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DOESN'T REALLY MATTER

by Lajla

 

 

Doesn’t matter

Doesn’t matter

Doesn’t matter at all

Doesn’t matter what

Your friends tell you

Doesn’t matter what

My family’s saying too

It just matters that

I’m in love with you

It only matters that

You love me too

 

-          “Kian, I’m not so sure about this.” – Ashlee said. She was a normal 19-year-old girl, she had short black

hair, big brown eyes, a nice figure. . . .she was a cute girl. And she had something millions of girl around the world envied her on. She had Kian, Kian Egan. They were in love with each other, and Ashlee couldn’t imagine her life without Kian anymore. Kian was the same, everything he did, everything he said revolved around Ashley. They loved each other deeply.

Ashlee had it all. Well, almost all. Destiny punished her cruelly by making her spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair. 2 years before she met Kian, she had an accident. A drunk driver hit her, and her spine broke in several places, and she couldn’t walk anymore. The doctors said the chances for her to walk again were close to zero. She learned to live with it, but she was still quite insecure. That’s why she doubted Kian’s motives when he asked her out 6 months ago. But eventually, she realized Kian loves her for who she is, and that it doesn’t matter to him that she’s in a wheelchair.

-          “Trust me, honey.” – he said kissing her one last time before they got out of her house.

They were going for a walk down the street, to the park, zoo and to do several other things. Ashlee wasn’t so sure about this, cos she knew people would be staring.

They have never been out properly since they got together. It was always Kian coming over to her house, and they stayed in, watching movies or just talking. But now, Kian talked her into going out a bit, to breath some fresh air. And to show the world the girl he fell head over heels in love with. He didn’t really care about people staring, talking, whispering, because he knew he loves her and she loves him and that was all that mattered to him. Not all those people he never saw in his life.

 

They won’t accept you

I’m accepting of you and

The things that you do

Just as long as it’s you

Nobody but you

Baby, baby, baby

My love for you

Unconditional love too

 

It was just like Ashlee thought it would be. The moment they stepped out of the house, and Kian started pushing the wheelchair, people were staring. She tried ignoring them, but it wasn’t helping. There were only few people who smiled at them, probably because they saw how much Kian cares for Ashlee. He stopped every now and then just to give her an encouraging smile and a sweet kiss. She smiled back at him, although she wasn’t really feeling like smiling. It was too hard for her, she couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Doesn’t really matter

What the eye is seeing

Cos I’m in love
With the inner being

Doesn’t really matter

What they believe

What matters to me

Is your love for me

 

Kian tried telling her over and over again every day that it doesn’t matter to him that she’s in a wheelchair. He sees more than just a wheelchair, he sees her as a person, he sees her personality. After all, that’s what counts in the end, what’s inside, and not what’s outside. And Ashlee listened to him every single time, but still couldn’t let go of that strange feeling she felt every time she went out. People were staring and all kind of comments could be heard. All those people didn’t even dream that those whispers and those words, like ‘Oh my God, look at that poor girl’ or ‘God knows what happened to her’, could hurt somebody. All those people were just feeling sorry for her, and she didn’t know that feeling all that well. She was always looking after herself and now suddenly, all that changed in just 2 seconds. She couldn’t do most of the things by herself, she always needed help. And she couldn’t stand that, she couldn’t stand the fact that she needed someone to help her, someone to be there for her.

 

Doesn’t really matter

What the eyes is seeing

Cos I’m in love

With the inner being

Doesn’t really matter

What they believe

What matters to me

Is you’re nutty, nutty,

Nutty for me

 

And it didn’t help that Kian was telling her everyday how much he loves her, how crazy he is for her. He used to spend hours just telling her how he wouldn’t be able to live without her anymore, that she was his life. But still, Ashlee couldn’t get rid of that feeling.

 

You’re so kind

Just what I asked for

You’re so loving and kind

And you’re mine

And I can’t believe
You’re mine

 

-          “Kian?”

-          “Yes, baby?” – he said stopping and coming in front of her.

-          “Can you please take me somewhere where there isn’t so many people around?” – she asked practically

pleading, on the verge of crying.

-          “Of course, honey, I’m sorry.” – he said hugging her, wondering was this a good idea after all.

He took her to a nearby park, where were only few couples holding hands and kissing.

-          “Is it better here, babe?” – he asked her once they reached the bench and he sat down.

-          “Yeah, much. Thanx.” – she said and kissed him.

-          “Ash, honey, I’m sorry for dragging you out of the house, even though you didn’t want you. I thought you

might like it.” – he said sincere.

-           “It’s OK, baby. It wasn’t your fault. I’m just not ready for this. Not yet.”

-          “Alright baby, whatever you want. You just tell me when you’ll feel OK about this, and I’ll be there by your

side in a second. Alright?” – he said, kissing her little, fragile hand. She nodded.

 

Doesn’t matter if

You’re feeling insecure

Doesn’t matter if

You’re feeling so unsure

Cos I’ll take away the

Doubt within your heart

And show that my love

Will never hurt or harm

Doesn’t matter with the

Pain we’ve gone through

Doesn’t matter if the

Money’s gone too

 

-          “Do you know how much I love you, sweetie?” – Kian asked suddenly, looking at her.

-          “I think I have a pretty good idea, but it never hurts to hear you say it again.” – she smiled cheekily.

-          “Well, I love you more than anyone on this planet, and I will never ever hurt you, or leave you!”

-          “So, basically. . . . ?”

-          “Basically, you’re stuck me! Sorry, babe!” – he said and she laughed.

He was just looking at her and thinking how beautiful she is. Why did this had to happen? To her? To such a good soul, a person who would never do any harm to anyone. Why was this world so cruel? He didn’t know the answers to those questions, but he knew one thing. He loved her more than anything, and he made a vow to himself she will never feel pain again.

 

Just as long as

I’m with you

Nobody but you

Baby, baby, baby

Your love for me

Unconditional I see

 

Doesn’t really matter

What the eye is seeing

Cos I’m in love

With the inner being

Doesn’t really matter

What they believe

What matters to me

Is your love for me

 

And then there were fans. They were saying all sorts of horrible things, like ‘How can Kian be with that kind of girl’ or ‘I’d be much better for him’ and stuff like that. But there were few real fans, who stood by Kian and Ashlee, and supported them in any way possible. He was very grateful to those fans, they helped them a great deal.

 

Doesn’t matter

What they say

Cos you know I’m going

To love you anyway

Doesn’t matter

What they do

Cos my love will

Always be with you

My love for you

Unconditional love too

Get up and show you that
my love is true

And it’s just for you

 

Kian always hated leaving Ashlee when he had to go to Asia, or America, or some other country. But they both knew he had no choice, it was his job. And not once did Ashlee told him to quit Westlife so they could be more together, because she knew Westlife made him extremely happy, and she loved him too much to let him ruin his dreams. Even though they both wished they could spend more time together. Every spare minute they had, they were together. It didn’t matter what they were doing, they just needed to feel each other close. It was true love.

 

I can’t believe my

Dreams come true

I finally found someone

Who’s heart is true

And the best of all you

Nutty, nutty, nutty for me

 

They were both hurt before, and they still couldn’t believe they finally found someone with who they could spend their lives with. And that was exactly what they felt. Nothing but unconditional love for each other. And they knew it would last forever. . . .

 

 

 

Lyrics: Doesn’t Really Matter by Janet Jackson

 

 

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