The Best I Can Be: Living with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome-Effects
by Liz Kulp,

Joyce Russell, February 2000
"This book has given me new understanding about kids who misbehave."

Greg Olson, President, Critters & Company
"Finally help to understand the kid who has to struggle and provides insights so adults can make a difference."

Laura Chapman, parent of child with FASD
Please thank Liz for us. She helped us help Donald.

Book Description
A young teen with Fetal Alcohol Effects challenges the world to peer inside her life and brain. Through her own writings the reader is taken on a life changing journey that will impact their thinking about how to help and understand children with brain damage due to Fetal Alcohol.

From the Author
"Mom, I want to write a book anout what it's like to have FAS/E (fetal alcohol syndrome/effects) I think people need to know ... and so began Liz's and my journey in writing The Best I Can Be - Living with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Effects. Liz was right, it was a story that needed to be told. Fetal Alcohol Exposure is a leading cause of mental retardation in the western world. It is estimated that one out of 10,000* children born each year in the United States as FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and one out of 100** hve FAE (fetal alcohol effects). Research and experience has proven one label is not better or worse than the other. Over 40,000 newborn US children each year will have to learn to cope with this disability. It is time we came out of denial - alcohol consumption during pregnancy is not safe. Let Liz and I take you on our journey - it is a journey of hope, of dedication and of perseverance.

Thank you Liz for your courage to share your story.

**Teratology 1997, Nov.

From the Inside Flap
It was a beautiful fall morning, the colors of the day shone into our homeschool classroom when Liz asked, "Mom, do you make money on your Families at Risk book?"

"Some", I answered, "but more importantly the book has given hope to hundreds of families who need help loving and understanding special adopted kids like you."

"Mom, I want to write a book about what it’s like to have FASE (fetal alcohol syndrome/effects) I think people need to know, and I need money."

Oh, Lord help me, this child is serious. I don’t even know how to begin a book like this with her as the author. We’re going to need help, big help! I prayed silently. A sense of quiet came over our day as I replied, "You know what Liz? That’s a great idea. I think so too. Let’s find out everything we can and you can write your book. The helpers will come for us."

And so we sat with recipe cards and pencils and I began writing as Liz talked about what it feels like to live having been prenatally exposed to alcohol. The days passed and the cards stacked up and we began to sort our notes into little piles. Then they began to tell a story – not just Liz’s story but the story of many individuals living with FASE (fetal alcohol syndrome/effects).

Each day we would talk and write, until finally our little stack seemed complete. And then laboriously Liz began to write, two cards a day – her story. The story of so many prenatally exposed children. And she was right. It is a story worth sharing. And we did need to tell the whole world.

I have a dream that someday prenatal exposure to alcohol of our children will be a thing of the past. Until that time, our children, their families and society will have to learn to live with the complexities of FASE.

Early in my understanding of prenatal alcohol exposure, I dreamt that my daughter and I were trying to get into our car to go home, but huge alligators blocked our path. Finally one of the alligators grabbed my finger just as I awoke.

As I shared my dream with a friend, she advised me, "Those alligators are real and are after our lives and our kids’ lives. You know what? Let the alligators have that finger! It is our job to protect our kids and help them find a safe passage." In essence that is what Liz and I are doing by writing this book, giving those chomping, biting, ferocious alligators our fingers in writing and getting on with loving and living our lives. We hope within these pages other families can find what they need to build bridges toward safe passages.

Living with prenatal alcohol exposure is difficult for everyone. The person who has been exposed prenatally to alcohol may be impulsive, have limited cause-and-effect reasoning, have memory and processing issues, have difficulty understanding abstract ideas, have trouble with money, time and math, get frustrated easily, and be very volatile. Faced with this set of day-to-day behaviors, many people unknowingly label the FASE person as "bad" instead of neurologically damaged and physically inefficient. All the therapy in the world isn’t going to make a brain disorder disappear. Misplaced treatment will only increase the secondary disabilities parents work so hard to avoid. People tend to put "normal" interpretations on FASE behavior, which makes the FASE individual appear to be manipulative, controlling, vengeful, etc. A normal person may be able to put that much thought into something and be controlling or manipulative, but a FASE person’s behavior is usually just innocent! impulse without restraint. Professionals not intending to inflict harm may consider parents who are providing the best parenting they are capable of to be bad parents. The child would be a "better" child with "proper" parenting. Some professionals are like five blind men trying to describe an elephant. One says, "The elephant is a long and flexible animal." The other says, "No, he is a round tall, animal." Another says, "No, he is hairy and bristly." Another says "He is heavy, smooth and pointy." And the last one says "He is flat and can fly." Being the parent standing under the rear end of the elephant, I observe they are all wrong – FASE is much more complex and encompassing. You never really know when you are going to get dumped on.