BECAUSE
By Polly Kaplan,
Summer 1994
I have been haunted by a lifetime of "why's".
Are you haunted by the echo of your baby's cries?
I have wondered what was in that heart of yours.
You have left me locked behind close doors.
And what would I find within your soul -
Will two halves finally make a whole?
Are the answers hidden in your core -
or do I not matter to you anymore?
Were you filled with confusion, with rage
to let go of a life at such a young age?
How can I understand the plan
if I don't know where I began?
I look in the mirror hoping to see
a similar reflection stare back at me.
You can be anything inside my mind,
but can I accept the realities that I may find?
Do you want to remember me, or do the memories fade
Will you tell me I'm the most beautiful thing you ever
made
or would you look at me an only fret
because mine is an existence you'd rather forget?
And though it all something holds me back-
afraid to forgo fiction for fact
Is it something for you that's too hard to face
even though my heart was yours in the first place?
And through all of these wondering years
have we grown strong enough to face our fears?
Am I similar to any creature you've known?
Would you want to know about how I've grown?
I never got a chance to say goodbye
and so I live a lifetime of "why?"
There are so many things I need to know
for that is the only way that I can let you go.
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