Star Wars Humor Universe

Death Star 2
"Imperial Official News Network"

By
Ian Brazee-Cannon
Michael Thompson

Ody- Hello, and welcome. I'm Ody Mandrell, and this is The Imperial Official News Network. The one and only place to get news from here to the Outer Rim. Before we begin, the Empire wants to remind everyone that, after much investigation, that Alderran was just a freak One in a Million planets spontaneously exploding. Ody- Our first story tonight, Imperial Sandtroopers have taken over the Sand and dust planet of Tattooine. This is apparently one of the Empire's attempts to find the Rebels. A small Bantha riot broke out, but was short lived. One Sandtrooper was quoted saying "Do you know what's going on?" The other one replied, "Maybe it's another drill."

Ody- Meanwhile, Emperor Palpatine is touring the Galaxy with a Squadron of Guards. Several anonymous calls have said that this Palpatine is actually nothing but a clone. Other calls have said that it is actually a clone of the clone. Other people have called in saying that he died a long time ago, and the Guards are fakeing his exsistence. Which is true? Only time will tell... Ody- What are you doing?
Gasgano- I don't have much time. There are things they won't let us
tell you. The truth about Alderran, Palpatine's addiction to snack
cakes, why Qui-Gon was never mentioned in the classic trilogy...

BLAM! Ody-Dear God! Wha- what was that??
Gasgano- Imperal Troops! There will be no escape for the Princess this time?
Ody- What?
Gasgano- *sigh* Nevermind... Imperial Officer- You Rebel Scum!
Ody- This is an outrage! All I'm trying to do is keep people up to date on the news. Haven't you ever heard of the phrase 'Don't kill the Messanger?'
Imperial Officer- Have YOU ever heard the phrase 'My, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve?'
Stormtrooper- Good one, sir!
Gasgano-You can't arrest me, they don't even pay me for this job!!

Imperial Officer- This show is on Hiatus until further notice!
Gasgano- VIVA THE REVOLUTION !!! Motti- NOW do you see why I don't bother watching the news anymore?
Piett- I don't know, I thought the Spider guy was kinda cool...

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01/25/02

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Ody- Hello, and welcome. I'm Ody Mandrell, and this is The Imperial Official News Network. The one and only place to get news from here to the Outer Rim. Before we begin, the Empire wants to remind everyone that, after much investigation, that Alderran was just a freak One in a Million planets spontaneously exploding.	Ody- Our first story tonight, Imperial Sandtroopers have taken over the Sand and dust planet of Tattooine. This is apparently one of the Empire's attempts to find the Rebels. A small Bantha riot broke out, but was short lived. One Sandtrooper was quoted saying "Do you know what's going on?" The other one replied, "Maybe it's another drill."

Ody- Meanwhile, Emperor Palpatine is touring the Galaxy with a Squadron of Guards. Several anonymous calls have said that this Palpatine is actually nothing but a clone. Other calls have said that it is actually a clone of the clone. Other people have called in saying that he died a long time ago, and the Guards are fakeing his exsistence. Which is true? Only time will tell...	Ody- What are you doing? Gasgano- I don't have much time. There are things they won't let us tell you. The truth about Alderran, Palpatine's addiction to snack cakes, why Qui-Gon was never mentioned in the classic trilogy...

BLAM! Ody-Dear God! Wha- what was that?? Gasgano- Imperal Troops! There will be no escape for the Princess this time? Ody- What? *Gasgano- sigh* Nevermind...**	Imperial Officer- You Rebel Scum! Ody- This is an outrage! All I'm trying to do is keep people up to date on the news. Haven't you ever heard of the phrase 'Don't kill the Messanger?' Imperial Officer- Have YOU ever heard the phrase 'My, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve?' Stormtrooper- Good one, sir! Gasgano-You can't arrest me, they don't even pay me for this job!!

Imperial Officer- This show is on Hiatus until further notice! Gasgano- VIVA THE REVOLUTION !!!	Motti- NOW do you see why I don't bother watching the news anymore? Piett- I don't know, I thought the Spider guy was kinda cool...