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GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
(feelings by ... Ginger)
Lost
in the Dance of Reunion
Lost in your dance, my feelings
became raw
I've seen to much rage, to many walls
You came
to me with to many sorrows
With a past you kept tightly
surrounded
I see no hope of a tomorrow
Crisis, turmoil's,
sufferings and pains?
Is nothing positive? always the same
You
asked me to help you uncover your shames.
You had to many
excuses, to much to blame.
Walls and circles, many
dividers
You'd say one thing one way
It would be different
the next day
You asked me to help you feel and express
I
did my up most my very best
I felt it always being a test
I
felt I was guessing at the rest
You seemed to want all of me,
nothing less
How deeply I needed some solitude - a rest
I
felt like I was jumping through hoops
You asked me to help you
find a solution
I looked for you, You found excuses
You
say, "I have less time than you"
Does that give you rights to do
what you do
and continue to hurt me too?
I'd say" when are you
going to move?
You say, "When I want to"
Feeling and
actions, only 1/2 truths?
It seem you only wanted me to love talk
you
How do you rock and cradle on demand?
I had to step back
and take a stand
I was always walking around big holes
Is
there something wrong with me
That I needed and sought
honesty?
I know my boundaries and my limitations
I am sad
you say "no need for them in my relations"
I've lost most my
tolerance and my patience
After 4 years, the same old same
old
Nothing changes when nothing changes
I felt set up like
others to hurt you
That made me unhappy - very blue
The
Abuser/Rescuer/Victim/Player?
That hurts to be in set in those
rolls
It pierces the depth of my soul
I wanted to know you
deeply in my life
I had no idea it would bring such heartaches,
and strife
I've loved you more than you ever know
I've
loved you as much as I could show
I told you all of me, I hide
nothing
It seemed like nothing I did was good or real
I'm
surrendering - I standing still
It is hard to break through your
strong will
I am waving and putting the white flag up
I
can no longer fill up your empty cup
I didn't feel you wanted
just me,
What did you want, what do you see?
I felt glued to
the floor
I felt you wanted way much more
That hurt me, made
me sad and sore
You don't always have to be a good and
perfect one
The innocent, frail, shy, not my fault girl
I
needed the real - honest just my Child
So afraid I would know
the real you?
Even if I do, does it mean I won't love
you?
I felt so much emotional blackmail
I felt tons of
jealousy, envy - get evens
I can't talk of other people in my
life?
How sad I felt, how awful - sighhhh
They too loved,
needed and wanted me
Playing...come and get me if you
can
It's all so very painful - Damn
Love doesn't always bring flowers
Love
takes hard work, rain, and lots hours
I am not the mommy you
came looking for
You are not that baby I'd yearned to hold
I
am not what you hoped and wondered about
You are not what I had
dreamed and thought
Honesty and reality have not be
sought
Reality has set in, it hurts allot
I love to talk
with others and share,
That's not wrong or right; it is just
there
I am sad you've chosen not to share
It is your
responsibility to speak up
The very things you've asked me
for
You've continue to slam all doors
Or you've push for more
and more
The closer I got to the REAL you
The more you'd throw
tantrums and say, "guess who"
Life will always remain the
same
When your looking for someone to blame
I've done it YOUR
way - it stayed the same
I can't go back there and play that
game
Love is not from one, its from two
Love isn't an It,
it something we DO!
I now need something from you
I don't
want things my way - I need a say
I needed and begged for
truth
I got something different each day
I do not feel truth
has been there
Yet you asked it from me - quit unfair
I
wish love was all we needed
I have enough for us both
My love
is deep and seeded
I share with you what a mother would
tell
You resist my efforts and crawl in a shells
Look! I see a
heart covered with veils
Full of unhappiness, lots of
tales?
Many mask's are being worn
It rips my heart - I am
feeling torn
Dancing and jumping in the fire
You are right
- time for quite hour
You've changed the rules a hundred
times
I can't catch up - I fall far behind
It's up to you -
your way your time
I am leaving it alone - I'll wait for a
sign
Maybe you'll want to walk in the light
Perhaps then we
can set things right
I feel positive in all that I did
You
take your feelings and hide
I can't keep up with all the
lies
....Written by Ginger to Tina after four
years
of dancing in the fire.
June, 2000
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