She had had more than what she thought was her share of visions, but she had  never had a vision that had affected her this much. Usually it was a big  gray blobby thing, like her first one, or some one in trouble,  it had never  been a friend, it had never been Angel.

The sound of his voice calling for her echoed in her ears, along with the  remnants of the pain she had felt, and it made her stomach twist painfully,  her throat close up.

She was breathing fast, paying the cabbie, and not even bothering to close  the door, clattered up the stairs, surprisingly surefooted in her high  heels.

There was an eery silence when she got to the office, and her steps faltered  when she saw the state of the door.  Her heart beating fast, she studied it.  Had she done that? Oh, god she hoped she had done that. She thought she had  heard something shatter when she left, but she hadn’t thought…. Oh, god, she  hoped it was her that did that.

She fumbled with her keys , in her trembling haste they fell to the floor  twice before she finally got them to work. Without a word she strode into  the office, her heart hammering as she shrugged off her jacket and ran down
the stairs.

The low agonizing moans of an animal greeted her, and she felt her heart  tremble once, before swallowing and going further, hoping desperately that this vision was a fluke, that Angel wasn’t in trouble.

God, she had counted on him for so long, for so many things.  She couldn’t imagine him not being there for her, not trusting him the way she did.

Swallowing down her fear she entered his apartment wearily, making her way to the source of the horrifying noise, to Angel’s bedroom.

With shaking hands, she forced the doorknob to turn, letting the door slide open on it’s own.

What greeted her almost made her faint.

Angel was twisting on the bed, his body screamed pain.

His knuckles gripped the bedsheets and on his sweat soaked face, was the demon visage she had learned to barely notice.

She noticed it now.

Oh, god. He was having nightmares. That was what the visions were, in her head, she had been in his nightmares.

Her hand rose to her mouth and she swallowed down the cry of anguish, felt her feet frozen to the floor.

She felt her heart jump into her throat, felt her body trembling at having to see him like this, deciding she couldn’t go another minute without stopping it, without trying to help and ease the pain from his face that was
so blatantly showing right now.

Rushing forward, she sat on the bed, grabbing his body with surprising strength, and shaking him.

With the sudden jerk, he awoke, his demon face growling until they laid eyes on her, and then he stilled, and his demon face slipped from his face, morphing into the human to stare at her in wonder.

He gazed at her, his eyes dark with unshed tears, haunted with alabaster agony.  Her hazel eyes were moist, searching his, and he felt his throat grow full, gasping for unneeded air as she softly laid a gentle hand on his
cheeks, concern filling her beautiful face as she looked down at him.

“Angel.” She whispered, in that one word everything she needed to see. In that moment she saw an Angel she never knew, the dark knight that had always seemed to strong, so stoic, so unnneedy, never like this, the sweat covering his body, the dark fear in his eyes resilient, the loneliness. She felt his emptiness consume her, felt a soft tear trickle down her cheeks as he gazed up at her, the look of  soft need, of desperate want.

He heard the name breathed out, saw her looking down at him, and on her face, a look of tender understanding, of sorrow, and of love. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, and his eyes, swimming with horrendous night, the
effort to distinguish her from his dreams so palpable he could only stare.

And he felt the contact of her skin on his sensitive face, the soft hands gently moving down his face in an unspoken, a desperate gesture to try and calm him, to appease him.

She was here. She hadn't gone away. She was here. The relief that accompanied the realizatoin filled him, and at that moment he realized he needed her.  She was all he had, and he needed her.

Their eyes bored into each others, and still half awake from his incredible loneliness he found himself reaching up, his hands sliding around her neck and bringing her almost viciously to him, with such force she felt on top of him.

His lips attacked her immediately, his tears and sweat mingling with her body as he pressed her body to his hardening form, in his kiss a question of need, of intimacy, asking for permission, asking for anything she was
willing to give him.

Cordelia’s lips matched his with every movement, her tears now spilling over her own cheeks, as she pressed herself on top of him, felt her breasts rubbing against his chest and hearing him groan in appreciation, holding her
tighter, so much closer she was gasping for breath.

Their mouths battled against each other, bodies aching as they held an unspoken conversation, despite the desire that threatened to overwhelm them both.

Sliding his arms around her waist, he rolled her over, so that she was on her back and then he froze, for a moment stilling the passion in an effort to gain control to stop from doing something they would later regret, from passing that place of no return, and from deluding himself and Cordelia into believing this was something that could happen, that THEY were something that could happen.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to let her go.  Gazing down at her, his eyes filled with a dark passion, looking at her unsure smile. There was a  blatant intimacy in her eyes that he knew he had never seen before, and the emotion that shook him scared him, he found his lips descending, tasting her collarbone, feeling her shiver underneath, found his lips tracing the trembling skin to reach her lips once, pressing against them before traveling to her eyebrows, to her eyelids, then skimming her ear.

He lifted his head, his heart in his throat as he looked down at her, unsure what to say, or what to do.

She saw the confusion, and quickly shook her head, her face feverish as she reached a hand to his face. “Don’t say you’re sorry.” She whispered. “Please don’t say that.”

Something about the way she said it, the desperate urging, the tremoring forced him to look at her, saw the fragile face, and shook his head.

“Cordelia…I didn’t mean what I said…. I couldn’t…”  He trailed off, and swallowed, felt himself shiver as he woke up completely, began to realize who this was and what kind of situation this would lead to.

“Wasn’t very smart of us, was it?” She said pointedly.  He nodded, but brought her closer, enjoying the feel of her, the pressure of her silky skin against his, the relief and knowledge that she was here again, that she hadn’t left him, wanting the warmth of her next to him too much to allow himself to push her away.

“Cordelia, don’t walk out on me.” He whispered, burying his face in her neck, his form still trembling slightly.

Her face was shocked, the smile sliding quickly off of her face as she slid her arms around him and held him tight. “God, Angel, are you shaking?” He swallowed.

“Just promise me, you won’t walk out on me, again. No matter what happens. You’re all I have Cordelia.”

“God, Angel of course I won’t, stop it.” She held him closer, heard the tears behind his voice and closed her eyes, his spiky hair tickling her chin as she pressed her head against his.  “I don’t think I could.”

He growled, his voice primeval as he looked at her, his eyes almost glowing.   Grabbing her arms he stared at her. “You promised, Cordelia. Remember that you promised.”

She stared at him in wonder, her fingers trailing over the earnestness of his expression. “And I mean what I say.”

The look of relief that fell over his expression was unlike she had ever seen, and she barely had time to ponder it before he leaned down and kissed her again, this time a hard, delicious, sensual undertaking that left her breathless and aching for more.

The desire in his eyes was evident, when he raised his head and gazed at her flushed face and brilliantly shining eyes.   “God, you’re beautiful.” He growled, the words escaping him before he had a chance reign them in.

At the admission her eyes widened, and suddenly she laughed, a beautiful dazzling laugh that sent shivers through his body.

“You’re not so bad, yourself brood boy.” She joked.

He found himself smiling, leaning down and pressing his lips gently against her neck, her shoulder, any place he could touch.

She sighed against him in appreciation, tightening her arms around him as he continued his ministrations.

“I take it that kiss you gave me before for “practice” wasn’t just for the sake of education?” She whispered against his ear.

He leaned back in surprise, and at her wicked, gleaming eyes, felt himself  smile.  She grinned saucily, returning the kiss he gave her with a playful nip.

“How’d you guess.” He whispered, letting her lean back on the bed.

She shrugged. “I didn’t.” She said, trailing her hand down his chest. “I seriously just thought it was practice, I mean, Angel, you’ve never even looked at me like I was a girl before.”

The words carried a slight bit of insecurity and he felt a jolt of guilt consume him. He felt his eyes darken. “You know that we can’t, why I did-“

“I know.” She said quickly, nodding, her eyes averted for just a minute. “Lots of reasons that I don’t want to discuss right now.” She looked up, her moist eyes unexpectedly  bright. “The one thing that matters to me right now is you. That you need me. Right now. That I can help, with… whatever’s hurting in here.” She placed one palm against his still chest.

At his wondering glance, she shrugged, and continued.  “We’ve always known we’d get stuck together, Angel, the moment Doyle gave me these.” She said, one hand raising pointedly to her head. “You said it yourself.”

He nodded, his throat raspy when he answered, “You’re my link to the Powers.”

She let a soft, sad smile flitter on her lips. “The damn link. Is that all you care about?”

He cocked his head, studying the way she was looking at him, the biting lip, the flash of  insecurity, and he felt his throat clog.  “No.” He rasped,  unable to say anything else, praying, hoping that it was enough, that she understood.

Her eyes bored into his, and she nodded, ever so slowly indicating she had with an increased moisture in her own eyes that she did.  “I’m stuck with you whether I like it or not, Angel. Do you think any guy is ever going to understand that I’m bound to this gorgeous guy just cause we’re good  friends?” She sighed, leaning back and closing her eyes. “You’ve got me, Angel. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, you have. Somehow, in this freaked, ugly, messed up world my whole damn purpose changed.” She sounded  small, defeated, and Angel’s eyes widened at her state, as he realized exactly what she was saying. She was giving herself, to him.

“God, Cordelia, no-“ He began, but was quickly shushed with a finger to his lips.

“It’s okay, Angel.” She whispered. “I love you, I wouldn’t do it, if I didn’t.” The admission didn’t faze her, didn’t even seem to make a difference at that moment, she merely stared up at the ceiling. “And we’re stuck between a big rock and a big hard place, I know. Augh.”

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against her shoulder unable to do, say anything else.

Cordelia was his seer.

Where one door closed another would open. He had thought he had understood that, but now, he knew that it meant so much more.

The door had closed on his life with Buffy, and another had opened, a door that was cemented open the day Doyle had sacrificed his own life to save his and Cordelia’s.

His life was to be next to this crazy vixen, and the idea wasn’t half bad. If anything, it filled him with a soft, warm sensation that he had come to recognize as a danger signal, something that had to be stopped.

“Cordelia.” He rasped. “We have to talk-“

“No.” She said, her eyes opening and narrowing at him.  “We can think about all that tomorrow.”  She said, smacking him lightly before turning, using her hands to guide his arms around her. “For now, just sleep, Angel. Just be with me.  Let’s not be lonely.” The words were soothing, meant to be comforting and coming out seductive, breathy, such a contrast in their soft gentleness from her usual abrasive tone he felt his heart tremor.

His pressed his lips against the temple of her head, closed his eyes against he contact, before pulling back. “Cordelia.”

“Angel.” Her voice was a trifle annoyed, and when her eyes opened, they seemed to flash brilliantly.  “I mean it. You’re brood boy, and I KNOW we’re not going to get away with this with no strings attached, but honestly, can
we do the pining, brooding, angst ridden, we-can-never-do-this-because-you’ll-lose-your-soul-and-become-a-heartless-killer thing tomorrow? Just be content to deal with it later. Stop going cryptic.”

He gazed down at her, and she raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, watching and waiting.   He knew that they needed to talk, that that needed to happen, that this was dangerous, that she was his only friend, his most intimate friend, and the longer they waited to distinguish this, the more it would hurt in the long run.  But he couldn’t curb his baser instincts, his animalistic need for comfort, and at that moment, his tactless seer made all
the sense in the world. He couldn’t lie to himself, anymore than he could lie to her.

He wanted to hold her.

So he did, tightening his grasp around her tight, young body, pulling her against his chest and breathing in her scent, hearing, and feeling her heartbeat through the thin fabric of her shirt.

She kissed his forehead, kicked off her shoes, and closed her eyes,  and as he watched, her  breathing slowed, her heartbeat slowed, and she fell asleep in peaceful bliss, even in slumber, her arms still wound around him as if she would never let him go.

He held onto his anchor with an unsettling emotion in his heart, a revelation that he knew he should never admit, something that he should have pushed away, buried deep within himself because he knew, that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t push her away.

She belonged to him, Doyle had given her to him the minute he had given her his gift of visions, and Angel now knew the source of possession that filled him from that moment.

It was a truth he could no longer hide, and it scared, him, it scared him so completely.

For a moment, he let it dominate his heart, instead concentrating on the warmth in his arms, on the scent of her, on the feel of her breath against his chilled skin.

At that moment he had to admit it, without the revelation he felt he would burst.  “I love you.” He whispered, pressing his lips against her soft skin, closing his eyes and feeling a soft burst of homecoming as the words left his breathless lips.

She didn’t stir, and Angel only swallowed, closing his eyes and pulling her closer, pushing away the repercussions of such a statement until the next day.

For that night, for the first time in what seemed a century, Angel drifted off to sleep without the presence of one glimmer of fear, of loneliness.

His seer had given him a different vision, and at that moment, there was nothing more beautiful.

FIN