9 - Steve Hall

Hall is an extremely fast, versatile young player, who is equally happy with both of his feet - which should save on plastic surgery which Gillot had to endure to make himself the complete player (such a waste seen as this attempt failed to make him any better). His positioning and shooting is superb, and his ability to shoot, cross and pass with both his right and left feet make him an undeniable hazard to any defense. He regularly gets into positions which threaten the opposing keeper, and also into positions that benefit the skills of the rest of the team. Andy Spens, his number one fan, and founder and director of the 'Steve Hall Fan Club' in fact can not say a bad word about him, and was quoted after the Pickle's last match as saying "Steve 'Owen' Hall is sometimes called selfish, but I think that is a harsh description of this footballing legend. Both of my goals have been set up by two beautiful left foot crosses, and if it hadn't been for him giving me these opportunities two yards in front of goal I seriously would never have scored. Here's to you Steve."

Pete Barks says of him in his Somerset drawl "I'm pleased Fresher's bleached his hair, cos my eyesight isn't much cop, and now it's like he's got a beacon on top of his head, which means I can pick him out every time. I am jealous of his lovely mane though, if only I had his hair, let alone his footballing talent." The manager Andy Tilsley says of him "To call him short is unfair, he's just vertically challenged, but his height doesn't effect his game. He is a extremely composed in front of goal and I personally marvel at his accuracy in finding the net 99 times out of 100. His tactical awareness is supreme, and he is a menace to any defense in the country. Though I'm jealous of his incredible good looks, and his way with the women, I have to admit I agree with Spens, on this one - I see him playing for England within the next five years, and I'm glad he's signed to the Pickle's for his duration in uni, he's a star, and indispensable to the squad."