Part 1

Sunnydale Cemetery

September 26, 2002
 
 

Willow stood between Xander and Giles, her eyes locked on the polished black coffin being lowered into the ground. Willow wondered if people thought it was strange that she wasn't crying- after all, it was one of her best friends who was being buried. Well, they could think whatever they wanted. Willow had gotten all her crying over with in private. She was all cried out now, which was just as well because right now she couldn't afford tears. She had to be strong for Xander and Giles. They needed her strength now, and that was more important than indulging in her own feelings of pain and loss.

As the service ended, Willow took hold of both Giles and Xander’s hands and led them away from the graveside. They had walked only a few feet, Xander with tears running down his cheeks and Giles in a sort of shocked silence, when Cordelia joined them.

"I’m so sorry I was late and couldn’t be beside you for the service Xander." She stepped forward and he crumpled into her arms, crying on her shoulder. Willow was surprised when Cordelia made not one comment about his tears ruining her expensive Italian jacket. She merely held him in her arms, stroking his back while he indulged in an emotional breakdown.

Willow turned to survey the emptying cemetery with her eyes. She did a double take when she noticed a lone figure standing by the fresh grave. Though his back was to her, Willow recognized the hunched figure as Angel. Without hesitation, Willow moved to join him.

She was half way to the grave when Angel fell to his knees, his hands gripping either side of his head. Willow broke out into a run and was at his side in seconds. Bending down so her face was level with his face, Willow placed a self-conscious hand on his shoulder and stared at his face. He toppled backward, dragging Willow with him, so that they were both seated on the damp earth. His eyes were firmly shut, his lips parted as though he needed to let air in.

"Angel, it’s okay. I’m here for you." The words sounded silly even to Willow’s own ears but they were all she could think to say. She had no idea how to protect him from the pain Buffy’s death must be causing him. She had no idea what to say, so she would just be there for him, wait for him to speak, to tell her what he needed.

Angel opened his eyes slowly. He stared blankly into the distance, seemingly oblivious to her next to him or to her hand on his shoulder. He removed his hands from his head and held them out before him, studying his palms. His study was like that of a man who had escaped death and had to verify life through the flesh and bones of his own body. His eyes roamed downward, taking in his body and clothing, then slowly turning towards her. His eyes were wide, the pupils fully dilated. He looked almost as if he wasn’t sure where he was. <I guess Giles isn’t the only one who’s still in shock. >

"Willow?" He seemed surprised to see her there, though why she couldn’t imagine. "What just happened?"

Willow stared at him doubtfully, not quite sure what he meant. "I’m sorry Angel, I don’t know what you mean. Are you talking about Buffy’s funeral?"

Angel shook his head, the same dazed expression still on his face. "I just, I don’t know what happened. I was standing in front of Buffy’s grave, thinking of her and about what a beautiful funeral it was, and then, well, my vision began to blur to the point of I couldn’t see anything in front of me. All of a sudden I felt this wrenching in my soul, like I was being torn in two from the inside." Angel’s eyes got a faraway look in them, as though he was inside himself, contemplating. "It wasn’t painful exactly, I don’t know if I can explain how it felt exactly. I think I must have blacked out because once I could see again, you were here and we were on the ground."

Willow stared at Angel with sad, wise eyes. "I don’t know Angel, all I can guess is that the day is finally taking its toll on you. Perhaps Buffy’s death is finally hitting you. You could be having an emotional overload. I’m not really sure, I’m not an expert on these things. But what I do know is I should get you home."

Angel regarded Willow with a smirk. "You should get me home? Funny, I figured I’d be the one accompanying you home for protection tonight."

Willow couldn’t help but smile back at him, chuckling at their reversal of roles. "Sometimes the protector needs to be protected themselves. And I think you could use a friend right now. We both can." Willow stood up, brushing dirt from the back of her skirt, then reached down to grab Angel’s hand and pull him to his feet. She smiled at Angel, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes ‘Now Angel, first things first. Will this be your place or mine."

Angel laughed loudly, glad that he wouldn’t have to spend the night alone, fighting his inner demons and wallowing in his misery. Wrapping his arm around Willow’s shoulders they made their way towards the waiting figures of Xander, Giles and Cordelia. "Lead the way milady, the choice is yours."