Author's Notes: Feedback = Food. Story probably still has to be beta'd, any volunteers would be appreciated. PG-13, possibly PG-15. I'm not sure yet. It's probably for most audiences. Thoughts are enclosed in < > and flashbacks are enclosed in <<< >>>

<Stupid.>

<Stupid> Thwack! <Dumb> Crunch! <Idiot> Slap! <Moron> Kick, kick… 'stake'….poof!

The pile of dust was proof positive that messing with the slayer now was not the best move to make after first rising. She'd made her rounds through the cemetery as usual. Checked the crypts, and two fresh graves. It would have taken her all night had Willow not left her a map of the cemetery and the names of the two boys who'd died of a 'mysterious loss of blood'. Willow. Her mind drifted back to only a week ago, when they'd crossed the line…gone past the point of no return. Buffy felt the color rise in her cheeks and her pulse quicken. Willow was all she'd thought about lately. Winter break was here and it was a chance to explore the new side of their relationship, make a solid connection. So what went wrong? Why was Buffy in the cemetery patrolling alone and Willow was…..

<<<"I have to go."

"But Will, classes are over. We finished exams! We have to celebrate, together…"

"No, Buffy. I'm…I'm spending the holidays with my parents…..in Wyoming. They're at my grandparents' house…and they…um…they reserved me a ticket…."

"But, I thought…."

"I can't."

"What about….?"

Buffy looked beyond her friend, saw the bags there, on her bed. Saw her computer packed up, her bed made, and apparently, her mind was made up too. She couldn't move. Afraid that the slightest movement would put things in motion. She stood there, her head down, a million images running through her mind….

Before she knew it, Willow was a breath away.

"I have to go. My plane leaves at six."

No response.

"Buffy, I…."

She was at a loss for words, they both were. Without a sound, Willow reached up and lightly touched her fingers to Buffy's cheek. Leaning in, she left a light, lingering kiss there.

Buffy was startled. After Willow began to pull away, Buffy reached out and grabbed her friend into a crushing hug. The tightness in her throat let go in a strangled sigh, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"But, I don't' want you to go. Why do you have to leave now?"

"I need to Buffy."

"No! You're…you're running away….there's a difference…."

Willow pulled away and removed Buffy's arms from her neck. Buffy frowned at the loss of contact. Gathering her things, Willow made her way to the door.

"I'll see you after break Buffy. Take care of yourself."

Willow opened the door…….

"I love you, Will"

then she closed it.>>>

……..She'd closed the door to their room, and effectively, their relationship. By some fluke, Buffy found the phone number to Willow's grandmother's house buried on the desk underneath the cemetery map and called earlier in the evening. Willow refused to come to the phone, her grandmother made excuses and said she was resting, but Buffy knew the truth. Willow was avoiding her.

For three days before exams, a silence covered the town of Sunnydale, an unwelcomed silence. 'The Gentlemen' took their voices away, slowly and methodically hunting for seven hearts. By the time Buffy reached the bell tower and, side by side with Riley, fought the demons, there were two jars left. They both knew what it meant. With Riley smashing the box and Buffy screaming, The Gentlemen's plan was averted, but not without consequence. As Willow put it, something really 'freaky' passed between her and the new witch Tara. Admittedly, something passed between Buffy and Riley also. They'd kissed.

Buffy was sure Willow found out about the kiss. She and Riley had been talking about their 'identities', their separate duties, and the kiss. Willow walked in moments after, back from her 3 o'clock class. She gave no sign that she'd heard what they were saying, but Buffy knew she did. She wouldn't have been acting so distant and awkward lately had she not.

The four days leading up to Willow leaving were filled with near misses and tense undercurrents in their conversations. Buffy went to the Library, Giles' house, Xander's basement, the cafeteria…..missing Willow by mere minutes each time. Finally, having had enough of everything going unspoken, Buffy cornered her in their room. Willow knew she was supposed to be on patrol, and that's probably why she was there…..

<<<"Hey Will"

"Buffy, I….I thought you were on patrol? Did something happen? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. Thought I'd skip patrol tonight to in lieu of more important things…"

"What's more important than patrol? Giles isn't going to like this…"

"Us. We're more important. What's going on, Will? Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Avoiding? I'm not avoiding you…see?…this is me not avoiding. We're here… together…in the same room…'cause, this is where we live…together…no avoiding going on here!" Her response was all to chipper and not very convincing.

"I think we need to talk about things. About us. What happened the other night was…"

 "Buffy, I really don't want to talk about it, OK?"

Buffy looked at her for a moment. "No, it's not OK, Will" The hacker shot her a look of surprise. "I mean, I care about you…and I want the best for you…I hate that things are so weird between us….I want things back to the way they were…"

"We can't go back Buffy. Don't you see? What happened was…..it probably shouldn't have happened. We shouldn't have…." She moved out from behind her desk, silencing the slayer with a wave of her hand before she could interject, "Let me finish. I don't know what this is. I….I don't know who I am anymore. I was always the computer geek in high school, or Xander's unrequited crush, then I was your side-kick and Giles' research girl. Then to top it all off, I was the witch girlfriend of Sunnydale's resident werewolf. Now, I've lost myself somewhere between here and there. Everything's moving so fast and I can't….I won't get caught up in it. I need time…I have to think about everything. I just need you to leave me alone for now….please." With that she walked out the door.>>>

Without even realizing it, Buffy had think-walked herself to the front porch of Willow's house. She would have chuckled at the irony of the situation had she not been so consumed with thought. <Four hours. She's been gone four hours, two states away and you show up on her doorstep.> Trotting down from the porch, Buffy regrouped herself and set a new course for Giles' house. Since her mother was still away, she'd be spending Christmas with him. Her mother had tried to convince her to stay with her father for the holiday. It worked, but when she called her father, she found out that he'd be in New York for a conference the week of Christmas and New Year's Eve. He didn't even offer to have her go with him. She gave him Giles' number and hung-up. Still, Christmas with Giles wouldn't be THAT bad. At least that's what she tried to convince herself of on the walk over.

When Buffy walked in, Giles was just hanging up the phone.

"Oh, Buffy. You just missed Willow, she called to wish me a good holiday."

"Really? Oh, well…I guess I can try to catch her some other time." Buffy flopped unceremoniously on the couch and flipped the TV on. Giles gave her a look of curiosity and was going to say something but thought better of it. <She'll tell me when she's ready I suppose.> The night went off without a hitch and dinner was unusually quiet.

"Buffy, is there something on your mind?"

"Hmm, oh, no….not really. I well….Willow and I kind of had words before she left and I'm feeling kind of icky about the whole thing. I wish I could have talked to her when she called."

"I see. Yes, well, that would explain her mood on the phone then. She was quite somber and distracted. Not herself really. Is it something you wish to talk about?"

 Just then, Spike walked in, a mug of just-microwaved blood in his hand.

"What are you doing here, slayer? Shouldn't you be out somewhere dusting my friends or fighting demons and the like?"

"Shut up, Spike."

"Well, someone's in a horrible mood toady, aren't they? What's wrong, luv, wake up on the wrong side of your stake?" He grinned.

"I wish you would wake up on the wrong side of a stake, bleach boy."

"That's quite enough, you two. Spike, Buffy is staying with me for the holidays. She'll be in the other spare room. I hope you two can ah, amicably cohabitate. It won't be for long."

Spike gave a disgusted look at both of them and switched the channel on the TV.

"Living with a slayer. Good thing Dru's not around to see this. She'd be so disappointed. What's become of me?"

 Buffy helped Giles clean up after dinner, then went and sat at the other end of the couch. "Oh, great. Giles, I forgot all of my stuff! Now what am I supposed to do?"

 Spike didn't miss a beat. "You could always sleep naked."

 "Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you fang." She glared at him.

 "Ah, Buffy…it's still early. You could go and get it now if you wish."

 "Giles, I'm 18. Do you really think I'm only gonna bring an overnight bag? I'm staying here for a month!"

 "Yes, well. That could be a problem. I'd offer you my car, but…"

 "No, thanks but no thanks. Even if I did have my license, I wouldn't want to be caught dead in the watcher-mobile."

 "Well that wasn't very nice." Giles furrowed his brow.

 "No offense Giles."

 "I'll take her." It came from Spike. They both looked at him like he had sprouted an extra head.

 "What? I'm bored and there's nothing on the telly. I need to get out of here, all of this tweed and watcher dust is kicking up my allergies." They didn't look too convinced. "I'll be good, really."

 "I must be insane to agree to this." Giles looked torn.

 Spike gave Giles a hopeful look and put on his best puppy dog face.

 "Go ahead Buffy. I'm sure it'll be fine"

 "Fine. But if he acts up, I swear I'll put him on a leash." She crossed the living room and waited by the door. Spike followed suit.

"Aww, promise?" He smiled as they walked out the door.

-------

Two hours later, Spike's car was weighted down with Buffy's things. It looked like it was ready to explode.

 "I swear slayer. I never had THIS much….crap….when I was 18. What are you, some sort of a pack-rat? And what the bloody hell are you going to do with all those pictures albums? You're only staying there for a month. It's not like you're not going to see all of your bloody friends over the holiday anyway."

Buffy was putting the last box in the car. Either she didn't hear Spike's comments or didn't want to dignify them with an answer.

"Did you hear what I said?" He looked annoyed.

"Huh? Oh yeah Spike, sounds good…"

"Now I know something's REALLY wrong. I'm trading barbs with you and all you can say is 'yeah that sounds good', You got a fever or something luv? Aww, is the slayer feeling feverish? Did you catch the willies or something?" Spike put on his best sarcastic whiny voice and reached his hand to her forehead.

She slapped his hand away, "Did I catch the what? No, I'm fine. I'm just distracted."

 "Well, a distracted slayer is a dead slayer. Got myself two slayers like that. Why don't you tell old Spike what wrong? Maybe I can help."

It looked like Spike, the voice was Spike's, but Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. She poked at him with her finger.

"Hey! Cut that out. Me being ticklish and all that." He swatted her hand away.

"Excuse me? I thought I just heard you offer to help. I must be feverish."

"Something's obviously bothering you, luv. I'm really not in any position to give you THAT hard of a time. Me being well…."

"Neutered? Impotent?" Buffy offered.

 "Temporarily incapacitated. Now, what is it? Tell old Spike. You never know, I could be of some help. I'm not all soul-havin and all that, but I am pretty sharp. Angel wasn't the only smart vamp in town." Spike's face brightened. "Hey, this has to do with the little witch, doesn't it? What happened slayer? Did she put frog entrails in your soup or something?"

"Remind me again why I should tell you anything?" Buffy gave him a skeptical look. She wasn't thoroughly convinced. Yet.

"I'm an outsider, an unbiased opinion. All of your little group is probably too close to it to give you an honest assessment. Plus, I won't charge ya for the advice. Come on now, what's the dirt? What did the little tree do to work you up into such a lather?"

"Her name is Willow. Not little witch, or little tree. Willow. And she didn't do anything. I did. I think I totally messed up our friendship, and I don't think there's a way to get it back."

"Come on slayer. Do go all dramatic on me. There isn't anything that can be THAT bad. Even Dru and I can make up after a scuffle of sorts. Heck, I even forgave her for kissing that chaos demon…." Just then, Spike's face lit up and a light bulb went on in his head. "Unless, of course…."

What? WHAT? Unless what Spike? Tell me or I'll stake you right here….."

"Well, unless you've, um, crossed some sort of a line. You didn't……did you?" The look on Buffy's face answered his question. "Didn't you learn your lesson with Angel? He was all souled-up till you gave him happiness, and as much as I liked him without the bleeding heart routine, he was a menace when he lost it."

"Willow didn't lose her soul, Spike…she's human." Buffy gave him a look of disgust.

"No, slayer…she didn't. But if your implying what I think you are, then she's lost something just as valuable. She's lost her innocence. That damn wolf ran off and left her hangin by a thread, and none of you bloody well saw it until it was too late. I don't think I have to remind you about the havoc she caused by that little will spell of hers. I still can't get your taste out of my mouth." He was pacing now, arms flying around in the air. "She's vulnerable now and you took advantage of it! I can't believe you. I'm disappointed, really. I thought you had more brains than that."

Buffy gave him an incredulous look. "Since when do you care so much about Willow? And what about your little speech in the magic shop, how'd it go? 'Love isn't brains children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to……"

 "All right, all right. Enough with the posturing. I full well know what I said to you two. If I've learned anything in the century or so I've been around it's that love hurts. And if you give it the chance it'll hurt you…"Buffy was about to interrupt, but Spike waved his hand. "I'm not saying it's not worth it slayer, don't get me wrong. I'm saying that you have to be sure. You have know in your heart that it's real and worth all the sacrifices. And you also have to know that it's not easy. Do you think it's worth it, slayer? Because if you don't, if you have even the smallest doubt in your mind, then all the love and fuzzy feelings in the world aren't gonna save your relationship with that girl. Any kind of relationship. If love is what's in the cards for you, then you'll know it, and so will she. If it screams through your blood, if you feel her touch even though she's not here, if it makes you quiver from head to toe, then you'll know it."

After a few minutes, Buffy opened the passenger side door and gave Spike a look. With that, they both headed back to Giles' house, the conversation still playing in each of their minds.