LIVE AT FIVE!!!
and at ten...and twenty ...thirty...and, fergoshsakes,
through the whole darn movie!!
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HI-GREYLANDER LIVES!
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The Hi-Greylander as you've never
seen him before! Alive throughout the movie!
You could taste the excitement at "The Pass-Out Pit Cinema and Brain
Clinic" last night. Citizens of Greyland were just gathering their popcorn
and purses after 5 minutes of the new Star Trek movie "Star Trek 22: The
Vulcan Prince" featuring the Hi-Greylander in his latest cinematic offering,
when to their shock and amazement their hero miraculously survived an explosion
on the Royal Vulcan Cruiser, the K'Boom, to find himself recovering aboard
the USS Enterprise!
Stunned Greylanders stared at the screen for seconds, slowly realising
that the Hi-G's character was obviously going to survive the first 5 minutes
of this movie! There followed a mad scramble over a mosaic of tipped m&m's,
spilt coke, and fellow Greylanders who had fainted all over the floor,
to get back to their seats. (It was at this point that newcomers to Greyland
realised the importance of having the Brain Clinic attached to the cinema
as quite a few head wounds were incurred during the melee!)
As smiling Greylander's emerged after the final credits of the movie
one happy citizen said "I can't believe it, he was on the screen like,
nearly ALL THE TIME!" Another philosophically stated "It looks like
the 5 Minute Curse is over!". However, Greyland's notorious out-of-work
Lord High Keeper of the Votes was heard to mumble, "How am I supposed to
get any laundry done NOW?!!" Most Greylanders welcomed the new development
and agreed that it boded well for the future. This reporter agrees.
Ajnosnhork (cub reporter, Greyland Gazette) |
TV REVIEW
Law & Order Criminal Intent
"Gone"
Fans of Michael Greyeyes were treated to another siting on January 9,2005
on NBC's Law & Order Criminal Intent titled "Gone". We all hoped the
episode title would not be a harbinger of of our hero's fate in this one.
We wondered if he would be part of the detective team, which would possibly
mean a continuing role, but that would have been too good to be true. My
money was on the perpetrator.
The set-up:
Beginning we have Jarrod committing a crime against mom's housekeeping;
a woman on a plane discussing honeymoon plans with the passenger next to
her. Then the shot of Michael feet propped
up on the coffee table confirming a plane arrival. Some fans were dismayed
at the short hair, but glad to see him just the same. Possibly his hair
is growing in from his role in New World.
His girlfriend enters the room and asks him to zip her up, and states
she is nervous. Michael (Sonny Brightbill) states she has an hour, and
just needs to know how to relax. He puts his arms around her and plants
one of his legendary kisses on her, unzipping her as well.
What a way to relax! If you want to know how the story went read on.
I just wanted to rewind and see that scene again. But then I might have
missed another scene with Michael, so I taped on.
The crime:
We then see men finding a dead girl in a dumpster, hit on the head,
eyes gouged out. It is the girl that was on the airplane.
The detectives question the family of the girl's fiancé. Then
we see Sonny sitting in a car with his girlfriend. She is trying on wigs,
and Sonny points out the man she is to approach. |
After the detectives search through the victims suitcase, they get
the mysterious plane passengers suitcase from his hotel. The investigation
turns up a legal pad with strange writing and photographs of people with
their eyes scratched off and casino chips from the Lucky Angel in Macao.
Guess who's fingerprints are on them? That's right, Sonny Brightbill.
The police find he has an arrest for pimping. If you didn't laugh here,
then you are way too serious of a person.
This leads them to a gaming school in New York, where they meet up
with Sonny to ask a few questions. Michael is superb here, I just love
it when he gets to have an attitude. The killer is at one of the gaming
tables, and when one of the detectives gets to close to him, Sonny causes
a disturbance to distract them, and the killer gets away.
Of course Sonny is upset to hear about a murder, as that was not part
of the plan. Now, he is an accomplice to the murder.
The arrest:
Through a suspicious square keepsake, in one of the family members
home, the detective is intrigued by pictures of eyes, and a map of the
world, having 64 squares on it, the same as a chess board they figure they
are dealing with a a paranoid, sociopath chessmaster. Whew, what a mouthful!
Wiretapping the suspected killer's family, It is learned he is in town
to receive his share of an inheritance. It is the killers' involvement
with chess that the detectives are able to identify and apprehend him at
a chess club.
Carol (our Roving Reporter) |
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Canadian TV at a glance.
Direct to you from the couch!
‘Tis the season for awards shows! Ok, so I may be a little late with
my ‘breakdown’ but hey, think of all the time I have to use up actually
watching all this TV.
Graham Greene was the standout at the Gemini’s…not only did he present
an award (and how dapper he was too) but he also did this hilarious skit
where he was working in The Bay (the department store). Wouldn't mind being
served by him! He can be such a comedian!
He was also interviewed on the Red Carpet before the show itself. |
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Interviewer: “I’m joined by the handsome Graham Greene.
How are you tonight?”
GG: “I’m just fine, thankyou.”
Int: “Now I know that you’re not up for an award however you have
been nominated for an award at three previous Gemini’s. But tonight you
are presenting.”
GG: “ That’s correct, yeah.”
Int: “Do you get nervous because you're presenting or is it no problem,
its only when you’ve been nominated?”
GG: “Presenting is kinda nerve wracking too because if you don’t
hit your mark or you don’t read the teleprompter right you could make a
mistake and...end up selling a used car up there!!”
Int (laughs): “You’re also getting a special award...”
GG: “Yes, last evening I was honoured with the Earle Grey Award*
for my achievements and contribution to the television industry in Canada.”
Int: “...for your body of work…”
GG: “ Yes, my BODY ....of work!” (He chuckles)
Int: “Needless to say you were nominated for an Oscar for “Dances
With Wolves”, a phenomenal film, and you’ve done so many different roles.
It’s interesting because earlier you said, looking around the room, everyone
seems to be getting younger and younger.”
GG: “ Yeah, that’s right, I don’t know what’s going on here. Seems
to be that way in my neighbourhood too! Everybody is getting younger and
younger and I’m getting older and older!”
Int: “ Well, you know, it’s fun to see people who’ve been in the
industry for a long time and the newcomers all being acknowledged and it’s
a pleasure to talk to you tonight.”
GG: “ Why thanks. I was around when you had to get up off
the couch and go over to the tv to turn the dial to get another channel!”
(Oooh, I wouldn't like having to do THAT at all!!! g) |
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During the show there were a couple of nominations for
JJ Harper but alas they lost out…still it was nice to see it nominated.
I just have to mention Lorne Cardinal. He was with the cast of 'Corner
Gas' as they were all being interviewed on the Red Carpet...and he was
wearing the dangliest pair of earrings I've seen...since, well, ES in "The
Broken Chain!" Takes a really cool dude to carry that off! (and he did!) |
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On City TV the other night they had a special…25 years of the Genies.
There was a nice little clip of AB.
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"We need to, you know, just show
our respect for where we come from.”
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Plus there was an old clip of August Schellenburg (with a lotta hair!!!)
accepting his award for Black Robe. ( He had two previous nominations and
won for “Black Robe” in 1991.)
“I’d like to share this with the spirit and memory of Chief Dan George
whose talent, wisdom and dignity along with others helped pave the way
for a lot of us. Megwitch, merci, thankyou.” |
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They also showed a few of the past hosts …and there was Graham Greene
again. I hope he owns that tux…he’s such a popular guy it gets a lot of
use (and we just love to see him in it!)
“Everyone’s a winner…it’s just some of you will get these beautiful
statues and some of you won’t !” (Then he chuckled devilishly!!!) In
another excerpt he said, “…action, slapstick, suspense, horror, mystery,
sex…and that’s just the acceptance speeches!” There followed a bunch
of clips…from such Canadian classics as 'Black Robe', 'Atanarjuat', 'Dance
Me outside'….and Porky’s!” ahem! (There is one cash driven category… "The
Golden Reel Award.” It’s given to the Canadian film with the highest box
office gross for the year. This years winner? That gem…"Resident
Evil: Apocalypse"!Ya gotta love an award show like this!) |
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"Twist" was also nominated this year and Gary Farmer was given a nod
as best actor ..alas he did not win (me, I think he should win every year
just for his stellar performance in "Heater").
He was interviewed about "Twist" on Star TV.....
GF: "I used to believe that everyone could be an actor but it's
not that you can, or you have a talent- it's whether you WANT to! Whether
you want to lay it on the line. Not everyone can do that."
He continued after a clip from "Twist"-
GF: "It's an adaptation, of Oliver Twist, of course, but it's set
in Toronto and instead of the boys being pick-pockets they're kinda junkies
and male prostitutes."
Another clip was shown, then-
GF:" You do some pretty hideous things to sustain your environment.
It's a pretty dark film that way. It's the underside of life and so it's
not your typical sweet movie. Fagin kinda takes care of the boys so he,
ya know, keeps them in line, is the disciplinarian for those boys."
He continued,
GF:"I dig in deep- I jump in with both feet and, you know, I'm a
bit of a gambler. I keep trying to find something, not only for the film
but for myself -Try to learn somethin' about somethin'! So it's just a
process...that the camera watches." |
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At last having run out of awards shows (for now…the NAAA’s are coming
up …but it’s gonna be all MG did this MG did that when I write it up* g*)
I caught AB playing a whacked out nutbar in a strange flick called 'The
Big Empty", alas he came to a sticky end…well, if he would keep tying up
his girlfriend and otherwise threatening her that’s just to be expected.
Gary Farmer is in this film too as is Sean Bean (or Seen Been as I like
to call him) ...Um…did he really turn out to be a cowboy-hat-wearing,
Geordie
alien? I’m right? Oh good, thought I was maybe hallucinating…that and I’d
brained myself carrying Havoc to get a drink halfway through this
film …the drink was for Havoc not me though after I’d given myself
a glancing blow to the forehead on the door lintel I could’ve done with
one! Why not bring water to the dog, you say…which would make sense if
he wasn’t the most stubborn, paraplegic puppy in the world and insists
on only drinking from a specific bowl in a specific place, sigh. (You know
the one I mean!) The upside of carrying the rear end of a 110lb dog everywhere
is that I’m developing "an impressive pair of guns". Why is that phrase
in quotes you wonder? Well that’s what 'himself' told my mother on the
telephone while I was out one day. "You told my mother I was developing
an impressive pair of guns carrying the dog around? She won’t know what
that means!!" I squeaked, imagining all sorts and rightly so. I made a
hasty call to Scotland where I told me Mammy that 'guns' meant biceps….
"Oh," she says , "I did wonder...I thought he meant something else and
if I thought you could develop boobs lifting weights I would have
tried it years ago!!" …No doubt we both then gazed down to our toes
with nothing impeding the view, *sigh!*
Anyway, I’ve wandered way off subject so I shall rely on AB to bring
me back to sense (...if that's possible). "The Big Empty" was MAD ...but
totally absorbing, what was it with the blue eyes...and the number 11 and
what was IN the blue suitcase? I must watch it again just to try
to figure some of it out ....so if I HAVE to watch AB over and over again...well,
I shall force myself- all in the name of research! Aarf! |
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He was also in an old interview on Star TV where he and Sook-Yin Lee
talked about the "Art of Woo".
S-Y L: "It’s a simple story, the characters are really relate-able.
People are gonna like it for a certain kind of romantic dynamic."
AB (talking to camera while others are on set): "Hey, what’s up-
how you doin’?" then gesturing to the group behind him, "They’re doing
a a little bit of actor/director-conference-kinda-getting to know the scene-atmosphere..."
Then, "I don’t say much...which I like!"
The interview continues outside.
Interviewer: "Have you been in a romantic comedy before?" (at
least I think that’s what she said as she wasn’t miked too well...and let’s
face it my ears aren’t getting any younger!!)
AB: "No this is my first jab at it...and it’s difficult because
there’s a fine line between comedy and drama. I have some funny lines...HOPEFULLY
they’re funny."
There was then a clip from "Art of Woo" though we don’t get to hear
if he’s funny ...cos they chose a clip where AB is silent!
AB continues: "It’s been good, the start of it has been a little...um...trying
to find our ground. But for Sook –Yin it’s one of her first films so she
had to make the transition from VJ to actor!" (Sook
Yin was a VJ on Much Music in Canada)
Clip of Windtalkers.
AB: "Making the transition from a Hollywood film to a small independent
just relies on sticking to your character. The intimacy between the two
is so different, here you’re intimate with everybody- it’s just a close
knit family. I wanna see what’s gonna happen with the release of each film.
There’s the Hollywood film which is very world wide, here’s a nice independent
that’s stuck to Toronto and if people like it we’ll see how it goes."
Then he winks at the camera!
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Well that's all for now ...next time 'Beachcombers', 'Nof60 Distant
Drums' ...and hopefully the NAAA's (you can tell it may be a while!)
Marnie:)
* Earle Grey is not a typo ...doesn't mean GG went home with a box of
tea bags, that's the name of the guy the award is named after! |
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| IT'S A GIRL! IT'S A GUY! IT'S....AN ELF!
Pandemonium and excitement broke out in Delchaney yesterday when a man
with long BLOND hair, and strangely pointed ears, was spotted wandering
confused and dazed through the streets of Delchaney's capital in the early
morning.
He appeared to have lost a dwarf named Gimli, and was enquiring of
all passer's by if they had seen the missing creature. Early observers
assumed the blond personage to be a female, and went obliviously on with
their business. However, when the intruder's true gender was finally known,
the Sheriff's department and other local authorities were called to the
scene, where they had some difficulty controlling gawking Greyland citizens.
The man, who claims his name is Legolas Greenleaf, was taken to Delchaney
Police Station for his own safety, where he reportedly said "I guess I'm
not in Mirkwood any more!" He allegedly has no recollection of his means
of transport nor his arrival in Greyland. Acting Sheriff Ravenwing, in
a press conference, claimed that as it is impossible to enter Greyland
in any way other than the Wee Tartan Spaceship, the Sheriff's department
is considering this to be an inside job. The unsuspecting male may have
been smuggled aboard the WTS by a citizen of Greyland. Investigations are
underway.
Ajnosnhork (Greyland Gazette cub reporter) |
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Have you seen this ...er...companion?
Description: Short, does not like to be tossed!
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AGONY COLUMN
by your Maniacal, Mournful, Moribund, Miserable,
Mawkish, Megalomaniacal Mentor:-
Dear Manic Marnie,
I'm a guy who's heard great things about Greyland but I'm having trouble
actually getting there! Help!
Stranded on Planet Earth
Dear Stranded,
There are ....ahem...a couple of things stopping you!
Alas there is only one guy who's officially allowed to reside in
Greyland (you know, the Hi-Greylander himself). There
ARE the husbands and boyfriends who are dropped off
at the Embassy (...AKA The Real World Hunting Lodge) for beer swilling
and burping contests but we don't like to talk (or even think ) about
them when in Greyland. |
| Even the crew of the WTS doesn't make it past the docking port.
However should you care to sign on as crew please send resume and present
yourself for a hands on interview!!
Dear Manic Marnie,
I have fallen madly in love with a tall handsome, long haired (gulp)
Cree guy but it's like he doesn't even know I exist!! What Can I do?
Unrequited In Greyland
Dear Unrequited,
Join the queue!!!! |
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Men looking for Women
Looking for Dream Lover, are you her?
Me, SNAM 6'4" hunk, likes to hunt, fish, ride horseback, and raid white
settlements. You, like to wash horses, prepare animal skins for wardrobe,
and cook. Must have book, willing to relocate, and assimilate into Lakota
society. Call 1-800-tokalah
Want to make my girlfriend jealous? Looking for woman to help me through
rough time. If you like black leather and motorcycle riding give me a call
555 The gooch.
Women Looking for Men
Sperm donor wanted. RU my baby's daddy? College student seeks man with
overload of live sperm. Must be single, tall, well built and handsome for
one time rendezvous. All applicants considered, NA preferred. Call Elena
888 gooch'sex
I know you're out there waiting. SWF seeks marriage minded man to rescue
me from spinsterhood. Likes to read. Please hurry, down to my last book.
Willing to relocate , if you are "The One" I have no phone, please write
to Anna Brewster, c/o Wagon Master, Trails West Adventures. Ft. Hays, Kansas
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"Sonny's School of Gambling"
No high school diploma or college needed!
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Want to earn money in your spare time?
Let Sonny Brightbill show you how!
From the great folks who brought you
"Sonny's Escort Service Academy"
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Learn how to deal with the best.
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Rudiments of shuffling the deck!
Applicants must be able to count to 21
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| 'ORRIBLE 'OROSCOPES
Aries -Think you can 'ram' your way into your true love's affections?
Think again. You'll just be left feeling sheepish!
Taurus - Crashing around like a bull in a china shop won't get
you the attention you seek- only a bunch of broken dishes and the makings
of a great mosaic!
Gemini -Though they say two is better than one, with your split
personality that will make three in any relationship you have. How will
you ménage?
Cancer - Trying to grab onto him will just make him squirm in
your clutches all the more. Face facts...who can live with such a crab!!!
Leo - While you may take 'pride' in your leonine nature- remember,
females are just one of the harem!
Virgo - The virgin? Ain't no such thing in Greyland!!!
Libra - You must weigh your choices in the balance. Romance or
chocolate? Both will go straight to your hips!
Scorpio - There's always a sting in the tail with you... though
often it's the feel of HIS size tens as he kicks YOUR butt to the kerb!
Sagittarius - Shot through the heart with cupid's arrow- that's
your lot. Unfortunately YOUR aim is not so good and you'll be left with
no string to your 'beau'.
Capricorn - Everything gets your 'goat' so you're tough to be
around. True love will definitely be giving YOU the body swerve.
Aquarius -You have such a lot to bear, for one thing -you're
all wet, and for another if you MUST retain water don't carry it all on
your thighs!
Pisces -Poor sentimental Pisces, alas your romantic dreams are
destined to be drowned. No passionate missives delivered to your
fair ..er ..fins ....just your own letters marked "Return to Sender"! |
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