13: Wheel of Fortune

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#CC9900" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="047005a0dwnjzk.gif"> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Cassies Writing"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>     | </B><B> </B><B> </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B>Cassie's Writing</B></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="1: Surprise Encounter"><U><B>1:  Surprise Encounter</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id26.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="2: A Proscribed Venerable Love"><U><B>2:  A Proscribed Venerable Love</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="3: Stalked by the Vampire"><U><B>3:  Stalked by the Vampire</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="4: Flight to the Auld Country"><U><B>4:  Flight to the Auld Country</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id29.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="5: Ally From Nowhere"><U><B>5:  Ally From Nowhere</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="6: Tales of Pookahs and the Sidhe Peopl"><U><B>6:  Tales of Pookahs and the Sidhe People</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="7: The Middle Kingdom"><U><B>7:  The Middle Kingdom</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="8: My Lady Healer"><U><B>8:  My Lady Healer</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="9: Triple Betrayal"><U><B>9:  Triple Betrayal</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="10: A World Apart"><U><B>10:  A World Apart</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="11: Flight From Tara"><U><B>11:  Flight From Tara</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="12: Imbas Forosna"><U><B>12:  Imbas Forosna</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><B>13:  Wheel of Fortune</B><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="14: Wednesday, the Best Day of All"><U><B>14:  Wednesday, the Best Day of All</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>13:  Wheel of Fortune</B></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> They were escorted into a cavernous room with a long, heavy wooden table. Quentin didn't know much about wood, but he imagined it was probably hawthorn  or rowan--one of the trees revered in this place. It appeared that many people had been meeting in the room earlier; now, only King Niall, Barnabas,  Daoirdre, and a tall thin man in a long dark robe remained. That must be Colm, Quentin thought.</div> <div> "Julia," Barnabas stood up as they came in. He looked worn and exhausted,   much as he had when Quentin had last seen him during the day. He also looked  very concerned. He took Julia by the other elbow and led her to a comfortable chair. "How are you, dear Julia?"</div> <div> Julia gave him a slightly puzzled look and was even more surprised when King  Niall got up and approached. He took her hands and kissed her on both cheeks. "Good morning, my cousin," he greeted her. He looked worried, too.</div> <div> Julia looked at them all suspiciously. "What is wrong?"</div> <div> Quentin had just begun to wonder himself as the other men made sounds of denial. However, the tall thin man spoke: "She has knowledge. There's no need to pretend before her."</div> <div> "That is right," Daoirdre agreed. "There is no point to hiding anything."</div> <div> At that, Quentin felt frightened. Julia sat down, and Quentin quickly took the chair beside her, reaching over and gripping her hand tightly. "Tell me," Julia said, her face very pale all of a sudden. She was frightened, too, but if there was some kind of bad news, she preferred to hear it up front and not beat about the bush.</div> <div> "Please tell my cousin about the imbas forosna," King Niall asked Colm.</div> <div> The Druid bowed politely to Julia. "My name is Colm, Lady Julia. Upon your arrival here, as you know, I entered into the imbas forosna ceremony because I wished to know more about you, your man, and the Lord Dearg-due. During my  vision, I saw a great many things.  I saw that the Lord Dearg-due is an honest man who will do well to keep the peace in Brugh. I see that he and Lady Daoirdre are devoted to each other.</div> <div> "I see that your man, Quentin, has inner strength that he is not yet aware of. It is a pity he is unable to stay here, for he would be an asset were he able to live here permanently. He will care for you, my Lady, although you might sometimes wonder about his ability to do so." Quentin felt his body tense with irritation, and the Druid looked at him, but there was no condemnation in his eyes-only truth. What can I say? Quentin thought,  looking away. He's probably right.</div> <div> "But, my Lady Julia, what concerned me most in my vision was you-and the babies you are carrying." Colm had their complete attention now. He hesitated a moment and then went on. "I am sorry, my Lady, but you will not be able to carry all four of these children to term. Two or three would definitely die-perhaps even you."</div> <div> "No!" Quentin cried out. Barnabas put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder,   which also served to restrain him. Julia had blanched of all color.</div> <div> "It does not have to be so," Colm continued softly.</div> <div>  Julia seemed stunned and unmoving, but the words penetrated. She blinked  and  gave Colm a puzzled, desperate look. "What do you mean?" Both she and  Quentin sat forward to listen.</div> <div> "I don't know very much about your world, Lady Julia, but I have crossed and  I know what is being tried and what has been done. I know what I can do. The real answer lies with you."</div> <div> "Please explain," Julia urged, wishing the man would stop being so enigmatic   and get on with it.</div> <div> "In Brugh, we frequently send our children to be fostered by others, especially in the communal fines. It is no different with royal families. Even the Kings and Queens will send their children to be raised by foster parents."</div> <div> Julia frowned. "I don't understand-"</div> <div> "Please. Let me finish. I wanted to consult with Lady Daoirdre and Lord Dearg-due before making my proposal to you. The way for all the children to be safely borne is to allow Lady Daoirdre to carry two of them for you."</div> <div> "What! That is impossible!" Julia protested wildly. </div> <div> "No, no, no, Julia, let's listen to him!" Quentin pleaded.</div> <div> She turned to him, her freckles standing out starkly against her very pale face. "Don't you understand what Colm is suggesting, Quentin? It can't be  done-the embryos would have to be removed from me and somehow placed into  Daoirdre. That's never been done before-it would kill the babies! My God,  they've only just begun to test in vitro fertilization in earnest because that is almost impossible to accomplish! This is insane!" Julia could feel  herself beginning to panic because it seemed that all of them were seriously considering this mad idea.</div> <div> "My Lady, listen to me," Colm spoke soothingly, sitting down on Julia's other  side and taking her hand. "I have seen that of which you speak. Many many years ago, during the time of tumult when the air machines filled the sky with bombs, I visited the Upper Kingdom. Sithein was undisturbed by these bombs, and I went to a medical college and read of the research conducted by the healers of your land-America. And I saw what they did in the laboratory with the dish-"</div> <div> "Yes, yes, I know!" Julia interrupted. "But the fertilized ova has never been successfully placed into a woman's body, and you are talking about taking two of mine which are already in my placenta!" She looked at Daoirdre, whose eyes were wide with fear and concern. "How do you think you'd do this? She can't carry the babies-she has no placenta!"</div> <div> "But we would borrow that part of yours which support the babies. It would grow inside Daoirdre's body."</div> <div> "No!" Julia objected. It was insane. It couldn't be done, and two of the children would be destroyed. This had to be a nightmare-Colm couldn't be serious!</div> <div> "But I tell you that I have seen in my vision that you will lose at least two of the babies any way," Colm told her. "Your own life would be in danger. I could not see past the loss of at least two of the children and the hemorrhaging--"</div> <div> "Stop!" Julia cried out, covering her face with her hands. </div> <div> Quentin had begun to feel himself panicking, too, thinking of Julia  dying-when she started to cry, he put his arms around her to comfort her. I  don't care what they do, as long as she's safe, he thought. He looked at Colm and asked: "You really can do this?" Colm nodded. "And then what?"</div> <div> "Lady Julia can carry two of the babies; Lady Daoirdre would carry the other two. You would have two of your children with you in Sithein; the other two would be fostered by Lady Daoirdre and Lord Dearg-due," Colm explained.</div> <div> "Julia would be all right if we do what you suggest?" Quentin asked.</div> <div> "Quentin! Stop that! I won't even entertain the idea!" Julia shouted.</div> <div> "Julia, please!"</div> <div> "This is a great shock, I am sorry," Colm interceded immediately. "You need to be able to think about this and talk. You don't need to answer one way or the other right now. I just ask you to consider the idea and carefully think about the alternative. I will be available to answer any questions you have."</div> <div> Colm moved aside for King Niall, who took Julia's hand and tried to comfort her, too. "You would still have two children to raise, dear cousin. The other two children would be loved and cherished here. You would have nothing  to fear in that regard."</div> <div> Julia looked at him with disbelief but didn't say anything, knowing that he meant well. How could men be so damn stupid?</div> <div> "Julia," Barnabas said softly. "You are my dearest friend. I don't want anything to happen to you."</div> <div> "I can't deal with this!" Julia got up abruptly.</div> <div> "I think that she and her man should be left alone," Daoirdre suggested, and Julia gave her grateful look mixed with fury and resentment. The nerve! </div> <div> Julia sensed that Daoirdre approved of this crazy idea and thought it would work. Still, she did want to be left alone. "Let me take you back."</div> <div> "No, thank you," Julia replied as coolly as she could manage. "I can </div> <div> remember the way." </div> <div> She turned and walked out, feeling dazed and frightened. </div> <div> She hardly seemed aware that Quentin had gotten up and followed her until they reached the chamber. She let her tears flow freely, then, and started when she felt Quentin's arms around her. "What are you doing?" she snapped. </div> <div> "Go away!" She pulled away from him.</div> <div> "No!" Quentin sounded shocked and hurt. "Go away? Julia!"</div> <div> "You want me to go through with that crazy procedure Colm is raving </div> <div> about-it's madness!"</div> <div> "Things work differently here, Julia. I've seen lots of things I didn't </div> <div> think was possible. Why wouldn't he be able to do it?" Quentin tried to put his arms around her again, but she shoved him and moved away from him again.</div> <div> "Why should he do it? Because of a dream?" I can't do this, she thought. I can't.</div> <div> "Julia, I've been scared about you having four babies right from the </div> <div> beginning. I'm scared something will happen to you. Why are you fighting this? It seems like a good idea!"</div> <div> "How can you give away two of your children?" Julia was shocked and furious.</div> <div> She looked at Quentin. He'd abandoned his pregnant wife. This wasn't a new idea for him-maybe that's why he could consider it. Maybe he just didn't want the responsibility of four children.</div> <div> "But we're not giving them away," Quentin protested. "We're saving them."  His voice began to rise. "Didn't you hear what Colm said? He thinks you're going to lose them anyway. Isn't that worse? And maybe you might die, too!" </div> <div> He'd stubbornly followed her around the room and pulled her into his arms once more. This time, she didn't resist. "Julia, you can't die. Please, you've got to think this thing through rationally!"</div> <div> "You don't understand," Julia wept. "You don't feel them. I do. They're mine, all of them. How can I just give two of them away?"</div> <div> "No, I don't understand," Quentin answered honestly, holding her tightly. "I don't feel them. All I know about them is what you tell me, Julia. I don't have a bond with them like you do and maybe that's why it seems like I don't care, but I do, Julia. I do care. It's just that I care about you more. I can touch you and feel you. I love you-I'm sorry, I don't even know who those little guys are. But, you, Julia-" Quentin broke off suddenly, turning Julia's face up so he could see her. "I can't lose you for them, I'm sorry. I can't. I love you too much."</div> <div> It was all too much for Julia. Her knees began to buckle, and Quentin </div> <div> quickly lifted her up and carried her to the bed. He lay her down gently and then knelt down beside her, holding her hand. "I really can't have four," she confided, whispering. "I've worried about it, too, and I've wondered how I might do it. This just seems wrong."</div> <div> "But why? This way all four of the babies live, Julia, and so do you."</div> <div> "But which two do I sacrifice?" Julia wept. </div> <div> "Sacrifice? You can't think of it that way. You'd be saving them. Daoirdre can have them-Colm says she can!"</div> <div> "But, Quentin, Niall told me that anyone born in Brugh has to stay in Brugh. It would be a sacrifice."</div> <div> Quentin hadn't known that, considered it, and decided he didn't care. "But we can come back to see them. Did you hear what King Niall said about foster parents? Barnabas and Daoirdre would take care of them for us."</div> <div> "And what are we supposed to tell them about why we gave them up?" Julia asked furiously.</div> <div> Quentin couldn't believe his ears. He really didn't understand what she meant. "The truth, of course. Don't you think they'd  understand?"</div> <div> "I think they'd understand that they'd been abandoned!" Julia argued. </div> <div> "But, Julia, Colm says two or three of them are going to die if we don't do this," Quentin reminded her. "Isn't it better to have them alive where we can come and see them, rather than dead and buried somewhere? And isn't better for them to have a living mother? Julia!" His eyes filled with tears of frustration.</div> <div> Julia didn't say anything at first. She was thinking about everything that she had felt and worried about since realizing she was pregnant. She remembered what Daoirdre had said to her and how she hadn't really understood  it all. What Colm and Quentin said made sense, and it was the right thing to do. She didn't have to like it, though. "Quentin, please hold me," she said finally, and he obligingly climbed onto the bed with her, pulling her body          against his. He held on to her while she cried. She didn't realize that he was crying, too, grieving for her and the sadness she felt. After awhile, Julia said, "Dearheart, go and tell Colm that I'll do it. It has to be now-before I change my mind again."</div> <div> Quentin brought the news to Colm, who was waiting with Barnabas, Daoirdre, and King Niall. Barnabas looked like he was going to pass out with relief and reached over to take Daoirdre's hand. </div> <div> "Look, can you do something for me?" Quentin asked Colm urgently. </div> <div> "I will try. What is it?"</div> <div> "If there's a boy, take him. If there's more than one boy, take the oldest one. Would you know which one that would be?"</div> <div> "Yes, I can tell-but why?" Colm was shocked.</div> <div> Quentin's eyes had filled with tears again and he couldn't speak. Barnabas got up and made his way to his cousin with an obvious effort. He put his arm around Quentin's shoulders. "I will explain it for you. Go back to Julia-you are doing the right thing. Everything will be all right."</div> <div> Everything happened so fast. Now Quentin paced the room, restlessly, unable  to relax. He'd invited Barnabas and Willie to come with him to keep him company but he couldn't stop worrying. Barnabas was too fatigued to do much more than doze lightly on the bed and offer encouragement whenever he opened his eyes. Willie was twitching so much, Quentin wanted to strangle him. </div> <div> Finally, Quentin turned on him and said, through gritted teeth, "Look, can you go find a bottle of brandy or whatever hard liquor there is to drink around here?"</div> <div> "Sure, sure," Willie answered, glad to be away.</div> <div> "Quentin, try to relax," Barnabas said from the bed. He sat up with an effort to look at his cousin. "Come over here and sit down with me."</div> <div> "No!" Quentin shouted. "I can't relax, Barnabas, I'm scared! It's fine for you to tell me to relax-you don't have anything to worry about!"</div> <div> "You forget yourself!" Barnabas barked sharply. "She was my friend before she was yours! Now, come over here and sit down!" Quentin was drawn over to  the bed by the spell Barnabas had cast on him on the way back to Tara. "All right, look at me, look into my eyes. Tell me when you can see Julia."</div> <div> Quentin looked into his cousin's dark brown eyes. They seemed to become two pools, and then two mirrors. He saw himself reflected back at first, and then he saw the room. He saw Colm, competently working on Julia, who was still. She wasn't unconscious, but she was unaware of what was going on. More than that, she was safe. She wasn't in any danger at all.</div> <div> Willie came back with a bottle and two glasses. "Good, Willie. I think you both need a drink," Barnabas said, continuing to look into Quentin's eyes. </div> <div> "Keep looking, Quentin. Willie is going to give you something to drink. Drink it all down." He indicated to Willie to fill Quentin's glass to almost overflowing. Willie pressed the glass into Quentin's hand. "Drink it, cousin." Quentin drained the glass obediently. Barnabas nodded at Willie, indicating for him to pour more.</div> <div> "Are ya sure?" Willie asked, his eyes wide. Barnabas nodded, so Willie did what he was told and refilled the glass. After the fourth glass, Quentin finally fell back, in a stupor. Barnabas was too weak to help as Willie maneuvered Quentin's body so that he was lying full length on one side of the bed. Willie smiled at Barnabas. "Now ya can finally get some rest, huh?"</div> <div> Barnabas looked at Willie, exhausted, and didn't say anything. He shut his eyes.</div> <div> Julia opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, unmoving. "How are you feeling, Lady Julia?" Colm asked her gently. He took one of her hands into his.</div> <div> "Guilty," Julia whispered, her eyes filling up with tears again. "And empty."</div> <div> "But you are not," Colm chided softly. "You are not guilty, nor are you </div> <div> empty. You are alive, and you will be the mother of four fine children, although Daoirdre will carry two for you."</div> <div> "How is Daoirdre?" Julia asked, without much interest in knowing the truth.</div> <div> "Resting. Like you, she is fine. I will send Sorcha to bring your man </div> <div> Quentin to you. He is frantic with worry for you."</div> <div> "I know," Julia said with a sigh. She bit her lip, remembering how she'd comforted Quentin the other night in his grief over the loss of his children. Yet, he didn't seem to understand her own loss. "I'd like to see Daoirdre-and then Quentin."</div> <div> "Of course, my Lady. Daoirdre is right here." Colm helped her sit up. </div> <div> There was a screen of strung shells, very pretty pink seashells that acted as a sort of screen. Colm pushed them aside and hung them on a hook so that Julia could see Daoirdre. Daoirdre was on her side, up on her arm and smiling.</div> <div> "How are you, Daoirdre?" Julia asked, looking for differences in the young woman. She couldn't see anything, but it was too early anyway.</div> <div> "I am at peace. And you, my sister? Are you all right?" Daoirdre asked, looking concerned.</div> <div> "I think I'm feeling better about the whole thing," Julia answered a little uncertainly. She felt awkward. She could sense two little hearts beating within her-and then something else. She looked at Colm with wonder. "How did you make your choices?" she wondered. </div> <div> "I was relieved that the babies were all individuals and not twins from one-zygote, as you say? Your man, Quentin, asked that if there were boys that Daoirdre carry the eldest. I tried to be fair. I assumed you and your man would like to raise a boy. Once that was determined, it was just logical to give the elder girl to Daoirdre, too."</div> <div> "What will they think of me?" Julia wondered again, squeezing the fingers of one hand with the other.</div> <div> "They will think you are a brave woman," Colm assured her. "That is the truth, and that is what they will be told." He smiled at Julia and then left the room, presumably to have Sorcha fetch Barnabas and Quentin. I wonder, Julia thought sadly. Men just don't understand-not Colm and not Quentin.</div> <div> "Lady Julia." Surprised, Julia turned her head. Daoirdre had gotten off her bed and approached timidly. "I can sense your thoughts. I would like to give comfort to both you and your Quentin," she explained, looking into Julia's eyes. "He feels sorrow for your grief, my sister, although he cannot understand it. That is not a shortcoming-a man cannot know what life feels like. I can feel the beating of their hearts, and I understand now the pain you must feel. Quentin will never feel the children move inside his own body, </div> <div> as we will. I cannot imagine that they would seem real to him even were you to place his hand on your belly when they kick hard enough for him to feel it. The babies won't be real to him until you have safely delivered them and he is able to see them and touch them. The only thing that is real to him now is you."</div> <div> Julia's eyes burned with tears. She reached out for Daoirdre's hand. "Thank you, my sister. He tried to tell me that. I guess I didn't hear him," she replied thoughtfully. </div> <div> "Sister, fostering is so common in our world," Daoirdre added, trying to be helpful. "Even I was not raised by my father. I went to stay at the court of King Breandan and Queen Oonah when I was very small. I didn't mind. When   I was older, I returned to the home of my sister, Niamh. In reality, I stayed with my father only a short time."</div> <div> "I see," Julia said. If that was the way the children were raised here, then she supposed they would understand-the question was, would she ever stop feeling guilty about it?</div> <div> Quentin had a splitting headache-that was the first thing he was aware of. Someone was trying to rouse him and was jostling him, causing stabbing sensations of pain. He opened his eyes. Although the room was not brightly lit, fireworks began exploding in his brain, and he groaned. "Quentin," Barnabas was saying insistently.</div> <div> "Leave me alone," he moaned. "My head is going to explode."</div> <div> "Barnabas, ya shouldn't have got him drunk on that stuff," Willie said.</div> <div> "Well, he needed the sleep. I didn't know it was so potent!" Barnabas grumbled irritably.</div> <div> "What should I tell Colm?" a female voice asked.</div> <div> "Just give us a moment, please," Barnabas said impatiently. Quentin felt icy fingers at his temples, massaging them. Suddenly, there was heat in the fingertips, and Quentin could feel that warmth penetrating his skin and moving through his skull. He had a mental image of fire, burning and cleansing as it moved through a forest. Fires were good for growth, he remembered. It wasn't such a good idea to try to control forest fires. "Are you feeling better?" Barnabas asked.</div> <div> Quentin opened his eyes to find his cousin looking down at him. He laughed because Barnabas' face was upside down. The headache was gone. He remembered Julia and bolted upright. "Julia!"</div> <div> "Sorcha is here to bring you to her, and I to Daoirdre," Barnabas explained. </div> <div> "Shall we go?"</div> <div> Quentin was up like a shot. He turned back toward Barnabas, who looked  much  more energized that he had earlier. "Thanks-I don't know what you did, but thanks."</div> <div> "You're welcome," Barnabas answered, sounding like his old self for once. He even smiled briefly.</div> <div> Julia looked up when Quentin charged into the room, brushing past Sorcha, Colm, and Daoirdre as well. He dropped down beside her, taking her hand in his. "Are you all right?" he asked, searching her eyes. His blue ones looked bleary with not only drink, but also fatigue and worry.</div> <div> Slowly, Julia reached out to touch his face. She understood what he really meant. "I'm still struggling to accept it. I feel all right physically, dearheart, and I can feel the babies' hearts beating. We have a boy and a girl."</div> <div> Again? Quentin thought, fear filling him suddenly. He smiled briefly. "Oh, that's great," he said, looking over his shoulder at Colm.</div> <div> "The younger boy and girl," Colm said.</div> <div> Quentin looked back at Julia. "Identical?"</div> <div> "No, all fraternal," Julia answered. "What a lucky coincidence."</div> <div> I hope so, Quentin thought. He hadn't had much luck with twins the first time. Julia touched his face again, turning him to her. "Julia," he said, with deep felt emotion. He put his arms around her, trying to hold her. "We can come back," he told her. "We can see them again." He could feel Julia returning his embrace. "I just want you to be okay."</div> <div> "It's just going to take some time, that's all," Julia whispered softly. </div> <div> "Julia, I 'm sorry. It's my fault-I did this to you."</div> <div> Men are such children, Julia thought, but this realization was tempered with amusement. "Don't-you didn't do anything except father babies I've always wanted to have. I love you, Quentin."</div> <div> She thought he was going to break into tears again, but he muttered fiercely, "I love you too. I want to go back home, don't you?"</div> <div> "We can't stay here forever anyway-King Niall said so."</div> <div> Quentin looked at her earnestly. "I want to go back. We need to get you a ring, Julia." Her eyes widened as he continued to talk rapidly, his words  all running together. She realized this was how he needed to deal with his fear and worry for her. "You liked that ring Niamh was wearing, didn't you? Do you want one? I know where we can get one. It's not even all that far from where your cousin lives-just in the next county. I was there once-you know, I told you about my leave during the war, remember?"</div> <div> Julia smiled faintly. "So you still want to go through with all this, do                 you?"</div> <div> "Don't you?" Quentin asked, looking scared again. "I thought you did-do you feel differently about me because of-this?"</div> <div> Still insecure, Julia thought. But I am, too. She traced the outline of his mouth. "No, not about you. Not about us. I guess I feel differently about me. I feel-inadequate, I guess. I've tried hiding from it, but it's sort of staring me in the face right now, isn't it?"</div> <div> "You're anything but that. You're not inadequate, Julia, are you cra--You know what, though? I know what it feels like to think you're not much good. I think that's why I screwed up so much and made so many mistakes. I think we can help each other. I can prove to you you're not inadequate, Dr. Hoffman." Quentin leaned down and kissed her gently. She returned his kiss, thinking that maybe he was right.</div> <div> Barnabas cleared his throat, sounding uncomfortable. "Well, Julia, are you quite all right?" he asked.</div> <div> "I'm all right," Julia answered, as she and Quentin let go of each other. </div> <div> "Quentin and I were just talking about going back. It seems you'll be </div> <div> happy, Barnabas, a home and a ready made family."</div> <div> "I am honored that you entrust the care of your children to Daoirdre and me, my dearest friend." Barnabas told her gently, one protective arm around Daoirdre. </div> <div> "Well, I wouldn't trust them to anyone else," Julia said honestly. She and Barnabas looked at each other for a long moment, and then she went on, "Will you come to our wedding, Barnabas? You and Daoirdre? Would you be able to?"</div> <div> Barnabas looked pleased. "Why, of course! We wouldn't miss it!"</div> <div> Quentin decided to push his luck and asked: "Would you consider being best man?"</div> <div> Now Barnabas looked genuinely moved. "After everything that has passed between us, you would want me to be your best man?"</div> <div> Quentin threw his hands out. "I really can't think of anyone else I've felt closer to, other than Julia. In spite of everything, Barnabas, I still-well, I'd like to think we were friends." He stood up and offered his hand to Barnabas, who took it and then pulled Quentin into an embrace. I'm actually going to miss the son of a bitch, Quentin thought.</div> <div> "You can visit us as often as you wish, you know," Barnabas said, as if he'd been reading his thoughts. "I hope you will." He hesitated and then said, "I would miss you too much if you didn't visit."</div> <div> Maybe I was wrong about how he feels about me, Quentin thought. "Well, of course," he said. "We can't not visit-the children-"</div> <div> "Well, I would like to think that even if we were not caring for your </div> <div> children, you would come and see us." The look Barnabas gave him was meaningful-I do care, he was saying.</div> <div> "Of course!"</div> <div> "And you would be able to come to us, too?" Julia asked.</div> <div> "Yes, but only here," Barnabas said solemnly. "We can't leave                Sithein-Ireland."</div> <div> "That's what planes are for, Julia," Quentin said lightly. </div> <div> "We must have a feast before you leave for Sithein," King Niall was saying now. "We'll gather everyone together-King Breandan and his party, too. Tomorrow, we'll escort you back to Sithein. By the by, I know that you are aware Lord Dearg-due will be staying here with Lady Daoirdre, but I don't think we'd gotten the chance to tell you that we've agreed to give them Usineach."</div> <div> "The navel?" Quentin asked, his lips turning up in an amused smile.</div> <div> "It makes sense, does it not?" Barnabas replied. "It is at the center of Brugh. It would be the most reasonable place to keep the peace-right in the middle of it all."</div> <div> Quentin nodded. "Of course. It makes sense, Barnabas-leave it to you to think of that."</div> <div> "No, dear cousin. The idea came from you-and yes, it made a lot of sense."</div> <div> Quentin was surprised and pleased at the compliment. He turned to look at Julia who was trying to smile bravely. "Are you feeling up a feast, Julia?" he asked, with real concern. "Would you rather rest?"</div> <div> They were all looking at her, waiting for her answer. Maybe by this time tomorrow night, we'll be back in our own time, Julia thought. I guess I can stand anything right now. She smiled at him. "I wouldn't miss it, dearheart." She meant it.</div> <div> When all the guests had assembled, King Niall stood up to welcome them to what he called the Feast of Age, "at which no one grows old."  </div> <div> Quentin straightened up and looked over at Colm but neither he nor Julia got a chance to talk to the Druid.  Julia assumed that it was just part of her distant cousin's speech because the tables were laden with sumptuous foods of every kind.  There were mostly fish dishes, but there were also plenty of grains and vegetables.   The other predominant dish was heaping platters of pork.  Servants poured rich golden ale for the guests to drink.</div> <div> Quentin remembered the winter food he'd been offered at the fine and thought things surely didn't change much.  He whispered a question to Sorcha, who answered that the grains and vegetables were tributes from the fines, of course, and that the servants at Tara were capable of storing them through the winter months.  Naturally, thought Quentin wryly.  "I hope the meal pleases you," Sorcha said anxiously.  "Beltane approaches, and after that, you would enjoy the feasting tables here.  Then there is only summer food."  </div> <div> Quentin nodded, thinking that he certainly couldn't be the conscience of this world when he hadn't contributed very much socially to his own.</div> <div> "Is the 'Feast of Age' special?" he asked.  Julia turned to listen, curious, as Sorcha carefully poured ale into their goblets.</div> <div> "The Good Folk are ancient.  Some might say it's because of eating the magic pigs of Manannan and drinking the special ale brewed by our silversmith.  His forge is divine, you see, and he is third in importance behind the High King and the Druid," Sorcha explained.</div> <div> "Magic pigs," Julia repeated.  She tapped Quentin's arm.  "Do you remember Francis telling us about the pigs and the bulls?"  Quentin nodded.  Julia wanted to ask another question, but Sorcha put a finger to her lips.</div> <div> King Niall stood to introduce the shanachie, who sat at the head table with them, explaining that he was a traveler and that the Good Folk wanted to be especially cordial to such a revered man.  The shanachie stood and bowed to the High King and then looked directly at Julia.  "I would tell the story of your ancestor, my Lady Healer, to honor you," he said.  "I have heard much about you."  The crowd murmured its approval, and the shanachie began to turn                toward the others to acknowledge them.</div> <div> Julia blushed, surprised and flattered.  "Fame and fortune," Quentin </div> <div> whispered to her.  "No more peasant life style for you, my dear.  It's fur coats and limousines from now one, once we get back." Julia waited until she was sure the shanachie wasn't looking at her, turned quickly and crossed her eyes at Quentin.  Quentin almost burst out laughing, but just managed not to.</div> <div> "Twas many and many a year ago that there was a young girl who lived in a village of Sithein, not so far from here.  She was beautiful, like no other young girl in the Upper Kingdom for she had hair of fire and eyes of emerald," the shanachie began.  People surreptitiously glanced toward Julia.  "One day she met a lad who had hair of fire like herself, and the two of them were fell hopelessly in love with each other.  He, however, was visiting from the Great Hall of Tara itself, and she didn't know it until he invited her to come here.</div> <div>  "And when she came, she fell in love with the music she heard here and the folk that she met.  Kind and gentle she was and as much as the lad loved her, so too did the Good Folk.  She learned that the lad she loved was a prince.  Sometimes he would go to the Upper Kingdom to visit her, but more often, she would come here.  The Good Folk would go in the night to fetch her here, where she could sing and dance the night away with her young man.  But, do            you know, that when her parents would look in upon her they would see her form lying sound asleep in the bed?</div> <div> "She could see things her people could not see and hear music they could not hear.  She couldn't understand it.  She tried to tell her friends about it. 'I'm going to Faeryland tonight', she told her friends.  'The great Lia Fail has called out the name of the High King, and it is my young man.'   'Oh, now, you're touched,' her friends cried. 'For Tara burned down years and years ago.' 'No, no, no, you must come with me, and you will see.  I'll put a special magical oil on your eyes so you might see.'</div> <div> "And so her friends agreed to come with her.  They came to the Banqueting Hall-in Sithein, it appears to be the entrance to the rath on the hill of Tara.  Truly, it is the way here-at the right time and in the right place.  Well, as the young girl began to pass through, she cried out to her friends: 'Ah, do you see them?  All the beautiful lords and ladies with golden crowns upon their heads are dancing upon the grass!'  All but one of her friends ran away in terror. This one friend went through to the Banqueting Hall, and she danced the night away with lords and princes who had come to see the lad </div> <div> crowned High King.  And in the wee hours of the morning, when the girl was so tired and wanted to go home, her beautiful friend took her back safely, saying 'I'm staying with my lord the while.'</div> <div> "Her friend came back alone, and she told everyone what had happened.  When the young girl finally came back, everyone could hardly take their eyes off her.  She was more beautiful than ever, for she was carrying a child.  </div> <div> Sometimes the village folk would see her going about with the lad-now the High King.  Sometimes she would disappear for a while.  She would always come back and sigh and say how much she longed to live with the Good Folk in the hill.  Some villagers claimed she was addled; some said she was cursed.  The smart ones knew she was blessed.  She had just the one child and never had no              other man but her High King.  They continued to visit each other, bringing the child back and forth with them.</div> <div> "Ah, well, there came a time at last when she told her son, now grown and married himself, 'I go to be with the angels-I just wish I could have the Good Folk about again.'  Well, she got her wish.  All that night, while she was dying, people could hear the sweet sound of music floating all around the house-and there was no one about to make it.  After she died and was buried, beautiful flowers immediately sprang up and covered the mound like a             beautifully colored blanket.  And twas said in the village that some nights they could hear the sound of the High King chantin mournfully round her grave.   Other times, there'd be the sound of voices singing her praises, and the loudest of all belonged to the High King."  There was a hush in the hall as the shanachie brought his story to a close, and then the sound of soft weeping from the women.</div> <div> Moved, Julia looked at King Niall who sat with his head bowed.  Queen Liadan reached over to place her hand on his.  Oh, Julia thought, feeling both admiration and sadness.  She felt Quentin take her hand and turned to look at him.  She could see that he had been deeply moved by the story and looked from her to Niall.  The young girl was my how many generations back ancestor, Julia thought.  Oh, how I wish Grandma could see this.</div> <div> The shanachie had begun another tale, this one a fun story of rivalry between a Tuatha De Danaan king and a Fir Bolg king.    Midar was the name of the Tuatha De Danaan king, and he bluffed his way into the Fir Bolg king's home so that he might get a closer look at the beautiful Queen Edain.  Midar challenged the Fir Bolg king to a game of chess, deliberately losing a game or two before proposing a wager.  The winner could name the prize and the Fir Bolg king greedily agreed.  Midar then proceeded to win the game in five                moves. The prize, of course, was the Fir Bolg queen.</div> <div> "Gee, they have ringers here, too," Quentin whispered to Julia, who didn't suppress her laugh.  The other folk seemed to appreciate the fact that once again, a Tuatha De Danaan had outwitted a Fir Bolg.  Julia stopped laughing, though, as a thought struck her, and she looked toward Barnabas and Daoirdre. They were listening politely but didn't laugh.</div> <div> As the shanachie began yet another tale, Julia leaned against Quentin, contentedly, putting aside her trauma and her worries.  There was magic in these stories.  After the third tale, there was music from the bronze janglers, trumpets, bone pipes, and stringed lyres.  Singers sang sad love songs a capello.  When it seemed that everyone would either be lulled into sleep or flood the hall with tears, the music suddenly became lively.  The rhythmic thumping of the bodhran was added, and couples jumped up to dance a                reel.  As they whirled clockwise around the room, Quentin tapped Julia's shoulder and pointed.  "Look!"</div> <div> Out on the floor, Willie was attempting to dance with Sorcha, good naturedly following her footsteps.  It was a very wild, passionate dance and feet of the twirling dancers pounding on the floor sounded almost like war drums.  </div> <div> "Do you want to try it?" Quentin asked.</div> <div> "I don't know how to jig!" Julia protested.</div> <div> "Neither do I.  Neither does Willie-he's doing it.  Come on!"  So Quentin persuaded Julia to join him with the others, and they could feel the blood beginning to roar in their ears as they followed the lively, pounding steps of the other dancers.  "I can see doing this after a nice bloody battle!" </div> <div> Quentin said to Julia.  It was the last thing he was able to say to her; otherwise, he wouldn't be able to catch his breath.  They were only partially aware of the royal court watching-the music had become a part of their bodies and souls; they could not have stopped now if they'd wanted to.  When the dance came to an end, Julia fell against Quentin, laughing with delight; both of them drenched with perspiration.  He found that he wanted her, very badly, and it was with great difficulty that he managed to walk her back to the table.</div> <div> Colm, Barnabas, and Daoirdre had come to take places at the table.  "You dance very well," Barnabas said, with a measure of admiration in his voice.</div> <div> Quentin wasn't sure who he was speaking to.  Perhaps he meant both of them.  </div> <div> "You should try it," he said, somewhat breathlessly.</div> <div> Barnabas smiled faintly and shook his head slightly.  "It would not be appropriate."  Before either Quentin or Julia could ask what he meant by that, he went on, "I am glad that we are parting on good terms."</div> <div> That was something they all could be grateful for.  Julia put her hand on Barnabas' and he covered it with his other hand.  Normally, Quentin might have bristled with jealousy but he felt more secure now.  "You'll come with us to the rath?" Quentin asked.</div> <div> Barnabas didn't answer immediately.  He looked at Colm instead.</div> <div> "There are a number of ways to travel between our worlds.  The raths and the stones are just two of them.  There is also the Roth Fail."  The words they heard were "Wheel of Destiny."</div> <div> "What is that exactly?" Quentin asked.</div> <div> "This is a device by which I can travel from Brugh to Sithein."</div> <div> "How?"</div> <div> Colm shook his head.  "It is something I cannot explain.  However, by using the Wheel of Destiny, I determine when I go to Sithein.  I do not have to wait for the walls between the worlds to become thin enough for me to pass through."</div> <div> "Is that how we are going back?" Julia asked.</div> <div> "That is one way," Colm answered. </div> <div> Fine, Julia thought, keep your secrets.  She turned her attention back to the dancers.  The feasting and party went on long into the night.  Any thoughts of romance was driven away by fatigue, and both Quentin and Julia were only too content to collapse on the bed, lying in each others arms, thoroughly sated with food, drink, and music.  The sound of the drums faded away first.  </div> <div> "I don't think our reception will top this party," Quentin murmured, pressing his lips to Julia's damp hair.  Julia laughed softly, thinking he was probably right.  Their last conscious thoughts were of peaceful well being and contentment.  </div> <div> Both of them had strange dreams.  They weren't frightening dreams, but they were filled with images-the faces of Barnabas, Daoirdre, Caoimhghin, Niamh, King Niall and other inhabitants they'd met, including Urisk and Proinsias.  The only beings they didn't see were Maeve and Jason.  Among the faces was a kaleidoscope of colors.  Julia thought of "Fantasia"; Quentin, who'd been to more of the recently released films, thought of "Yellow Submarine."  Through </div> <div> the brilliant colors ran a herd of unicorns, all colors of the rainbow.</div> <div> There were birds singing.  Julia stirred and realized her neck felt a little stiff.  I must have been sleeping on Quentin's shoulder all night, she thought, shifting a little.  She realized that she felt stiff and uncomfortable.  I don't remember the bed being this hard, she thought. </div> <div> Slowly she realized she was not on a bed at all.  She and Quentin were stretched out on the ground, in a grassy field, under a hawthorn tree.  She started as her eyes widened and she looked around.  There was a beautiful lake several hundred yards away.  "Quentin!" she exclaimed, shaking him.</div> <div> Quentin's eyes fluttered, and he stretched languorously, like a cat.  He smiled at her.  "Good morning, beautiful lady," he said.  He noticed her expression and also realized he was lying on the ground.  The grass was thick and green, but still wet with dew.  "What--?" he began, sitting up, abruptly. He looked around, shocked, and then looked at Julia.  "Did you dream?"</div> <div> "I dreamed," Julia replied.  "You?"</div> <div> "Lots of colors?  Unicorns?"</div> <div> "Yes!"  Julia exclaimed.  Quentin got up slowly, stretching his muscles, and then he reached down to help her get up.  She groaned, feeling her joints protest the time spent on the dewy grass.  Puzzled, they looked at each other.</div> <div> "Ahhhh, geeeeez!"  That was Willie's voice, on the other side of the tree.  </div> <div> He rolled into view, getting up on his hands and knees and then standing.  He put his hand on the back of his neck, turning it slowly from side to side.  He stopped and looked at them, just as shocked as they were.  "How the hell did we get here?"</div> <div> Quentin laughed.  "It must've been the faeries!" He answered, and then he laughed wildly.  </div> <div> "Faeries?  What? Are you nuts?"</div> <div> "Willie!  This is like the Rip Van Winkle story-or 'Darby O'Gill and the </div> <div> Little People'!"</div> <div> "What are you talking about?" Willie looked confused and irritated.</div> <div> "Don't you get it?  We're back-they brought us back and took us through Colm's Wheel of Destiny and left us here."</div> <div> "Why?  We didn't get to say good bye."  Julia didn't understand what Quentin found so funny.</div> <div> "But there's no goodbye, Julia.  If they said goodbye, we couldn't go back.  We'll be going back-and Barnabas and Daoirdre are going to come through for our wedding, don't you see?"</div> <div> Julia thought about it.  It did have the qualities of all the faery stories her grandmother had told her when she was young. Grandma told Julia tales of people spirited to and from the great banquet hall of the faeries-all in secret.  She smiled, remembering.  "Oh, where are we do you suppose?  This doesn't look familiar!"  She looked back toward the lake where two men were pushing off in a rowboat.  A faint memory began to stir.</div> <div> "That there is the lake where some lady turned her kids into swans," Willie said helpfully.  Julia and Quentin stared at him, wide-eyed.   He shuffled his feet, embarrassed.  "We come out not far from where I parked the car."</div> <div> "Is this Lake Derravarragh?" Julia asked.  I remember now-Francis Sweeney, and he wanted to go fishing.  She felt a sudden sadness.</div> <div> "Don't think about it," Quentin urged, putting his arms around her and hugging her tightly.  "Willie, I am starving-are you?"  Willie nodded. "What about you, my dear?"</div> <div> Julia managed to smile a little.  "Expectant mothers are always hungry." </div> <div> "Where's your car, Willie?"</div> <div> "I left the car parked behind the boathouse.  Ya think it might still be </div> <div> there?"</div> <div>  "I'll bet you anything Barnabas saw to it that it would be," Quentin said.  </div> <div> "Lead on, Willie.  We'll go eat.  We'll call your cousin, Julia.  Then, after we do all that-we'll go get on of those Claddagh rings."  He put his arm around Julia and the three of them began walking across the field, away from the clear blue lake.  Willie began to walk slightly ahead, reaching into his pocket for the keys.</div> <div> "I think it would be lovely to have a Claddagh ring, dearheart!"  Julia </div> <div> remembered admiring the ring on Niamh's finger.  She thought of the story.  "Do you remember the story Niamh told us?  You know, I think it had a lot to do with here-the House of Dagda and the River Boyne."</div> <div> Quentin looked at her.  "Tell me the story again, Julia.  I'd like to hear you tell it."  He pulled her a little closer as they walked along.  </div> <div> Julia began to tell the tale of the ring from memory, feeling the magic of the memory pouring forth.  I am still a part of them-the ui Neill as well as the people here, she realized, feeling a sense of wonder.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="12: Imbas Forosna"><U>12:  Imbas Forosna</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Cassies Writing"><U>Cassie's Writing</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>