SENSES OF IDENTITY

I want you to stay in my body
Shhh, in there you're safe.
No one else has you but me.
Two weeks overdue means
two more weeks that you're mine.

My hand rubs my belly.
The marks you leave there
I will wear as a badge for a lifetime.
Oh how I delight in your movements!
For now you are mine and I smile.

You were born and I didn't know.
You cried and I never heard.
These arms ached and remained empty.
Who fed you as my milk overflowed?
My world lost all colour.

I signed those final papers
and gave away more than just you.
I had you in my heart and thoughts
but it was myself I never recognized.
No one saw it, I hid my pain well.

Thirty years is a long time
to have a taste of copper in your mouth.
The slumber of secrecy is now over.
I want to feel, even if it's painful.
To heal my soul, to stand tall again.

I pray you want me in your life.
You'll be safe, I've told you that before.
Let me feel delight once more.
To hear your voice, see your smile.
Help me colour my world again.

Written for Joseph Jude
now lovingly known as Michael Patrick, found 01/01/00

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