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"Grey Ladies Down!" (note: Charlton Heston does not feature in this story!)
Tina started it off.....
News Bulletin #1
An all-points-bulletin has been issued in the international search for a wee
tartan spaceship (WTS), last seen on radar screens flying above the scenic,
autumn-leafedmountains of Kentucky. The spaceship's pilot,
the famed artist and fearless flying ace Marnie, was responding to an
urgent call for assistance from Lauren, who had asked Marnie to fly her up
to Ontario to watch the movie 'Grey Owl' as well as television advertisements
for the aforementioned film, featuring a certain young actor named
N. Arcand who had had a notable supporting role in North of 60. Lauren
knew her ancient Honda would not survive a 15-hour drive north, and
last-minute fares on Air Canada were utterly exorbitant. Magnanimous
soul that she is, Marnie first revved up the WTS and swung down to
South Africa to pick up Sonja and Erica -- who never get to see any of
these goodies in their remote outpost of the galaxy. Then, with warp
speed, the WTS flew to Kentucky where the anxious, if somewhat
suspicious-looking, Lauren boarded.
Unconfirmed rumors indicate that in the preceding days Lauren had hinted
to a close friend and fellow powwow attendee in a nearby town across
that she would use any ruse in the book to meet the aforementioned
actor.
The CIA and Canadian Intelligence Services (CSIS) have been put on high
alert. Scotland Yard confirms it has placed its top agent, Nessie, in charge
of its own investigation. NASA has sent up a special satellite to try to home
in on the WTS's black box.
Investigators believe Lauren may have hijacked the WTS in mid-air and,
using the flying skills she acquired during her daring frybread bombing
raids of Avinadia, commandeered the controls of the craft and headed
straight toward the newly founded republic of Arcandia, whose location
has yet to be pinpointed on maps. Suspicions have arisen in this regard.
Lauren, along with Theresa and Tina, had been indicted as suspects in the
still unresolved South African diamond heist. It is thought that Lauren may
have invested her carefully hoarded gems in preparation for bankrolling
the new Arcandian republic's central bank (she IS a numbers-cruncher,
after all!).
This is yet another shock for her faithful husband and three adorable
little rugrats, who are still reeling from her prior rendezvous with her
former paramour, the smoky-eyed Paco, known to older members of the
MGFans list for his less-than-heroic efforts in prior adventures in the
Sahara, Arizona and South Africa.
The whereabouts of the WTS, Lauren, Marnie and the South African
contingent are as yet unknown. It is hoped that Arcandia lies close
to Greyland so that the latter republic's ragtag army (still partying
heartily from last weekend's resounding defeat over the rival Avinadian)
can get its sorry act together and form a search and rescue party.
Through Tina's diplomatic contacts, the Paraguayan Navy have kindly
offered their rusty river patrol boats to aid in the operation.
Mascot Havoc is bravely rounding up all the pooches in his neighborhood
to form a K-9 patrol squad.
Details are still sketchy at this point Further reports will be posted
as information comes in. Stay tuned to radio station WGRY-AM and FM.
*********
Sonja continued with ....
"What really happened!"
"........ Black is the colour of my true lo-o-ves ha-a-a-a-air....."
If it were possible to hear anything from outside the speeding WTS,
listeners would not be surprised at the slightly intoxicated tones of a
handful of revellers who had obviously survived one almighty party
somewhere, and were winging their way home.
"...Waltzing Mathilda, Waltz.......' one of the voices interrupted
rudely, and yet another, not to be outdone by anyone launched into, "My
Sarie Marais is so ver van my hart........"
"Hey, wait a minute!" Yelled Marnie, and tried to respond with
something traditionally Scottish, but was suffering from a momentary
lapse of memory.
Sonja and Erica glanced at each other and sang:
"Oh ye'll take the high road, and I'll take the low road.....!" and
promptly collapsed in a fit of giggles.
"So, anybody seen Lauren?" Asked Erica, still giggling, but trying to
pick herself up off the floor from where she had been rolling.
Everyone looked around, but there was no sign of Lauren in the WTS
'party' cabin.
"OMGosh! I hope she hasn't drowned in the Jacuzzi!" Yelled Sonja,
and all three ran for the large tub which Marnie had installed during the
recent refurbishing of the WTS, shortly before the Rarotonga trip.
To their great relief there was nothing floating in the Jacuzzi.
Marnie sputtered out a loud giggle. "Anyone see 'Paco' come on
board?"
And she burst into side-splitting laughter. But Sonja was getting worried.
"Not funny, Marn. Where COULD she be?"
A movement at the flight-deck hatch caught their attention. The
three froze in horror at what they saw. Framed dramatically by the light
shining from the flight-deck instrument panel, stood Lauren, looking for
all the world like Queen Amidala, light sabre in hand, and a mad glint in
her eyes!
"Looking for ME, perhaps?
********
What really happened Part II
Marnie sat concentrating hard at the controls of the WTS, trying to
steer the course Lauren had given her, while Sonja and Erica stood
nervously behind her. The now famous bare torso-ed, kilt-wearing 'crew'
(also fondly known as the 'stud muffins') of the WTS (also fondly known
as the Goochmobile) were tied up in a circle, back to muscular back,
nursing sore heads and wounded pride. Lauren stood, insanely triumphant,
brandishing her light sabre, eyes glinting, overseeing all.
"Where do you think she's taking us?" Whispered Sonja.
Erica watched Lauren carefully, awaiting any chance to ....... to what?
She felt somewhat guilty. She knew that with her 'Gladiator' training,
Sonja and Marnie were expecting her to do something about their
predicament. But dodging padded baseball bats, and hand to hand
combat with an opponent swinging 12 feet off the ground on a plastic
ball suspended from the ceiling, was not the same as tackling someone
who brandished a dangerous looking light sabre.
"Well," whispered Marnie back to Sonja, "we're heading north, towards
Arcandia I think, because the temperatures are dropping dramatically.
(Note: Arcandia is known for it's fierce winters.) I fear we're heading
into a blizzard!"
The radio crackled into life. Marnie, Sonja and Erica froze. How was
Lauren going to deal with this?
"Calling unidentified craft. Calling unidentified craft. You are now
entering restricted airspace. Please identify yourself." the message
was repeated once, then there was silence.
Marnie looked up at Lauren. "We have to answer them! You know these
Arcandians, they'll blow us out of the sky!"
With a swish of her light sabre Lauren let Marnie know that her job was not
to question, it was simply to FLY the WTS.
A few moments later the message came over the radio again. This time
the occupants of the unidentified craft were warned that if they did not
respond soon, Arcandian fighters would be dispatched to shoot them
down.
Sonja was scared. She didn't want to go like this. She was beginning
to rue the day she had gotten mixed up with this insane bunch of MG fans!
She realized now she should have listened to her husband, stayed at
home like a good wife and mother, worked on her frybread making skills,
gotten that chocolate chip cookie recipe from Mary, and another pumpkin
pie recipe from Tina, and concentrated on house-training the puppy.
She was too young to die!
This time Lauren took the microphone and spoke:
"This is 'Goochmobile', calling 'Sweet William'. I have the merchandise."
*********
Nessie, one of Scotland Yard's finest, was on the phone to her partner
Tina, back in Greyland. The news was bad. The beloved Goochmobile had
been hijacked, with all hands and some passengers. Worse, evidence
pointed to the perpetrator being none other than their own Lauren.
Tina was distraught. She had been very close to Lauren in recent months,
and knew it would be her job to break the news to the woman's poor
husband and sweet children. She hated this part of the job.
"We managed to intercept a radio transmission earlier." Tina was saying.
"Sounds like their destination is somewhere in Arcandia."
"As I suspected." Announced Nessie. "We shall have to act extremely
carefully on this one. You know those Arcandians, usually a quiet and
very private bunch. But as the saying goes, 'still waters run deep.'
Heaven alone knows what could really be behind all this. I'm booked on
the next flight home, see you soon."
And she hung up.
***********
What really happened Part III
Erica and Sonja, who were used to warmer climes, sat huddled up
against each other, shivering with the cold. They were in a large hangar,
somewhere in the frozen wastes of Arcandia, well north of 60 degrees,
and a blizzard raged outside.
"Where's Chris' red flannel underwear when ya need it!" Sonja wailed.
Marnie paced up and down, rubbing her arms and blowing in her hands.
She kept looking at her watch.
"Havoc'll be wanting his dinner by now." She announced. Her brow was
deeply furrowed as she worried about her pooch at home. Mitch could
never be trusted to do those 'little' things that Havoc loved so much.
She continued to pace, and chewed at her finger nails.
She was grateful Erica and Sonja had not remembered about
'Super Marnie'. How would she tell them that her powers relied on the
'Secret Sauce' (or 'Source') of those world renowned Greyland Burgers?
In the aftermath of the voting war there was a glut of frybread and it had
been decided that all frybread surpluses should be consumed first, before
production of hamburger patties would be resumed. 'Super Marnie' was
powerless! She had to THINK! There HAD to be a way out of this!
"Do you think Lauren's really 'lost' it?" Said Erica, between chattering teeth.
Sonja thought about it for a moment. "We know she is 'sweet' on
Nathaniel, but I wouldn't have believed she would go to SUCH lengths
just to get near him!"
Marnie stopped pacing. "I have a suspicion there's a little more to it
than that!" She had been giving this whole experience some serious
thought, and had come up with some theories.
*********
Havoc sat outside and sniffed the air, then howled up into the sky.
Something was very, very wrong, he sensed it.
His 'Dad' had been distracted that evening, as he unceremoniously
slapped the bowl of dog-food on the kitchen floor, without the usual
fuss and cuddles. Havoc had sniffed the food. The special 'doggy treat'
that 'Mom' always hid amongst his scientifically balanced dog chunks
was nowhere to be smelt.
'Dad' had received a phone call then, had looked very worried, grabbed
his coat and ran out the door. Havoc figured it was 'walkies' time and
ran out after him barking, doing somersaults and generally behaving
in a way that usually made the humans laugh and say things like "Ah,
you silly pooch!" then grab him around the neck and hug him.
But 'Dad' had jumped into the car and sped off, leaving Havoc, wagging
his tail stupidly, wondering why his master hadn't taken him along too.
"This has GOT to be pretty serious!" He thought. He sniffed the air some
more, and suddenly, somewhere deep inside himself, he KNEW. 'Mom' was
in terrible danger!
"Hang on 'Mom'!! I'm coming!" And he took off down the street baying
loudly. ********
The main banqueting hall at Mooseheart Manor had been put aside as
'Operations Headquarters'. The room was abuzz with activity.
"The weather is closing in rapidly." Said Julia, who was sitting at the
weather console, watching the satellite images as they revealed the build
up to one of the worst blizzards the north had seen.
"Drat!" Said Tina. "Soon any rescue attempt by air will be impossible!"
"Good!" Said Rachel, whose motion sickness is legendary in the land.
She had been put in charge of the special unit that would execute the
rescue mission, and would much prefer approaching Arcandia by land,
than air.
"We need a plan!" Announced Nessie, and everyone huddled around
the map of Greyland, concentrating on the area far north, where Greyland
bordered on Arcandia.
"The mountain region is almost impassable at this time of year.
" Said Theresa. "How could a land team make it across?"
Everyone agreed, they could think of no way to get through those mountains.
"What is that noise!" Yelled Tina, irritated at the interruption. The
success of this mission depended on her ability to be able to think clearly.
No one could think with that racket going on.
Before anyone could answer her, the big doors at the end of the hall
burst open, and in charged Greyland's beloved mascot Havoc, wearing
his red and gold cape, followed by a pack of canines of every conceivable
shape and size and furriness.
"What the......!" Yelled Sam, as a small Jack Russell rushed between
her feet, tripping her up. She landed on the stack of Intelligence Photos
of Arcandia she had just had developed.
Mary rushed to help her up and started picking up the photos. Sam
scrambled to grab them before Mary could see what was on them.
"I can manage, thanks!" She yelled breathlessly. But it was too late.
Mary was staring at the photos. "Oh Sam!" She whispered.
"How COULD you?"
Sam looked sheepish. "I couldn't help it, Mary! Really, he was just so
nice and sweet, and he gave me a HUG!"
Mary sighed. She understood. Hadn't they all been in similar
circumstances before? Quickly she helped Sam pick up the stack of
photos. Every one of them showed Gary Farmer, smiling, as he signed
autographs, and one even had him hugging Sam.
Mary shook her head in exasperation at Sam, and said, "You'd better
get the REAL intelligence photos and reports up here, on the double!"
**************
Tina then continued on with..... News Bulletin #3
Rescue operations are being handled ably from Mooseheart Manor by Tina
and Nessie. The staging ground for field operations is Wynona's
shell-bedecked cottage on Elkrunner River where the rusty river patrol
boats of the Paraguayan navy have just arrived. She awaited the foreigners
with clam chowder.
The Greylander army is being kicked back into fighting shape after their
week-long revels. The forces have just been joined by the Testosterone
Brigade, comprised of various males known to us from prior talltales:
led by the handsome Clint , Theresa's Pancho (from the Arizona story) and
her dashing pirate A.P. (from the South African story), Lauren's
rejected/dejected Paco (from numerous talltales) as well as her
Heartbroke Hubby, Marnie's fearless and intrepid Mitch, Tina's faithful
chef/masseur Sven (from various stories) along with her Latin Lover and
His Nibs.
And let us not forget the sacrifices of the South African brigade in
reaching the remote landing strip at Illeanna Airport to aid in the operation:
Sonja's Sir Reg and Erica's What's-His-Name (we don't know anything
about this lucky chap) along with several of her favorite F1 racecar drivers.
The South African group has been rounded out by the presence of the
fearless and dashing Henry Cele (Shaka Zulu) who became such a favorite
among the ladies during our South African adventure.
All the MGFans members have brought their pets to join in the dogsled
brigade. What a motley assortment of "manly" dogs like Havoc and
Lauren's forlorn, sad-looking blood hounds, as well as useless, silly poodles
and lapdogs! Somehow, that cute chihuahua from the Taco Bell
commercials offered to join as well and is insisting on being one of the
lead dogs (he has major ego problems and insists on getting chalupas
every hour on the hour)!! Havoc is having a major problem with this idea.
Angela offered to bring her pet python "Pinkie" but we gratefully declined
Dear, wonderful Chris, who had been working day and night in preparation
for Tina's now-aborted, planned talltale of an adventure in Greeneland,
has kindly FedEx'd shipments of handmade doggie booties and warm
canine capes, together with winter gear for all of us, comprised of
mukluks, parkas, and other appropriate items made from sealskin, caribou
and moose she and her hubby hunted and tanned and stitched ...and chewed
themselves (Tina is trying to turn a blind eye to this alleged cruelty to
animals, but, hell, she is shivering so hard from the blizzard that she will
overlook this delicate matter for this once!). The Navy kindly
brought along boxes filled with colorful, handknit, warm alpaca Ch'ullus
(caps with earflaps) to ward against frostbitten ears.
Sam, still reeling from her "encounter" with Gary Farmer and who has
never seen a snowflake in her whole life, wants to be head musher of the
dogteam! We all want Chris to have that prestigious role but Sam is
having a tearful fit so we may have to accommodate her, poor girl. We
are desperately seeking Mariel to ask her to cast a good spell on our
rescue operations, but she is nowhere to be found!
Looks like the entire team will be ready to roll by this afternoon,
onward and upwards into Arcandia! But there are hushed rumors of an evil,
stern old sorceress with a frozen heart who lives in the mountain passes
and may try to foil our heroic efforts...
***********
Jami chimed in....
My two fearless if not somewhat brainless canines have volunteered for
the mission!! They both have stated that they are used to the cold and
snow as long as they are allowed into a nice warm bed from time to time
to thaw out the paws!! Sam and Jewel have also volunteered their
expertise in fishing if need should arise! Their slightly worn and tattered
"Mom" is busy backing their bags with doggie snow boots, mittens and
scarves. They will arrive soon!!
*************
Tina responded with....
News bulletin#4
This news bulletin is to announce that there IS no news for the moment.
....Well, a little bit of progress on the search and rescue, anyhow. All the
army's troops are gathered at Wynona's shell-bedecked cabin, but are
getting a major case of cabin fever. There is a severe snowstorm raging
throughout the land and they can't begin their manoeuvres. Thus, they
are sitting around watching DMO for the 129th time, rocking to Keith
Secola's song NDN Karz, and getting soft and lazy on Wy's clam chowder
and Mary's sinful chocolate chip cookies.
The Paraguayan Navy's river patrol is now stuck on the frozen Elkrunner
River and cannot budge even an inch northwards to the Arcandian border.
While watching a CNN special report on the fledgling operation, a photo
of hijacking suspect Lauren flashed on the screen, along with a snippet of a
buckskin-dressed Nathaniel Arcand in the new movie Grey Owl. It was
such a pitiful sight, not a dry eye in the house as her Heartbroke Hubby did
his best Daniel Morgan impression: "Lauren!! Don't leave me, Lauren!!",
getting down on bended knees in his long night-shirt. Seeing his
desperation, the dashing Clint decided that he would immediately head
an advance search team, with the aforementioned Heartbroke Hubby,
Tina's Latin Lover, the full F1 racing team, and the nefarious pirate A.P.
They have headed out in the blinding blizzard and howling arctic winds,
aided by two brave dog teams led by Havoc and the Taco Bell chihuahua.
Snow, our technology wizard, is manning the communications center from
the Manor. At last report, the brave search team had reached the
treacherous mountain pass at the border between Greyland and Arcandia.
In the meantime, unconfirmed reports indicate that the Wee Tartan
Spaceship may have crash-landed about one kilometer from McNeill
International Airport (a rough gravel landing strip carved out of the woods,
despite its fancy name). I do hope Marnie has good insurance, as this is
the second time the WTS has crashed this year (the first time being in the
now-famed Sahara adventure). Eyewitnesses report seeing Lauren and
two armed Avinadian guards pushing and shoving Marnie and the South
African contingent to temporary confinement in a rather musty, moth-eaten
tent looking for all the world like the one inhabited by old Joe Gomba in the
North of 60 series.
Unconfirmed reports also suggest that Lauren has installed herself in a
palatial hunting lodge/hideaway she had secretly built (with questionable
funds) in the forest just outside Arcandia's small capital, and that she is
preparing herself for the arrival of a certain Mr. Arcand....
Further details to follow.
************
Sonja then wrote.....
Clint struggled to keep the motley crew of dogs and humans trudging
determinedly through the blizzard. Most of the dogs were unused to this
kind of terrain and weather. A young bulldog
puppy struggled on behind Havoc, panting
and wheezing, while emitting a noxious odour
out of the other end! The young maltese
poodle behind nearly fainted from the smell
on a few occasions.
"C'mon Fergie, you can do it!" Came
the friendly, encouraging voice of Havoc, expertly plodding along in front.
Fergie wheezed something in reply, and forced her little body to move
forward.
"This isn't at all what I expected it would be!" She thought to herself.
She realised now that she had suffered from an over-inflated opinion of
her own abilities, which was reinforced by her master, Sir Reg, who
constantly and proudly told everyone what a "Well-honed fighting
machine" she was!
She looked around at the other dogs. "Well at least I'm not the ONLY one
struggling!" She sighed, and put one paw in front of the other.
Some of the other pooches kept their spirits up by teasing two brainless
additions that had come haring in, late, with their backpacks filled with
doggy-treats, snow boots, scarves and mittens.
"Mommy packed a widdle poochie's bag, then?!" Sniggered a
particularly vicious looking Rottweiler. (He was later identified as Max,
Mariel's own 'big baby'!). But the two enthusiastic and well-dressed
canines seemed immune to sarcasm, and cheerfully trotted on in their
harnesses, grinning and drooling contentedly.
Back at her cottage on Elkrunner River, Wynona was still serving clam
chowder, and since the arrival of the Testosterone Brigade, the
Mooseheart Beer had been flowing quite freely.
Pancho hiccupped into the radio and grinned at Theresa, who gave him
scathing looks while she pummelled frybread dough. She always made
batches of frybread whenever she was angry, she told everyone it calmed
her down.
Snow's voice came in over the radio from her post back at Mooseheart
Manor. Pancho's message had been less than decipherable, and she needed
him to repeat it. The blizzard had spread over most of Greyland, and was
interfering with radio transmissions and all communication could be cut
off at any minute.
As if the spirits of the airwaves heard her, the radio went suddenly
dead, and everyone knew they were now completely cut off from
Headquarters where Tina and Nessie were up to their ears in paper-work,
from the rescue party out in the mountains somewhere, and indeed, from
the entire outside world.
This state of isolation was just beginning to dawn on them all, when the
door was nearly broken down with a loud, heavy banging. It echoed in the
silence that had befallen the occupants of the cottage as soon as the
radio had gone dead.
Everyone looked at Wynona, and she reluctantly conceded that she
would have to be the one to see who was at the door.
The blizzard tried to burst in as soon as Wynona turned the door knob.
Pushing in first though, came a total stranger, followed by a contingent
of tough looking characters, well equipped with blizzard gear, and obviously
ready to face the worst weather any climate could throw at them. Wynona
pushed the door shut behind them, as the newcomers stamped snow off
their feet and removed heavy equipment from their backs and peeled off
their parkas.
Everyone stared. The leader of the newcomers cleared her throat, and
seemed somewhat nervous as she spoke up.
"Um.... Hi everyone. My name is Kay, and, well.... we're from
Avinada."
There were loud gasps from the Greylanders, then silence again. Kay
was wondering if she had done the right thing after all. She continued her
explanation.
"Well we thought, that is... some of us agreed, that due to the recently
established political ties between out two countries, well..........what
I'm trying to say is..... would you like some help?"
It was Angela, the Lady of the Beasts, who jumped up then, embraced
the Avinadians, and spoke for all when she said that any help was welcome,
although it was uncertain what could be achieved from this position at
this time.
Quickly she filled Kay and team in on the situation thus far. Kay
assured them all that she and her Avinadian rescue team knew a way into
Arcandia that avoided the mountains which bordered that country with
Greyland. She was optimistic that her team could get in before ours.
Wynona filled their stomachs with clam chowder, which they found
altogether too bland for their Avinadian palates (though were too polite
to say so), and they disappeared out into the blizzard again.
*******
Although it was snug and warm in her Arcandian hunting lodge, Lauren
was NOT a happy camper. An aide had walked in to the luxuriously appointed
room where a large log fire was warmly crackling in an open fireplace,
champagne awaited in an ice bucket, and two clear Irish crystal
champagne glasses beckoned, with a fax that had just messed up her
entire day! She scrunched the message up in a fit of temper, threw it on
the floor and stamped on it. The 'attendants' all took a step back in
trepidation. There was no telling what Lauren would do in this state.
********
Marnie sneaked glances at Sonja. It had been 48 hours since they had
eaten anything, and she had just remembered, with much alarm, how she
had nearly lost her own arm last time Sonja was this hungry. She could
see the headlines now: "Woman Eats Friends in Frozen Arcandian Blizzard".
She imperceptibly tried to place some distance between herself and Sonja.
To top it all she had started coming down with the 'flu'. Her head and
body ached, her nose was red and sore, and her eyes watered constantly.
She was feeling decidedly 'fuzzy'. On the brighter side, she thought, surely
Sonja would not eat contaminated meat? Yeah! She wouldn't eat anyone
with the 'FLU'! Marnie was beginning to think that getting the 'flu' was a
godsend!
Erica suddenly stood up and announced: "I've had just about ENOUGH
of this! I'm cold, I'm hungry, and I'm mad as a snake! Girls, follow my
lead!"
The other two looked at each other in dismay. Whatever could Erica
be planning?
**********
Marnie had to stick her oar in with ....
"Postcards from the Sledge."
Mariel sauntered along the beach, the sand sifting pleasurably between
the toes of her bare feet. She did consider paddling in "Spirit Bay",
her own small inlet on the “Sea of Wishful Thinking”, but even this far
south there was a perceptible chill in the air ...besides which she
might melt! Still, she made her way down to the waters’ edge ....her eyes
drawn to something bobbing in the waves, flashing blue every time it rose
on a swell and the sun caught it. Curiosity overcame sense ...and praying
her waterproofing (which she applied diligently each morning) hadn't worn
off she hiked her multi-coloured, many layered "Indian cotton" skirt
around her waist, adjusted her hat to a jaunty angle and waded into the
water. She fished her catch out ...only to find that the lustrous blue
glint belonged to an empty Aqua Velva bottle. Mariel, who had a home
filled with flotsam and jetsam regarded the bottle ...."Pity it isn't
another Moosehead Beer ...one more and I could collect the deposit!"
It was at this point that she noticed that the bottle wasn't
empty....there was a rolled up piece of paper or parchment inside
...and, in fact, the bottle seemed to be sealed with some sort of candle wax.
Mariel, an expert in waxes and the moulding and shaping of the same, 
sniffed at the sealant, picked
at it ...and finally succumbed
and nibbled it . “Just as I
thought ....blubber!! This
bottle's had quite a journey!”
Mariel adjusted her hat again
....she wished her regular headgear wasn't at the cleaners being
laundered and the point starched ...it had a nice wide brim and kept the
sun out of her eyes and, although the one she was wearing was an
attractive Ultra-marine blue with gold stars, it kept slipping down her
brow and reminded her of Mickey Mouse in that animation of "The
Sorcerer's Apprentice". Throwing caution to the wind she broke the seal
and forgetting the last time she'd opened a bottle on the beach (it had
taken her three days to coax that hyper-winking-blonde back into the
flask and returned to NASA poste haste ...where her purported “master”
was to be found) she fished out the piece of paper.
It appeared to be an expired Starship license for a pilot third class
....but on the reverse was written ...in blood ....or perhaps, cocoa.....
“HELP.....Lauren has taken leave of her senses and hijacked the WTS
.....she's commandeered the ship, ordered Sonja to tie up all the brawny,
kilted flight staff (something she didn't object to doing very
vociferously I might add,) and taken us far North (at least North of 60
degrees) into the depths of Arcandia. After a particularly hairy crash
landing, (hey ....I don't work well under pressure)....we’ve been locked
in a cellar that seems to be used to store hundreds of empty cologne
bottles. We've been under guard for at least three days now and although
we are appreciative of the uniforms sported by these guards ....black
leather jackets, tight jeans, one pierced ear and apparently an all over
bath in Aqua Velva (this explains the overabundance of empties) ....they
don't seem to be inclined to feed us any time soon ....and I'm still
recovering from the last time I was locked up with Sonja for days on
end....the tooth marks are only beginning to fade now. To top it off, my
eyes are all red, my nose is puffy and my head feels filled with cotton
candy, either I've come down with a belated case of Cukeitis or it's
Arcandian ‘flu! Erica, too, is beginning to behave strangely ...we
think it's the cologne fumes ...she's been trying to distract the guards but
after a few minutes of seductively slithering all over the various
Arcandian custodians she starts warbling, “Ek is lief vir jou!”
When she staggered over and said it to me and then Sonja, " Marnie,
Sonja ...EK IS LIEF VIR JOU!” we decided that restraint was the better
part of valour ...and so have been restraining Erica ever since. She now
appears to be having withdrawal symptoms as the last thing she said,
rather plaintively, was "Waarom vlieg die kombuis Noordwards?" and Sonja
has had to explain that the "kitchen is no longer flying northwards" and
in fact the kitchen and the rest of the darn ship is just a giant
paperweight (again) for Nathaniel Arcand's desk! However, perhaps this
strange behaviour is an explanation for Lauren's own aberrant personality
break ....who knows! All I know is that we need help fast ....
Marnie”
Mariel stared at the note, for a few, excited moments she'd thought it
read Arcane-ia but it was just the regular, mundane Arcandia ....then
mulling over the actual contents of the note said, “Sheesh ...not again
....they ALWAYS need rescuing.” She wadded the note up and almost tossed
it away ...but being a conscientious environmentalist she decided to put
it in her recycling bin. With a sigh she reconsidered her old chums plight
...and resignedly made her way back to her haven determined to set out
on a relief mission, but first, ....she had to find her broom! Or at least,
her Souped-up Hoover!
( I have it on good authority that "Ek is lief vir jou" is ...
"I love you!" in Afrikaans!)
**********
Sonja, with patience finally exhausted, carried on....
Let's just finish this off!
Mariel shook her head in dismay and promised herself, once again, that
she would try to keep her broom closet tidy. Selecting a rather antique
model, old but with excellent manoeuvrability, she did a half-hearted
pre-flight check, and zoomed off into the moonlight.
"Ooh yes, I almost forgot!" She muttered to herself, and, while flying
at 30 000 ft, at over 300 mph, she quickly searched her memory for a
specific spell. She found it - a 'thawing' spell, and hummed cheerily to
herself.
********
In the mountain pass between Greyland and Arcandia, the pooches and
humans struggled on through the blizzard.
"Do you feel as if it is getting warmer?" Clint said to anyone who would
listen.
The train of dogs, sleds, and mushers stopped still and looked up. It
was like a miracle. The clouds cleared and they saw the full moon above
them. The snow visibly started to disappear beneath their feet. They
realized that they had lost track of time. They had been trudging on
through the night, and soon it would be the dawn of a new day.
Suddenly one of the F1 racers yelled "We made it! Look! Arcandia!"
Opening up before them was a wide vista, with the rising sun casting
beams of brightness on the expanse of land below, revealing the little
country of Arcandia.
Down below, a contingent of well-equipped Avinadian had made it
across the border into Arcandia and knew the Greyland force would soon
be emerging from the mountains. They had set up camp and had some
good, hot tamales and frozen haggis (which they baked in a home-made
outdoor mud oven - resourceful bunch these Avinadians), ready to feed
the hungry band of Greylanders when they arrived.
Meanwhile in the Arcandian capital, citizens were emerging from their
homes and milling around as if in a trance. They had never seen their
little country without a blanket of snow covering every inch of it. The local
radio station was making public announcements:
"Please stay in your homes. Scientists are working on the situation.
It is uncertain what has caused this sudden thaw, and health officials
are unsure as to effects it will have upon us Arcandians. Please stay in
your homes!"
No one paid any attention though, as Arcandians continued to walk
around in the streets, peeling off parkas and heavy sweaters, gradually
starting to grin and smile at each other. One even ran down to his
basement and emerged with a barbecue on wheels. Many had never seen
such a contraption, and the children wanted to know what it was. Like a
magician of old, the man lit the barbecue and cooked some hamburger
patties. All were amazed.
Sonja and Erica were in the last stages of Arcandian 'flu, and Marnie
was worried they would not be able to hold out till help arrived. She had
fought the dreaded 'bug', and beaten it, now she wondered if her friends
would be so lucky.
The guards were immune to the dreaded Arcandian 'flu' which only
afflicted newcomers to the land, and had become somewhat fond of their
charges. It dawned on Marnie that Sonja and Erica might well be faking
it, as the handsome young 'Nathanial Arcand-type' guards stroked their
fevered brows and puffed up their pillows. Sonja kept muttering to herself,
supposedly in a delirium. But Marnie could have sworn that at one stage
Sonja had said "Ooh, young meat!" before falling back into a swoon.
Mariel zoomed past the Arcandian capital happily singing "I'll put a hex
on you...." and landed in front of the luxury hunting lodge. As she stormed
in, there was no one who tried to stop her, they were all outside staring
at the sunshine. She found Lauren, splayed out on the floor sobbing and
screaming, "Doesn't he KNOW who I am?"
Next to her was a crumpled up faxed note, which read:
"Thank you for your interest in my work. It is fans like you that make it
all worth while. Regards, Nathanial Arcand."
It smacked of a 'standard' reply. The note ended with a signature, also
obviously mass printed.
Quickly Mariel sized up the situation.
"Hmm, clearly a serious case of Misplaced Hero-worship'. I have seen it
before." She put her finger to her chin and pondered hard. There had to
be a spell to break this horror that had befallen their dear Lauren.
Quickly she opened the little medicine pouch which she wore around
her neck. She emptied the contents into her lap. One 'small wonder' of
a smiling MG looked up at her.
"Ye-e-e-s, this we will need." She laid it on the carpet next to Lauren.
Next she took out a small lock of pitch black hair, and placed it next to
the small wonder. A pinch of genuine Greyland soil joined the motley
little collection, and lastly there emerged a cucumber sandwich,
which she added to the collection for good measure. All was prepared.
Solemnly she stood up and started to sing the Greyland anthem "Black
is the colour of my true loves hair', and by the time she had reached the
second verse Lauren sat up, looked around and said. "Where AM I?!"
The Avinadian and Greyland rescue teams discovered that they did
indeed work well together, and between them they traced the leads,
sniffed out the clues, and found the dungeon that housed Marnie, Erica,
and Sonja.
The guards were only too pleased to see the rescuers as Sonja and
Erica were beginning to be a bit of a pain. And besides, their little country
of Arcandia had suddenly sprouted sunshine and green meadows, and
they were impatient to go and explore.
Havoc did back-flips when he saw Marnie, and proceeded to lick everyone
full in the face. For half an hour there were the sounds of humans
sputtering, gagging, and spitting, as they all tried to get rid of the taste of
Labrador gob in their mouths.
Just when all thought it was safe to breathe again, Sonja suddenly
screwed up her face, waved the air in front of her and said, "Oh, FERGIE!"
Everyone took a tentative sniff of the air, then trampled on each other to
get outside. Fergie sat sheepishly in the corner.
Next day, safely back in Greyland, the Greylanders chuckled and teased
poor Lauren about her momentary lapse from sanity. Lauren ignored them
all though, and sat doggedly at her computer with her accounting program,
and eventually announced that there were indeed ample funds with which
to repair the Wee Tartan Space-ship.
Tina was highly suspicious as to the source of these funds. But Marnie
was just so thrilled that the WTS was to get yet ANOTHER refurbishing,
that she ignored Tina, and raced off to Nessie's where she would
immediately start upon the drawings of the 'new' and 'improved'
Goochmobile.
Once again, as is customary amongst those wonderful, fun-loving,
talented, creative, and intelligent citizens of Greyland, a large feast was
prepared at Mooseheart Manor. All of Avinadia, and Arcandia (who were
most grateful that their country was no longer a frozen wasteland) were
invited. Even several BABES arrived from Schweigeronia, accompanying
our Ambassador Gin on one of her brief 'home' visits.
It was a wonderful cross-cultural evening, with dancing, music, singing,
and eating. But for some reason Marnie, Sonja, Erica, and Lauren abstained
from too much revelry, and preferred to sit quietly in a corner of the
banqueting hall, deep in conversation.
Perhaps the memory of the last few days was all too clear in their
minds. They could not forget that it all started when they had indulged
a little too deeply in previous Greyland celebrations, and had decided to
take the Goochmobile up to Canada to see a certain movie.
Or perhaps........... Tina watched them throughout the evening. Where
DID all that money come from, she wondered? She determined to find out....
THE END!!!!!!!!!!
Hope you enjoyed this adventure,
Jami, Sonja, Tina, Marnie.
© Marnie, Sonja, Tina & Jami.
