WestFiction- "Flying Without Wings" by Jessie

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FLYING WITHOUT WINGS

by Jessie

Everybody thinks I should help him or her with everything, always be happy and always joking like I always had done. Because everybody seeing me as the joker in Westlife. If I should be sad or angry sometime so are everybody like that it’s free and bark at me. Why? I’m only a human. I have feelings to, even my own girlfriend could yell at me. They didn’t saw that before it was to late, I was so sad, angry, lonely (even I had girlfriend and very good mates) and the scariest thing of all; it felt like I should die.

But I’m not so happy as everybody think I am, because in that place I am at the moment everybody seeing me as an angel not that funny lad in Westlife.

~Flashback~

My story begins a few months ago.

One of them who works for me and really care of me, he decided he should end his work. I cried so much when he told me that!

What lad I was, right? Who cries! But I know that, even lads had feelings and are allowed to show them.

He told me one night, after one of the happiest night in my life. Me and the lads had got 7-8 awards at Smash Hits Poll Winners Party that night and had performed our latest single: “My Love”.

Someone who had figured out my name yet? Or the person near me that should, end his work?

My name is not strong maybe, my name is: Bryan McFadden and the other person is my personal bodyguard Fran Cosgrave.

It happens little accident with journalists and him. It was because of that he decided to leave us. He said he couldn’t take care of my or the other lads safety anymore after what happened that day.

~Back to the story~

We where our way to the afterwards party which where after Smash Hits Poll Winners Party, all the other lads where in good mood me too until Fran had told me he should end his job.

“Please Bryan, understand why I end my job!”

“No, I can’t! You had been there every day these two years I had been in Westlife. How should I understand it? You had always cheer me up when I had been sad, share my happiest moments….”

“Like what?”

“When Kerry told me we should be parents, tonight, all no. 1´s, all travels….” He said and looked so sad.

“No Bryan! I had only worked for you and the lads, everything you counted up there you had shared with Kerry and the lads. You can’t change my mind. Your new bodyguard comes tomorrow and should go with you all to Asia.”

“Are we at the party soon? I need something to drink!”

“Soon Bryan, why all this anger?” Asked my best mate in Westlife, Nicky.

“Ask Fran?”

“Fran, why is Bryan so angry?”

“Because what I told you other four before, Nicky!”

“WHAT? YOU TOLD THEM BEFORE ME?” Screamed Bryan.

“Yes, because I had a feeling you should react like you did.”

I was so angry, but the truth is:

I know how he feeling to. Because, those journalists had been so nasty to Kian and our life’s are in their hands when we working, they had attack Ki about the thing which had happen to him last time we had vacation and they had also put up all camera’s straight up in his face. Everybody had surrounded Ki so quickly. Fran or our other bodyguards hadn’t react in time and Fran had hit on of the journalists, because he was afraid about Ki’s life and safety. The journalist had nearly di…

“Bryan!” Someone called and waved with his hands in front of me!

“Dream boy, we are at the party!”

“What…”

“It’s time to party!”

“Finally.”

All the fans who were outside the club there the afterwards party should be was disappointed at me, because I walked straight behind them. All the other lads write a few autographs for them. I went straight in, straight to the bar and ordered something to drink.

When Nicky and Shane find me, had I drinking 3 beers.

“Hey, take it easy and drink slowly, Bry. Because, it’s many hours still at this evening.” Said Nicky and put his arm around my shoulders.

“You know why Fran ended his job. So it’s not worth it.” Said Shane and tried to comfort me.

“But…”

“No, buts here. Do you want Kerry to see you drank?”

“No Shane.”

“That’s right thought’s.”

Remain of that night we had fun all of us, even me. I didn’t thinking on that I should have new bodyguard next day.

Guess what? That lad who replaced Fran, were okay to and he protected Kerry and me with his whole life, of course all the lads too.

It wasn’t this time I had my feelings about that, I couldn’t be sad or angry without everybody yelled at me and I felt lonely and afraid I should die. This was only the beginning to six month with sadness things in my life.

A lot of things should have happen before that. Kerry should have trouble with our baby (she nearly lost it), my dad nearly died and a doctor should tell me something bad too.

It’s there we is, when I continue my story for you, the doctor and me sitting in his office.

“I’m really sorry Bryan. I had something sad and told you!”

“What?”

“You had brain cancer and I can’t surgery it for you, because it has gone to long time.”

“How many month’s had I until I die?” I asked.

“I’m really sorry to say it, but you had only a month till you die. But it can take longer time or shorter, okay?”

I rushed out from the hospital to my car and droved home to my parent’s house, to my old room. Throw me on the bed. I don’t know how many days and nights I laid there. Cried all the time.

My mum, daddy, sister, Kerry and the lads tried to talk with me. I only refuse them.

But one day when Nicky came and tried to talk with me again, he said:

“Bryan, I had very strong feelings something bad had happen! Kerry is sick of worry for you as well all you know and your mum and dad. Kerry nearly lost her baby again because of her worry for you. You should now that, I’m here to listen, you know where you can find me!” He said and should just leave when I whisper:

“Nicky, please stay. Sit down so should I tell you.”

“What’s up, Bryan?”

“Oh god, this is so hard for me…”

“Take your time and tell me. If you not want to tell me so you don’t, but I’m not going my way either.”

“Nicky, you know that I had seeing a doctor for my headache? Right?”

“Yeah, you did that a few weeks ago, have you seeing him again for it?”

“Yes, because they had done many, many tests on me and he told me a few days ago what’s wrong? I had…I had…oh god…please…help me…I can’t do this.” I begin, but my voice trailed off in tears.

I could see on Nicky he understand it was something serious with me, because his tears begin and ran to.

“Nicky, I had brain cancer and he can’t surgery, I had only a month left to leave. But it can go faster and it can go slowly to.”

A few days after this day were was so hard days for everybody I know and I gave an interview to Smash Hits to about it, because I wanted keeping it away from the fans. I leaved the group so soon possible, because I had so bad headache and feeling not good at all.

I been worse and worse for every day, my last week I lived was I on the hospital, my body being tiny, tiny.

That day I died so sat mum, dad, my sister, Kerry and all the lads with me and the last thing who happen in my life was; I laid my hand on Kerry’s stomach and said to the baby:

“Promise me that you be nice to your mummy and I love you with my whole heart. Even I hadn’t any chance to see you. I’m really…sure…you been…cute…little baby.” I said and burst out in tears.

Kerry she bent down and hugged me. Mum and dad took each of my hands, and my sister laid her hand on my head and all the lads stood around my bed.

I open my mouth and called after Nicky:

“Nicky?”

“Mmmm!”

“Can you take care of Kerry and my baby for me? So they had it good and everything?”

“Of course, I do…” he said and turned around so I shouldn’t see his tears.

Than I whisper to Kerry, because she hugged me still.

“I love you, honey. I know one of the other lads like you so much too. Figured out which one and do something about it, okay?”

“Love you to, Bry!”

Than I closed my eye’s and were gone.

I’m sure everybody thinking:

“How can he tell this story if he didn’t live.”

But I sitting here on one white cloud and look down at all I know when I lived and I had told you all this while I had looked at my daughter who ran around down there.

I visit even my own funeral.

The whole church with flowers and happy things, everybody had light clothes on, because it was that way I wanted it.

Dad, Kerry and Nicky talked about me. My tears run when I heard what they said about me. The lads singing “Miss you”.

Outside the church so was it hundred of fans, all cried and when everybody had leaved the church so was it so many fans, which visit my grave and laid, flowers there.

That has gone two years since I die and Kerry had give a birth to a wonderful daughter, two weeks after I die. Nicky had been with her side since I die, because I knew that he were secret in love with her. What I had found out from my place in heaven so had even Kerry find it that way.

Today when I saw Nicky, Kerry and Molly (my daughter), so were they their way to the church again. But this time so should they get married and Kerry caring Nicky’s baby this time. She had been pregnant 3 months at the time.

Shane, Kian and Mark were at their side to. All the other four continue the group after my dead, because they felt like they where guilty me that.

Everything was back to normal again for them, anyway to 95%.

For me it wasn’t, because finally so could I be BRYAN MCFADDEN without someone else judge me and barked at me.

So, thanks everybody who had listen at my story, now everything feels like I “Flying without wings”.

Love and hugs, Bryan McFadden

THE END

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