|
|
FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE STORY
'WHATEVER YOU WANT' WAS ABOUT, WE PRESENT
WHATEVER YOU
WANT VERSION 2.0
"So, I hear
Emperor Lobot is going to host the next episode of Bounty Hunter Bonanza
to show The Farce that he is their new emperor!"
"What are you,
the narrator?"
"And what of
the Vintage Figures? One hears rumors they are attacking all allies of
the Villains!"
"Blah, blah
blah! They know better than to mess with us!"
"Oink! Oink!
Hi, I'm Winky, the Rockin' Ugnaught! You may remember me from such episodes
of Death Star Two as, Emperor Lobot! "
"What do you
want, Winky?"
"Our long range
sensor network indicate the Vintage fleet will shortly enter Bantha Fodder's
orbit!"
"How does one
orbit a web site, exactly?"
"We're done
for! We're done for!"
"Look, Winky,
where's our fearless leader?"
"He is in the
dungeons."
"AHHHHH! Corksuckers!
Fargin' Iceholes! Hasbro Executives!"
"Huh-huh! Stop
whompin' on yerself!" WHAP!
"Stop whompin' on yerself!"
"O..... kaaaayyy....."
"Ah... good!
Good! Bossk, my old friend... I know G'do was my gift to you, but I wanted
to see if he would ever shut his filthy snout."
"You want him
to be quiet, so you're whompin on him really hard?"
"Yes... yes!
Luke sells toys, you know!"
My God! He
really IS insane!!!
"Why... no...
I did not know that... "
"Y'know, you
might get a better response with a slightly higher caliber of whompin stick...
and in the meantime, would you mind if I had a word with ol' Stinky, you
know, for old times sake?"
"Of course!
of course!"
Gasp! Pant! "Your
mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Yeah, super.
Give it a rest for a second willya? Look, Emperor McNutcake is going to
have you hauled out on your old show to make some kind of political blah
blah..."
"I knew that already!"
"Couldja let
me finish? I'm willing to rig the deal so you can pull a Houdini."
"And this is because
you're such a good person at heart, right?"
"No, it's because
while all the guards will be busy shooting at YOU, I'll be free to slip
a shiv between cueball's ribs!"
"Why would you
want to cap your own emperor?"
"Because he's
moved from the amusing 'Thinks he's Napoleon' kind of insanity to the not-so
amusing 'Going to get us all killed' kind."
"If I help you,
Bossk, I want something in return!"
"Your website's
freedom? Ah, the whole place always smelled of Red Tornado, anyway!"
"My ears are
burning!"
"You should
really quit sticking lit Q-Tips in them, then!"
"True, but I
still can't help but wonder what you two were conspiring about!"
"Oh, you know.
Teaming up to take you out. That sort of thing."
"HAHAHAHA! Ah,
always the kidder, Bossk! As if you two mortal enemies could ever work
together!"
"I fart in your
general direction, you empty headed food trough wiper!"
WHOMP!
"AHHHH! Mother
pussbucket! Swutting Belgium!"
"Uhurrt! Huurt-Urrrt!"
"Ain't nothin'
like Gaderffii for a beatdown!"
"Say, G'do,
which eye do you use for reading? Your left or your right?"
"I use them both
you maniac!"
"Not for long,
matey!"
"GEEEEEARRRGHHHHH!"
"Man! That sounded
ungood! Hey Den - uh - Dude, that had better not be some freaky
tantric sex thing!"
"Actually..."
"Nevermind!
I don't want to know! Look, just get up. We've got a show to put on..."
