The Faith Factor

Part 3

"How do we get in?" B asked me.

"I hid a spare key on the balcony...go ahead and go on up, and I'll meet you at the front door." I ran around the side of the building and climbed the tree that was there, easily making the jump from the tree to the adjoining balcony. I searched under a couple of loose stones and, sure enough, my key was still here.

Normally, balcony doors don't lock from the outside as well as the inside, but this was a little modification the boss made at my request a long time ago. See, when you're out at all hours doing god-only-knows-what, you don't want a whole lot of people seeing you coming and going from your apartment. It's just not a good idea.

I walked through the dark apartment; very little light filtered in from outside, seeing as how it was nighttime and there weren't many streetlights, and it took me a minute for my eyes to adjust. I noticed that all my furniture was still where I had put it. Even the comic book I was reading when Buffy came over that last time was there, laying on the floor. I bent over to pick it up, and brushed off the thick layer of dust.

I shouldn't have come back. Too many bad fuckin' memories here.

I heard a soft knock on the door, and I walked over and opened it.

B stepped inside and looked around. I guess I really should give her the tour, since the last time she was here it wasn't exactly a social call. I rubbed at my stomach, thinking I felt a dull ache there where a scar would be, if I were anyone less than a Slayer.

"It's pretty dark in here...do the lights work?" B asked quietly, like she didn't want to disturb the moment or something.

"I dunno..." I went over and switched on the overhead track lights. They worked; a little too well, actually, damn brightness made me blink a few times before my eyes adjusted.

"I should have known Willow would have thought of the electricity," she said, smiling. "She's very thorough."

"Isn't that stealing, B?" I asked, with a little bit of a hard edge to my voice. I couldn't help it, this place was starting to get to me.

She looked at me a second before she answered. "Yeah, I guess it is, but..." She shrugged. "It's not like being a Slayer leaves a whole lot of time for mundane work. Considering all the good we do, I'm sure that Southern California Edison can spend a few pennies for a good cause."

"Careful, B, you're starting to sound like me." I walked over to one of the leather chairs, the one that the boss liked to sit in when he was visiting.

A sudden thought hit me, and I looked over at the window, the one B and I crashed through during that last fight. The boss had it replaced.

He knew I'd be back. He had confidence in me, in his Faith. And I fucked him over, when it came down to it, I failed him.

But if I hadn't failed, B would be dead. Most everyone in this goddamn town would be dead.

It's never easy, is it? Nothing in my life is ever just goddamn easy.

B must've gotten some clue that something was wrong, cuz she came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Bad idea.

"It was easy for you, wasn't it?" My voice was hard, almost accusing.

"What do you mean?"

"Coming here, killing me. Killing the boss. Easy choice for you to make."

She let go, stepping back a couple of feet. I missed her already. "If you think that was easy, you're wrong."

I shrugged. "Sure didn't look hard to me."

"Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" I knew exactly fucking what. "I'm just saying it was a pretty easy choice for you to make. I had to choose between two people that I loved. The only two people that I loved." I looked out through the window, imagining that I could still see the broken glass on the floor, the proof of violence.

"You think you're the only person who had to make that choice?"

"As a matter of fact."

"I had to choose between you and Angel."

"Big choice there, the love of your life or the chick you hated with a fiery passion."

"I didn't hate you, Faith; that's the point." I heard her sigh, and she walked up behind me again. Didn't try to hug me, just put her hand on my shoulder. "Even back then, I was falling for you."

What? I turned around and looked at her, but she wasn't playing me. "You can't be serious."

"Dead serious." She looked up at me, her gorgeous hazel eyes never leaving mine. C'mon, try to pull it together, Faith, she's talking. "I loved you back then. At the risk of inflating your ego, I'll just say you were gorgeous, impetuous, wild, confident -- everything I wanted to be, you already were. And you understood me, really understood what it was like to be a Slayer. No one else did, not even Giles."

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

She smiled, but not because she was happy; it was more of a self-pity thing, I could recognize it a mile away. "You weren't the only one who was 'fucked up' back then, Faith. It was horrible, to have Angel but not have him, to try to deal with High School, Slaying, SATs, and then the Mayor and the Watchers..." She ran a hand through her hair, steadying herself. Like the whole thing gave her a headache. "But the honest truth of it was that I didn't even recognize it in myself. If you asked me, I would have been able to tell you what lesbians or bisexuals were, but I never, ever thought that what I was feeling for you made me one. I just knew it was...different."

"So, it was a choice between me and Angel, and you chose him." Can't let up on her for a second, can I?

She shook her head. "It was more than that. More than just Angel's life or yours. The Mayor...he wanted to destroy the whole town." She sat down on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped. "The choice I made wasn't between you or Angel, but at the same time it was the only one I could have made."

I couldn't argue. In her position, wouldn't I have done the same thing? Probably. Maybe. Hell, I don't know. There was some reason why I went back to that church, although I'll be damned if I understand it.

We sat there in silence for a minute. Thinking.

"Sorry," I said, shortly. "About laying all that shit on you."

She shook her head. "It's ok. We never did really talk about it, and we probably should have. I know the Mayor meant a lot to you. I'm sorry."

I shrugged it off. "No big deal."

"It was a big deal. You cared about him."

"Look, I'm not looking to share and grow here, ok?" I said, walking over to the window. "He was fuckin' psycho, and he had to be put down. I know that."

I heard a rustling behind me, and felt her light touch on my shoulders, turning me around to look at her. Ah hell, what now.

"Faith." I loved to hear my name coming from those lips. I suspected that Buffy knew it, too. She knew exactly how to calm me down. "You never did allow yourself to mourn for him. You should, it's not a good idea to hold it in."

I shook my head and kissed her, silencing her, at least for the moment. When I finally backed away, I said, "I'm not like you, B. I can't just share everything and make it all better. I need time to think about it, time to deal with it on my own. You understand?"

She nodded, but she didn't look happy about it. I figured I knew why.

"I won't shut you out, I promise," I said, brushing her hair away from her face. "As soon as I deal, I'll come talk to you about it, ok?" Yeah, she looked a lot happier after that.

"Ok, Faith," she said, and hugged me tightly. I'd be a liar if I said it didn't make me feel a whole hell of a lot better.

"Mmm. Six pairs of black jeans, four pairs of black leather pants... A remarkably diverse wardrobe you've got here, Faith."

"Real funny there, B. I'll tell ya, those beat the hell out of any of your little pastel numbers anyday." I caught sight of something over by the TV, and laughed. "All right!"

"All right what?" B said, and followed me over there. "You got a Playstation?"

"Yeah...man, I'm gonna need some money, I'm probably way behind on all the games right now." I turned it on and tossed B a controller. "C'mon, we'll play."

"Oh no," she said, looking at the controller like it was some alien device or something. "I don't know how."

"Ah, I'll teach you," I said, starting a game of Tekken. "You'll like it, it's just like Slaying."

"Speaking of which, we should probably run a patrol..."

"Oh no you don't," I said, grabbing her. "C'mon, just a couple of quick games and then we can patrol."

"Okay..." she sighed. This was gonna be fun.

"Yeah, but you just learned," I pointed out. "And besides...I didn't exactly teach you how to use your special attack."

"What?" She said, stopping and glaring at me. "You cheated?"

"I didn't cheat," I said, mock indignation in my voice. "I just strategically withheld information from the enemy. It's a completely valid move in warfare."

"Oh, you are so in trouble for that..." she said, starting to tickle me. Let's get one thing straight, I am not ticklish. I don't know how B manages to do it.

I started to laugh, and then I caught a noise somewhere off to the right. "Shh!" I said, grabbing B's hands to hold them still. She immediately froze, all her Slayer senses on full. Sure enough, there was a vamp, about a hundred feet away. He took one look at us and took off, leaping gravestones at full speed.

"C'mon!" Buffy yelled, running after him. I was only a split-second behind her, and we saw the vamp turn a sharp corner around one of those family crypts, and disappear from sight. By the time Buffy and I got there, we couldn't tell where he ran off to.

"Ok, I'll go this way, you go that way," B said, pointing off down an adjacent trail, "and if we see anything, we'll yell, ok?"

"Sure thing," I said, running down the trail. Didn't take too long before the trail ended in a small clearing with a couple of picnic benches nearby. Who the fuck has a picnic in a graveyard, anyway?

"Faith. It's been a long time." I turned around, looking for the source of the voice. It came from a vamp, medium height, black hair, lame-ass goatee, like he wanted to look like Satan or something. I recognized him.

"Should I have bothered to remember who the fuck you are?" I said, pulling a stake from my jacket. God, what was his name, it was some lame Mafia ripoff, like Vic, or...

"Vinnie. I used to work for the Mayor, just like you." His eyes flicked over me. "So, I see you're back to being the Slayer's lapdog. Looks like the Mayor had a little too much confidence in you, huh?"

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up, deadboy," I said, taking a step toward him.

He held out his hands. "Now, that's no way to talk to a business associate."

"Why the hell would I want to conduct any 'business' with you that didn't end up with you inside a dustbuster, huh?"

He just smiled. "Because. There was one reason why you were with the boss. You don't like to lose." He walked toward me, like he was fearless or some shit like that. "It's all about winning and losing to you. You don't Slay because you're trying to beat some great evil, or defend the innocent. You Slay because you need to be a winner."

He walked around me, knowing I wouldn't hurt him. Knowing I'd listen to him.

"So you chose the Mayor," he continued, "because you thought he would come out on top; and he would have, if the Slayer hadn't kicked your little white ass, proved that you were, and always would be, second best."

Fuck this, no one talked to me like that. I grabbed him, shoved him down on one of the picnic benches. "You don't know when to shut your mouth, do you asshole."

He just kept smiling the whole time, the psycho. "It's all come down to winning and losing again, Faith. This time, it's Adam who is going to be the winner." I rolled my eyes. "Don't believe me? Ask your master, the little Slayer. She's fought him, and he's swatted her like a fly. She's scared of him, and for good reason. She's on the losing side."

He got up and dusted off his clothes. "You can be a winner again, Faith. You don't have to be second best."

"Faith!" I heard Buffy yelling from up the path, and it distracted me. By the time I looked back, the fucking vamp was gone. Didn't take long before B came into the clearing. "Any luck?"

"Nah," I said, glancing around the clearing once more. "Didn't find what I was looking for."

"Yeah, big strikeout for me, too," B said. "C'mon, let's go."

"Sure. Hey B, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What do you know about Adam?"