'Twas a dark and stormy night, and our group of MGFans were languishing in Marnie's basement, TV on, waiting for the grand opening of APTN. We had been hanging around for hours without food or drink, as Marnie, the 'hostess' was too busy helping Havoc take a pee, and as he couldn't yet get down the basement steps,  we didn't see much of Marnie either!
Occasionally Mitch would take pity on us, and would throw whatever he had found in the larder, down the stairs.
    We were amazed at the contents of Marnie's larder - we had 2 cans of refried beans (no can opener), a packet or frozen peas, a box of 'doggie treats', three bottles of 'Skunk-off' (the 'spray-on' kind), and a raw, frozen chicken.
    "Hmm, Marnie's obviously trying to get back at me for keeping her chained to her computer and locked in that cage!" Lamented Sonja

We had fared well despite the depravations, although Lauren was 'wilting' fast. Rachel, who was used to 'suffering' through many bouts of motion sickness, and knew how important it was not to dehydrate, made Lauren suck the ice off the chicken packet as it defrosted. It might have worked except that the smell of raw defrosting chicken was just too much for poor Lauren, and what can I say except thank goodness Marnie's basement comes equipped with a small bathroom!!

Erica and Sonja, remembering the days when all South African men had compulsory military service to do, realized that Mitch simply HAD to have some ration kits, such as we had seen our own hubbies bring back from those awful three month stints in some godforsaken military camp somewhere up north........ (but I digress),... hidden somewhere - and the basement was as likely a place as any.

They both started ransacking the place, every cupboard and cubby was emptied and thoroughly checked. We were just starting to really panic when a small voice of our intrepid leader, Gin, piped up from a corner, "Could this be what you're looking for?"
    Tina snatched the sack out of Gin's hands, tipped it up and spewed the contents on the floor. Sonja picked up one of the familiar tin boxes - yep, it was FOOD! She brandished it above her head and did a stupid dance:
    "We live to see another MG movie!" She yelled. But despite their hunger, no-one was paying any attention to Sonja. All eyes were on Gin, who seemed a little 'out of sorts'.

"What's with her?" Asked Lisa.
    Suddenly Theresa gasped. "Omigosh!" She yelled! Isn't it the 5th of September today? WE FORGOT!! It's GIN'S BIRTHDAY!"

There was a pregnant silence as everyone turned their guilt-ridden faces towards poor Gin.  She decided she had never felt so embarrassed in her life! She had been hoping the day would go by with the minimum of fuss and bother, but it had suddenly degenerated into a fiasco in which she seemed to be the centre of attention.
    "Hey," she said, trying to lighten the situation. "I really didn't expect anyone to remember OK, just wanted to have a quiet day. Don't feel guilty guys!!!"
    "There must be SOMETHING we could do though?" Said Mary and looked helplessly at the rest of them.
    Lauren grabbed both Gin's hands in hers and said, "Well I know it isn't much, but you can have my defrosted chicken!"
    "Oh Lauren!" Exclaimed Mariel, who was for some reason wearing a long black pointy hat. "That won't be necessary! I think I have a few tricks up my sleeve."
Even Gin was intrigued as everyone crowded round Mariel, who sat down in the middle of the floor and started a strange incantation. Nothing happened.
    "Hmm, perhaps I need something to work with." She announced and grabbed a few of the ration kits that were still strewn across the floor.  Out of one Mariel pulled a chocolate wrapper, it was empty (does Marnie sleepwalk, searching for chocolates in the night?) and some cookies that looked like bits of rough cardboard.
    "Ah, THIS will do!" She said, and carefully stacked the cookies, one on top of the other in front of her. A few words from her lips, a wave of her hand, and suddenly there was a flash of light, and a delicious looking chocolate cake appeared before them.
    Chris whispered to Tina, "Why the heck didn't she magically cook the darn CHICKEN earlier when we were all dying of starvation, or change the dogfood into pizza!!!"

There was a noise on the stairs above them. Too late they all looked up at the frightening apparition of a fully grown Labrador flying through the air towards the centre of the floor. He landed beautifully in front of Mariel's wondrous cake, and gulped it down in two bites, while they all yelled and screamed, and tried to salvage whatever they could of the cake.
    Gin sat in open mouthed amazement. Havoc had obviously suddenly made a remarkable recovery! And she could swear he was wearing a red cape with the initials MGM (No, not Metro-Goldwyn Meyer, but Michael Greyeyes Mascot!) in gold, that flew behind him magnificently as he glided through the air. She shook her head to clear it. Was she going NUTS?

Sonja was giving Havoc a stern talking to, and Mariel was scraping the crumbs of her cake together, determined not to be outdone by a flying canine. When suddenly Marnie appeared at the top of the stairs.
    "What's going on in here!" She yelled. She was dressed in an overall. It was badly stained with something, and a chill ran through Gin as the realization hit her that it COULD well be blood! She held in her hand a large ring of keys, which jangled as she climbed down two of the stairs.
    "If I hear another sound from you lot, I'll send Mitch in here! And you don't want THAT now DO you?!!"
Everyone cowered and grovelled. No, they certainly didn't want THAT!
 "The lot of you wanted to come and watch APTN in my basement, then you abide by my rules!! NO turning cookies into cakes, and NO birthday parties!"
    Shannon rushed forward and fell at Marnie's feet, and Gin noticed that Shannon, who is normally impeccably clad, was dressed in rags. Looking around, she saw that EVERYONE else was in rags too! Shannon was begging for something from Marnie, a drink of water perhaps? At the thought of water Gin felt incredibly thirsty and realized that the TV set was on fire.
    "Fire!" she yelled, trying to turn Theresa around to face the TV set, trying to get anyone to pay attention. It was as if she and the fire did not exist to the others in the basement. The flames grew bigger. The TV set fire turned into a forest fire and she was alone, trapped in a clearing with flames licking all around her.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" She yelled out into the flames. She felt like crying. "This is supposed to be my BIRTHDAY!!!"
    As she sank to her knees in despair, she was suddenly hit in the face by the end of a rope. She looked up, and there was a helicopter hovering overhead.
   "It's Andy Mooseheart!" She sighed, and grabbed the rope.

Once safe inside the helicopter she sat relieved, next to her hero, and tried to relate the strange recent events that had happened to her. The helicopter landed and Gin turned smiling at her rescuer, hoping this would not be the end of their acquaintance.
    Instead of the gentle face of the intrepid helicopter pilot and long-time rescuer of MGFanslist ladies, she instead saw Sonja sitting in the pilot seat. And something was seriously wrong. Sonja had picked up a chainsaw and was roughly pulling the leash to start the motor.
    "Sonja, what are you doing!" Gin started to panic. Sonja had a glazed look in her eyes as she stared at Gin and brought the chainsaw around towards her. She was wearing Marnie's bloodstained overalls! Screaming Gin fell from the helicopter and started running blindly, looking behind her to see if Sonja would follow her. She ran straight into a solid force, like a brick wall, and fell to the ground.

Strong arms picked her up and before she could protest she was being carried along gently. She looked up, straight into the dark brooding eyes of Tokalah!
    "This is just TOO weird!" She thought to herself, and decided the best course of action would be to say nothing, and just observe. (And just enjoy being carried along in the strong arms of one Tokalah!)

She was taken to a tipi, and still staring dreamily into the warrior's face, was carried inside and gently lain on some skins. "Hoo-boy", she thought, "This is IT! Re-enactment of the famous scene from SWCH! Except THIS time it's gonna have a DIFFERENT outcome!" And she chuckled to herself. She sat up, ready to hear the words 'Mis-sus Mor-gan', but instead heard an angry Theresa yelling at her:
    "What do you think you are doing? He's MINE do you hear? YOU go and wash the horses!" And she kicked Gin out of the tipi.

By now Gin felt like Alice in Wonderland, or Dorothy in Oz. What could possibly happen next, and how on earth was she to get back 'home' again?! She was in despair at the sight of all her friends whom she trusted and loved, turned so against her.  A huge great sob welled up inside her, and she sank to her knees letting her grief overtake her.

"You OK, Ma'am?" An oh so familiar voice spoke above her. She opened her eyes and lifted up her head. People bustled by her on the busy Toronto street, ignoring her, but the owner of the voice looked down at her, his concern obvious. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, a bandana caught his hair behind his ears, and his fists were full of flyers which he had been distributing. He spoke again:
    "Ma'am? Can you hear me? Do you need a doctor or something? Can I call someone?"
    "Oh, oh no, thank you!" Gin wiped her eyes and face with the back of her hand and struggled to stand up. Strong arms caught her, lifted her up against him, and she nearly fell again in a sheer faint!
    "You don't look too good, Ma'am. Do you live near here, can I get you home or something?"

Suddenly a car hooted loudly next to them, and Cuqui and Erica jumped out of a Corvette and rushed over to her.
    "Dear Gin, now what have you been up to?! My goodness, you had us in a state!" Cuqui spoke solicitously.
    "You KNOW how much you worry us when you just 'take-off' like that!" Added Erica.
    They both turned to the man in the bandana. "So sorry, Sir, our sister is not well you see." And Cuqui sidled up close to him and whispered "She ran away, again, before her morning medication. So sorry to have inconvenienced you. We'll take it from here."
   They both grabbed Gin by the arms and proceeded to drag her to the car. Gin fought and kicked and yelled "Don't believe them, it's another conspiracy!"
    But when she looked back, the man in the bandana now wore a top hat. He had menacing black lines painted down his face, and was surrounded by fierce, strange warriors. It was like someone had turned the lights out, and a strange glow lit up the faces of the warriors. Warriors?! They were her old friends from the MGFanslist! There was Tina, Marnie, Snow, Chris, they were all there, but each with an evil glint in their eyes, raggedy sinister clothes, and each carried a huge cutlass!!

She turned to run, but behind her were Erica and Cuqui, also brandishing weapons, and looking at her with a demonic glare.
    "What do you WANT from me!" She cried. Her fear and despair only seemed to excite the group more, and, led by Tarantula in the top hat, the circle closed about her, chanting "Gin, Gin, Gin......".

Tarantula reached her first, and stretched out his large arms, grabbing her by the shoulders.
    "NO!" Gin screamed "Leave me alone, leave me alone" and she struggled against his strong grasp.
    "Gin!" Tarantula's voice reached her from somewhere far away, and she continued to struggle as the other's voices joined in.
    "Gin, it's OK, wake up now!"

It was like climbing out of quicksand, but she eventually opened her eyes. The Hi-Greylander was looking down at her, concern in his eyes, and all around her, her friends were gathered, frowning and worried.
    Gin gasped and jumped back. "Don't touch me!" She warned.
    Everyone stepped back a bit and Michael said. "That must have been some nightmare, Gin! But you're Ok now."
    Gin looked around. They were back in Marnie's basement, and everything looked normal. It was cheerfully decorated, the TV was showing APTN, and a birthday feast, including a lovely cake, was set out for all to enjoy. Mariel had lost the pointy hat, and Mitch and Marnie had carried Havoc down the stairs and he was settled down on a blanket, wagging his tail as best he could, in his appreciation of being included in the festivities. Gin looked carefully at him. There was no sign of a cape!
    Everyone was looking at her expectantly. Marnie said, "You sure you are alright now Gin? What on earth did you dream about there!"
    Gin looked around at all her friends, sighed, and said, "I'll tell you all one day. But right now lets get one things straight OK? Next year - NO MORE BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR ME!!!"
    The others chuckled and agreed they would try to remember that next year she didn't WANT a birthday party. No one noticed a slight glint in the corner of Sonja's eye!

THE END