 It’s
a bird, it’s a plane…..its SUPERMARNIE!!
Or
A Tale of Two Marnie’s
Our clever resident
artist, pic-capturer, uploader of files, and expert on all things cyber….MARNIE….was
hard at work transcribing the dialogue from the short film "The Hero",
starring our own hero MG! Her first "instalment" was most eagerly and happily
received. She was, however, taking a little longer than we demanding fans
would have liked. As we are the sort to tackle problems head on, Sonja
decided to take the matter into her own hands, kidnapped Marnie, ensconced
her in a 4’ X 6’ cage in the basement (which was quite difficult as Sonja
does not HAVE a basement), chained her to the computer, and forced her
to transcribe, pic-capture, and upload till her fingers bled.
Sonja wrote:
Our Marnie, also known as 'The One Who Never Sleeps',
and recipient of this month's mgfanslist "Atta-girl" Award, has posted
part ONE of "The Hero" along with two new WUNDERBAR small wonders!! Read
'em and 'chuckle' ladies, just what one needs on a Monday morning!!!!
Marnie, we are VERY pleased. If you keep up like
this we might just let you out of your cage for a few hours to do a few
necessary things, like, ya know, go to the bathroom and such.
Sonja
Marnie quickly replied:
Now I'm going to get back in my cage to await
further instructions from Sonja....fortunately she has me hooked up to
the net so that I can upload any stories etc. ....but I wish she was more
frequent with the bathroom breaks ...and darn if I can stand any more of
the outlandish South African dishes she's been feeding me ...I think that's
cruel and unusual punishment and definitely against the Geneva Convention.
Thank goodness for her kids and Nando's ....I guess they feel sorry for
their "Mom's" latest captive....either that or they want me to do some
wicked montages with their Mom's head and Pamela Lee's body ...move over
Lauren, Joe Gomba has a new girlfriend! I think she may keep me imprisoned
till I'm all up to date with the stories and the bio page ....so I may
be here for a while. Gosh, I hope I'm not in here till I finally get the
"shrine" up ....that could turn into a life sentence!
Marnie, Prisoner One Hundred and Five, North Tower.
Marnie’s allusions
to being Alexander Manette in the Bastille from "A Tale of Two Cities"
went right over everyone’s heads, including Sonja’s. She hadn’t read "A
Tale of Two Cities" since school days, and had taken a vow never to bore
herself to death again….by Dickens! And Anyway,
with one hundred and four OTHER prisoners to worry about, she was not particularly
LOOKING for obscure literary references!
Sonja continued:
I doubt anyone will be paying your ransom, Marnie.
Everyone wants your stories, transcripts, and 'wonders', both big and small,
uploaded just as much as I do! So quit complaining and eat your Nando's
chicken like a good little slave (be grateful my kids are willing to share
with you! They must be slipping some past hubby, 'cos he don't share his
Nando's with NOBODY!) And I think I've sorted out those pesky time-wasting
bathroom breaks too - note: one enamel 'chamber-pot' comin’ up!
Sonja
It was at this point
that Mariel started to feel a little sorry for Marnie and her plight:
Mariel writes:
Prisoner....you guys crack my up! (does
she think we are JOKING?) Hey Sonja,
if you give Marnie a chamber pot at least give her a curtain to put up
for privacy! Could I send the prisoner a care package? (I will
send you some great Spanish and American food if you like Marnie!)
Anything to help!
SO it should be kinda quiet around here with Marnie
chained up. Is that
'lets see what kind of trouble we can get into'
offer still open Sonja?!?!?!
I'm game!
L&L
Mariel
Marnie hadn’t given
up on the "Tale of two Cities" references quite yet. She started referring
to herself as "Prisoner 105, North Tower". Poor girl was very confused.
‘Tower’? She was supposed to be in Sonja’s non-existent BASEMENT!
From: "Prisoner 105, North tower"
'It was the best of times, it was the worst of
times......' (OK,
even dull-witted SONJA started catching on at this point!)
Ah well, day two as Sonja's "guest", thank goodness
I at least have a "chippit
chanty" (chipped chamber pot) at my convenience
(ouch). The puppy and I couldn't
bear having our noses rubbed in 'it' again and
then watching Sonja whisking around
with the disinfectant muttering all the while
under her breath about "wire clothes
hangers"!
Mariel, I' m so grateful for the care packages
... but somehow I get the impression that no-one is going to mount a rescue
mission, and you are, in fact, all in this together! No storming of the
Bastille for me ...and not even a file in the "Big Macs" you've sent so
far!
Mary, you were asking for suggestions of places
to live ...well believe me Ontario is too hot...take this from someone
who is nought more than a grease spot and a hank of hair! If you like rain
try BC....or Scotland, for big skies MG suggests Saskatchewan....but, on
no account consider SA, or you'll end up in Sonja's basement too. Or are
you a part of her nefarious plan to keep me here till I've filled every
byte of space at Onelist with pics of MG?
Oops, the "TaskMistress" is back and cracking
her whip so I'll upload Part II ...it should be there for all of you to
read ....
Prisoner One Hundred and Five, North Tower (Marnie)
Mary also started feeling
sorry for poor Marnie. Of course everyone wanted the transcriptions and
piccies…but felt that Sonja’s treatment was just a little inhumane.
Sissies!!!
Mary writes:
<< take this from someone who is nought
more than a grease spot and a hank of hair! >>
Marnie,
I have never heard that expression before, it
is great! Loved your story too. Maybe you should watch OZ like MG does
so you can ideas on how 2 escape (2 inmates recently tried to tunnel out
and one wants to mail himself out of the prison. Since you are so wee maybe
you will fit in one of those small packets?)
As for living in Scotland, I lived in North London
for 5 year so I know what the weather is like there (no sun). I want snow!
I miss not having fall or spring!
Anyway good luck to you and I dont think there
is a rescue mission planned, it is too darn hot! pass the ice tea and phish
food.....
Mary
Mary was definitely
warming to the conversation….and as often happens when there is an open
forum, creativity is unleashed……and a great idea is born!!
She continues:
<< PS: MORE uploads Marnie!?! The
woman is un-stop-able!!! >>
I agree! I think we should buy her a little super
woman outfit (with Halloween coming up it shouldn’t be too difficult).
It can look like Superman’s outfit (with the underwear on the outside)
and have 'S M' on the front for Super Marnie, Loader of Files! There is
no picture so large that she cannot scan it in a single bound....or something
like that. At least someone send her some toliet paper.....
Mary
Mariel was REALLY feeling
sorry for Marnie by this stage.
Okay Marnie
Not to worry, here is a care package for you with
some toilet paper and some padding to put on your potty (gosh, that chip
must not feel too good!) And here is a nice Big Mac for you (but be careful
when you bite into it...I wouldn't want you to chip your tooth with that
nail file I put in there! I hope Sonja doesn't check your care package
before she gives it to you!
BB
Mariel
Sam, our ‘soap’ queen,
also feeling very sorry for Marnie’s predicament, sent in to the list a
sentimental and sweet greeting card. Fortunately it softened Sonja’s heart
a little, and she resolved to be kinder to Marnie.
Sonja writes:
That's a wonderful card Sam!! Our Postcard queen
does it again!! I agree with the sentiment - we luv ya Marnie!! (As I'm
feeling so sentimental right now, I'll let you out of your cage for a brief
walk in the courtyard, Marnie - oh, and here's a 'care package' from Mariel.
Might as well let you have it, she'll break my leg and set it again (just
to get the practice) if I don't!)
S
However, Marnie had
decided to trust no-one!!
From: "Prisoner105, North Tower"
"It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness......"
(Will
she never give up!)
Sigh, here I sit broken hearted ...! At least
the Big Macs are a change from Sonja's culinary tortures but I'm beginning
to wonder if she's substituting that "pap" she's always touting for the
"special" sauce....the burgers do seem a little blander than usual!
Thanks Mariel, although the "Guv" didn't find
the file it's of no use on the re-inforced titanium bars, (who WAS she
keeping in here prior to me?!) however I do have a mighty fine manicure
now so I can't complain!
Sam, what a great card ...I was darn near hypnotized
by it though ....perhaps that was your aim ...there was a hidden message
pulsating at the subconscious level…
...hhhmmmmm!?
Mary,
I'm game ..I'll wear the costume ...heck I never said I had fashion sense
....but if I have to wear my underwear on the outside could I at least
have a padded bra to ...um...enhance my assets? (Not conical, a la Madonna
though, wouldn't want to put anyone's eye out!)
Well, if I've had my daily shuffle around the
courtyard (did I forget to mention the ankle chains) I'd best get back
to uploading Part III.
Yours,
P105
PS Next care package ...some band aids
would be nice ....that chipped rim leaves welts in the most delicate places!
Gin had some good old
fashioned down-home sensible advice for Marnie!
Marnie, if you have to spend much more time in
"solitary", ADVICE: file that chip off the potty FIRST, then work on your
daring escape plan!!
OUCH!!
~gin~
Mary’s mind was in
a twirl of clever ideas! She KNEW she could get Marnie out of that basement…tower…whatever!
Fear not Super Marnie, for the MG List ladies
are planning your escape. Luckily McDonalds has a special this week, two
quarterpounders for $2 so I will be sending you 2 express mail today. You
can either:
-
Eat them (unless you're a "veterinarian", as my daughter
would say).
-
Apply them to your SM suit to fill out your assets.
-
Use them to help you escape. By now the buns will
be extremely hard and considered a lethal weapon.
I will send Sonja a secret message telling her there
is a special showing of DMO on SA tv tonight, but I dont know what channel
it is on. She will spend hours flipping through the channels, screaming
at her remote control, frightening young children and dogs everywhere.
This is when you must use your special super powers
and your quarterpounders to rid yourself of your chains and escape. The
ladies and a 'special guest' will be there to help you get back to Canada
(if that is where you want to go!)
Until then......(to be continued...)
Mary
Our Mary was on a roll!!!
It was a dark and stormy night. Somewhere, in
the distance, a dog howled. A crazed women could be heard screaming, 'I
must find it! Where is he??' Hidden in the bushes a young woman, wearing
a SM outfit and holding a scanner, peered into the darkness, waiting for
someone to rescue her.
Suddenly she heard a sound and 23 women crept
towards her.
"Marnie is that you?" asked Gin. "We have come
to save you from that chipped pot!"
"Wait! What is that sound?" asked Sam. "It's a
helicopter!"
They all crouched down (and moved away from Marnie
who was really beginning to smell) and waited for the helicopter to land.
Out stepped MG, wearing a leather jacket and black
pants. "I heard you ladies needed help! I borrowed this helicopter from
the movie set of Firestorm. Hop in and I will take you home! Now where
is the young woman you have all risked your lives to
save?" he asked.
Marnie stepped forward. MG hard a hard time trying
not to stare at her strange outfit.
"Why do you have two all beef patties attached
to your chest?" He asked.
Marnie, not being a veterinarian, had tried to
use the quarterpounders to fill out her SM suit.
"I used the buns to break the chains," she explained.
"These patties will protect me from any stray pieces of fry bread that
Sonja might throw at me. Yesterday she threw one and it almost put my eye
out!"
"We had better go then." Said Mariel. "But how
will we all get into the helicopter?"
"Never fear." Said Marnie, "Just sit on my magic
scanner. I will make you all
very small (3 1/2 by 5 1/2) and then we can all
fit inside!"
Soon the 23 MG fans were all really tiny and Marnie
loaded them into the helicopter.
"Hey, why do you get to sit up front?" demanded
a very tiny Tina.
"Because I've been stuck in a prison with a cracked
pot and wearing this suit with my underwear on the outside (just like Superman!)."
Just then they saw Sonja running towards the helicopter.
"Quick take off!" shouted Mariel. With the grace of a dancer MG lifted
the helicopter smoothly into the air and headed towards Canada.
Now did they arrive safely back?
Did Marnie ever return her friends to life size?
Will she ever be able to pry those two all beef
patties off her chest?
Will MG ever be able to get that smell out of
the helicopter?
To be continued....
Mary
(see what his heat does to you....)
The plot thickens (and the hamburgers harden..)
Praise given where
praise is due! Mary did a great job organising Marnie’s rescue, and Marnie
was duly grateful.
Marnie writes:
Ah Mary, that was so funny! I'm glad you started
with my favourite opening line ...all the BEST stories do *s*!
Thought I'd better update you on how things are
going....After a good nights sleep (Sonja hadn't even given me a mattress
to cushion my bony butt during my sojourn in SA) ...I was awakened by the
sensuous sensations of someone fondling my chest ...in my dreamlike
state I forgot for a moment that a certain party had headed off in his
helicopter (leaving me to minister to 23 demanding midgets) ...for a few
blissful seconds I was in hog heaven when I thought to myself, "That's
a heck of a tongue he has!"
Confused, I opened my eyes and discovered I was
actually in DOG heaven and that my one hundred pound Labrador, "Havoc",
had discovered the "all-beef" patties that I'd been unable to pry from
my skin the previous night! (That "special" sauce is something else ...it
works better than industrial strength bonding agent!!)
After having my canine blanket bath I got down
to the task of restoring all my chums to their rightful size ...well perhaps
with a pixel or two missing ...before the scanner gave out. So some of
you have had to hang on till I can get it repaired.
Fortunately, a reconstituted Nessie made
it back to Scotland in time to go on vacation to the Isle of Skye with
our smarter older sister (just got a postcard from her in which she assures
me that Skye is, in fact, Gaelic for "The damp, windy place of sheep!")
so we may not hear from her for a while (as if we ever do...LOL).
Having my Mini-MGfans to stay is fine by
me....Mary, you especially seem to like the coloured plastic in your
Hagen Hamster 'condo' and spend a lot of time just
wiggling through all the different tubes and
"apartments" (you have complained about the privacy aspect so I promise
to drape you with a blanket at night ....if only to stop the cat from staring
fixedly at you and licking her lips!
Most of you seem to have settled down and are
enjoying the Nof60 reruns ...Tina was especially happy that CBC had the
Tom Jackson film, "The Diviners" on tonight (as an interesting side note
...I hadn't seen this film for ages and so was quite surprised to see that
Dakota House played the young Tom Jackson and a young Jennifer Podemski
was the daughter!).
Of course, everyone is happiest when I put on
SWCH, Crazy Horse or some such ...hey, the size of the Mini-MGF's even
my TV is like being in the Cinema ...then all I hear from them is ooh,
ah, and "Illeanna, you're an idiot!!"!
Only one thing, I wish Tina, Gin and Theresa would
stop fighting over the exercise wheel!
As a reward for my valiant rescue I've uploaded
Part IV of "The Hero" ...enjoy.
Marnie
PS Sonja ....you'll get yours one day ...remember
...I have photographs, heh,heh,heh!!
Though, to make up for the last few days you could
send some Nando's ...I got kinda fond of it!
Mary was greatly encouraged
by her success, and continued:
It was a hot and steamy night. The mini-me women
were very tired of living like hamsters and having to smell the tomatoes,
lettuce and onions still stuck to Marnie's SM suit. Finally, after much
prying, her brave husband was able to get one off with the help of a crowbar.
It ricocheted off a wall and fell into the fish tank, injuring 5, killing
2 (one seriously).
"Oh no!", screamed Marnie!
"Oh boy!", said her dog, "food!"
"We have to get out of here," said Sam.
"I think I have fixed my super scanner," said Marnie.
The little women eagerly lined up to step onto the scanner and soon they
were all life sized again.
"Now lets fire up that spaceship and get back
home," said Gin.
But alas, the battery on the spaceship was dead!
(Someone had been playing with the radio and left it on.....all suspicious
eyes turned to Tina who had been singing "Living La Vida Loca" even since
her husband and son had left on their vacation).
"I have an idea," said Nessie, "let's all hold
hands and think of our favorite MG scene." Visions of MG dancing, riding
a motorcycle, giving the look, watching Illeana going into the house and
smiling danced through their heads. Soon the energy from their thoughts
and their respect for this handsome actor was magically transferred (you
have to stretch your imagination here) to the starship. They all jumped
inside and Theresa and Marnie jumped into the pilot's seats.
Soon they were all home again, happy to once again
hear the voices of their husbands/boyfriends/friends/kids/others (pick
one) saying, "Where's dinner???
The end
I am sure Marnie will provide the final note of
whether that other lettuce/tomato patty fell off.
Sonja TRIED to have
the last word:
Well
girls, I DID warn you!!! But you went and rescued Marnie anyway. The 'Hero'
is incomplete and we've hardly heard a peep from Marnie on the list. I
think she has miniaturized herself in her scanner (watch those pixels,
Marnie!!), packaged herself up (wearing a huge label that says "Nessie;
Scotland"), and shipped herself off to visit her sister.
I reckon she is at this moment lurking in luxury
in Nessie's newly decorated Scottish castle, drinking Earl Grey(eyes) tea
and eating cucumber sandwiches (with the crusts cut off).
Will The 'Hero' ever have an ending? Will the
rest of our cyber adventures ever be uploaded? Will Marnie ever transcribe
DMO? Will Nessie ever get sick of pouring the tea? *sigh* I WON'T say "I
told you so.........."
Sonja
And Marnie vied for
the last word…..
>> Will The 'Hero' ever have an ending? Will the
rest of our cyber adventures ever be uploaded? Will Marnie ever transcribe
DMO? Will Nessie ever get sick of pouring the tea? *sigh* I WON'T say "I
told you so.........." <<
Here I am at the keyboard cutting, pasting and
editing like a mad woman ...(not to mention trying not to chop MG's head
off in the pics!!) and because I'm a tiny bit slooow all I get is grief,
grumble, grumble.
Never mind that I've been cleaning out hamster
cages galore (although the hamster food satisfied Tina's peculiar culinary
requirements it seemed to have a dire effect on everyone else's innards!!)
...and I won't even go into the funerary arrangements for the murdered
fish ...(held with sombre respect as we watched them disappear down the
toilet bo...I mean, as we delivered them to their respective watery graves....we
played Sibelius' Fin-landia as the background music and read from
the book of Psalmons!)
Then there was the fact that after I'd dropped
you ungrateful lot off, including my co-pilot and navigator Theresa, I
ended going round in circles for hours ...well the artificial breast removal
meant that I was rather lopsided and a I leaned a little too heavily to
the left on the joystick! I finally compensated by sticking that "haggis"
award someone awarded me down my SM outfit ...well, at least it came in
handy!! So here I am ...back at the keyboard ....and my Earl Grey(eyes)
tea has gone cold and my cucumber sandwiches are all soggy. I think to
make up for it, Sonja, you'll just have to make your way over here (by
your broom, perhaps?) and replenish them! A foot massage would be nice
too ...and then perhaps The Hero part V will be uploaded ....oooh....maybe
tonight ....I'll have to think about it!!!
Marnie
…Well….she THOUGHT
she got the last word in..
Well Marnie, the broomstick is fuelled and has
just been in for its 200,ooo mile service so I could conceivably come on
over. (I have on offer of Mariel’s own personal super-charged turbo broom
too! Thanks MA, I’ll keep that in mind should my own 1957 model stars playing
up again! SAQ). However, I feel my arrival would be too much of a distraction
and then who weould get all that uploading done? Instead, here are some
vacuum packed sarmies (made with my own two little hands), and a fresh
pot of Earl Greye(eyes) tea for your next ‘break’ (or would you prefer
something stronger? I COULD send over our equivalent to ‘moonshine’, it’s
called ‘witblitz’ and is guaranteed to cure what ails ye!!)
Sonja
J Had such a laugh
at your reading from ‘Psalmons’ at the fish’s funeral!! ROTFL!
Bet you’re all wondering
if "The Hero" ever did get completed. Well yes it did! With Marnie’s own
special flavour added! You can read the transcript here.
"
The Hero"
|
