Cordelia fought back tears as she sipped her drink, trying to drown her sorrows in the glass in front of her. She was oblivious to the people and sounds around her, mind occupied with her own problems.

The biggest one being she'd done a stupid thing. A very stupid thing.

She'd fallen in love with Angel. Her boss. Her best friend. Buffy's property.

She sniffed and took another sip of her drink, letting the darkness envelope her as she settled down to brood.

She should have seen it coming, really. She'd spent almost every day of the past two years with him, working with him, laughing with him, smiling at him, watching over him and taking care of him. They'd truly become each other's salvation, seeing the other through the countless dark periods in their lives. He'd come to rely on her and she him. She knew more about Angel than most people, and he knew more about her than she'd ever told anyone.

Except for her biggest secret. That she hadn't told anyone. She couldn't tell anyone, because she knew it was a doomed love.

She wasn't sure when she'd fallen in love with him, but couldn't deny her feelings any longer. Each day became more and more of a struggle, watching him, looking at him, lusting after him, and most of all loving him, silently and from afar. She knew his goal was unchanged, find a way to get his soul back permanently and return to a life with Buffy. Regardless of the fact that Buffy had moved on and seemed quite happy with Riley. Angel never said much about them, and Cordelia knew it was a taboo subject. In all their conversations, they'd always skirted around the Buffy issue. He didn't want to talk about it and she didn't want to hear about it. But it was always there, lingering between them. It got to the point that whenever Angel entered "brood" mode, she assumed he was torturing himself about Buffy, and left him alone. He'd be fine the next morning, but neither would bring up the night before. It was painful to watch him suffer, wishing she could make his pain go away, knowing that by doing that however, she'd break her own heart.

But, Angel would never know how she felt. He was so damn oblivious! And while part of her was glad for that, another part wanted to rage at him. How could he refuse to move on, move away from his past, and move forward to his future with the woman who loved him more than life itself? The woman who willingly and preferably led her life in the moonlight instead of the sunlight? The woman who would fight to the death for him… and love him for as long as she was on this earth?

How could she force him to give up the one true love of his life?

She felt a tear escape and came back to reality, wiping it quickly away. As she tried to hold back more tears, she suddenly found herself listening to the words of the song a woman was karaeoking on stage. In that moment, it was as if the entire world stopped spinning as the lyrics stabbed straight into her heart.

"We only meet when it is night outside, We both have other obligations, You're never here when it is day outside, And I accept these limitations. But…

Don't leave me here alone tonight, Tonight you mustn't say good-bye, You mustn't leave like other days, It's not the same, don't ask me why."

Her heart ached and she couldn't stop another tear from escaping as she realized how ironically true those words were. Whoever had written this song was very perceptive… or in love with a vampire. She sniffed again, wiping away the tear. It was a futile effort, as the next verse slugged her in the heart again.

"I only know that when you go, The dusk will dwindle into dawn, I need your strength, I need your warmth, For all at once I'm so afraid, And I don't really understand, I need some lips to touch my lips, A hand to hold my trembling hand.

Don't leave me lonely here tonight, Tonight you mustn't say good-bye, You mustn't leave me like the other days, It's not the same, don't ask me why."

The tears wouldn't stop now, and Cordelia had given up trying to wipe them away. She simply let them flow, silently listening as her heart bled.

She never wanted Angel to leave her… she needed his strength, his warmth, and his dreamed of kiss. Craved him so much she ached. Craved his touch so much the overpowering emotions had sent her running from the office when he arrived earlier tonight, with some excuse about a date, knowing she couldn't face him without giving away her secret. She'd seen the concern and confusion in his eyes, knew he didn't want her to rush off, but knowing she couldn't stay. She could only hope he wouldn't follow her, praying the scum of LA would keep him busy for the night.

God, she hadn't wanted to leave him. But if she'd stayed, he would have left her. He'd have gone demon hunting and she'd have been left sitting there, worrying about him, wondering what he was doing, wondering if he was dead or alive, and trying with all her might not to think about throwing herself at him when he came back in the door. Trying not to think about how wonderful it would be if he came home to her, loved her, stayed with her every night.

But she knew that couldn't happen, she knew he'd always say good-bye. And it would be good-bye forever when he got his soul back.

Good-bye Cordelia, and hello Buffy.

Life just wasn't fair!

She jumped as she felt someone press a napkin into her hand. She whirled around to see the bartender smiling gently at her, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Thought you might need it… before you ruin your mascara," he said gently, and Cordelia couldn't help but smile in return.

"Thanks…the song kind of got to me," she said softly, turning back and stirring the ice in her drink,

"It's an old one, tends to do that to people, though I sense it had a deeper meaning for you," he said softly, seeing her glance up at him, wondering what he meant.

"It just spoke to me about a relationship I'm currently NOT in," she sighed and sipped her drink, not sure why she was telling him this, but unable to stop the flow of words. "Not that I couldn't be, but he's still hung up on his ex…even though she's moved on and has been happily dating someone else for a while. I mean, he's my best friend, and I know him better than anyone… hell, he knows me better than anyone, but he can't see the one thing I've obviously done a great job of hiding from him," she trailed off bitterly, taking another gulp of her drink. She thanked the man when he refilled her glass with a sympathetic smile.

"Sometimes, we all overlook the obvious, maybe we don't mean to, but we do. And I have a feeling, your fellow isn't as oblivious to you as you think," he replied, bringing her head up. The bartender laughed. "I'm assuming you're talking about the tall, dark and handsome man I see you in here with quite often. Always struck me as the quiet type, but the way his eyes watch you, there's definitely male interest in them," he said, as Cordelia tried to erase the shock from her expression.

"Sure he was watching me, as an older brother would, making sure I didn't attract any dangerous men, not because he wanted me himself, he's still too hung up on her," she said almost angrily, taking another gulp of her drink.

"I don't know about that, there's just something about the way he watches you, I can't describe it, but it's definitely NOT brotherly. Trust me on that one, I've seen a lot of things and a lot of people come through here, and I can recognize male interest when I see it," he said with a smile, topping off her drink once more.

Cordelia could feel the buzz she already had getting better. She hadn't eaten all day and this was her fourth straight vodka tonic. There was something to be said for getting wasted while you told your troubles to a sympathetic person.

"Well, I'll take your word for it, but I don't believe it, I just… I just love him so much, and I can't tell him," she whispered, feeling the tears threaten again. Her bartender was back in an instant with another napkin.

"So, who says you have to tell him directly?" he asked, seeing his words drew her attention.

"What do you mean?" Cordelia sniffed, interested in what he had to say.

"Well, chances are, you'd feel better getting these feelings out, maybe you should try it… sing your own song, let your emotions free. After all, you're among strangers, no one knows you, and even if you can't sing, you'll feel better, trust me," the man said with a smile at Cordelia's incredulous expression.

"Me? Get up there and sing? I mean… that's crazy! Sure I wanted to be an actress at one time, but I realized how so NOT good I was, and even though it was hard, I turned my life in other directions. I don't know if I could get up there and sing," she finished softly, surprised to find herself even considering the idea.

The bartender laughed.

"Come on honey, surely there's got to be a song that expresses exactly how you feel about him. You could get up there, belt it out, tell the crowd it was for someone special, and just let loose. You'd be amazed at how liberating it can be," he finished softly and with a mysterious glance as he moved to respond to another patron further down the bar.

Cordelia stared after him, wondering if she could really do that. Get up and sing about her feelings for Angel? Tell the whole bar how she felt about the man she loved, but who couldn't love her in return?

Why couldn't she?

She knew it was the alcohol talking, knew she'd probably regret it as soon as she got up there, but hell, she had once wanted to be an actress. She still could be if she wanted to. Why not give it a shot? All she could do was embarrass the hell out of herself in front of a group of strangers. And maybe she would feel better about things.

She found herself moving towards the DJ's booth, and scanning the songs available. What could she sing? What song expressed her feelings for Angel?

After minutes of searching, she finally found the perfect song. It was an older one, but a favorite of hers from a happier time in her life. And it expressed perfectly her feelings for Angel.

With a slight grimace, hoping the buzz lasted long enough for her to get through this, she wrote down her choice and turned it in before her better judgment took over. She quickly hurried back to the bar and gulped down the rest of her drink, needing all the false courage she could handle as she thought about what she'd just done.

What had she been thinking? She couldn't bare her soul to these strangers. Hell, she didn't even know if her voice could handle it. Sure she'd done singing back in high school, and she sang around the apartment and office when she wasn't obsessing over her doomed love. She wasn't bad but then again she was probably better than the woman whining out a Shania Twain song about what didn't "impress her much."

She motioned to her bartender, and pointed to her now empty glass. He smiled and refilled it without saying a word, just winking at her. She wondered why he was being so nice. And why he kept looking at her with that mysterious glance every now and then. She sighed, realizing she didn't care… she was too preoccupied worrying about her upcoming emotional release.

She almost missed it when the DJ called her name. For a moment, she thought about not responding, letting the next person go, and forgetting all about this crazy idea. But the alcohol seemed to be having an adverse affect on her rational mind, as she gulped down the rest of her drink and moved slowly towards the stage. She could feel the buzz whirling though her body, and prayed it was enough to get her through this.

She gingerly took the microphone from the DJ's hand, trying to smile as he motioned her to the center of the small stage. For a moment, Cordelia was blinded by the lights and the people in front of her. They were cheering good- naturedly, and smiling, shouting encouraging comments her way. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling her acting instincts take over. A liberating wave of relief swept through her body as she found her voice and began to speak.

"Hi guys… I'm Cordelia," she started, smiling slightly as hoots and hollers rang throughout the bar at her words. "Okay, calm down, don't get your panties in a bunch," she said with a laugh, hearing the crowd roar with laughter, amazed she'd just said that in front of everyone. It didn't sound like her. But she was realizing she liked the way she felt up here, in front of all these strangers. She liked knowing that no one here knew her, so there would be no one to answer to. She could emote all she wanted with no fear of anyone finding out.

"Okay, I'm gonna do a ballad here, it's an old one, but one I remember from my childhood, and one that expresses how I feel about a certain guy in my life," she said, softening her words as she finished, hearing the crowd hush, captivated by her words and the appealing sight her small figure made, standing alone in front of them. "He's the most wonderful person I know, though he doesn't think he is, and he's always beating himself up about it, but truly, he's the kindest, nicest, most loving person I know. I wish I could do more to make him see that, I wish I could do more to make him forget his ex- girlfriend," she paused at the boo's and sympathetic calls that resounded throughout the bar. They were on her side. This was good to know. "He's my best friend, my boss and over the past few years I've realized the love of my life. And even if I can never be with him, or erase the memory of his past, I'll always love him, no matter who or what he is," she finished softly, hearing the applause ring out as she heard the soft strains of music building behind her.

She felt an amazing surge of emotion fill her body, relief at expressing her emotions, relief at letting them free, relief at finally, finally telling someone, even a group of strangers, how she felt. It was the most incredible feeling she'd ever gotten. And she knew now that she could sing this song, sing it for him, and for her, and for the future they'd never have together except for her dreams.

"Angel, this one's for you," she said softly as she launched into the first verse, hoping no one would mind that she'd taken a few liberties with the lyrics.

"I look at your face, I know the years are showing, I look at your life, I still don't know where we're going, I don't know much, but I know I love you, And that will be all I need to know."

She poured her heart into the lyrics, closing her eyes and letting the melody sweep over her, not even trying to fight the incredible well of emotion flowing through her. As the song said, she didn't know where they were going, all she knew was that she loved him.

She let her voice reign free, not realizing she held the entire audience in the palm of her hand.

"Look at your eyes, they've never seen what matters, Look at your dreams, so beaten and so battered, I don't know much, but I know I love you, And that may be, all I need to know."

His dreams were beaten and battered, she could see it in his eyes. He hadn't had it easy, and she knew it was painful losing Buffy. But that ship had sailed, everyone realized it, including Buffy. And she couldn't help but sympathize, wanting him to move on, but knowing he couldn't. Her own dreams were shattered by this knowledge, but she didn't know what else to do about rebuilding them all. She felt so lost and alone she didn't know what to do.

So she poured even more emotion into her song.

"So many questions, still linger inside, So much I've never broken through, And when I feel you near me, Sometime I see so clearly, The only truth I'll ever know is in you…"

Angel was her only truth. Despite it all, he made her life brighter, made her problems seem so insignificant, made her feel loved, in a way she'd never been. It just wasn't the way she wanted to be loved by him. It hurt more and more each day as she realized she trusted him above all others, and he her, but not enough to let her love him, or to let himself love her.

She could feel a tear slip down her cheek as she launched into the next verse emphasizing the one line she'd known was coming, the one line she'd chosen this song for, the one line she'd known had been specifically written for Angel, without him ever knowing it. She didn't realize that everything she was feeling had slipped into her voice, and that the bar had gone dead silent, mesmerized by her voice.

"Look at this man, So blessed with inspiration, Look at your soul, Still searching for salvation, I don't know much, But I know I love you, And that may be all I need to know."

She felt the tears break free and knew her audience could see them, but not caring, heart raw and aching as she poured everything she felt into the final lines.

"I don't know much, But I know I love you, And Angel, that's all I need to know."

She'd added his name in there, figuring with all the liberties she'd taken so far, one final one couldn't hurt. As the last notes trailed off, she closed her eyes, bringing the microphone down, feeling the tears falling like rain from her eyes.

There was dead silence in the bar. Every eye in the room was trained on her. As she slowly opened her eyes, the crowd suddenly surged to its feet, their roar nearly deafening her. She opened her eyes fully, able to see through her tears, that the entire bar was clapping, cheering and yelling their hearts out, for her. She smiled in amazement, feeling the DJ come over and clasp her by the shoulder.

"Take a bow little lady, you've earned it," he said, smiling as Cordelia almost stiffly obeyed. Her mind was trying to process what was happening, unsure of what she'd just done.

"I can't believe I just did that," she said softly, wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

"Believe it honey, you brought the house down, and I've never seen or heard anything like it in my career as a DJ, you should really think about finding an agent, your voice is incredible," the DJ finished, gently pulling her back across the stage with him.

Cordelia was still in shock. She couldn't even process what the man had just said. The regrets were starting to pound into her head, like the headache she could feel starting to pound behind her eyes.

She'd just told an entire LA bar that she was hopelessly in love with her boss. And she'd obviously impressed them with her emotions, because she knew she'd never sung like that before. But my God, what if there was someone who knew her, remembered her, or remembered Angel Investigations?

Oh God. What had she done?

She had to get out of there.

The one thought in her head was a thankful prayer that Angel hadn't been there to hear her make a fool of herself… even though she might have to think about a career in singing. Imagine that, the one good thing that had come out of this miserable night, and she couldn't even feel thrilled about it. Her mind was still ravaged by thoughts of Angel, and the love that could never be. She felt the tears threaten again, and she quickly moved towards the door, trying to smile and hold back her emotions as people grabbed her to offer praise and/or sympathy on her way out.

Great, she now had an entire LA bar feeling sorry for her. The night just got better and better.

She was so immersed in trying not to lose it that she didn't see the dark figure that suddenly materialized in front of her. She gasped as her body collided with something, the jarring impact stealing her breath as strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her tightly against a strong chest.

She struggled for a moment, fear coursing through her system, until another emotion slowly began to invade her body.

She took another deep breath, hoping her sense of smell was wrong, praying swiftly that this wasn't happening. But as the arms tightened around her, she was forced to inhale his very familiar, very arousing scent.

She closed her eyes, wishing she could disappear off the face of the earth as her entire world came crashing down around her.