard some familiar chords. I laughed to myself and soon caught myself singing along to it. Another song I loved. And that voice…

I turned around instantly, when it sounded too real to be just a record played on the radio and found Mark walking up to me. His deep, soft voice was sending funny shivers down my spine. They multiplied when he came closer and reached for the glass in my hand, taking it gently from between my fingers and putting it on the table.

His warm hand slid into mine and he pulled me after him right into the middle of the kitchen.

I tried to protest when the next thing he did was putting my arms around his neck and placing his own on my waist .

At first it felt funny: dancing along to the music on the radio, in the middle of the kitchen... But then I closed my eyes, hugged Mark even tighter and lost myself in his voice, when he started half- singing, half- whispering the words into my ear:

“Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter

togetherness… well, that’s all I’m after

whenever you need me

I’ll be there…”

The anti- romantic, sarcastic half of me wanted to look at him at that moment and say something ironic- it was rather rare that I could stand so much sweetness at once. But this time it was different. I wanted the sweetness. And all the romantic things.

- It’s unbelievable… - I let out a whisper and soon faced a smiling, curious Mark.

- What is unbelievable? – he asked before kissing me lightly.

- I think I’m in love…- I looked at him seriously and watched his lips widen in a happy smile.

- Me too…- he said mysteriously and leaned towards me. I stopped him half- way by placing my hand on his cheek and asked, not even trying to hide my curiosity: - You too… what?

He smiled cheekily and replied, before kissing me: - I also think you’re in love…

We’ve spent that evening talking, joking, kissing… basically enjoying each other’s company. I felt so happy as never before in my life and I could tell by the look on his face, that Mark was happy too. 

In the evening, I tricked him into cooking a dinner for us- he made a delicious pasta and truly surprised me with it.

- Do you have any other qualities I don’t know about? -  I asked curiously while doing the washing up.

- I might do… - I felt Mark’s arms tightening around my waist from behind and his lips planting kisses on my neck.

I turned around and we started kissing slowly, taking our time. I caressed Mark’s neck as I felt his hands wandering all over my body.

- Let’s take it to your room, shall we...? – Mark said suggestively against my neck and the first thing I wanted to do, was agreeing. But then I pulled away from his embrace, surprising even myself, and looked into his eyes.

- I don’t think it’s such a good idea…

Mark was the next one to startle me:  he just looked back at me and smiled. 

- You’re right, it’s not a good idea. – he saw my face lightening up a little, so he planted another kiss on my lips.

- I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Sweet dreams.

I gave him a wide smile back and watched him leaving the kitchen.

- Sweet dreams… - I whispered more to myself then to Mark and tried to fight the happy smile that played on my lips.

- MAAAAAAARK!!!

Mark’s head popped out of the living room seconds after my loud scream woke him up.

- What..?- he whispered sleepily, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

- Well…- I started, but cut myself mid- sentence when I glanced at the unusual sight in front of me. When I put myself together I smiled innocently, still eyeing Mark up and down.

– First off… you look gorgeous just in your boxer shorts…

I had to contain myself from laughing when Mark turned dark red and I continued, not paying any attention to his embarrassment. – Secondly… why you’ve never told me that Shane and Anya are coming?!

I almost shouted the last words excitedly towards still a bit red- faced Mark. He was a bit confused, too, as I just woke him up from a deep sleep and started asking him tough questions straight away.

- Umm… are they?- he tried to play a totally surprised one, but his guilt was written across his face.

- Nice try, Mark. An has just called. – I glanced at him, still trying hard to keep my eyes on his face and not on the rest of his body.

- Oh, she has?- Mark started to put his clothes on and I secretly sighed, disappointed.

I leaned on the door frame and kept on watching him, as he was pulling funny faces when finding the right side of his t- shirt was almost a mission impossible.

- Yeah, it was great hearing from her. – I finally found my voice and smiled at the memory of my talk with Anya. -She hasn’t changed a bit, though! During the first five minutes of our conversation she managed to hurt my hearing with her “SURPRISE!”, tell me everything that happened with her and Shane during the last two months and inform me that we’re all meeting up today. How’s that?

I waited for a cheerful answer, but a single look at Mark made me want to walk up to him and hug him. He looked at me, tears shining in his eyes. He was obviously not very happy and looked really helpless, even lost.

- Is there something wrong, babe? – I asked him in a truly concerned voice.

– Yeah! – Mark looked at me, searching for help. - I can’t find my socks..!

It was a lovely, warm evening, as we all walked down the streets of Warsaw on our way to the pub. Each and everyone of us was in a joyful mood: in fact, we were all so happy, we could sing. Only Anya kept on shaking her head with disbelief, still remembering our little incident at the cinema.

- Baby, won’t you just forget it?- Shane was doing his best to calm her down, but he couldn’t stop himself from bursting out laughing from time to time.

- I just can’t believe they kicked us out of there!

Kian cracked up at this very moment, but Mark tried to keep a straight face.

- No wonder, McFadden threw all of his popcorn on my head!

- ‘Cause you deserved it, Feehily! 

- Yeah, right, Bryan! You tried to get Shane but you missed!

- …just because he used Anya as his shield!

- And you tried to decorate Filan with popcorn, because…

Bryan lost his grip for a split second, but it wasn’t long until he came up with a brilliant excuse.

- …because he tried to deprive Anya of air with his mouth!

- It’s called kissing, you know..!- Agata joked, as we all cracked up laughing. - …and it’s quite nice, you should try it sometime!

- It is? – Bryan decided to continue the game and peered innocently at Dorothy. – What do you say, beautiful? Wanna try?

- Sure, I’m always up for something new!- Dorothy leaned over to him and they started kissing.

Anya and Shane watched them for a while when An came up with an offer.

- Hey honey, wanna deprive me of air some more?- she winked at him with a cheeky smile.

Shane laughed shortly and then became all serious. – Anytime.

When they started kissing slowly and sensually in the middle of the street, Kian pulled a face and stated seriously.

- It has to be because of the spring..!

- Yeah. It’s the time when flowers, worms and people in love appear on the surface…- Mark added, but obviously felt offended when we took his serious, philosophical thought for something incredibly funny.

Chapter 23

- I could get used to it… - Dorothy looked down at us from the couch, sprawled on it comfortably and with a smug look on her face.

- Get used to what..?- I glanced at her, trying to hide my cards from Anya who was doing her best to peer into them. She was cheating all the time and thinking no one has noticed.

Dorothy sighed happily, closed her eyes and sprawled herself even more.

- Doing nothing…

Anya, Agata and I started giggling.

- Hey isn’t it exactly the same thing you do everyday?- I laughed along with the girls but suddenly almost jumped when something hit me in the head. – Ouch! What did you do that for?!

- ‘Cause I hate it when you’re making fun of me!!- Dorothy stated when I was rubbing the back of my head. - Besides… don’t you guys just dream about going on holidays? Somewhere like… Canary Islands..?

- Oh yeah!- Anya clapped her hands like a happy kid and I noticed a sparkle in her eyes. Same thing happened with Agata- now Dorothy won all of the girls’ attention.

- We could swim all day long or lay down in the sun… then in the evenings go out and party til we drop...- Agata started day dreaming and all An and Dorothy were doing was nodding.

Kian glanced at Shane, Shane looked at Mark and they all smiled widely at the same time.

- If the girls are gonna wear nothing but bikinis all the time, then I’m willing to go there at this very moment!- Kian grinned in the silliest way possible, winking at Agata who just ignored him.

- No, seriously- now Shane began to like the idea - the next time we have a few days off, we could spend them in some nice place. All of us.

Bryan entered the room with the biggest sandwich I have ever seen in is hands.

- Where are we going?- he asked with his mouth full and sat down on the floor next to the couch Dorothy was laying on. She reached out with her hand and started caressing his hair.

- That’s a good question..!- An stated and looked around at all of us.

- Well, I liked the idea of going to Canary Islands!- Agata said and everyone seemed to agree. I saw everybody smiling at the thought and I couldn’t help but smile myself. But then I noticed Mark, sitting a few meters away from me. He was holding in his hands the cards he was playing with a few minutes ago but he never looked up, no matter where the conversation was heading to.

-… let it be May then!- An clapped her hands finally and almost squealed with happiness.- I already can’t wait!

A loud cheer came from everyone involved in the conversation. I looked at Mark but he still wasn’t very interested in what was going on in the room. It took a few seconds of my intensive stares to let him sense them and look back at me. I gave him a little smile and fortunately, he smiled back. That smile of his reminded me that we still had a lot of talking to do.

When the conversations going on in my room became more noisy and animated, we heard a telephone ringing. Its electronic sound, characteristic for mobiles, made everyone search for their phones in their pockets or purses.

- It’s mine- Mark said looking at his mobile laying on my desk and gave me a pleading look.

- Sure – I said and stood up to take the phone. As my eyes laid on it, I accidentally read what was displayed on its screen. I froze for a second, suddenly remembering the name I was trying to forget so hard for the last three days, but it all came back to me in just a blink of an eye. 

- It’s Melody- I said with no emotions in my voice but the room went silent anyway in a split second.

I never looked Mark in the eyes as I was handing him his mobile, I just felt uneasy and sympathetic stares from my friends. And as Mark walked out of the room instantly after giving a soft “Hey” to Melody, that silence and those looks became unbearable.

I didn’t know what to say. We were all sitting in my room, with everyone trying to mind their own business or at least pretending they had something better to do then hear the sound of Mark’s deep voice in the lobby. I had enough after just a few minutes. As I quickly stood up, everyone was staring at me again, waiting for whatever I wanted to do. And I was desperate at this moment.

- I’m going to him..! – I more convinced myself then informed the others and prepared myself to storm out of the room. But something stopped me half- way out. It wasn’t only Anya’s hand but also pleading looks from Agata and Dorothy, along with a serious “Don’t” coming from Shane.

I looked back at them, knowing that they were right. But I still felt helpless. So I just sat back down and hid my head in my hands, not letting them see how miserable I was, hearing Mark’s soft, gentle voice telling Melody that everything was alright.

- We need to talk. – I turned around to face Mark, just as I closed the door behind Anya and Shane.

He gave me a blank look and ran his hand nervously through his hair. – Yeah, we do.

We walked into the living room in complete silence and sat beside each other on the huge sofa. I soon faced Mark. With all the feelings in me- anger, sadness and exasperation being just few of them- I took his chin in my hand and made him face me, too.

- You need to tell her, Mark. – I said simply.

He was looking into my eyes too but it seemed as if he didn’t understand what I was saying to him. I let go of his chin and made sure he was listening to me after all.

- Did you hear me, Mark? You need to…

He didn’t let me finish. He turned his head away, but started nodding continuously soon after that.

- I heard you well. And I know that.

Before we even got into this conversation I had so much to tell him. I even knew what my exact words would be when I was going to put all my effort into convincing him to tell Melody about everything as soon as possible. But now I was speechless. What else could I possibly tell him if he has just admitted I was right..?

But then another thought hit me as I was watching him, playing nervously with his own fingers.

- Oh God…- my eyes widened and my voice trembled. -  Mark, are you having doubts about…?

He looked back at me but only for a split second. Again, I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. I was convinced Mark was sure about us, that he wanted us to be together. Yet, I was now finding out that he was still having doubts.

I closed my eyes and sat back on the sofa, taking it all in. I pulled my legs up to my chin and tried to calm down. But Mark wasn’t helping me at all, with his eyes staring blankly into space and his mouth shut, not giving me any kind of explanations or at least comforting words.

- Say something…- I whispered desperately with a begging look.

He finally looked at me with a sad expression on his face. We stared at each other like that for a few seconds when he finally moved closer to me and hugged me very tightly. I sighed with relief, as if it was some kind of a promise that I’ll be the one he’ll choose.   

- I’m here with you – he whispered into my ear. – That’s all that matters.

I nodded and faced him as we tore apart. He smiled at me reassuringly and I smiled back, even tough I more felt like crying at this very moment.

Mark leaned closer to me again and we started kissing slowly and gently. I was kissing him back with so much pleasure but I couldn’t push aside one more thought: that our last day spent together was just coming to an end. This was the last night we could enjoy each other’s company before he would go away and start working again with the band for another few months.

I was laying on my bed since half an hour but I still couldn’t fall asleep. I just stared into the dark of the room, thinking about what had happened during the last three days. I sometimes smiled to myself, sometimes a bitter grimace crept up my face but I couldn’t put my mind off some things.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost jumped at the sound of Mark’s voice in the dark.

- Kate?

I noticed a tall silhouette standing right next to my bed and my heart started beating faster.

- Yes?

The silhouette lowered itself and now I could see Mark sitting right at the edge of my bed. I couldn’t see his eyes but I felt his gaze on me.

- I can’t sleep. – he said softly.

- That makes two of us- I laughed a little and felt thousands of shivers down my spine when Mark’s hand touched my arm in the dark. I didn’t say anything and therefore never admitted that I loved the feeling.

- Sooo… - I started uneasily, sensing that Mark moved even closer to me. – What do you want to do about it..?

I said it so simply and innocently, never giving these words a second meaning but I only realised how they sounded just after Mark’s suggestive answer.

- I thought we could get no sleep together…

I tried to find his eyes in the dark but I gave up when I found his lips. We began kissing and soon after the both of us laid down on the bed, as close as never before.

A few hours earlier I wanted to make it a night to remember. And so my wish came true.

The final call for flight to Dublin resounded at the whole airport and I sighed deeply, doing my best to stay the big, brave girl.

- Take care, okay?- I touched Mark’s cheek once again, still not being able to give up that caress.

He smiled at me with that charming grin of his and gave me a soft, long kiss on the lips.

- I will.

I watched him picking up his bag and heading to the way out. He stopped half way and turned around one last time.

- You too. Take care, love.

I smiled at him and prayed that he disappears from my view faster, ‘cause I was just about to give up on holding back the tears.

- Keep it up, Kate! No crying!- I heard Anya’s laughter right beside me and I turned around.

- Uh, I’m gonna miss you sooo much!- I told her and we hugged.

Anya laughed again and pulled Shane closer to herself.

- No worries, girl, we’re going to the Canary Islands together, remember?

I stood there smiling, but this wasn’t convincing. It still felt like ten thousand light years away.

- Yeah, I remember. – I smiled as Shane pulled me into a big hug.

- We’re gonna see you sooner, I’m sure of that!- he winked at me and I had to laugh. – Well, it’s time for us. Take care, Kate.

- You too, guys.- I nodded, feeling I was getting emotional again. – It must be the cold weather. – I said excusing myself and getting out a handkerchief from my pocket.

- Yeah, right!- Anya laughed and went after Mark and Bryan, pulling Shane after her. –Bye, Kate! See you soon!

- Bye!- I whispered in a hardly audible voice and smiled as I saw Mark blowing me a kiss.

- I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry… - Dorothy and Agata stood right beside me and we all waved at Bryan, Mark and Shane with An at his side.

Seconds later, when they all disappeared from our view, Dorothy didn’t keep her promise. She broke in tears and all Agata and me could do was comforting her.

- Hey- I made Dorothy look at me through her tears. – Just think about the engagement party and you’ll feel better straight away.

- What engagement party..?- she stopped crying for a second and looked at me with her red eyes.

- The one you and Bryan are gonna have in a couple of months- I smiled widely at her and watched a happy grin appearing on her face.

I knew Dorothy was going to get all cheerful straight away. And I also knew that was what me and Agata needed right now: Dorothy’s blabbing to keep us out of misery. 

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