A Certain Quest

I seek my natural mother

(though she's very hard to find)

there are traces of her everywhere,

(but they reside, in people's minds).

I have found my long lost siblings,

and peered (gently) at their souls,

are there traces of her there,

in these casts from her mould?

Or is there something I have missed,

a clue that's not revealed?

I must be most meticulous,

if we can both at last be healed.

I have met my natural father,

but he says nothing of those times.

He is not the least transparent,

and keeps his secrets locked,

firmly in his mind.

I am soon to meet her brother.

(A dour man I'm told).

Will he tell me of my mother

and put a window to her soul?

Will he point a new direction,

indicate some untried path,

will he mention her conundrums,

and reveal their aftermath?

Sometimes I think I'm close,

then she seems to steal away,

like some receding apparition,

forever in transit, always keeping me at bay.

It is a resonance I pursue,

that indicates her fleeting tread,

that confirms her passage through,

and so defines the path ahead.

I have seen her in a photo,

(a haunting monochrome).

She seemed so very worn,

so lost, and so alone.

There are things I wish to tell her,

and to ease her from her cares,

and there are things I need to know,

(so many things we need to share).

There is some anger too, I have to say,

a smouldering resentment,

that she had cast her son away.

Was there some intrinsic flaw,

to make me seemingly reviled?

Yes, there are things we must discuss,

so we can both be reconciled.

And when at last I find her,

there is much that I shall say,

but I shall treat her with great kindness,

in the hope that she shall stay.

I am following faint trails,

a mere disturbance of the air,

even the barest indication,

that she was ever there.

I am searching for her essence,

and of it's residual effects,

in the hearts and souls she touched,

and in the image they reflect.

I search for her in places (and in ways)

that others cannot hope to see.

I know that I shall find her,

though she's been dead now....since 1963.

I am searching for my mother,

(an intimidating task)

for I know I can only find her

in some faintly glowing embers,

some intangibles, from a long and distant past.

~written by Michael Gray

michael.gray@dewrsb.gov.au

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