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Aman: I have been growing steadily discontented with my religious upbringing over the past several years and it recently came to a head... I am starting to look on my own now.. it is very confusing... How long did you have to search, Sitaram?
Sitaram: Well , Im 50 and you know my story and background....
Amam: I have 2 daugheters (2 and 4) dont know what to teach them....
Sitaram: What religion were they raised in?
Aman: Southern baptist.. lots of guilt
Sitaram: How old are children now and what have they been exposed to... ok here is my suggestion... #1 you were smart to go non-denominational... even it it was a military choice... those fundamentalist guilt trip churches arnt healthy.... I would stay with something Christian... for the sake of the kids.. and it is what you were born into.. and its the majority in this country... but.. I would take a hard look at the Episcopal church.. I have had a lot of good experiences with Episcopaleans.. they are very compassionate and flexable... I would make an effort to take the children every sunday.. and get them involved in.... Sunday school... but as they get older... introduce them little by little to other faiths...
Aman: Still, I will feel hypocritical by teaching something I have little faith in...
Sitaram: If you make any friends with Jews for example.. Reform (Liberal) Jews.. then make an effort to visit with them to .... a Synagogue sometimes... but let me put it this way... I was never brought to church once.. and my parents were "nominal" Protestants who never went... but if asked.. they would say "Protestant"... so, when I got to be a teenager.. I became obsessed with religions of the world... and I have been obsessed with it ever since... .. but my 14 year old step son has been through Catholic school.. all the way...but I took him to visit Hindu temples a couple of times.. and a Zen meditation center.. and an Episcopal Church with a female priest... now he and I have some long talks about religion...
Aman: I cant find the validity of one religion over another, they all seem the same (at the core) but seem convinced all the rest will be damned...
Sitaram: But bottom line... he has "had his fill" with Catholic school.. so he will never be preoccupied in the way that I was, am and will always be... you get my point right... for the sake of the children... bring them up regularly in SOMETHING.. OR.. WHEN THEY ARE OLDER.. YOU WILL BE SORRY.. AND THEY WILL TOO..
Aman: I see what you are saying
Sitaram: But.. always say to them.. things like "Oh.. God hears everyone's prayers.." you know.. open minded stuff...
Aman: I just feel most at peace when I let myself just exist.. how do I teach that?
Sitaram: Look, you don't believe in Santa Claus or Tinkerbell either.. but you wouldn't spoil Disneyland for them.. right?
Aman: True
Sitaram: Small children need that stuff.... they are not intellectually ready for existentialism.. or Jean Paul Sartre
Aman: I just dont want them caught in the same self doubt that I was
Sitaram: so.. take them to Disney land.. buy them dolls and action figures.. let them go to Sunday school...
Aman: it has taken a long time to get this far
Sitaram: hey.. wait.. I have a terrific idea.. I dont know what your ethnic background is.. but if your white.. take them sometimes to a Black Gospel.. sometimes to a Spanish Pentacostal.... its realy healthy to show them.. open mindedness.. by your actions and life...
Aman: mixed background.. pink race
Sitaram: and let them learn.. about others... whatever religion athey are.. make certain it is a religion of "no hate... no bigotry"... Im as white as wonderbread.. but my wife and step child .. pure Philipino.. and the Hindu church is all Indian.. im the only white guy... and.. I live in a Spanish neighborhood in brooklyn...
Aman: I am glad I met you
Sitaram: Look get the book by Huston Smith... paperback called "World Religion".. he is the worlds leading scholar of world comparative religion... make that book your Bible.. for the next year... rad it cover to cover.. you're a big boy (or girl).. and you can take care of yourself.. but those toddlers need your help...
Aman: I just got that at the library along with a book by Charles Panati "Sacred Origins of Profound Things"
Sitaram: they need Santa Claus.. and Tinkerbell. and some regular religious education and communal socialized sunday school... not because you believe... not because its true...
Aman: hard to be a confused parent...
Sitaram: ...but because they deserve a heritage... and if they get to be 25 and reject it.. well. thats just fine. but they will never blame you for having given them NOTHING.. zero zilch nada neecheevo... cause thats what I got... but.. along the way.. have little field trips... get a Jewish friend.. reform is better for your purposes(liberal).. and attend a Seder passover dinner or.. some other feast (like Sukkoth)... and let the kids see you put on a yarmulke when you visit.... this is when they are a little older... and another time.. visit a Mosque on a Friday noon... or another time.. go to a Russian Orthodox midnight easter service where its all dark. and everyone takes a light from one candle.. and sings "Come take light from the Unwaning light"... take them to a field trip sometime to a Roman Catholic convent or monastery... make certain to go with them to a few funerals.. and baptisms, and a bar mitzva along the way...
Aman: God goood start on exposure, Mother converted to Catholic, grandmother is Jewish.. believe or not never been to a funeral myself...
Sitaram: see. you cannot go wrong.. with what I say.. and when they get older.. tell them how this "Hindu holy man" advised you on the internet... so get that book by Huston Smith..in .... and.. as they get older.. like 6 or 7... start discussing things with them... in fact.. for fun.. take them to a russian or greek church and show them the Ikons (picturs) of Jesus and Mary and John the Baptist.. and watch their eyes bug out...
Aman: Thanks for advice Sitaram, it has given some things to think about..
Sitaram: Protestants of course.. dont like images.. but if you watch a small child in a hindu temple (with statues of Krisna and Shiva).. or in a Russian Church with Ikons.. you realize the simplicity of a childs faith... and didnt Jesus take the child on his lap.. (and the Apostles were irritated).. and said.. "unless ye become like this little child.." ..so there is something to be said about childlike faith.. in Tinkerbell, Santa Claus.. and dont forget when they look at you.. they thing youre perfect and omniscient and all poweful... no youre not really, right .but they need that.. whether its true or not.. and you need for them to feel that way... so just do your part and things will bake care of themselves...
Aman: I hope so...
Sitaram: Tell them .. "no one really knws for sure EXACTLY how God is.. but.. here is one way of thinking... just explain it this way.... Life is a very long trip.. we are all on.. to meet a nice parent we have never seen ..since we have never seen this parent.. we dont know exactly what present to bring... but we sure dont want to arrive empty handed... so these different religions.. and prayers and practices.. is everyones own idea of "the gift" that will make our parent happy... so.. just put it that way.. but stress when we get there.. we dont want ot be empty handed..
Aman: Will give it my best ....
Sitaram: If you raise them in anything.. and they reject it when they get older.. they wont blame you..but if you give them NOTHING... or a lot of doubts.. they will blame you one day.. take my word...
children neeed security blankets.. and pacifiers.. and winney the pooh... and read
throught my website.. if you have a chance...
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