SPOILERS: This takes place after Angel loses his soul but before Becoming, which never happened in my 'verse. I will keep and discard Buffy lore as I see fit.

Part 13

**And I don’t cry for yesterday.

There’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find.

And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world

I will learn to survive.**

~Ordinary World by Duran Duran~

"Hey Will, long time no see, huh." Buffy broke into a huge grin at the sight of her best friend. Before she knew it, Willow had stepped outside to wrap her old friend in a huge hug. Buffy returned the embrace with equal fervor.

"My God, Buffy, I just can’t believe it’s really you. It wasn’t for the fact that all my dreams are actually nightmares, I’d think this was one."

Buffy winced at Willow’s casual joking, but chose not to comment. There’d be time for serious talking later. Right now Buffy wanted to enjoy the reunion. As the two friends pulled apart, they each fell into a visual examination of the other, noting the physical changes time and circumstance had wrought. Buffy silently took in the hacker’s half dressed, mussed hair appearance with a slight smirk. Her friend had done a lot of changing in the past year. She could tell, just from the tilt of her head and the way Willow held herself. This new Willow standing before her was one who felt completely comfortable with her body, exuding a confidence that was wholly feminine. The transformation from the shy girl Buffy had befriended all those years ago was startling, causing her eyes to widen in surprise.

Willow’s own eyes widened as she took in the numerous yellowish purple bruises covering the various parts of the slayer’s body. "Buffy, what happened to you? And what are you doing in Italy? Is Giles with you? How did you know where to find me?" Once Willow started with the questions she found she couldn’t stop. If Buffy hadn’t interrupted, she would have kept on. There was just too much she wanted to know.

Buffy held a hand up. "Will, stop. Take a breathe. Now, how bout you invite me in, we eat a little dinner cause airplane food- not a good thing- and then I’ll explain everything."

Willow was instantly remorseful. "Of course, how silly of me. Come in Buffy, I’ll make you some dinner." As Willow turned to lead her friend inside, she almost ran smack into the momentarily forgotten Adrian, who was still standing frozen in the doorway, the expression on his face unreadable. Feeling flustered, Willow slipped into her trademark babbling. "I am such a doof, I mean, first I don’t even think about how Buffy must be hungry and tired from the long flight and then I forget to even introduce you guys. I swear, sometimes I don’t know where my mind is. You know, I’m just surprised by all of this… and there I go again, going off and forgetting the point. Adrian, this is Buffy, slayer extraordinare and my best friend. Buffy, this is Adrian, my angel in disguise."

Angel frowned slightly, his eyebrows twitching at Willow’s coincidental thought incredibly apt, choice of words. Buffy, meanwhile, was busy giving Adrian an appreciative once over before extending her hand forward. "It’s nice to meet you, Adrian. I’ve heard a lot about you- all good by the way."

Angel drew in a sharp breath, pulling himself together long enough to grasp the proffered hand and reply. "I’ve heard a lot about you too Buffy- the pleasure is mine."

Willow was too busy heading towards the kitchen to notice the exchange between the two closest people in her life, nor the look of pain marring Adrian’s handsome features as Buffy brushed past him to follow Willow into the house. She paused to glance back at Adrian, who still stood in the same spot, his head tilted downward as he stared at something on the floor. Puzzled by both his reactions and her own feelings of déjà vu when she had stared into his eyes, Buffy made a move to speak. Her words died in her throat as Willow called to her from the kitchen, asking if pasta was alright, considering that there wasn’t much else in the fridge, considering how they were in Italy and all. Buffy couldn’t help but join in Willow’s laughter as she headed in the direction Willow had gone moments earlier.

Angel closed the door but remained in the foyer, listening to the distant chattering of two of the only women he had ever loved. He felt his brows furrowing as he entered into what Buffy had always teasingly referred to as his "Brood Mode." Angel knew the two girls were probably waiting for him but he couldn’t bring himself to join them just yet. His mind had yet to catch up with the evenings turn of events, and considering how numb he felt seeing Buffy again after all this time, he wasn’t sure a few minutes alone would be enough. He wasn’t at all prepared for the feelings seeing her again were evoking.

It was harder than he imagined it would be, especially considering she had no idea it was him. She had changed since the last time he had seen her, and those changes had shocked him even though they hadn’t been entirely unexpected. It wasn’t so much her outward appearance, which hadn’t changed much beyond her hair color, which was now as blond as it had been when he’d first seen her. No, the changes in Buffy lay deeper than a new shade of hair dye. The changes lay in her eyes and in the slight hardening in the muscles of her jaw. The pain of her experiences had etched itself upon Buffy’s beautiful face, robbing her of the playful, childlike innocence that had once defined her. There was no longer that fire in her gaze, that mischievous sparkle, which both time and circumstance had extinguished. In the end, it hadn’t been the burden brought upon by her role as the chosen one that had accomplished it, but merely the consequences of his love. None of the demons and creatures of the night she had seen before had been able to affect the slayer or destroy her innocence, like watching the man she had once loved with all her heart and soul turn into the man she would now have to kill. Instead of dedicating herself in lobe to him, she was forced to dedicate herself in hate.

Seeing her again was opening wounds that had slowly but surely begun to heal, dousing him in a pool of self-loathing and guilt. Being with Willow, Angel had been blanketed in a false sense of security. He’d allowed himself some peace with Willow, losing himself in her unconditional love, so that she could heal some of his wounds. Now, face to face with the most glaring example of all the pain he’d caused and the mistakes he’d made, Angel could feel the wounds beginning to fester. Seeing the woman he had once loved more than life itself, whom he still loved and would always hold a special place in his heart, was throwing the new life he had tried to build into question.

It wasn’t that Angel now found himself questioning his love for Willow. He knew with his entire being that she was the woman he was meant to be with, the other half of himself. No, his love for the two women was as different as night and day, neither one compromising the other. The love he now felt for Buffy was that of warm affection, a knowledge that she had been the one to open him up and tap into feelings that had been buried for over 200 years. The love he felt for her was such that he didn’t want to hurt her, and finding out that he had never felt the burning depth of desire and love which he now felt for her best friend; that it had always been Willow for him though he hadn’t realized it at first, well, that would wound her deeply. And wounding either Buffy or Willow was something he never wanted to do.

Angel frowned, knowing the only conceivable outcome to this was one or both of the girls getting hurt. Buffy because he had loved her too much but, at the same time, not enough to prevent her further pain. Willow, well, there were too many ways Angel could end up hurting her without meaning to that he felt guilty already. Strangely, the guilt felt right to Angel, as if he deserved it. After all, the feeling of living in a perpetual state of guilt was more natural to him that the state of peaceful bliss he had been experiencing the past few months with Willow. He was on familiar ground again.

Realizing he had been lost in his thoughts for quite awhile and was probably missed, Angel collected himself and entered the kitchen. Instead, he found the two friends seated at the kitchen table, plates filled with leftover pasta Lucinda had made the other night in front of them. They were deep in conversation, catching up on old times, and didn’t appear to have noticed his prolonged absence.

Plastering a bright smile on his face, Angel took a seat between Willow, who immediately turned to smile back at him, her face radiating her joy. "Adrian, isn’t it so great Buffy’s here? I mean, it’s just been like forever and now it feels just like old times, only without the supposedly unstoppable evil of the week that needs to be researched and destroyed."

Angel smile turned natural as he listened to Willow work herself up into one of her excited states which was always accompanied by her babbling and the cutest expression on her face. Angel reached over to grasp Willow’s hand, giving it a loving squeeze as a surge of warm affection swept over him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Buffy wince when Willow mentioned the absence of an evil. A sense of foreboding colored Angel’s mood as he observed Buffy unconsciously raise her hand to her face, her fingers lightly brushing a particularly nasty bruise falling across the right side of her neck and lower jaw line.

Trying to sound casual, Angel turned towards Buffy and asked, "So, what brings you to Italy? I hope it’s a social visit and nothing more serious." The flash of emotion in her eyes confirmed the worry that had begun to take root inside Angel. When the silence began to stretch out, with Buffy avoiding both their gazes, Angel felt Willow tormented realization that something was wrong. Her grip on his hand tightened while her shoulder’s slumped in a single of defeat, as if she had known that Buffy’s presence was too good to be true, and trouble was always just around the corner.

"Buffy." Willow’s voice, barely above a whisper, was markedly different from moments ago, all the carefree joy drained away and replaced by a grim resignation. The air in the room felt charged with tense emotion. Willow’s voice held a quiet authority that forced Buffy to look up and meet her gaze. "Why are you here, Buffy? What’s wrong?"