WestFiction- "The Hardest Thing" by Lajla

He was sitting on the bed in a hotel room, and she was standing by the window, looking at nothing in particular. None of them said a word, the were just staring at an empty space in front of them, thinking why did all this had to happen to them. There was silence all around them, only people talking and cars passing by outside. They both knew that what they had, couldn't last, it was too special.

Suddenly, a man who was sitting on the bed opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The words just didn't want to be spoken. But he knew he had to say it. He started talking silently, not looking behind him, where she was standing.

I've got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep

Someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

- “Nikki, I have to do this.”

- “No, you don't HAVE to do this. You want to do it.” - she said quietly, her voice trembling.

- “Baby, that's not true and you know it!” - he raised his voice a bit.

- “I don't know, Kian. I don't know anything anymore. It just doesn't make any sense.” - she said

turning around to look at him, but he couldn't look at her. It hurt him too much.

- “Maybe it doesn't, but that's the way it has to be.” - he said as she sat next to him on the bed. He

turned his head so she couldn't see his eyes, cos he knew she would see he was crying.

- “But why, baby? Why do you want to throw away all those beautiful months, years we spent

together? Why, Kian?”

- “I owe it to her, it's my responsibility towards her……” - he lowered his voice – “……towards my son.”

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

- “Well, it's not your fault she was hiding the fact that you have a son! So, you don't owe her

anything!”

- “Yes, I do!” - he raised his voice and looked at her. She startled a bit, he never talked to her like

that. When he saw her looking so fragile, he wanted to hit himself for being such a moron. Not because he yelled at her, but because of what was he about to do. He knew it would break both her and his heart. But he also knew he had to do it. He owed it to Denise……and Jamie. He still couldn't get used to the fact he had a son. A son! He felt so proud as he thought about him, but at the same time, his heart sank, cos he knew it means the love he shared with Nikki has to be over. Jamie was Kian’s biggest happiness, but at the same time, it was his biggest pain. – “I'm sorry, Nikki……”

- “Don't! Just don't! Say whatever you have to say and get out! You're breaking my heart, Kian! Don't

you care?” - she said crying.

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

- “I'm sorry, that's all……” - he said looking at the ground – “I have to go back to Denise. It's not that

I want to do it, but we have a son together! A son! We created a life, and I can't just pretend it's not true! Why can't you understand?”

- “Why can't I understand? Why can't I understand?? You are throwing away our love, the passion

between us! For what? For her?”

- “No, Nikki. Don't talk like that……”

- “Why the fuck shouldn't I??” - she yelled at him, getting up. – “You can talk whatever way you want

to, so why shouldn't I?? You're breaking my heart, and you don't even care! You were never over her, admit it! And Jamie is just an excuse to get back with her, and you know it!! So, why the fuck are you still lying to me??”

- “I'm not lying to you, Nikki. I don't love Denise anymore, but I have to get back to her because of

my son. I can't and I will not let Jamie grow up without a father!” - he said looking at her.

- “Oh, so it's OK to break my heart and to shatter all of my dreams, because she asked you to??

Because she finally decided to let you know you have a son, after 2 years?? Kian, are you so blind that you can't see it? Why do you think she contacted you??”

- “Because she knew I deserve to know I have a son!”

- “Oh bullshit, and you know it!! She contacted you because you're famous now, Kian! You have money,

and believe me, money is the only thing she's after!!”

- “Nikki, stop it!” - Kian got up, not believing what he just heard. – “How can you say shit like that?

She contacted me because Jamie needs a father!”

Nikki couldn't take it anymore, she started crying again, as she sank on the floor. Kian cursed himself for hurting her like that, but he knew he had no choice.

- “But you can just visit him and still be his father! Please, Kian, don't do this to me……to us. Please……”

- she said desperately.

- “I can't, baby……” - Kian said as she came closer to her and took her hand into his. – “But I want you

to know that I do love you, and I want to thank you for changing my life, for changing me. I'll never forget you, sweetie……never.” - he said as he kissed her hand one last time. Tears were falling down his cheeks.

- “No, Kian, please……Please……” - she said as Kian opened the door and just as he was about to walk

out, he turned to look at her one last time. She looked so fragile. She brought her knees to her chest and buried her head in her hands. And cried. Two tears fell down Kian's cheeks as he walked out of the door, because he knew he lost the love of her life forever.

I can’t let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart’s not free

We’re not meant to be

…… half an hour later ……

- “Kian, is that you?” - Denise said as she heard the door opening.

- “Yeah, it's me.” - he said sadly, not even looking at Denise.

- “Did you tell her, Kian?” - he just nodded. – “What did she say?”

Kian looked at her in disbelief.

- “How can you ask me such a thing??”

- “But, Kian, I thought……”

- “Yeah, well you thought wrong! Alright? Now leave me alone!”

- “Kian, I just want to……”

- “Leave me alone, Denise!! Isn't it enough that you had to ruin my life by making me break up with

her? Isn't that enough for you, Denise??” - he said yelling at her.

- “Kian, you have a son! A responsibility! Now, don't go telling me I ruined your life, it was your fault

too, you know! It takes two to make a life!”

- “But you just had to tell me now, didn't you?? Why the fuck didn't you tell me right away when you

found out you were pregnant?? Why did you wait two fucking years, huh??”

Denise looked at the floor.

- “Because I was scared.” - she said quietly after few seconds.

- “Of what, Denise?” - he said lowering his voice now.

- “Of you telling me you can't cope with a child. I thought you didn't want a child. You were finally

making your dreams come true, and I thought you'll think a child would just come in the way.”

- “So you just broke up with me and left? Without telling me I'm gonna be a father? How could you

think I wouldn't want a baby?” - he said gently.

- “I don't know……I was scared. But I see now that it was a mistake to not let you know you have a son.

I’m sorry, Kian.” – she said looking at him.

- “Yeah, well, it’s too late for that now.” – he said stepping out in the balcony. There was a soft breeze.

It’s the hardest thing

I’ll ever have to do

To turn around

And walk away

Pretending I don’t love you

- “What do you mean?” – she asked, standing next to him.

- “I lost her, Denise.” – he sighted and said sadly, looking in front of him.

- “You mean Nikki?” – he nodded. – “How can you say that?” – he looked at her puzzled. – “Do you love

her, Kian?”

- “More than anything in the world.” – he said simply, looking at her.

- “Than that’s all that matters. Go to her. Get her back.” – Kian looked at her surprised.

- “Are you sure?” – he said, a little flame of hope burning in his eyes. Denise just nodded and gave him

a light smile. She still loved him, and he knew it. But it hurt her to see Kian so sad and in such pain. She knew that he could never be happy with her again, not anymore. Only Nikki could make him happy. And Denise wanted nothing more than to see that smile on his face again. A smile that made her fall in love with him.

- “Denise, you’re one in a million. Thank you, sweetie, you’re very special. And the man you choose, is one

lucky lad!” – he kissed her on the cheek, and started going towards the door, when he turned around.

- “What about Jamie?” – he suddenly asked.

- “Don’t worry. You’ll be able to visit him whenever you’ll want to, and do all the things fathers to with

their sons. We just won’t be living together.” – she forced a smile, even though she didn’t feel like smiling. She felt like crying. Her heart was dying, and it was tearing her apart.

- “Thank you, Denise. I mean it.” – Kian said sincerely, before he closed the door behind him, leaving

Denise on the balcony, crying. She couldn’t help it, it was tearing her apart watching the only man she ever truly loved walk out of his life……again.

She turned around, only to see Jamie standing, with a puzzled look on his face.

- “Mommy, why are you crying?” – he asked. Denise didn’t say a word, she just picked him up and hugged

him tightly. He was all she had now.

I know that we’ll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I’ve got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I’ll be sending

And you will never know

…… Nikki’s hotel room ……

- “Who is it??” – Nikki asked after the third time somebody knocked on the door.

- “It’s me, Nikki, please let me in.” – Kian said, praying it wasn’t too late.

- “What do you want? Leave me alone, Kian.” – she said her voice trembling.

- “Please, just let me in. 5 minutes, please.”

Nikki hesitantly got up and opened the door. Kian’s heart sank as he saw her. He knew she had been crying.

- “What is it, Kian?” – she said coldly.

- “It’s over. We talked and agreed about some things.” – he said happily.

Nikki was glad, but she didn’t show it. She couldn’t, not now. He humiliated her, she still had her pride. She hated her pride sometimes, but it was a part of her.

- “I don’t care, Kian. Not anymore.” – she showed no emotions. Kian was puzzled.

- “But, baby, don’t you want us to be together?”

- “I did want that, Kian. But you hurt me. You hurt me deeply. I can’t just forget that.”

- “Oh, baby, I’m sorry……” – he wanted to hug her, but she took a step back. She knew if she felt his

touch on her body again, she would give in. And she didn’t want to be hurt again.

- “Don’t. It’s over, Kian. Go to your son.” – she said on the verge of tears.

- “But I want to be with you……”

- “It’s over. Have a good life, Kian. Remember all those good times we spent together. And cherish

them, please. I think I deserve that much.” – she said, tears slowly falling down her cheeks.

Kian just stood there, looking at her. He knew this was it. He knew she made up her mind and nothing and nobody will make her change it. He slowly turned around and opened the door.

- “I love you, Nikki.” – she could hear him saying as he closed the door. It only brought her more tears.

But she knew it was the last time she cried over him. No more, she promised herself.

There can be no happy ending

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

Kian knew she couldn’t go back to Denise, not now. So he went to his apartment, and didn’t say a word to anyone. He knew he had to continue his life without Nikki in it. It hurt him, but he had no other choice. And there was no-one but himself to blame. Or was there.....?

Maybe another time, another day....

Lyrics: The Hardest Thing by 98°

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