Prologue:
 

"P-A-A-RTY!!!  P-A-A-RTY!!! P-A-A-RTY!!!", was the rousing cry heard over Mooseheart Manor's tannoy.

It was Sonja's birthday and never one to wait for someone to surprise her she decided come 'hell or high water' she was going to enjoy yet another landmark in her life's little journey.....

"Well I hope you gals are all hopping aboard the WTS as it drops by your area to collect you.....Your flight plan is laid in and do please enjoy the services of the hunky bare-chested, kilt-wearing crew members as you zoom Delchany-ward to my house for the party. Bring any MG paraphenalia, mementoes, videos etc, so that we can have an MG-fest to commemorate HIS birthday (that's if we are sober enough after MY birthday! )", she laughed.

"It's chaos here I'm afraid. Tina is running around like a Blue ***  fly trying to seperate 'vegetarian dishes' from 'carniverous fare' as she organises the food etc (Relax Tina, we'll eat just about ANYTHING....you know that!)", she chuckled then carried on," and if you guys don't get here soon she'll have a nervous breakdown and her private chef/masseur Sven will have to minister to her! And we all know that'll be the last we see of her for a while!! See you all soon!!" she signed off with "Sonja, (Ex-LHKV *sigh*)"

Over the course of the next couple of days Sonja kept everyone well informed of the preparations with frequent faxes and e-mails.

"Mariel and Angela just arrived and parked their broom sticks...took a while to come inside though 'cos Angela couldn't help admiring Mariel's new zuper-charged model.

They brought the drinks.....huge vats of bubbling, steaming liquid.....anybody else game?????"
She was beginning to sound a little plaintive.

"Marnie has arrived and is getting stuck into the 'elixir' supplied by Mariel and Angela, and getting rather innebriated rather fast!!  Eeeek?!! She'll have a 'ead' on her like a pneumatic drill if she carries on like this!!

What will be our first video in the MG marathon?  I vote for the Buffalo Tracks interview...... YEAH!!!"
 
 

Marnie, who wouldn't miss a party, at last piped up....
"Don't know what's in that elixir ....but my sinuses have cleared right up!! (Wonder if it'll cure that pesky nose hair problem, too?) Happy Birthday Sonja!! Lang may yer lum reek!!! I'm here with bells on!!" ... and so she was.
 

        All the Greylanders had arrived at 'Chez Sonja' in Delchaney. Zan in her purple gown. Our Lady of the Beasts ...in what looked like a Xena warrior Princess outfit and Mariel in a shimmering confection that seemed to change colours as she moved ...it was only on closer inspection that Marnie realized it was made of live chameleons all draped lovingly around her form.
"Hmm,well at least that'll keep the flies off the canapés...," this, as she looked longingly at the tray of 'tripe' confections she'd brought . She didn't want to seem gauche so was waiting for someone else to sample them first before she dug in ....it looked like it was going to be a long  wait!!
The party had been going for some time ...they had exhausted themselves playing, 'blind man's bluff' (Sonja seemed to have the most difficult time telling it was Sven the Masseur she'd caught and kept running her hands enquiringly over him ...till finally Tina had had enough and frog marched Sven back to The WTS.) They were all wondering which party game to try next  when Chris piped up
"I know ....let's tell some tall-tales...."
"OOh yes"...
"Good idea"
The Greylanders all sank to the floor and formed themselves into a loose circle ....and  looked at each other ...who would start?
"I vote for Sonja ...it's her birthday after all....," suggested Sam.
"Yeah Sonja ..." A majority of heads nodded.
Sonja .....put on the spot once again ...scratched her head and acquiesced ....
 

She took a deep breath, settled her rear-end comfortably deeper into the sofa, cleared her throat,
and began ......
 
 

        Andy swung his chopper away from the smoke and flames thinking to himself "So help me, that is the LAST time anyone is gonna jump out of my helicopter!" Immediately a ghostly vision of his mother appeared in his windshield. As usual she was wagging her finger angrily at him. He looked at her in surprise as her shrill voice came across loud and clear.
        "If you keep on behaving like a grouch and a spoil-sport.....NO-ONE will want to play with you anymore!!" 
        Before Andy could be fully transported back to those confusing child-hood days (where he harboured sad memories of being the 'unpopular kid', always too uptight...too 'goody-goody'...too carefully following all the rules.....too RESPONSIBLE for most kids to accept), his finely tuned ear picked up an angry clunk in the engine.
        "Uh-oh!" He thought. "What could that.....?" clang, screech... Andy's helicopter was most certainly in trouble!
        "Mayday! Mayday!" He shouted into the radio. "I'm losing the engine....AND altitude......" 

        Back at the Firestormer’s headquarters Sonja (well, WE can be in these stories can't we??) rushed to the two-way radio. "We hear you Andy, you have to JUMP.....JUMP!!!"
        "What......?!!  NO-ONE jumps outta my heli....!" Andy started, but he had always been able to trust level-headed Sonja. She knew what she was doing!
        "Andy, listen to me......ya gotta put a parachute on, and YOU GOTTA JUMP!"
        The helicopter lurched and started to bank into a wild spin. "Oh S****!!" Andy yelled, and reached for a parachute.

        It all seemed to happen in slow motion, like the nightmares he used to have as a kid where he was running away from The Evil Something, but couldn't get his legs to work. The 'chute pack caught on something in the back, and he had to yank hard to free it. He fumbled to get it on, wondering all the while when he was going to run out of sky. 
        Just before he launched himself out into nothingness, he once again saw his mother, finger wagging, mouth opening and closing, but this time he couldn't hear what she was saying. "Thank goodness!" He muttered to himself, "Well, here goes nothin'!" and hurled himself out of the cockpit, with every bit of muscle he could muster!

Well to cut a long story short folks, the 'chute mechanism was damaged earlier when it got caught and Andy yanked it free. And now it opened prematurely, catching on a lazy helicopter rotor, and tearing free from our hero! 
        Andy retained consciousness long enough to realize this, and, certain he was about to die, muttered his 'last words', which were directed at his pet frog. (Another bane on his childhood years....He was allergic to anything with hair) "Eddie, I'm sorry I left you in the freezer that time.....it seemed like the best place to hide you from my biology teacher!" And then, with his soul at peace, his world went dark.

       Andy regained consciousness and was floating. No, souring, like an eagle. Elated, he stretched his arms out thinking he could catch the wind under his wings. But his left arm bumped into something hard, while his right thumb burned with a sudden unpleasant prick. He was slipping....sliding, slowly at first, gathering momentum, downwards! 
         He opened his eyes gingerly and a burst of bright green slapped him in the face. He shut them tight again! His downward motion was temporarily halted as his right hip slammed into an obstacle, which cracked (he hoped that wasn't his hip!) and gave way, slowing his decent only for a moment! 
        With a shuddering jolt he came to a halt, and slowly opened his left eye a crack. He was in the forest that much was sure. Surrounded by Fir trees, and an eerie morning light filtering through pine needles to a mossy, leaf covered surface. 
        He looked at his throbbing right thumb. It was twice its normal size. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. No doubt about it, something had stung him and he was having an allergic reaction. There he was once again in the school playground, face swollen like a ripe pumpkin, struggling to breathe, and Teddy Twofeathers laughing and jovially slapping the other kids on the shoulders and telling them how Sissy-Andy-Mooseheart got a pumpkin head from a tiny bee sting. 
         He was a teenager, and his mother was wagging her finger at him, "You'll never get a girl if you keep swellin' up every time an insect bites you!!"
         The vision made him want to jump up and get moving. It was at this point that he realized he was, in fact, stuck. The events of the past few moments became plain to him. It was obvious that the canopy of trees had broken his fall. He had lain cradled in some soft branches till he regained consciousness and tried to move. In so doing he had dislodged himself and started his slide towards the ground. He had been prevented from a bone-breaking crash to terra-firma, by what remained of his 'chute pack catching on a lower branch, leaving him hanging helplessly three feet above the ground!

       Andy had no idea how long he hung there, floating in and out of consciousness as the insect poison crawled from his thumb to his arm, to his head. He slowly became aware of irritatingly high-pitched voices all around him. Something held his legs tight together in a vice grip, and his body jerked painfully as something yanked from above.
       "Do be careful!!!"  Hissed Mary, the sound slightly muffled by the fabric of the leg of Andy's jumpsuit. 
        "If you think this is so easy....YOU get up here and try to cut this strap!" Snow hissed angrily back.
        "Oh give it here!!" Exclaimed Erica, as she scrambled up the branch as lithe as a squirrel, and sliced the strap holding Andy to the tree with one swift chop. 
         Andy was dead weight, and although at least eight women were vying for positions that involved an excuse to grab hold of Andy's legs, the sudden release of the strap was too much for them, and sent him crashing down on top of all eight. Most managed to roll clear, leaving Andy winded, lying flat on his back, staring up at eleven concerned female faces staring back at him.
          Val spoke first. "Are you guys SURE this is the Hi-G?  I mean, his face is pretty swollen up!! It could be ANYBODY!"
           "Oh PA-LEASE!!" Rasped Marnie, "You think we don't know our own Hi-Greylander when we see him?"
           "I'm only saying...." Val started.
           "And how many times have we told you to keep Havoc away from him! You know how allergic he is...!" Angela butted in.
They were both interrupted by Joyce. "Hang on you two!!  He's trying to say something!"
Everyone leaned forward trying to hear.
            "Rasp.....A-a-eee...M-oo...aaah!! Gasp!"
The women all looked at each other. "Anybody catch that?" Ruth asked.
            "Sounded to me like he wants to get to the Manor!" Announced Snow matter-of-factly.

            Andy's mind was in a whirl....who was the Hi-G? What Manor? Who ARE these crazy women?? He took a deep breath, made a gigantic effort to control his jaw, teeth, lips and tongue, and tried again to introduce himself.
            "A-annee.......M-oosaar!!"
            "Any Mooseheart?  What, Mooseheart beer? Has he taken to drinking??" Asked a puzzled Chris. "Mariel, you're the alchemist here, and resident doctor...what do YOU think?" 
Mariel scratched her chin and gave it some serious thought. "Well he has obviously been through quite a traumatic experience. Anything's possible!"
            "Well can't you at least give him something for the allergy in the meantime?!!" Said Lauren.
            "Oh well, lets see...of course!" Mariel replied, and dug into her little leather bag at her belt. "Here's some of a new formula I've been working on for the Hi-G."  She took out a small pottery vial, uncorked it, and telling Lauren to lift Andy's head, she prepared to pour it down his throat. 

            Andy was terrified. He had no idea who these weird women thought he was, but he wasn't going to be absorbing any unknown foreign substance if he could help it! He tried to sit up and speak again but all that came out were gargling noises. 
            "Woah there big guy!" Erica sat firmly on his chest while Mariel poured her magical concoction down his throat.
            Andy choked and gagged, but most of the liquid slid down........

            It was a miracle! Andy could feel his burning, parched swollen face at last cool down, he felt skin against his cheek-bones, and he could breathe again. Where had this miracle cure been back when he was a kid, he wondered?
            "There, see!" Shouted Marnie triumphantly. "It's the Hi-G alright!"  She leaned in close to Andy's left ear and yelled. "ARE - - YOU - - ALL - - RIGHT - - NOW - - YOUR - - MAJESTY?"
Andy's left ear-drum burst against his brain and he yelled in pain. "Aaaaaagh!!" 
            "Obviously not OK yet!" Marnie concluded, while Rachel threw her hands up in the air and tried to explain that she was sure the Hi-Greylander's hearing was just fine. No need to shout.
Rose tapped Erica on the shoulder. "Um....Erica.....You could probably climb off his chest about now!"
            "Oh....er.....one can never be too careful!" Responded Erica, clamping her thighs tighter around Andy's chest. She obviously had no intention of moving. Andy groaned and gasped for breath.
            "For goodness sake!  You're squashing him like a boa constrictor!" Announced Mary, and roughly shoved Erica off poor Andy's torso. 
            It was an open act of aggression and Erica was always ready for open acts of aggression. She rolled to her feet and squared up to Mary. Mary knew she didn't stand a chance against the legendary General Erica, and quickly slunk behind Angela, hoping the Keeper of the Royal Hair and Lips could at least soften some of the blows by taking them first!
            Angela scrunged up her face and clamped her eyes shut preparing to suffer Erica's battering ram fist, when a voice from the ground saved her.
            "Can someone please tell me where I am?" Said Andy, sitting up now, still a little confused, but anxious to come to grips with his strange situation.
            "Aaach!" Screeched Val joyfully. "He can talk again!!" 
            Lin and Lisa reached down and each grabbed one of Andy's arms and yanked. "Enough of this!" Exclaimed Lin as she heaved Andy skyward. "The Hi-Greylander has been through a very traumatic experience....."
            "The WHO....?" Asked Andy, but no-one took any notice of his question.
            ".....and we should get him back to Mooseheart Manor pronto!" She had already started firmly shoving Andy, her hands dangerously close to the seat of his pants, down the forest path. 
            "Hey!!" Andy yelled as Lin's hands did succeed in finding his butt, and he jumped forward dodging any possible further contact.
            "LIN!" Exclaimed Sandy angrily. "Watch what you are doing!"
 Lin looked non-plussed. "Well.....he IS inordinately TALL you know!!" And several of the Greylanders sniggered loudly.

             Andy trudged through the forest path while the strange women bickered behind him. His mind, still a little fuzzy from the allergic reaction, buzzed in his head trying to clear enough to make sense of his strange situation. 
            The women had mentioned 'Mooseheart Manor'.....his name was certainly still Mooseheart last time he checked, but he had never owned a Manor. Perhaps there were some relatives of his who lived in a big house around here. He thought he knew all the Moosehearts in these parts. Of course he could not be sure how far off-course he had fallen. A high wind could have swept him many miles from familiar territory. But still, this place was strange....stranger than anywhere he had ever been. There was a sort of 'other-worldliness' about it. At least that cheeky little woman had stopped 'feeling up' his butt!

           The trees parted, and the vision before Andy's eyes was so beautiful it almost took his breath away once again.  In the misty distance tall strange buildings emerged, clean and neat, and in the foreground stood a magnificent manor house, resplendent with clinging ivy, tall windows, airy eves. A welcoming and warm sight.
            The women chatted on around him, almost as if he were not there, till they reached what was probably the kitchen door to the manor. A particularly short women, with the longest blond hair, pushed the door open like an old familiar friend, swept her arm through the air and announced:
            "There you are, Sir.......home sweet home!"

            Andy stepped cautiously over the threshold, giving Marnie a puzzled nod of thanks as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The house was magnificent he was sure, but it wasn't his. These women obviously had mistaken him for someone else, and it was time he sorted the matter out. He stuck his hand out towards the tiny woman and started to introduce himself.
            "Um...hello..." He smiled his friendliest widest grin,  "...there seems to be...um.....some.....er.....my name is...."
            Hearing a scuffling sound ahead of him, Andy stopped in his tracks and his smile disappeared. Careening towards him out of the gloom of the interior, was a huge monster such as Andy had not encountered since his over-active eight-year-old imagination had put evil slimy child-eating gargoyle-type creatures under his bed! 
            "HAVOC!!" Yelled Marnie. "GE-R-R-R-OFFFF!!"  She yelled some more. But the excited heavyweight Labrador had Andy flat on his back, arms pinned at his sides, and face covered in Labrador slobber before anyone could say "The wee Scot". 

             Andy could not stop shaking. He sat in shock, as still as he could, at a large wooden table, staring wide-eyed straight ahead of him, while the terrifying group of women, bearing damp rags pushed and shoved each other in a frenzy to wipe the dog gob off his face. 
            "Very strange," Rachel screwed up her face, "Havoc KNOWS not to jump on the Hi-Greylander! Whatever got into him, Marnie?"
            Marnie hadn't heard. She had bullied her way past the others and was close enough to Andy with her damp cloth to lovingly wipe slime away from his bottom lip. 
            "We can be grateful Mariel's potions are working so well these days!" Jami said, "Can you imagine what this would have done to our poor Hi-G if he wasn't propped full of her latest concoction! ......Way to go, Mariel!"
            But Mariel was almost sitting on Andy's lap in her efforts to wipe goo off his Adam's Apple, and didn't have her mind on magic potions at all.

           Attentive female fingers gently caressing his face and neck. Andy could, if he let himself, ALMOST be enjoying this. If Teddy Twofeathers could only see him now! But Andy's mother's wagging finger appeared on the table in front of him. She was standing at his bedroom door and he was guiltily stuffing the Playboy magazine under his mattress. "You’re not gonna find a NICE girl in those pages, Andy boy!” He had to admit to himself that the situation he now found himself in was definitely weird; it was strange. It was not kosher. Perhaps this was some magazine induced dream! Suddenly something snapped inside him. Flaying his arms around him like a dying helicopter, sending over-attentive woman scattering in all directions, he slammed his fists into the table and pushed himself up onto still shaky legs.
          "Just.......STOP IT!" He yelled breathlessly. His arms had a life of their own and he could barely control them as they slapped at his face, hair, body, in a futile effort to wipe his present reality out of existence.
           "Well alright!" Said Rose sulkily. "You don't have to have a hissy-fit!"
           "There, there.." Commiserated Lauren as she gently approached Andy. "We know you've been through a lot, Your Majesty."
           “I’m NOT……” Andy tried to say.
           "And heaven knows we DO tend to get a little over-protective, we know...." added Lisa.
           "...So just take it easy, sir...." Said Mariel solicitously. "Here, sit back down. We'll have you cleaned up in no time." Like a mother-hen she helped Andy back into his seat and whispered over her shoulder at Marnie "Back off!!  Can't you see you're crowding him!!" 
           "Oh.....I-I-I-I'm crowding him?" Hissed Marnie back.
           Andy shot up again and yelled. "PLEASE.....will you all just shut-up and listen to me for a minute!"

          The woman were suddenly silent and stared at him in shock. It took Andy a few moments to realise he'd had a breakthrough, and to take advantage of it.
           "I don't know WHO you think I am..." he began, "....but my name is Andy....Andy Mooseheart...."
            "Oh......of COURSE it is!" Announced Ruth cheerfully.
            "No....no...you see...I'm not THIS Mooseheart...not THIS one..." Andy was jabbing his index finger at the ground and realised he was getting no-where fast. He scratched his ear in frustration.
            Marnie jumped up and down in excitement and clicked her fingers in the air. "SOUNDS LIKE...... c'mon, sounds like..... what?!!" 
            Now Andy was losing his temper. "What’s WITH you people?!  My name is Andy....."
            "Hmmmmm..." Jami frowned, "I think this whole experience has been W-A-AY too much for the Hi-Greylander. He's popped a gasket!"
            "See.....SEE?!" Yelled Andy. "I'm NOT "The Hi-Greylander" or whatever!!  I'm Andy Mooseheart.....I fly helicopters, I put out forest fires."
            "Which is it, dear?" Angela started talking to Andy like he was five years old "A helicopter pilot, or a fire-fighter?"
            "B-d-gaaaaah!!!!" Exploded Andy.
            "Hurry Mariel!" Said Lauren, "I think he’s about to get violent!"
Mariel zoomed up behind Andy bearing a hypodermic needle that she jabbed into his right hip.
            "OUCH!" Exclaimed Andy, and began to swivel around to see what had pricked him, but everything began to swim before his eyes. The scary women faded, melted into a kaleidoscope of colour, slow-motion swirls in Van Gogh-esque vibrance. "Hmm, yes, must have all been witches." was his last thought before crashing to the floor.

          Andy stretched and yawned. A white glare hurt his eyes as he opened them, so he screwed them up and peered painfully out at the light. He was in a hospital room, and standing next to his bed, somewhat fuzzy and distorted in his vision, was a familiar figure.
           "Andy? Can you see me? How are you feeling?" Sonja's voice was filled with concern and her face frowned with worry as she waved her hand up and down in front of Andy's vision.
            Andy grabbed her hand urgently and squeezed. Almost afraid to believe his strange adventure was over. "Who AM I?"  He mumbled.
           Sonja gasped. "You don't know?  Oh NO!!  You just lie back down right there and don't worry!!  I'm going to call the doctor!" And she tried to extricate her hand from Andy's firm grip.
            "No wait!" Andy was pleased to hear his voice come out so loud and clear. He must be feeling much better. "I'm Andy, right?  Andy Mooseheart?" 
            At Sonja's affirmative nod and smile he slumped back onto the soft pillow. "Oh thank goodness!" he sighed. "You won't BELIEVE what I've been through!"
            "Well," Sonja replied, patting his hand solicitously, "You fell out of a helicopter for starters! That's enough to confuse anybody!"  And she smiled her brilliant smile again. Andy looked up at her gratefully, and wondered why he had never noticed her pretty smile before, or her warm hand as it held his, or the cute way her hair stood up like a rooster in the front, or that petite figure.... 
            "Andy?" She was talking, and he realized he was staring at her. "Anything I can get you? Are you sure you are OK?" 
            "Well, yeah! I mean, no..... actually, I feel pretty well! Nothing broken that I can feel. I reckon I'm in one piece?"
            "Just a knock on the head, is all." Sonja said, and leant down to pop a gentle kiss on his forehead. "The doctor says you can probably be discharged as soon as you feel up to it."
            The kiss left a warm and wonderful feeling on his hairline. The feeling slid down his neck to settle on his heart. Andy smiled. "I feel 'up' to it right now!" He wanted to tell her about the strange forest, the manor house, the crazy women....but how would Sonja react to the insane story? He decided now was not the time to find out.
            "Well then, you just get yourself dressed, and I'll go tell the doc!" Said Sonja, and she left the room closing the door behind her. 

           Half way down the corridor was a scrub room. Sonja looked carefully up and down the hallway, and when she was sure no-one was looking, she slipped into the quiet, dark room.
            Taking a small shiny ceramic oval pin off her lapel, she held it to her mouth and whispered. "LHKV to Gooch's Nest, come in please!"
            The pin crackled and whistled and a voice returned " This is Gooch's Nest....for goodness sake Sonja, you're not the LHKV anymore...the post is defunct since the voting coup, and you know it!!"
            This was a sore point with Sonja, but she was in such a good mood she decided to ignore the jibe. "Oh so, who cares!  Marnie, tell the girls... ‘The Eagle Has Landed’....... IT WORKED! I've got Andy eating out of my hand! Tell Mariel a BIG THANKS for that great love potion....she's the greatest white witch ever in my book!"
            "It worked, really? Wow!  I had my doubts! I mean we were taking quite a chance....the Hi-G himself could have made an appearance at any time...how on earth would we have explained our deception to him? He certainly would not have approved of us playing with Andy's head like that!"  Marnie was silent for a moment, but then started giggling. "But it WAS fun!!" 
            Sonja chuckled back. "Well glad you girls enjoyed yourselves. MY enjoyment is just ABOUT to start! He's getting dressed, then we're outta here. Wish me luck!"
            "Sure, Sonja. You get your wish!  Knock yourself out girl.....and........HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM GREYLAND!" Marnie laughed long and hard.

           A few hours later, in a brand new helicopter, Andy and Sonja were flying off into the sunset for a wonderful fantasy weekend in.....well I can't tell you where now can I? After all, it's MY birthday weekend! 

epilogue:
 
 

© Sonja & Marnie 2001