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There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very
important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick
fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. He began
circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears
and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the
plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?" to
which the man replies, "You're in an airplane." The pilot rolls up the window,
executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the
airport runway 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel
has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Quite easy,"
replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he
gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be
Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

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Just a Demo!!!!
Bill Gates dies and is at the pearly gates talking with Saint Peter. Saint Peter says,
"Bill, you've done some wonderful things in your life and have earned the right to
choose where you'll spend the rest of eternity. You can choose between Heaven or
Hell, but choose wisely." Bill looks over Saint Peter's shoulder between the pearly
gates and sees nothing but a lush green meadow. Deciding to heed Saint Peter's
words, Bill asks if he could take a look at Hell. Saint Peter agrees and sends Bill to
Hell. The Devil greets Bill at the gates of Hell and he is immediately taken aback.
Much to his surprise, there's one heck of a party going on. People are dancing, the
alcohol is flowing, music is non-stop and everyone is having a blast. Bill returns to
Heaven to again discuss his decision with Saint Peter. He again looks over Saint
Peter's shoulder and sees only a lush green meadow. Bill says to Saint Peter, "I've
put a lot of thought into this decision and it may sound foolish, but I'd like to spend
the rest of eternity in Hell." Saint Peter fulfills Bill's request and returns him to Hell.
When Bill gets back to Hell there's been a big change. People are writhing in agony,
flames are burning, moans of pain and despair are everywhere. Bill, being quite
shocked at the sight asks the Devil, "What happened?? I was just down here a little
while ago and everyone was having a great time!" The Devil says, "Oh that... That
was just the demo!"

Helpdesk Jokes

Why Must Tech Support be Subjected to This?

1. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under  Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the  door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle  next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

2. Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
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3.  I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
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4. Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
               ----

5. I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
               ----

6. Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
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7. Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
               ----

8. Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons  -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]
               ----

9. Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

10. "My hard disk won't boot". I suggest they take the floppy out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully removed the floppy drive from the machine (with the floppy disk still inside).

11. Most hated support call: "I'm not sure if we need a computer system. Can you give me the relative advantages of Unix, DOS,Windows, Novell, MacIntosh, Sun, etc...?".

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The Customer Service Rep

I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply.  The service rep was having a bit of trouble convincing the guy that he had a hardware problem:

Service Rep:    Sir, something has burned within your power supply.

Customer:       I bet there is some command I can put onto the AUTOEXEC.BAT that would take care of this.

Service Rep:    There is nothing software can do to help you with this problem.

Customer:       I know there is something I can put in... some command ... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS
        [After a few minutes of going round and round]

Service Rep:    Ok, I am not supposed to tell anyone this, but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.
        [Customer does this]

Customer:       It's still smoking.

Service Rep:    I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE .
        [The customer then hung up.  We thought that we had heard the last of this guy, but NO ... he calls back four hours later]

Service Rep:    Hello sir, how is your computer?

Customer:       I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one.  I was wondering when I can have that done, and how much it will cost....

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