63 Ways to Annoy Baby Boomers
  1. Now that you're over 30, what's it like not trusting yourself?
  2. Ask them for a job.
  3. Wear an Altamont Security t-shirt.
  4. Laugh at photos of them in love-beads.
  5. Quote "Repo Man."
  6. Ask them about the future of social security.
  7. Tell them you find a lot to like about Richard Nixon.
  8. Drive down their suburban streets with the rap cranked.
  9. Don't give them the extra hot sauce they asked for.
  10. Remind them of their lost youth.
  11. "You were at Woodstock? So what?"
  12. Ask them if the brown acid really was that bad after all.
  13. Go to school. Study real hard. Become a teacher. Teach their children.
  14. Go see "Easy Rider" and laugh at inopportune times.
  15. Pretend you don't know who Ringo Starr is.
  16. Give intentionally bad service at McJob.
  17. Ask them if they lived on a commune.
  18. "All that debauchery, don't you feel cheap?"
  19. Ignore them.
  20. Ask about 'free love' when you arrive to date their daughters.
  21. Point out that all of the characters in "The Big Chill" were incredible losers. Ditto for "Thirtysomething".
  22. Spike their olive bread and goat cheese sandwich with acid at your deli counter job.
  23. Laugh like crazy they tell you that they paid $125 to have someone dress up like Barney and entertain their kids for an hour at a birthday party.
  24. Ask them why they didn't want to elect a president who didn't serve in Vietnam but they spat on the soldiers who did.
  25. Offer an entree called the Woodstock burger - onion, lettuce, tomato, mayo, on toasted sourdough with *no* beef.
  26. Ask them if they've been honing their computer skills because, you know, times are changing rapidly, and you GOT TO KEEP UP!
  27. I don't see why we should have fought in Vietnam. Why couldn't we let the South Americans solve their own problems?
  28. Tell them you don't care where they were when Kennedy was shot.
  29. Ask them where they were when the Challenger blew up.
  30. "Strawberry Alarm Clock? Isn't that something that pregnant women are always having cravings for?"
  31. Remind them of "Laugh-In."
  32. So, did you really vote for George McGovern?
  33. Point out that your rent is less than their property taxes.
  34. Remind them how expensive it is to get a house painted these days.
  35. "You know, when I started school tuition was 15K but by the time I graduated it was up to 23K. I wonder how much it will be when little Timmy graduates high school?"
  36. Call attention to his toupee.
  37. Dig up pictures of them wearing technicolor polyester leisure suits. Distribute them freely.
  38. "Yeah, Neil Young's great but those other three guys really sucked."
  39. "The Rolling Stones? Aren't they the band that did that really lame cover of Devo's 'Satisfaction'?"
  40. Ask them why Pete Townshend didn't die before he got old.
  41. Do a donut on their lawn in your broken down pick-up truck.
  42. Point out that Generation Xers will be teaching their (remaining) children.
  43. "Wow! Minivans have the highest recall rate of any passenger vehicles. I wonder what's wrong with them?"
  44. 1 computer nerd + 1 computer = 3.5 middle managers. (Source: Harvard Business Review)
  45. Ask about the human resource optimization course they took in MBA school.
  46. "What did Neal Young do before being discovered by Pearl Jam?"
  47. Sing "In the Year 2525, Social Security will no longer be alive."
  48. "Chappa-WHAT-ick?"
  49. "What was life like before Velveeta?"
  50. "CSNY - that's that clothing store in New York, right? The one with the neat shopping bags?"
  51. When they refer to Woodstock say, "Well, I liked Snoopy better. He didn't talk with those little exclamation points."
  52. If you are in a very large metropolis, attend a concert sponsored by that radio station in a large public venue (e.g. Central Park in NY). Note the attendance. Comment on the behavior of the crowds there, and compare it to Woodstock.
  53. At social gatherings, ignore them and talk computers with their kids in UNIX. "You grepped your sucatash because you don't like the korn kernels!"
  54. Next time they mistake you for a clerk/salesman direct them to an imaginary department through a poorly marked fire escape.
  55. Alternatively, mistake them for a clerk/salesman and ask them where the personnel department is.
  56. Poke your umbrella through the spoke of their child's 4 wheel-drive ABS baby stroller.
  57. Ask them if they have found themselves yet.
  58. Ask them why they let geeks on infomercials rip them off by selling them music that they already have.
  59. Graduate from Kent State. Join the National Guard.
  60. Go to their favorite gourmet restaurant. Ask the people at the next table what it takes to get some ketchup in a dump like this.
  61. Point and laugh hysterically at people in BMWs. "Hey! What's it stand for? Big Money Waste?"
  62. Become a whitewater rafting "adventure guide." Smile and get paid absurd amounts of money to soak Boomers literally and figuratively.
  63. Simon and who?????