Chapter Nine

In my two hundred and sixty years, I thought I knew everything there was to know about torture. I've been tortured more than once, and countless times I've tortured so many people, just to see the pain on the face, the one instant when I knew that they were broken, that one instant, it was the very picture of heaven for me.

As Angelus, I tortured so many, gave so much pain.

I thought I was the master of the art.

I knew nothing.

That was nothing, and the only thing that crosses my mind as I writhe in pain on the floor, and I feel myself seared apart, without the ability to think, being trapped and not having the control, is that I'm waiting, for hope, for salvation, for Cordelia.

I'm being ripped apart, and the only thing that sustains me is that I know she's coming back, and for one split second, I can hold her, and I'm almost myself again, as I feel my humanity come over me, love me and keep me safe.

I thought I could do it, I love Buffy, God help me I love her, but... I don't need her, not like I've needed Cordelia.

I never knew how much I needed her until I lost her. Really lost her.

And I hold on, for the one instant when I'm back with her, when she's holding me, when I feel her tears and feel her lips and her soft whispers.

Oh, God.

It's all I can do to hold on. But I promised, I promised... But, Oh, God, it's ripping me apart.

I'm holding on, Oh, God, I'm holding on. I just don't know? oh, God, Cordy? I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

"You got kids." Doyle said. Willow looked up from her books, and smiled softly.

"Yeah. They're everything to me."

He studied them slowly. "Do you regret what you did, Willow? All that time ago?"

Willow gazed at his intense face, and shook her head. "No, Doyle. I don't. I knew the consequences, I knew that someday they would find out."

"Are you ashamed?"

"No. No, I'm not. You were right, Doyle." Wisdom creased the woman's features, and the former hacker just smiled softly. "It's not about Xander and Buffy. Not this time. For a long time it was. But now?" She indicated to the door. "It's about him. And her."

Doyle took a cigarette out of his pocket. "Doyle?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you dare smoke that around my babies." He looked at her in surprise, and smiled, nodding as he deposited it into his pocket.

"I'm hungry, actually I'm more thirsty than hungry, but I could use a bite to eat." Oz looked up from his books, and nodded.

"I'm with the half demon."

"Excuse me, half human." Doyle corrected. "Lycanthroboy."

"Xander?" Oz called, Xander came in, carrying a giggling Priscilla.

"Yeah."

"What are you doing?" He asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"Apparently I've been voted official babysitter." He said, when Prissy scrambled up his back. "It's an up from being research boy, right?"

Willow sat back, on her face a small smile. "Well, don't get too comfortable, Xander, we still need your help."

His gazed hardened considerably when he heard her voice, but he nodded, coming forward with the child.

"You hungry, man?"

Xander's eyes brightened, and he nodded. Doyle gave him an even stare. "Alrighty then, pizza it is."

"For the record," Xander said, hugging the girl to him. "I still hate Angel."

Doyle laughed, a laugh that seemed to contradict the tired eyes somewhat. "Yeah well, I hate you, man, so we're even."

Xander cocked his head, and almost smiled. "I could live with that." He answered.

Olvera Street, as Doyle had quickly explained, was somewhere in Downtown, in essence a tourist attraction, preserved from when Los Angeles was still a Pueblo.

At night, it was always crowded, Mariachi music and the scent of churros and tacos and horchata and other things that were Mexican in culture but American in consumerism filled the air.

It was empty by the time Cordelia and Buffy arrived. Streets were littered with trash and popcorn, the smell of food still hung in the air, and only bums and whinos chose to stay.

The carts that held candy and treats were all boarded up, the street was empty, except for the occasional clop, clop of the Policemen that was riding on the horse, just as bored and uninvolved as everyone else.

Somewhere between the freeway and parking the car, the two woman had formed a semi-peace, and they walked silently, slowly, both eyes searching.

"It's dead here." Cordelia looked to Buffy, and nodded. The stillness broke when Cordelia's cellphone rang.

She picked it up quickly.

"Yeah."

"Cordelia?"

"Kate." Buffy crossed her arms and looked to her curiously.

"Remember that thing I told you about Olvera?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I just dug up some more information, on it. You know the old church?"

Cordelia swung, her eyes spotting it immediately. "Uh-huh."

"Well, just under it, there is a whole heck of a lot of tunnels, just like the ones Angel uses to get around."

The reference clicked into Cordelia's mind immediately, and she nodded. "Got it, I owe you, Kate."

"Yeah, well, you've saved my life more than once, Cordelia. Figured I'd pay you back for it sometime." There was a pause, and then a tentative, "Cordelia?"

"Yeah."

"Be careful, okay?"

Cordelia nodded, smiling. "I'll be fine, I've got a Slayer with me."

"A what?!"

"See you later." The phone clicked shut and she looked at Buffy. "Let's go."