Part Eight

"Xander?" He looked up study Willow, who was gazing down at him with unsure eyes.

She bit her lip, noticing the glint in them. "Buffy told you, didn't she?"

He slammed the book shut, a tick in his jaw as he merely got up, to walk to the window, and look out into the night sky.

Casting unsure eyes at Oz and Doyle, who at the moment seemed incredibly interested in finding a spell, she took a breath and went after him.

"Xander."

"How could you." He bit, whirling around, turning to glare at her. "How could you do that, Willow? Knowing how I felt?! Knowing how Buffy felt! How could you -"

"I couldn't say no, Xander." She interrupted, her green eyes moist. "I couldn't handle that risk."

"Risk?" He looked confused for a minute, and then his shoulders deflated, before tightening again. "Hell, Willow, that's not what I'm even talking about. Of course I'm pissed about that! I'm pissed that Cordelia slept with Angel, and all that, but that's not what really burns me."

Her eyes were bewildered. "Then why?."

"You lied to us, Willow. To me and Buffy. You made me believe that I had a chance with her. You didn't tell me when you could, you kept it from us, all these years. All these years, Willow. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I... I didn't want to hurt you." Her words were soft.

"Well, you did." Xander's eyes flashed as he crossed his arms, turning away from her in an effort to control his emotion. After a minute, he spoke again, this time, his voice softer. "Don't you see what you did, Willow? You chose them, over us. I'm not mad that you were there, cause you wouldn't have been Willow if you didn't do the responsible thing. I'm... hurt... That you didn't trust us enough, didn't... I don't know... You just let us find out, and you never told us. You Willow, who never, ever lied to any of us, you lied to us for five years." He swallowed. "I don't know if I could ever forgive you for that."

Willow saw the resolve in his eyes, the hurt and betrayal, and she felt tears swarming in her own. Taking a breath, she closed her eyes and turned, aware that at the moment there was no more to be said. Looking up, she saw Doyle and Oz watching, each with sympathetic expressions in their eyes.

She looked away, to her own children, who were sleeping soundly on the couch, worn out from the day's events.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to involve her. She wasn't supposed to feel this much pain, this much guilt for something that wasn't her fault.

She closed her eyes, feeling one small tear leak out, and sighed. "I'm sorry." She whispered, and at that moment, she wasn't sure if she was saying it to herself, or to Angel, or to everyone else.

She felt like a soda bottle that had been shaken one too many times and was about to explode any minute.

Buffy Summers knew the dangers of being a Slayer, the mental fight to stay sane, to control the anger and the strength that came so easily to her, that never ceased to amaze other people.

She had fought it for such a long time, and it was encased within her now with such a rage she had no idea what to do with it.

She had been numb, unbelieving that this was the way her life had turned out. Cordelia had swept in like a goddess, taken over everything, and Buffy had just let it happen.

She wouldn't have, any other day, but this was about Angel, her beautiful Angel. The truth was, as Willow, the woman who had once been her friend, who had once known everything about her, and now claimed to not know her at all, was that at that moment, Cordelia was in her own turf.

Los Angeles was a part of her, Angel was a part of her. She knew him inside out, she knew how to handle things. She knew where Olvera Street was.

Buffy had to let things happen, had to follow the woman who at that moment she couldn't hate, not right then.

Angel's life depended on not hating Cordelia, and it was so hard, fighting the anger that she had built to Cordelia, to everything she stood for.

Sighing, she leaned against the car door, not saying a word as Cordelia drove.

She didn't expect Cordelia to break the silence, nor did she expect the particular chosen words to come streaming out of her mouth.

"You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?"

Buffy turned her head, giving Cordelia a shocked look, but she only kept driving, her face on the road. Buffy allowed a small smile of remembrance to float on her face before she responded. "As leading contender, you nervous?"

"I can hold my own." Cordelia returned automatically. "You know, Buffy, we've never really been close."

"Which is nice, cause I've never liked you all that much." Buffy responded. Cordelia didn't face her, but her mouth twitched, threatening to turn into a smile.

"But on occasion," She continued, "You have saved the world and stuff, so,... I'm gonna... do you a favor."

Buffy rolled her eyes, keeping her face forward as her voice dripped with the appropriate sarcasm. "And this grand favor would be?"

"I'm going to give you some advice. Get over it."

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever's causing you to glare at Willow like she was the Antichrist, get over it." At the departure of the preset script, Buffy looked up to see Cordelia gazing at her coolly. "She didn't want to do what she did, she did it because I asked her, because I told her we would do it with or with out her, and the first thing she said was that you wouldn't be able to handle it if he did... turn. I put her into that situation, and she had to be stoic girl and handle it. So don't get pissed at her, get pissed at me."

"I already am pissed at you."

"Yeah, no kidding." Cordelia's jaw beat for one second. "It's not like I haven't forgotten you fucked my fiancée, Buffy. Angel or no Angel, he was still engaged to me."

Buffy gave a short laugh, almost a scoff. "Oh, yeah, and I'm sure you were thinking all about it, when you were sucking face with Xander."

The car suddenly jerked, and Buffy was thankful for the seatbelt as Cordelia slammed on the brakes.

"Listen to me, you bitter bitch." Cordelia breathed, turning to her, her face livid. "You know NOTHING about the hell I went through because of what I did with Xander. Not a minute, a second goes by that I don't wish I had never went into that dinner party, that I had never seen him."

Buffy's eyes bore into hers. "And Angel? Do you regret coming here with him? That's what started this whole mess, isn't it?"

Cordelia looked at her, her gaze not breaking when she shook her head. "Sorry, Buffy. I'm never going to regret that." She sighed, closing her eyes, and opening them in an attempt to contain herself. "Look. I'm not going for catfight here, though God knows, I'd love to have it out with you, but we don't have time for that. I've given up on you getting over this a long time ago, I can live with that, I have for a long time. Just don't take it out on Willow, she thought she did what was right, for all of us."

Buffy sighed, looking away and to the street. "Let's go, we don't have much time."

Cordelia kept her eyes on her for another second, and then turned away, starting the car and driving off.