The main stuff on stress management, on this page, was done about 2001. Since then I've read a load more books etc. Anyhows, two main things, and they're so big that they go at the start of the page. 1, Socrates said that 'gymnastics toughens the mind'. Dear folks, he is so right. I find football great because we can do it with any level of fitness. Starting from only moving slowly, right up to dancing in air like some kind of good player. Anyhow, to recap, gymnastics is brilliant. Second thing, get away from what ever's not pleasant. If she hits you or shouts etc, then get away. Put a lock on the door. That really does help a lot. Just sit and read a book and ignore her nastiness. And of course make friends. The guys in the father's rights and men's movements are just waiting to make new buddies. Just say 'my wife hits me', or 'shouts at me'; what ever's true. Or 'I find it hard the way she talks to me', what ever; and all of the guys will understand; and there-we-go---- new friends. Great.
The easiest
way for me to get out what I know about stress management is for me to show a
letter that I sent to a guy who was obviously very stressed. Now your case
will be different to his, but a lot of the stuff is just general.
The letter
You are
suffering from stress my friend. How do I know? Well, it's not good for you
to hear the words of how I know, but I'm a bit of an authority on it
as I have beat it in my own life. Now I did this by getting help… You probably
smoke, right? Also, you remind me of the deep pit of despair that I was
in, myself--- I seen no future. I have been there and done that---
eight years I smoked cannabis, every day, from morning to night. The last time
I smoked it was 11 years ago. Now I drink so little that when I finish I'm
under the drink-driving limit. I have been blessed with the strength of being
able to make sure that I'm in a fit state of mind. Most of this came through
family help and stress management. I say 'family help' but all they did was
listen to me. I've also stopped smoking at about the same time as I got stress
management. So I can see a direct link between smoking and stress; the only
time that I want a cigarette is when I'm stressed. All I have to do is cut out
the stress and the craving is gone also.
It's going
to take some steps from you, but ask yourself can life get better or are things
perfect as they are? If the answer is that things could be a lot better
then you need stress management. You also need to 'express your depression'.
That's what Warren Farrell called it; in the UK it translates to express your
stress, in South Africa it translates to saying what's on your mind. I've already written a few pieces in these areas:
I'm totally
convinced that we need stress management. Getting a hobby is a good de-stressor.
Try crosswords, just sitting in golden silence, for at least 2 hours per week.
Also make
time for one's significant others [wife, children, brothers, sisters,
mates, etc].
Your diet
and exercise need to be right. We all know what a proper diet is, so I won’t go
over that. Learn to relax and meditate.
All the top
companies now accept that stress management not only makes the employees happy
it also furthers the firm.
Talking about stress
management. My brother is a manager in Debenhams--- A huge store in the UK.
They use it for the benefit of the workers. When I told him that I was into it
he said: 'Aw Spencer, I'm so happy for you'. That's what I told him when he
told me that his baby had been conceived.
Stress
management can only be got from those who know how to manage their own
stress!!!!!!!!!--- This is important. You can get books on it from your local
library. It won't take a lot of time to read the relevant parts and it will
make a massive difference to you. I've got a managers manual with a section on
stress, they get out everything in about 70 pages, and most of them are covered
in pictures.
I'll let
you into a secret; I expressed my stress to the Samaritans. Now I was
worried that I'd be taking up the time of someone who really needed help, but
they told me that it was fine and that they were there for folks who just felt
like talking. You see I didn't phone them when I was overcome or anything,
rather I phoned them when everything was just fine. This is the secret of women,
they talk none end, but it's good for them.
It's funny; my wife
can come out with all the hurtful comments and everything. I found, by accident
whilst getting some stress management, that getting 2 hours away from her
allows me a chance to really de-stress. With stress my dear friends it's a
matter of getting away from it. As the book says, 'no news is good news'.
Also, Solomon said that it's better to dwell on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. He was a wise man. Take the man literally and take his advice. She can't expect you to sit and listen to her abuse. Or if she does then she's being unreasonable... I should point out that the roofs from that culture are flat, also that they would have had a parapet wall around them...
Most of us
think that stress could never affect us but just check; did you ever need that
one drink too many 'just to relax'? Yea, well that's stress and alcohol is one bad
way of dealing with it.
Keep
talking. I've got the reports proving how talking is very good for us. It's
women's big secret. It's called 'expressing your stress'. Well Farrell calls it
'expressing your depression', but in the UK it translates to stress. He shows a
huge body of evidence and reports to prove his case. It's simply irrefutable,
that talking is good... Keep talking. Especially you guys. Just say anything,
it doesn't matter what. It doesn't have to be eloquent or anything just get
some words out.
I've often
felt like my wife had emasculated me. Well I'm taking away her ability to
abuse/emasculate me just by talking about it. WOO HOO, take that woman--- ya
can't abuse me no more. That felt great... I'm trying a new technique--- I
just get away from her for a few hours, or a day or two. It works a treat. After a while
her urge for a cuddle gets the better of her and then she has to come forward
with a nice approach or else I will just get away from her again.
Part of
stress management is cutting out caffeine. It's a big part. So say all the
experts on stress management.
Another
part, and now this paragraph is just my opinion and the opinion of many others that I've found on the net. lactose intolerance [L.I.] can make one's life really hard. Let me give a little background on L.I.. First it causes perceived inflammation and very-real discomfort/pain in the colon/large-intestine. Second, the colon starts just above one's hip on the right side, it goes straight up for about a foot, and then straight across to the left side and then down to the left hip. And it's big, about 2 inch diameter, maybe more. Now it crosses the central nervous system. So we can see that inflammation of such a thing would cause distress--- mental distress. Now that's nothing to do with mental illness... All I can say is that I got treatment for L.I. and I got treatment for stress management at the same time, but the point is that my life is now totally different. Now regarding L.I., well special yoghurts can treat it--- 6 of them cost about £1, so it's cheep.
In the
middle of something stressful just get up and go for a walk.
I’ve got a
friend who also thinks that communicating has helped him to deal with his
stress a lot. I just need his permission and I will send his
piece on. His name's John Charville, he's happy to be named.
One other
thing, it won't last, it will pass. The difference between happiness and
sadness is a very fine line, and the smallest of things can make the most
amazing difference to your life. Listen to the people who have been there
before you, they know the map out of the maze that you're in. I don’t
want to go all freaky here but matrix might be a good word to use here, matrix
that you’re in, because it’s a state of mind and little to do with how things
actually are.
A day for you
In the
world of stress management no news is good news. So cut out all news
for a day. Also take time to do
the things that you want.
Work
Do you agree with
your company’s modus operandi? Do you feel comfortable with it’s policies,
structure, and hierarchy? If the answer
to any of these questions is no then you’re in a stress-creating situation. It
may seem easier to just leave, but such a radical move is in it’s-self very
stressful. It’s much better to learn as much as you can about the policies and
then you can make suggestions for changing them.
I went
through some kind of personal torment. Now if I can stop someone else from
going through that then it seems like a nice thing to do. If I had to point out
one main reason for why I went through it then I’d say because of bravado. Let
me explain, you see bravado dictates that a ‘real man’ suffers in silence and
all that garbage, right? Well, I bought it like every kid growing up around my
time--- fecking TV; man it told some lies. What I should have done was ‘express
my stress’
Child raising?
Just a note about stress, this is going on a tangent. We now have, quantifiably, and for the first time ever extrapolated how much stress is involved in looking after children. Fact 1, women don't drink as much as men, nowhere near as much. They never have. Fact 2, the number of women to drink heavily has tripled, in direct correlation to the numbers who work. This all in recent years. This proves, irrefuably, that work causes heavy drinking*. Fact 3, It is therefore irrefutable that work is more stressful than child rearing.
After all of the centuries when there was so much talk about how hard it was to look after children, we now have the truth, it's much harder to work than look after children.
* ON a tangent from 2, this proves that those who say 'the Bible is anti female, and just a conspiracy to keep women down', are talking rubbish. What about how against drink it is? Or more correctly, how against heavy drinking it is... To be hard on drinking is connected to those who do it and that's vastly men. Plus when drunk then a person is vastly more likely to do all of the other 'sins'. So how some can think that it's anti woman is strange and disconnected from reality... Now if they said it's anti male then at least they could say how it seems hardest on the things that men do, couldn't they? Not that there's anything wrong with that, like being harder on things that men do most--- men have the highest drive, in every category and so strive the most, and that includes striving most to 'sin'. That's why men have invented everything since time began, but that's another tangent.
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