WestFiction- "Crush" by Lajla

- “I know, I know. I’m sorry, I was talking to Amy and forgot about the time!” – the smile on Claire’s face was gone as soon as she heard that name. Amy. She didn’t have anything against her personally, it was just that she envied her. She didn’t envy her because of her looks, nor because of her intelligence, not even because of the fact she was rich. It was only because Amy was the girl Kian liked. Claire wanted nothing more than to be on Amy’s place. She wanted to be the one who got all of Kian’s kisses, the one to hold hands with him, to be in his arms, she wanted to be the one to be there whenever he needed something or when he was feeling down. Even though Claire and Kian were best friends, and they told each other everything, and even though Claire knew she could count on Kian to be there if she needed a friend, it wasn’t enough for her. She was falling for him. And fast.

- “Oh. Well, that’s OK, as long as you’re here now. So, what’s up?” – she pushed her thoughts aside.

- “Well, I wanted to tell you what’s going on between me and Amy.” – his whole face lit up whenever he

talked about her, and Claire hated that. She was happy that he found happiness, but she was sad that it wasn’t with her. – “Claire, I think she’s the one!” – he smiled, and Claire’s face dropped.

I know I should tell you how I fell
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time you call me

I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say

- “That’s. . . .that’s great, Kian!” – she lied once again. She often thought about telling him the truth, to admit that she has a crush on him. But whenever she felt ready, and whenever she thought was the right time, he would either start talking about Amy, or Amy herself would come along. She wanted nothing more than to get that off her chest, to tell Kian the only secret he didn’t know about her, but she was afraid it would ruin their friendship. And she needed to be close to Kian, no matter in what way. She just needed to hear his voice, see his beautiful blue eyes full of life, his magnificent smile, a smile that could make the flowers bloom, his strong arms. But she decided to wait when him and Amy break up. But as days went by, she started to think they’re gonna be together forever. And that brought her even more sadness.

- “Yeah, I know! She’s so sweet and beautiful! And she has a perfect personality! What more could I ask

for?” – he said smiling. He was too busy thinking about Amy at that moment, to even notice a tear falling down Claire’s cheek.

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

Then there were times Claire thought Kian likes her. Those were usually the times when they were watching videos in Claire’s or Kian’s house. They would be laughing and joking, sometimes even had a pillow fight. And Kian would give her a kiss on the cheek or he would hug her, and Claire would feel like she was in heaven. She felt so right in his arms, she wanted to stay like that forever. But then reality hit her and she remembered Amy, and how much Kian cared for her. She knew he would never like her the same way he liked Amy. That made her sad and her whole night would be ruined.

Sometimes, when they were watching videos, she would look at him, his face, his eyes, his lips, lips which she wanted to kiss so much, even just once. She would look at his strong chest, his muscular, yet gentle arms, and she would imagine herself close to him, with his arms around her, protecting her from everything bad.

But deep down, she knew Kian would never talk about her as ‘the one’. She knew she had to face it, to accept the reality, but she just couldn’t stop dreaming what would it be like to be Kian’s girlfriend.

You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me things
That I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder

Could you ever think of me that way

- “Hey Claire, are you listening to me? – a voice she loved so much brought her back to reality.

- “What? Oh, yeah! Of course I am!” – she lied, realizing she didn’t hear one word he was saying.

- “Well, what do you think about her then?”

- “Who, Amy?” – he nodded. – “She’s. . . .great. And beautiful, and smart, and funny, and cute, and. . . .well,

perfect.” – she said, realizing the kind of person Amy really was. Perfect. Well, at least perfect for Kian.

- “Well, I’m glad you think so! I would hate it if my best friend wouldn’t like my girlfriend!” – she forced

herself to smile, even though she felt like crying at that moment.

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

Although it was never a problem to Claire to listen Kian’s problems and to try and help him, to listen to him saying all of his secrets to her, his feelings, his thoughts, sometimes she felt like running away when he started to talk about Amy. She couldn’t stand listening to him saying how much he loved her, how perfect she was and how he hoped they would be together forever, because it was just a reminder to Claire that she would be nothing more than just a friend to Kian. She didn’t know whether to smile because she was Kian’s best friend. . . .or to cry because that was all she’s ever gonna be. . . .

Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to

Nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

I got a crush

The hardest thing was that she didn’t have anybody to tell what she feels for Kian. Sure, she had a lot of friends, but she wasn’t that close to any of them. She was the closest to Kian, and she couldn’t tell him her biggest secret, as much as she wanted to. She didn’t like lying to him, but she knew she had to if she wanted to save their friendship. Kian probably wouldn’t get mad at Claire if she told him how she felt, and they would probably continue being friends, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same. He would act differently towards her. And she didn’t want that. She didn’t want any tension between the two of them. She always felt like they had a special bond between them, and she was right. She couldn’t risk losing that bond.

…… a year later ……

- “Claire, I can’t believe this is happening!” – Kian said happily on the day of his and Amy’s wedding day.

They loved each other so much they decided to get married. It tore Claire’s heart when she heard that. It was like her hope that something might happen between her and Kian one day was shattered in millions of little pieces, in just few seconds. Her feelings haven’t changed, not even after a year.

- “Yeah, me neither.” – she said sincerely, fixing his tux. – “Well, it’s time to go.” – she looked at him.

- “I guess so. This is it, Claire! When I walk out of this church, I will be a married man!” – he laughed.

- “You sure will. And Amy would be Mrs Egan.” – she said sadly.

- “I like the sound of that! Don’t you?” – he smiled, and she just nodded.

Kian went inside, and Claire went to find her seat. The ceremony started few minutes later. As Amy was walking down the altar, Claire could feel the tears filling her eyes, threatening to fall. ‘No, you will not cry, for God’s sake!’, she told herself, but it didn’t help much. The tears were falling down, one by one. An old lady sitting next to her, turned to her and said, trying to make a conversation when she saw her crying-

- “How do you know them?”

- “Oh, he’s a friend of mine. A best friend.” – Claire turned to look at Amy. She looked so beautiful in that

white dress, she looked so. . . .graceful. And full of love for Kian. Claire just couldn’t stop crying, no matter how much she tried.

Just as they were saying their ‘I dos’, the old lady whispered to Claire-

- “Sometimes, when you love someone, you gotta let them go for them to happy. Even if that means with

someone else.”

Claire looked at the lady confused.

- “How. . . .how do you know that. . . .?”

- “Shhhh!” – a voice behind them could be heard. Claire turned around to apologize to the person.

- “Sorry.”

She looked back at the old lady, waiting for an answer. But the old lady just smiled mysteriously at her and motioned for her to look at Kian and Amy.

You say everything that no-one says
But I feel everything

That you're afraid to feel
I will always want you

I will always love you
I've got a crush...

Claire turned to look at them. They were just about to kiss each other. Claire looked at Kian, he had a special look in his eyes, a look Claire never saw in her life before. It was the look of love. At that moment, she realized how much Kian loves Amy and what she means to him. As they were sharing the kiss, Claire smiled a bit. She loved Kian. She knew that. And even though it wasn’t her who had become Mrs Egan, she was happy. She was happy because her one and only love has found his other half. She was happy, because he wasn’t hurting anymore. But the love Claire felt for Kian never went away. And all of her sadness turned into happiness. Sure, she thought of Kian every now and then, and she wondered what could have happened if she told him what she felt before he met Amy, but she was happy with her life. And thanx to Kian, she found the man who cared for her and who loved her. It was Shane, Kian’s band mate. And Claire loved him too, but of course her love for Shane wasn’t as strong as it was for Kian. But she was happy with her life. She had a man she loved, who also loved her, her best friend was happy, and that was all she ever needed to know. . . .

Lyrics: Crush by Mandy Moore

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